Chapter Text
Vic rounds the corner, about to slam the locker door shut but for some unknown reason she pauses, and immediately thanks her lucky stars she did.
Maya, pink in the face and sweaty from a morning run is paused mid action grinning at her phone. Vic cocks her head, smirking a little at the woman who stands at the end of the room unaware she’s been spotted.
Vic closes the door of her locker slowly, inches further out of view but keeps their Captain in her eye line. Intrigued. Her workaholic tendencies don't usually leave Maya frozen mid action before their shift, especially this close to the start. Usually she’d be the first one dressed to impress and ready to go.
But not now. No, now she’s looking down, smiling wide enough to show teeth, typing furiously and seemingly unaware that she's only wearing one shoe.
Vic suppresses the urge to bounce over and interrupt, maybe interrogate a little. There's something so different about seeing behind the Bishop mask, that she doesn't. Instead she watches, marveling at how well happiness sits on Maya’s face.
Attuned to her best friend, she senses him before he arrives, so instead of squealing when Travis's hand lands on her shoulder, Vic spins instantly, traps her own hand over his mouth and points. It takes a moment but then he catches on, his confusion painting his face in a comical expression of curiosity and wonder.
“I feel like a voyeur.”
Vic shrugs, “Nothing wrong with that.”
Travis ignores her and pulls her closer instead. “Today we observe a Captain in the wild, her natural habitat not explaining her unusual behavior.” He whispers in her ear. “Note her disheveled appearance and odd obsession with her cellular device.”
Vic snorts and smacks him. “She’s smiling-” - Maya giggles - “and giggling.”
Travis narrows his eyes, “The world's ending?”
A little gasp draws back their attention.
“Or she’s getting some.”
A blush rises in Maya’s cheeks and they grab hold of each other's arms. Their eyes catch and silly excitement bounces between them.
Vic rises onto her tiptoes and whispers “Do you think she’s seeing someone?”
Travis shakes his head, nods, shrugs.
Maya tilts into the wall, closes her eyes and lets out a long sigh. Eventually she types again, her hands squeezing tight to the phone before she pockets it and smiles widely. There's something intimate in the act, in the peace she seems to gain from her connection to the phone.
Something that’s not theirs.
Behind her Vic and Travis release the death grip they have on each other's hands. Their eyes lock for the briefest moment and by mutual agreement they walk away. Not wanting to intrude.
---
The call comes and it hits hard but the hustle and bustle of saving lives and doing their jobs drowns everything else out. It‘s not until later, when the door of her office has closed and everyone has left that Maya allows herself to feel it all.
It hurts. Physically, emotionally, everything aches and she’s tired again.
Maya sits at her desk and her head thumps. It’s been a day. Literally. Over twenty four hours since she last saw Carina and since the call came that showed her again what an awful person she is.
A truck destroyed a family, and Maya -
She shakes her head not wanting to think about it.
But the words come.
Hard and fast racing through her head.
She’s awful.
Unthinking. Unkind.
She’s destruction.
She’s fire personified.
She’s spiraling and needs a distraction before the world starts to cave in on itself.
Without thinking she calls the one person who makes her feel both tethered and dangerously free.
The call connects and before Carina can even say hello Maya blurts, “Come over?”
Carina laughs, “Hello to you too, I'm at work, there-”
“Please?” Her voice sounds strange to her own ears.
Something in Maya’s tone cuts through Carina instantly. The background changes, the sounds of a busy hospital suddenly quiet, the bright lights around Carina become dim. “Bad day?”
“Where are you?”
Carina smirks, “Supply closet, now answer my question.”
“Not really - just-” Maya sighs, “Could you come over? I'm heading home right now. I’ll be there before you.”
Her eyes are so wide and the saddest blue, Carina feels her resolve crumbling. She sighs out, “Maya!”
“I understand if you can't. It’s fine but-”
Carina smiles, her heart aching for the pain that etches Maya’s face. Pain she isn't even sure Maya knows shines so visibly right now. “I'm on my way.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
---
“Hey?” Carina blurts as the door opens, her hand paused mid air. Her eyes search Maya’s face but before she can say anything else Maya’s kiss silences her. It’s hard and desperate, no finesse, yet sends shivers down her spine, liquid fire through her veins.
