Chapter Text
September, HSY 2
Mum drops me off and I wait for my friends outside the school gate. There’s a big sign behind me that says “St. Matthew’s Church of England Primary School.”
Dee is the first to get there. She runs up to me and high-5’s me, and seems really excited. It takes me a moment to realize something’s different about her.
“Where’s your skirt?” I ask.
Dee grins. “Mum asked the Mr. Watkins for an exception to the uniform rule and he said yes, so I’m allowed to wear trousers to school now.”
“That’s great,” I say. I know how much Dee hates wearing skirts and dresses and stuff.
After a bit Olly gets there and all three of us double high-5. Then Mel gets there and she immediately hugs Olly, and he hugs her back. I get this weird twinge in my stomach, kind of a hot feeling, and not fun, and I look away.
Matt sprints up to us with the flaps of his book bag flying behind him and practically tackles me with a hug. Then he goes from person to person hugging each one. Then he tells me all about how his family went on holiday to Greece over the summer and went on a boat and did lots of other cool stuff.
“It was really cool,” he finished, “Except one night we couldn’t find Harry, and then Mum got a call from him that he was somewhere in town. Mum said he woke up behind a dumpster, which I thought was very odd, because why would he go to sleep on the ground when he had a bed at the hotel room?”
I didn’t know why either. That seems like a very weird thing to do. Then again, a lot of the things that teenagers do seem pretty weird to me.
“Yeah,” Matt says, “he stayed in his room the whole day after that, and I’m pretty sure he was ill.”
It was all good until we started talking about when lunch was, because the Year 4s eat lunch with the Year 5s, so Matt won’t be having lunch with us, since he’s only in Year 3. Matt seemed pretty sad after that, because I don’t think he has any friends in his year.
The first couple days of school were pretty boring. We’re learning long division this year, which is really hard! Our teacher, Mr. Glenn, is really nice, though. He’s a new teacher, and he has lots of pictures of him with this other man called Curtis, who’s his boyfriend. He also has a flag that looks like a rainbow on his desk. He says that in science class we’re going to be learning about rocks and minerals and stuff, which sounds really cool.
The only thing I don’t like is that at lunch every day Olly and Melanie always sit next to each other, and a couple of times they hold hands. I don;t know why, but I don’t like that. I try not to be upset about it, like I was when Mel first started hanging out with us, because I was being rude and I shouldn’t do that. It’s still kind of hard, though.
***
Later that week me and Matt stayed over at Olly’s house. We were having pizza for dinner in the lounge, watching Doctor Who. For some reason Matt was really quiet. I thought it might be because he was sad that he didn’t have anyone at lunch or at playtime. He kept looking at Charlie, though. Charlie and Nick were with us. Nick’s birthday was yesterday, so he’s 18 and a grownup now, except he still has to go to high school and not find a job or a house or anything.
“Umm, Charlie,” Matt asks. Charlie puts his pizza down and looks at Matt, “can I ask you a question?”
“Of course, Matt,” Charlie says.
Matt takes a while to think of what he wants to say. “Olly says that last year you were having lots of problems, and you told your mum and dad, and they really wanted to help, right?”
“Yes,” Charlie says slowly. I don’t think he knows where Matt is going with this. I don’t either. Matt was really quiet at school all day today, so maybe now I’ll find out why.
‘Oh,” Matt says. “Are mums and dads supposed to do that?”
“I would say so, yeah?” Charlie says. He and Nick look at each other.
“Matt,” Nick says, “is there something happening at home that you’re upset about?”
Matt looks down at his plate. “I’m okay,” he says, “But last night, Harry tried to talk to Mum and Dad about a problem, and they were really mean about it. He said that he thought he had a problem with drinking too much alcohol and it was hard to stop, and he said he thought he needed help, and all that happened was that Dad smacked him across the face and said ‘Greene’s aren’t drunks!’ And told him not to talk about it ever.”
“Harry Greene thinks he has a drinking problem?” Nick asks. He seems surprised. I scoot over so that I'm closer to Matt. Olly does the same. Matt seems sad, but he doesn’t seem like the crying kind of sad, just the tired kind.
