Chapter Text
The three men looked at the younger one who’d curled up on himself as if to reduce his presence with sympathy. “Is that why you were crying when you called me?” Namjoon asked. Jungkook laughed mockingly voice full of self-loathing and bitterness, “Well that and a million other things. My life’s a bit too messed up. I could make millions if I sold my story to Netflix.” The tone scratched at the other’s hearts. He was too young to be filled with so much pain. “Look, I’m sorry I called you out of the blue like that. I don’t even know why I did it but I’m okay now. It was probably a momentary lapse of judgement. You don’t need my bullshit life ruining what you’ve built for yourself. You can go now Hyung”. Namjoon looked at this young man…boy who was clearly suffering but pretended to be strong and his heart ached for him. Gone was the starry-eyed freshman who used to follow him around and looked at him like he’d single-handedly built the Eiffel tower. The innocence that had reflected in his eyes making it seem as if he held the stars in them was gone replaced with a darkness that seemed to swallow him whole. “No, you’re not”. The words surprisingly came from Yoongi. Jungkook gaze flew to him in shock, “What?”
“No, you’re not okay. You’re obviously going through shit and trying to act all macho in front of us but it’s not working. Not with how you’re fidgeting with your clothes and curling in on yourself seeking a sense of security.” Jungkook’s eyes widened with each word that came out of the other’s mouth. He felt as if he was standing naked, exposed in front of them to judge and mock. He hated the feeling. “You don’t know me. You have no right to make these conclusions …based on what? The way I sit?” Yoongi stared back at him not wavering the slightest at the vicious glare aimed at him. The impact would have fazed him if the boy trying to be a man didn’t look like a wounded animal striking at him in self-defense. The fierceness was a mask worn to hide just how much he was hurting. Yoongi was familiar with this look, this attitude. He saw a reflection of his past self in the boy.
“You’re right. I don’t know you, and neither do I have the right to make judgments on your life. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re lying. It doesn’t make you less of a man to admit you’re not okay. It wasn’t a lapse of judgment that made you call Namjoon. You did it because you wanted to. You were in pain and sought safety. The fact that you didn’t call your parents makes me think that Joon-ah is the only option you had. So, if you send him away, who are you left with? Are you going to continue allowing in self-pity or are you thinking of unloading all your problems on your 3-month-old daughter? Sorry to say but, I don’t think she’ll have the answers you’re looking for”.
Seokjin gave a tired sigh, “There you go again with your tongue technology Yoongi”.
“It’s called ‘miss me with your bullshit’. I just state the facts as they are.”
“Well, can’t you be a little gentle about it. You know how difficult it is to open up about these things,” Namjoon said.
“It is exactly because have experienced this that I know being gentle doesn’t work. It gives us a way out. I’m not going to tell you my dark secrets when your gentleness gives me the option not to. I don’t want to burden you with all my problems. I don’t want to pick at the barely healed wounds and have them bleeding out when I can just pretend everything is fine and bury it deep inside. And then what happens next? You decide to give me time. Let me come to you when I am ready. Nut what if I’m never ready? The pain and hurt will keep festering and rotting everything inside until I decide maybe everything just isn’t worth the pain. Wouldn’t it be better if I couldn’t feel so miserable and hurt? If I couldn’t feel anything? At that point, it would be too late. It’s easier slipping from the edge of the ledge than ripping your heart out for all to see. But the thing about ripping things is that they can be mended. Even if it takes a long time and no matter how many stitches it needs. There’ll be scars left but even those, fade with time. But once you jump of the ledge, there is no going back.” An oppressive tense silence blanketed the entire room. Throughout his entire speech, Yoongi had kept his gaze firmly fixed on the baby in his arms. He didn’t look up even once. Thus, he didn’t see how much of an impact those words had on Jungkook, but he heard it when he started sobbing. The cries were filled with so much pain the others couldn’t help tearing up. As if sensing her father’s distress, Haerin also started crying.
Yoongi stood up and started to gently rock her softly shushing her. Jungkook on the other hand brought his knees up on the chair and wrapped his hands around them. He buried his head and sobbed into his knees. He was honestly exhausted and frankly felt dehydrated from all the crying. He was just tired of it all. Yoongi’s words had hit every sore spot he had. It felt like the other man had dissected his heart and mind and was reading his thoughts out loud. Exposing all the ugly parts for all to see. He always wanted someone to see through him. To peel off the brittle layers of ice, he’d wrapped around his heart as a defense mechanism and see the little boy struggling in a void so big and dark that there was no end in sight and shine even the tiniest light on him. Haerin had filled that spot but now she was gone and he felt that his only hope was gone. But now, sitting in his small living room with these men and his daughter, he couldn’t help but feel hopeful. All he had to do was reach out toward the anchor and let it pull him out of the endless abyss. And he wanted. He wanted to… so bad. But a tiny yet overwhelming part of him was hesitant to give anyone that kind of ammunition. He’d learned from his family that showing even the slightest sign of weakness meant having it be used to trample you to the ground. And he didn’t want that. But what was the other option? Yoongi had painted a vivid picture of the bleak future that awaited him. If things turned out for the worst, at least he would have tried. Haerin did always tell him to just try. Failure or success wouldn’t be achieved unless he took the initiative. He might get hurt in the process… or he might find that salvation. He would never know unless he tried. Jungkook came to a decision. Yoongi was right. This was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Even with Haerin, he hadn’t told her everything, especially about his family.