Reacting instantly, her eyes close and they stumble together.
“Hi.” Maya breathes against her lips, pushing the coat down Carina’s arms until it tumbles to the floor. She steps in closer and kisses Carina again and again, her hands tangling about her head and pulling her forward into the apartment.
Every action gives away that Maya was waiting, probably pacing, in front of the door.
Carina finds herself propelled backwards, down the hall and into the bedroom. She feels the need in Maya’s body. The demand for silence and distraction. An urgent call to drown out whatever it is she's running from.
“Maya?” Carina grabs her wrists as hands rise up and start undoing the buttons of her shirt.
“Carina,” is all she husks, shaking her head and pulling back. There’s endless want and need in the eyes searching Carina’s. A plea for action, movement and pleasure bleeds from one to the other until it washes over them both.
No talking. Loud and clear.
She blinks and Carina can see the way her pupils shimmer. “Okay okay.” It feels impossible to say no to this woman, with her wide blue eyes full of unshed tears and heartache she believes Carina is oblivious to.
If Maya needs her to be oblivious right now, she will be. If Maya needs to forget something then Carina will do everything in her power to make that happen. If not in word, then deed.
Pushing her shirt from her shoulders, Carina drags the clothes down Maya’s arms, reaching behind her to tug her hair free from its tie so she can tangle her fingers in the long strands.
Absorbed in every reaction, Carina watches until Maya’s eyes close, waits for her lips to part on a sigh, for her breath to catch and her body to strain with excitement or release with loose pleasure.
They tangle in shed clothes and unsaid words, falling into the bed in their underwear, arms wrapping around each other as they fight to help Maya forget whatever it is that’s weighing her down.
It doesn't take long.
Worked up and pent up every tussle is met with resistance. Push meets shove and when Carina finally rolls Maya onto her back and wrestles a whimper from between her lips the world starts to drop away just as she desired.
She's pliant and breaks apart easily.
Building again before her breath can catch in her chest.
Her voice a weak croak that pleads for “More.”
___
Later, when Carina is languid and quiet at her back Maya curls onto her side. The warmth there is a salve she’s not sure she deserves.
It’s too peaceful.
Images of the carnage of the day flood back to her. Of the loss that seems unending lately. She hears the voices of the ones she loves, fraught and angry, hating her, on repeat. Nothing she does drowns it out, nothing she achieves stops the voice of her father in the background mocking her lack of control.
Maya hears the relaxed sigh at her side and sits up, needing to separate everything again. She draws in a breath to calm herself but instead finds tears welling in her eyes.
Soft lips press into her shoulder, soft hands glide beneath the covers and rest at her back. Words come gently.
“I should get back to work.” Carina breathes against Maya’s shoulder, smiling at the looseness to her body, hoping she’s right that their connection has provided some relief, but still curious as to what she’s missing.
Maya clenches her fists, hands wrapped tight around her legs to keep it all in. Deep breaths do nothing and there's nowhere to run.
Finally the sob breaks free from her chest.
---
“I'm the truck.” It comes to her as if the vehicle itself has collided with her body. A bone deep and painful revelation.
“Sorry I'm not very good with american idioms.” Carina smiles, not seeing the tears and unsure where this is going.
“I'm the truck. I’m - I’m-” Maya weeps, stares at her hands as though an anchor will appear to ground her, desperate for something to cling to. “-I’m the truck that drunkenly plowed into station 19 and destroyed an entire family. I’m the truck!”
“Hey.” Something inside Carina breaks to see Maya like this, so down and utterly devoid of the confidence that usually shines from her. Maya sobs and Carina reaches for her, cradling the woman to her chest, finding it ridiculously easy to rock her and kiss her forehead, to comfort her.
“Hey.”
“I’m the truck.”
Carina’s head presses against her own, lips dust her cheek and soft words are whispered to her in a language Maya doesn't understand. But the meaning is obvious.
She’s safe to let go.
