Chapter Text
The exhaustion of a job poorly done weighs on the shoulders of a performer, the question always being whether or not someone noticed the slight slip up that almost cost the entire show.
Jay Ferin is not above failure, she meets the eyes of a challenge head on. She has only enough regrets to count on one hand but they’ve long since sunk their fangs in her, the venom of guilt already in her bloodstream.
A pocket dimension of laborious tasks, completed begrudgingly all at the mercy of a doctor, a fight across planes, and the smallest slip up, a mistake in the dance of battle, the battle of wits and words, a misjudgment.
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Jay Ferin made a small music box early into her days on The Albatross, it plays a melody she vividly remembers from dance class.
Her teacher was quite lovely, a patient older woman long past the height of her performing days, now a teacher for aspiring minds like a very young Jay. On her first day her mother introduced the two, said her teacher was an old friend, and when she first walked into the studio the tune that was being plucked on a beautiful piano by their class’ musician stuck with her for the years that followed.
She thinks about it often, how in a space with someone who not only cared about the craft but about her students as well, Jay was still a failure. How when training a gun on a target, her father’s voice close to her ear, heartbeat in the tips of her fingers, she succeeded.
The music box plays now, echoing in the small corner of the ship Jay has taken as her laboratory, a nostalgic lamination to the scene as she sits and works. There are voices upstairs, familiar ones, the crew having a night on the deck. Chip had run down and mentioned dancing, something about a party, she wasn’t entirely sure but she’d tuned out of the conversation anyways, and holing herself up in her corner seemed to be nicer anyways, if not a bit lonely.
In the end she finds it pathetic, but the urge to stand and walk through the ballet warm ups she only remembers due to spite and pure will is strong, so she gives in.
First position, plié straighten, plié straighten, demi plié, relevé, straighten, down, plié straighten, grande plié, straighten, tendu, second position.
And on and on and on, the metallic sound of a music box, the slightly faulty steps of a dancer without grace, and the unnoticed presence of another figure.
“Jay- oh…”
The embarrassment creeps to her face quickly as she stops and turns, back straight, arms at her side, a flash of her fathers face in her mind before it’s quickly replaced by a curious looking Chip.
“What was all that Jay? I didn’t know you could dance, you should come up with us we’re dancing too”
“I was working Chip, leave me alone”
“You were definitely not working but whatever, I just came down to tell you there was food, have fun dancing though” he snickers as he walks back up, Jay turns, flushing even brighter.
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The afterimage of red lightning is burned into the backs of Jay’s eyelids, every time she blinks she sees the flashes she hears the crackling and sizzling and pop of electricity in the air. But she also sees the figures of her friends, she remembers the giddy laughs of reunion, the adrenaline of choppy seas, and a branding tattoo, it’s been haunting her for days.
It ends up being Drey who pulls her out of it all, a quiet night on the deck, sleep escaping the likes of the Ferin’s. Jay is wallowing, she supposes, a bittersweetness to the success of their recent ventures, plenty to wallow in. Drey is coming out to take in the salty air, it’s calm, it’s quiet.
“Hey Jay Jay”
“Uncle” a polite nod, stiff but suitable, a soldier's nod.
“It’s late, whatcha doin’ out here?”
“Wasn’t tired, I could ask you the same thing uncle”
A chuckle, a soft smile, the air is warm as Drey saddles up next to Jay on the rails, the silence stretches comfortably.
“You end up stickin’ with those dance classes you loved so much?”
Jay freezes -and distantly wonders if Drey could read minds- she realizes she hasn’t talked about it with anyone since her mom, she hasn’t mentioned the longing to dance again.
“No, I got too busy with navy training, I don’t think dad liked it much anyways, and then Ava…”
“Ah, right. You would have made a wonderful dancer, you loved it as a kid ya know, last time I visited you never shut up about it”
“I…Uh- I wasn’t actually that good, I think I just wanted to be like Ava, and mom, but I’m much better at shooting a gun it turns out”
“I’m sure you coulda made it, you’re stubborn enough, you’re a Ferin for god’s sake”
“I don’t know if a clumsy, ungraceful, stiff as a board, navy soldier could be a dancer but sure uncle”
“Hey you’re a pirate now aren’t ya Jay Jay, I’m sure Chip would love to teach you one of them dances he does with Ollie”
“Oh absolutely not”
A peel of laughter, Jay smiles turning to look at her uncle curiously.