“Yeah,” Matt says, “I heard it from the other room. Later I went into his room, and he was sitting on his bed and he was crying.”
He perks up. “I think I helped him, though. I told him that maybe whenever he felt like drinking alcohol, he could think of how sad it would make me if he did it, and maybe that would stop him from doing it, because he loves me.”
Charlie looks at Nick but doesn’t say anything.
“That’s lovely, Matt,” Nick says. “But if you think Harry really has a problem, you should tell a grownup if you need to. You shouldn’t make all of this your responsibility. Harry’s almost an adult; he needs to take care of himself.”
“You’re a really good brother,” Charlie adds, “but this is a grownup problem, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to fix it. And it’s not your fault if he has problems” He looks at Olly when he says this.
Mat doesn’t say anything for a second. “I guess,” he says. He looks at the screen. “Can we watch the Weeping Angels episode?”
“Olly thinks that one’s too scary,” I chime in.
“Do not!” Olly says, “I just don’t like it is all.”
After that we watch Endgame, but we skip Ironman’s funeral because it’s too sad. Then it’s time for me to go home.
As I leave, I notice Charlie and Nick talking in hushed voices. They sound very serious. I don’t know what they’re talking about.
***
Next Monday Olly wants to talk to me about something very important. I hang back after class before lunch in the cubbies in the back of the room, where everybody's coat and lunchboxes and stuff are.
“Melanie and me have decided that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now,” he announces.
That hot feeling in my belly comes back. I really don’t like it. “You can’t be boyfriend and girlfriend,” I say, “you’re only 8.”
“Can too,” he says, “We’ve been holding hands a lot, and yesterday I kissed her on the cheek, so we decided to do the mature thing and make it official.”
This is SO unfair! I don’t know why, but I really don’t like this.
“Don’t you think you’re moving too fast?” I ask. If only Olly could see that this was a big mistake.
“We’re not the only ones,” Olly says, “Billy Lowden proposed to Tracy Anderson with the last of his Monster Munch at play time last Friday, except it broke so he had to use twisted-up grass instead.”
That makes me think. That sounds REALLY serious.
“Just because other people at school are doing it doesn’t mean you have so,” I say, “Tori’s almost a grownup and she doesn’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend.”
Olly looks at me with a funny half-smiling look.
“Of course she does,” he says, “She and Michael are basically boyfriend and girlfriend already. They just don’t know it yet.” He turns and starts walking to lunch. “I’m going to tell Mum and Dad at dinner tonight.”
I follow him. I feel all hollow and a bit sad on the inside, and I don’t know why. When we get to lunch he sits down with Melanie and right away he puts his hand in hers. Suddenly I’m not really hungry. I eat my lunch anyway, though, because skipping meals makes Olly upset. When we go to playtime Olly and Melanie spend the WHOLE TIME together! Me and Dee play together instead. Playing with Dee is really fun, but I miss playing with my best friend.
***
Instead of going to Olly’s this weekend I go to Dee’s instead. She says Melanie is kind of ignoring her, too, and spending all of her time with Olly. She doesn’t like it.
I end up spending a lot of time helping Dee with division, because she usually has a hard time with maths. After that we play Smash Bros for a bit. Dee really likes playing as Link. We sit and we play and we talk and Dee’s brother Arthur sits with us. Arthur is short, even for a three-year-old and Dee says that his brain is a bit different because he has something called Down Syndrome. He can’t talk yet, but he’s really friendly and he’s happy a lot, and he gives lots of hugs.
I feel like I can talk to Dee really easily, so I tell her how I feel about Olly playing with Melanie all the time. Dee says it sounds like I’m jealous, but that doesn’t make any sense, because it’s not like I want to be Olly’s girlfriend or anything. I just don’t like being left out, especially since Olly is my best friend since forever basically. We’ve been friends since Year 1, so it’s been a really long time. I want us to be friends forever.
