Chapter Text
"Ten minutes, Sleeping Beauty! Time to wake up."
Darcy jumped at the ETA Happy called over his shoulder into the backseat of the Town Car. It was one of Tony's (because he'd insisted she start calling him that, saying they were "friends now, right?" She wasn't so sure about that part, but she knew better than to argue semantics with the guy who electronically signed her paychecks) personal vehicles, driven personally by his personal friend/driver/(former?) bodyguard to ensure that she personally arrived there safely. Which was nice and all, but probably more a matter of her arriving period.
She could navigate the desert like a champ. She could weave her way through London, no problem. But here in the Eastern Woodlands, everything around her looked exactly the same and when she had driven north from Virginia, most of her belongings packed in the trunk and back seat of her hand-me-down Civic, she'd gotten lost. Twice. So after spending a solid ten minutes laughing in her face and another two days making jokes at her expense, her new boss had decided that having Happy chauffeur her to the facility where she would be working and shipping her car up at a later date was probably the best way to get her there "without reenacting the Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Solid plan, really, because neither death by power tool nor getting lost in the woods like Hansel and Gretel were items on her bucket list.
She pulled her glasses off her face and rubbed her eyes before remembering that, hey, she was wearing eye make up that day in a bid to look more like a real life grown up. The curse she hissed was soft, but still loud enough for Happy to hear. He laughed and for a solid ten seconds she disliked him, but that passed as soon as she pulled out her compact to repair the damage she'd done to what she was thinking of as her war paint. "How long was I out?"
He shrugged, glancing at her in the rear view mirror. "Forty-five minutes. Kept telling someone named Baker to be a good boy."
Darcy pouted for a second and sighed. "I miss that guy." It was impossible to miss Happy's curiosity, so she continued. "I maybe-kinda-sorta stole a bunch of animals from a local pet store when Thor's brother sent a space deathbot to New Mexico."
" A space deathbot."
This was probably one of those things that SHIELD had made her promise she wouldn't ever talk about. Oh well. "Yeah. It shot fire out of its face. We evacuated the town, but like... no one thought of the puppies and the kittens in the pet store and they would have been barbecue if I hadn't stolen them."
"So who's Baker?"
"One of the puppies. He was cute. He kept giving me kisses."
"You get in trouble for it? "
Darcy snorted as she patched her face back together as best she could. "Nah. I'm pretty sure SHIELD paid the owner off, but I was definitely persona non grata there until we left."
"I’m guessing that’s the result of committing larceny. What'd you do with all the animals?"
"Gave them away. I had Jane, what did I need another pet for?" The fact that her semi-serious joke was met with a knowing not spoke volumes about the kind of shenanigans Happy had put up with from Tony in the years he'd been with the billionaire.
When the car stopped and Darcy looked up again, they were parked before a building that would have been any completely bland and generic warehouse if it hadn't been for the enormous letter A on the front. That was... Was she...?
Darcy was still staring at the front of the building when Happy came around and opened her door for her. "Rides over, everybody out."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Happy... This is the Avengers."
"Your powers of observation are astounding, Darce."
"No, I mean, they live here. And like, train here and everything."
"Generally, yeah."
"No, Happy. Actual superheroes are inside that building right now."
"That's usually how it works when you live in a place. Come on."
Darcy took the hand offered to her but stayed near the open door, goggling at the building before her while Happy unloaded her bags from the trunk. "Is... Is Tony fucking with me? Because I've been fucked with before and this feels like he's fucking with me."
Happy closed the trunk of the car and leaned against it, mouth opening to undoubtedly answer her question (or call her an idiot, that was equally as likely) when the increasingly familiar roar of repulsors sounded in the distance. Happy's mouth snapped shut as he folded his arms across his chest. "He doesn’t normally have me drive someone hours into the countryside just to fuck with them, but who knows. Let's ask the man himself."
Tony, naturally, was on point that day. "Hanging out in a parking lot? What is this, high school?"
Luckily for her, Darcy was as well. "I'm sorry, I was unaware that we were suddenly living in a John Hughes movie. Is this Shermer? Are we in Shermer now?"
"That's it. Dishonor on you, Lewis. Dishonor on your cow."
Darcy wanted to hit him with a snappy comeback, but his sudden quoting of Mulan threw her off her game. "Whatever, Mushu. But seriously. Actual superheroes live here, so I am here why exactly?”
Tony pulled a pair of sunglasses out of somewhere (she wasn’t about to ask where he kept his emergency shades) and slipped them on. “I’m going to pretend I’m not mildly offended by not being included in the ‘actual superheroes’ group. You know I’ve saved the world, right? Couple of times?”
“You might have mentioned that once or twice, Speshul Snowflake. Join the club.”
Darcy didn’t need to see Tony’s eyes roll to feel it as he moved past and took one of her bags from Happy. “To answer your question, Ingrate, you are here to be my eyes. And ears. And hands.”
She watched as he fought with the retracting handle on her bag for a few seconds before he gave up and looked to his driver for help. Happy wordlessly hit the button and pulled the handle into place before passing her the other one. “You should be proud I’m not saying anything about the hands comment.”
“I am, kid, trust me. I knew that was a bad phrasing choice the minute I said it.”
“So I really am here to babysit.”
“You really are.”
Darcy let Tony lead for a seconds before she hurried to catch up. “Two questions. Which, yes, I probably should have asked before this moment. One, what-slash-whom am I babysitting exactly? And two, does anyone actually in residence here know that I am going to be here or am I going to have to handle the awkward introductions myself?”
Tony didn’t answer either of her questions. He just smirked in her direction and used his thumb on an optical pad to open the door. That was probably a bad sign.