“Did you ever dance? Since that’s apparently something pirates do according to you”
“Ah yeah sure, we used to stop at taverns all the time of course we danced, I taught Finn to waltz once you know”
“Waltz? I didn’t know you waltzed uncle”
“Course I did, there’s plenty you don’t know about me Jay, in fact I’m sure I still could. Waltzes are mainly in the legs anyways, come here, let’s see how clumsy you really are”
“Uncle-”
“Come on Jay Jay” Drey is walking to the center of the deck, smiling in the crisp dark.
“I don’t know how to Drey-”
“Nonsense, I’ll teach ya, come on”
“I- fine, sure”
It’s warm, surprisingly they manage to spin across the deck, Jay accidentally stepping on Drey’s toes plenty, and Drey forgetting steps frequently. But it’s nice, and Jay for a moment, feels like a kid again.
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Alone on her bed, fear finally loosening its grip on her heart, shards of a shell stuck in her hands. Nothing is registering, the pain, the sorrow, the guilt, it just won’t click. It’s night, Aslana left a while ago, and Jay wants to feel bad for leaving everyone above deck, but she just cant. Everything is distant, and rage is churning quietly behind a glare that’s being directed at the floorboards.
Footsteps cause her head to tilt up, more snacks, more water, all in front of two pairs of worried eyes and nervous glances.
“I’m fine guys, stop being all overbearing and just leave me alone.” It’s sharper than she meant it to be, but fire burns, and currently Jay Ferin is a summer bonfire.
“We’re just worried Jay, I know it was difficult today-” Normally the deep voice of Gillion Tidestrider would be a comfort, or at least a welcome accompaniment, but now it’s grating to her ears, only adding to the flames.
“Gil. Stop.” A frozen hero and a- wait, where’s Chip?
Jay’s head whips around as she hears the beginning of a metallic note being played, her eyes flash bright and sparks of flame jump along her arms across her fingertips.
“Jay-” Gil’s hand grabs her wrist, eyes darting towards the fire quickly building in her palms.
“Chip what the fuck are you doing. Put that down.”
“Jay come on now-”
“Chip, just fucking leave me alone, and don’t touch my shit” Fire burns, as she rips her arm away from Gillion and just barely catches the hiss of pain between his teeth.
“Jay listen, I know this means something to you, I thought maybe it would cheer you up? You seemed pretty happy the other night-”
“When will you ever learn to stop trusting your instincts Chip” Jay growls as she stares him down, back straight, eyes blazing, hands alight, perfect posture nothing but fierce determination and rage in her face.
“You always fucking do this, you can’t judge a situation properly to save your life, and one of these days you’re gonna get us all fucking killed.
If I wasn’t here to save your asses all the damn time I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a corpse at the bottom of the fucking ocean”
This is a dance she’s familiar with, a burning clash of words, elegance in the sneers and quirks and flashes of teeth. It’s beautiful in it’s own way she supposes, though looking into the eyes of a clearly shaken Chip some part of her mind realizes he might not agree.
“I…look I’m sorry Jay I really just wanted to help, I thought- I don’t know what I thought, I just don’t like seeing you all…” A wave of his hand, a general gesture that means nothing to her “…sad? I’m sorry-”
“Just leave. Both of you”
“Ok, feel better soon Jay, I’m sorry”
The music box is still playing, a soft backing track to her rage. The urge to break something, anything, fills her quickly. It’s unproductive, too dangerous, too impulsive, so she takes as many breaths as she can, and she begins to dance.
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Her eyes burn, it’s all she can think when she wakes up, it hurts. Pain takes the back burner as she hears screams around her, voices, grating voices.
Fire, burning fire, questions and concerns and wonderful healing. Drey’s voice behind her, it burns, it all burns.
Memories of comfort, of her mother’s hugs and her sister’s confidence, Jay just wants to go home, she wants it all to stop. Why is it still burning?
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All-port is loud, memories of dancing fill her mind as they walk through the streets. Memories of a certain captain haunt her mind as well, jealousy sings at the grace in which Captain Lizzie carries herself, but Jay ignores it. Focus on the task at hand Ferin, one more stiff step forward, there’s work to be done, do not fail.
Jay Ferin is not a performer, as much as she wishes to be one. A job poorly done could cost her her life, and yet she faces challenges head first. Her mistakes are her own, and as little grace as she may have she’ll dance through them nonetheless.