Anyway, Dee and I decide that we can be each other’s backup best friends - whenever Olly or Melanie aren’t around to play, or when we need to talk about either of them, we can talk to each other instead. Matt’s kind of like that, too, but he’s younger and doesn’t always understand everything, coz he’s only a Year 3.
Before I left Dee tells me she wants to cut her hair even shorter, like only as far as her chin. Her mum thinks that that’s too short. I tell her I think it’s a great idea, and that it would make her look really pretty. She kind of makes a face at this, which is a bit weird, but when I say I think it will look really nice Dee smiles and thanks me.
The next day in PE something that’s a bit weird happens. We’re supposed to be doing three-legged races, and our teacher tells us to pair off boy and girl, but Dee says that she isn’t feeling well, which is a bit odd because she was fine at lunch. Dee sits off to the sidelines, and I pair up with Amina. Martin Lewis gets left out, so he has to be in a group of three, which looks really hard. Then again, me and Amina end up falling over a lot, because I’m really tall and Amina is really short. Still, I end up in last place in most of the races we run in PE, because I’m really slow. Olly and Melanie end up winning, and he kisses her on the cheek. The hot feeling in my stomach is back.
***
Next time I play at his house Olly seems really quiet. He doesn’t talk much when we play Mario Kart, or when we play with his toy cars (we both decided that tractors are so Year 3,) and it’s only when we’re watching Guardians of the Galaxy that I ask him what’s wrong.
“Nick’s going away,” he says. He doesn’t seem like he’s watching the movie. Mrs. Spring made us cheese toasties for a snack, but Olly hasn’t touched his, and I know not eating is against the rules in his house so I know he must be really upset.
“What do you mean?” I ask him.
“Next year he’s going to university,” Olly explains, “He said he wants to go to Leeds, and that’s really far away. It’s four hours away from here. I heard him tell Charlie last night”
That sounds really far.
“What about Charlie?” I ask him, “Can’t you tell him to ask Nick to stay here?”
“Charlie said he can’t do that,” Olly says, “he says he can’t make Nick go to a university he doesn’t like, because that wouldn’t be healthy.”
I put my arm around Olly’s shoulder, and he lets me pull him closer.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, “I wish I could help.” I don’t know how I could, though.”
“It’s not fair,” Olly says, “I’m really going to miss him. Why would he go so far away? I thought he loved us. He's like an extra brother.”
I don’t know the answer to that question. I feel really good that he’s coming to me with this problem and not Melanie, but I kind of feel bad about feeling good about that, because friends shouldn’t feel good when their friends are sad.
“Maybe you should tell Nick you feel that way,” I tell him.
“Maybe,” Olly says.
“Maybe Leeds is really cool, and he’s going to be really happy there, and he’d be sad if he went somewhere else,” I say.
Olly pulls his legs up and sits cross legged. “Maybe,” he says. He doesn’t say anything for a bit. I want to laugh because on the telly Groot doesn’t know not to push the button that makes them blow up, but I feel like I shouldn’t be laughing when Olly is this sad.
“I’m gonna miss Nellie and Henry, though,” Olly says.
“Maybe Nick’s mum will let you visit them,” I say. “Maybe you can ask Nick to come round whenever he visits, and call you sometimes.”
Olly straightens up. “Maybe,” he says, and he looks a bit happier.
“Anyway,” I say, next year is really far away, like we’ll be Year 5s when that happens.” A year is a really long time.
“Yeah,” Olly says. I was cross with him for ignoring me to play with Melanie earlier, but I’m glad I’m friends with him.
***
Olly seems a lot happier when I see him next. He says Nick’s mum came round after he talked to Nick, and she said that when Nick goes to university she’ll need someone to walk Nellie and Henry while she’s at work, so Olly can do it and she’ll pay him ten pounds per week. That sounds like a lot of money! Olly’s going to have a real job and everything! I tell him that’s great news.
Melanie invites us all to her birthday party at the beginning of October. Even though I think I might be a bit jealous of all the time she spends with Olly, I’m still excited to go, because she’s still my friend.
