Chapter Text
Since he was a child, NamJoon had always overthought things, from the first day he had met the other members he was always thinking about what could happen, he lived in constant fear that something bad would happen or that the group would disband because their contracts said so or because of disagreements between them. No matter how much he looked out for the well-being of the members, and at the same time tried to avoid conflicts, there was always something that made them fight and even more so now that it was being a difficult year.
Thinking was the only thing I could do now, they had just had a meeting, they all talked about disbanding the group and ending things at once, surprisingly they all came clean and said what they felt, they hated the constant pressure, they hated feeling that their lives no longer belonged to them and that they were being controlled by the higher ups and by the fans, they hated being away from their families and not being able to walk in the streets like normal people without someone filming you all the time. Everyone spoke the truth, everyone except NamJoon, he had been silent the whole time feeling the tension of the moment, he felt that if he would open his mouth everything would be the end.
He didn't understand how Yoongi didn't cry at any point during the talk - though NamJoon hadn't either - his other hyungs were trying to hide their tears, every word that came out seemed to be a knife, it seemed they would have always meant what they had said and seized the moment. NamJoon didn't blame them, he felt the same way but he didn't want what they were doing to end.
The next day was their day off so everyone took advantage of it to rest, even Hoseok and JungKook who always managed to find some time during the day to go to the ballroom. As usual they all had breakfast together and the room was in absolute silence. Not even Jin dared to say one of his typical jokes to lighten the mood, his eyes were red as if he had cried all night.
It was at that moment that NamJoon thought again, he still wanted to continue in the music world, he still didn't want it all to end. He was the leader of the group and this whole situation made him feel like the worst person in the world for not being able to do anything, BangPD had given him the role of the leader even though he was the youngest in the group. He looked at the others eating in silence, each focused on their own thoughts.
"Yoongi-hyung" he spoke, getting the gaze of all his hyungs, he passed saliva before saying what he wanted to say, inwardly praying for everything to go well "is it true everything you said last night?"
"Why would I lie? You know I never wanted this," he said coldly looking at NamJoon, "I hope you understand everything we said last night."
Yoongi stood up abruptly from the table picking up his dishes from the table, he looked like he wanted to run away from the conversation.
"Guys, it's too early to talk about this," Jin began, trying to calm the situation.
"We must talk about this! I was thinking about it all night and I know this is exhausting, I understand you perfectly so please, let's try it" NamJoon was crying in front of all his hyungs, he tried to be strong but he couldn't be strong anymore "Let's try it together, we are a family and a family supports each other, I will support you and I will do my best but I need you to support me too."
"NamJoonie" approached Jimin with the maknae trying to calm him down.
"NamJoon is right," stood up JungKook, "please, let's try one more time, this is just starting and it's not time to give up, we knew the road would be hard, Yongi Hyung, if you didn't like this you would be long gone, please, this is for us, we are tired but we can still go on, please hyungs," shouted JungKook.
"I'm sorry guys, I'm so tired... I don't want the job I love to become something I hate, I don't want that to happen" said Yoongi with a broken voice "but I don't want to end this, I'm sorry."
"I don't want to end this either" spoke Taehyung, followed by the other members, the rest of the day continued in conversations, with NamJoon being sincere with what he felt and about how he would try to get better things for the group, so that not only the public can enjoy their work, but they can enjoy it as well.
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2018 MAMA- Hong Kong
The group was on stage and the award for best artist of the year was in their hands, NamJoon looked at all those lights in the audience who were those who supported them in their dream. NamJoon thought again, seeing their members crying with joy or relief, it had been worth all the tears and all the pain they suffered, they were fulfilling their dreams all together as a family, but he also knew that their story was just beginning because the best was yet to come.