Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warnings:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationships:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2022-10-13
Completed:
2022-10-16
Words:
644
Chapters:
5/5
Hits:
25

Scrambled Eggs

Chapter 5: The storm before the calm

Summary:

Hello there I don't know if you've noticed yet but I'm all over the place-
Thank goodness I'll settle down soon and my newt work will be a real fanfic worthwhile hahaha let's repeat that a fifth time-

Chapter Text

And as soon as I was done writing this here, I was frustrated by its mediocrity. This is a sketch, a joke, it's half-assed and mostly nonsensical.

I tried to add some things, yet I intentionally kept the text as it was first written, and there again that's not true because I corrected a few grammatical errors and other stuff mentioned first there^^^

It was supposed to be more than what it is, and I guess it is, but only halfway. I'm too tired of it already to make something better out of it yet it's itching me that it's far from perfect. I shouldn't bother though, because I don't have to.

Because here I'm not expected to. And I need to practice "letting go", accept that I can't control everything as I panic that I don't control anything.

I feel like a constant contradiction.

 

This is actually the perfect writing exercise to be posted first here. It establishes my character and what you'll have to deal with if you read me x)

 

A BIG

CONFUSING

Mess.

Driven by obsessions of whatever's captivating me at the moment and an irrepressible need to express myself and externalize

 

I hope those big Me-talks don't make me look narcissistic

I did say I can't help justifying everything

No place for ambiguity and misunderstandings here where nothing's under control

 

Welcome aboard this very fast train ! I often think about so much so fast that I lose what I meant to say in the first place...Wait, what was I talking about ? What's the last thing you said again ? What was it I wanted to say.....

Okay enough joking not joking, what I mean is, I think this A03 is the right place for me. When I'll be done worrying if that's true because there's literally no worth of any kind required to be here, I'll chill. I always do eventually. Me chilling needs to happen more often is all. I'll be less confusing, everything will settle down and I have the confidence to write a real fan fiction. I already have one in mind actually ! I said that before didn't I- well then uhh Toodles !

Notes:

I wrote this in class while trying to stay awake. I was just so tired man. And not from the class.
This is basically just me exteriorizing my mental state in relation to my exhaustion in the moment.
And then I thought it wasn't that bad... so I wrote a "part 2" and I translated the whole thing, because translating makes stuff even more interesting.
What I mean there, is that I think differently in french and in english for 3 different reasons :
1) because the structure(s) and culture(s) of those two different languages differ, which affects the way we formulate our thoughts with them ; TL:DR they have different moods so brain go brrrr on different vibes
2) I learned how to express certain things such as my health and emotions a whole lot in english, so words about this kind of stuff flow more easily in it, and in french it's... the language of my country, of my "real life", of my family and friends, so it feels more real but at the same time less significant because that's not where you can talk about it you know ? TL:DR in english knowledge about mental health goes weeeee and in french it goes hhh
3)I learned to love English in itself, then Translation. This Work here is also an expression of that love, and an exercise. Who better placed to translate an author's ideas than the author itself ? I want to see what differences belong to the language,the culture, my brain's reaction to the language, ect...

This note is ten times longer than the original thing, I know, I'm sorry but not so much because that's just who I am : I think too much. Waaaay too much. All the time. And I go into tangents that never end. I can't summarize for the life of me and I can't structure an essay. Finally, I justify everything all the time, which is very annoying... But I HAVE to. Because I need to understand and not be misunderstood.

I'll stop there.