Maya feels the tears, and lets them come. She feels herself rocked in Carina’s arms, held close and precious when Carina pulls her in tighter. Her hands lift, weaving around Carina’s and she leans in, sobbing.
Maya finds exactly what she needs, a grounding force in the arms of the woman wrapped around her.
___
She quiets eventually, spent and embarrassed.
Unable to meet Carina’s eyes, Maya rolls away and casts her gaze low, until a hand lifts to her face and guiding fingers tilt her chin. Her eyes are closed but Carina waits, her breath painting Maya’s lips and telling her she’s close.
She’s not going anywhere. It’s new and no less terrifying but oh- their eyes meet and it's enough.
The soft smile is enough.
To see nothing but concern in another's eyes when she is at her weakest is something Maya has never felt before, never witnessed. To feel warmth radiating from Carina while her body and mind feel cold and barren eases everything.
But it's the crooning tone of tenderness that has Maya curling closer still, staring up at Carina as she whispers sweetly in Italian. Her fingers trace the words in Maya’s skin, brush gentle care across her jaw.
“I still don't know what you’re saying.” Maya smiles, watery and bruised around the edges.
“It won't stop me.” Carina challenges. She tucks a strand of hair behind Maya’s ear, intimate and sweet, watching the light reenter the blue eyes below her.
“Good.” Honesty seems easy now. “I like it.”
“Tell me?”
And she does. The truth of her day spills out between them. Her thoughts and feelings interwoven and uncensored as Carina nods, waits and listens.
“Maya if you truly believe that you’ve created this -” she gestures for the word, “-horrific work environment. If you think you have pulled your family apart then fix it.”
Maya laughs, sad and resigned, “That easy, huh?”
Carina shrugs. Smiles.
“How?”
“Be there for them, be honest with them. We all make mistakes, Maya. If they’re your friends and, as you said, your family, it’s fixable.” Carina’s eyes go soft as she looks down, her fingers toying in the long lengths of Maya’s hair. Something about the vulnerability she’s witnessed has made her even more convinced she’s falling for this woman.
It’s terrifying and wonderful.
Carina closes her eyes, opens them her voice far softer than she intends but honest nonetheless, “Sei bellissima, sei forte-”
She talks and Maya smiles, warmed through. “I don't understand a word of this.” She grins widely when Carina dips her head, almost hiding her own smile, as though caught out. “Somehow it’s working.”
“Go shine your light bella.” Carina watches as the color changes in Maya's eyes, the way her cheeks lift and pink up. “Tell your truth.” It’s irresistible. “Dammi un bacio."
Maya sits up, and grins, pulling herself closer, “Was that kiss me?”
“Yeah.”
They laugh into it, easy again, lips pressing silly and soft around a kiss of a greeting a long time coming.
___
At the station, feeling lighter than she has in weeks, Maya jogs down the stairs, smiling when she feels her phone buzz, knowing who it is immediately. She pauses to read and laughs, there’s only a sun followed by a kiss, a small reminder of Carina’s words in her bed.
Her heart is pounding when she enters the beanery finding Travis and Vic, but she’s made the decision and starting small seems like a good idea.
“I'm seeing someone.” She blurts, “A doctor from Grey-Sloan, she’s -”
“She?” Travis grins, nudging Vic.
“Yeah she - I.” Maya takes a breath, “We’re - we’re dating. I think.”
“Dating?” Vic repeats, her eyes flashing to travis. He presses his lips together and nods, biting down to stop himself from smiling. Laughing. Asking more questions.
“Yeah, she’s picking me up after shift, tomorrow.” Maya’s eyes search her friends, waiting, but the alarm sounds and before she can say anything else Vic and Travis are taking off.
At the last second Vic spins and yells, “When she does tell her to stick around and say hi.”
“Yes,” Travis shouts, “We need to meet the woman you think you’re dating.”
Maya grins widely.
“The one who makes you smile like that.” Vic laughs.
“Happiness looks good on you, Captain.”
“Don't make me desk you, Montgomery.” But they’re gone and Maya’s smile carries her into her office.