We all meet outside the school gates every day, all six of us. I notice, though, that Matt seems more and more down in the dumps. He seems really sad to go inside when we have to. I don’t think he has any friends his year, and he doesn’t see us at lunch anymore, and I’m pretty sure some of the other Year 3s are mean to him. I decide that I’m going to ask him about it. Maybe I can scare the mean ones into being nice to him. Even though I’m not good at fighting because I’m really clumsy and slow, I’m also bigger and taller than everyone in my class and all of the Year 3s, so maybe they’ll think I’m good at fighting.
I decide to invite him to mine this Friday. He gets really excited when I ask him, and I realize I haven’t seen him smile that big since term started.
He seems kind of sad when he comes to mine, though. Why are all my friends sad? He’s carrying a picture he made in art class with him, and I ask if I can see it. It’s really good - Matt says that he and Dee went to an art camp over the summer, so he got lots of practice with drawing and painting and stuff.
I think I see me, Olly, and the rest of our friends, then a bit apart there’s a blonde lady I think is Yulia, and Matt says that the boy next to her is supposed to be Harry. Matt tells me that they’re supposed to be drawing their families, but Olly says that your friends can be your family, too. That’s what Charlie and Nick told him.
“Where’s your mum and dad?” I ask him.
“We were supposed to be drawing our families,” Matt says, “and families are the people who love you.”
“Your mum and dad don’t love you?” I ask him.
“Mum’s never around, and when she is she’s always entertaining and drinking wine,” Matt says, “And Dad’s at work a lot, and when he is he says I’m not manly enough and that I’m a disappointment.”
I decide that Matt needs a hug, because that’s what you do when your friends are sad.
“I try to do the kind of things Dad thinks boys should do,” Matt says, “But I’m not very good at them. I’m not good at sports,and I hate watching them, and Dad says that if I need to pick a sport to do by spring or he’ll throw my dolls away.”
That seems very mean. I really don’t like Mr. Greene now. I tell Matt that.
“It’s not his fault,” Matt says, “I’m just not good at the things I’m supposed to be.”
“Harry loves you,” I tell him.
For some reason this doesn’t cheer him up.
“I don’t know,” Matt says. He’s quiet for a really long time. “I thought he was ill the other day when he got home from a party, but Dad was around and very angry at him, and he told me Harry was just a drunk and a failure. But that would mean he was drinking alcohol again, and he promised me he’d stop.” Matt starts sniffling. I give him another hug, this one a really tight one, because he needs extra love right now.
“Does he not love me?” Matt asks, “Why don’t my family love me?”
I sit with him for a long time. We don’t really talk. Matt cheers up a bit and we play some more Smash Bros in the lounge. Then I get up because I have to use the loo. When I get back, though, I notice that my crayons are out, and Matt’s scribbled Harry out of the picture in black crayon.
***
September ends, and I can tell it’s almost autumn because it’s starting to get chilly out and Mum’s making me wear a coat. I don’t mind wearing a coat. Even though I talked with Charlie about it over the summer, I still don’t like being as big as I am, and when I wear a coat I seem less fat. This term hasn’t started on a very good note - everyone has something to be sad about.
Olly’s really excited the next time he sees me, though. He says he wants to tell me a secret.
He shows me a ring made of wire from the arts room. He tells me that Melanie has one just like it.
“It’s a promise ring,” he explains to me, “Me and Melanie are going to get married when we’re grownups, and this means that we promise that’ll happen.”
That hot feeling is back again. Olly seems really excited when he slips the ring onto his finger.
“What happens if your hand gets too big?” I ask.
Olly scrunches his nose up. “I don’t know,” he says, “I’m sure I’’l think of something.”
He slings the strap of his lunchbox over his shoulder.
“I should get going,” he says, “Me and Melanie are eating lunch by the tree outside. It’s our date.”
He jogs away. Suddenly I don’t feel very hungry. I just feel sad. I don’t know why, though.
September has been pretty bad. I hope the rest of the year gets better.