He got out of the cocoon he’d wrapped himself in and placed his feet back on the floor, clasping his hands together on his lap. He kept his eyes fixed on the carpet as he began his Netflix pitch for his sob story. “I’m gay and my parents are homophobic.” That was a cool intro, right? It had enough tension to capture the audience’s attention. Now to sprinkle in the drama and angst to truly hook the viewers. He found that once he started talking, the words couldn’t stop flowing. He talked about everything. His family, his parents’ abuse, his brother’s harassment, the struggle with school, the realization that he was gay (he inserted an apology to Namjoon here, for being so cold and dismissive towards him at that time and also for kissing him without his consent and then running off, which drew curious and teasing glances from Seokjin and Yoongi respectively while Jungkook and Namjoon flushed in embarrassment), the shitshow that was the rest of his high school life, he talked about meeting Haerin and the changes she brought into his life and how he’d used her(Yoongi called him a jerk, Namjoon looked extremely disappointed, Seokjin looked at him sympathetically, Jungkook felt his goodwill lean more towards Seokjin at this point), and then came the story about Haerin’s pregnancy and subsequent death.
When he was finished, the room descended into a somber mood. They were quiet for a while each one of them digesting the information and getting their thoughts sorted. “Well, if Yoongi and Jungkook sold their stories to Netflix we would have a couple of seasons of dog-blooded drama”. Seokjin’s words directly cut through the tension. Namjoon unconsciously sighed in exasperation. He knew what the other was doing but wasn’t that a little too tactless? Yoongi scoffed. “Fuck Netflix. They wouldn’t know a good thing even if it shot them in the face and proceeded to dance on their fallen corpses. No way I’m letting them ruin my story with their shit!” Namjoon immediately gave up. He was so done with these two. Seokjin glanced at Yoongi disdainfully, “Are you still mad about Julie and The Phantoms?”
Yoongi looked at him as if he’d asked the dumbest question, “Of course I am. That show was a fuckin treasure. They had good acting, and a unique storyline, the couples were adorable, especially Alex and Willie, I didn’t even get to see my ship sail! And don’t even get me started on the music! Did they have to go that hard on music for a teenage show? No! Am I complaining? Fuck no! I have zero shame saying I cried my eyes out to Unsaid Emily. Every single song was better than all that shit in the Top 100 playlists,” he was on a roll, and nothing would stop him from airing out all his grievances. Seokjin glanced helplessly at Namjoon begging him to make it stop. They had heard this monologue a hundred times already! Namjoon looked as helpless as he did. They both knew that once he started there was no stopping him. Namjoon turned to Jungkook ready to apologize only to be met with the sight of the younger staring starry-eyed at Yoongi eating up his tirade as if it was the holy grail, a small smile playing on his lips. He decided to just sit back and let the entire situation play itself out. If he tried to insert himself into this one-sided argument, Yoongi would turn his venomous tongue toward him. He’d already experienced that one too many times. He was fine being a fly on the wall, no need to make himself a target. Seokjin seemed to have come to the same conclusion as him. He sighed and face-palmed before leaning back into the sofa, getting himself comfortable for the show. He only had himself to blame.
Jungkook on the other hand leaned forward excitedly, “Right? They’re always canceling the good shows and renewing the mediocre ones for like a hundred seasons! You can spend hours searching for a good show to watch but there’s nothing!” Yoongi swiveled to look at Jungkook as if he’d found his soulmate. Seokjin groaned in frustration, “Great another one”. He was ignored. “Exactly! Coz how the fuck are you going to cancel Julie and The Phantoms but keep renewing fuckin Riverdale. That show is pure trash! It had potential at the start but it went downhill with each new episode”. Having found a kindred spirit, Yoongi unleashed all his anti-Netflix propaganda and was vehemently backed by Jungkook. Seokjin took advantage of Yoongi’s heated-up state and snatched the baby from him. He then moved to the armchair Namjoon was seated in and squeezed in, half his body on top of him. Namjoon who’d been turned into a chair quickly got over his new designation and started playing with the baby in his boyfriend’s arms. He couldn’t help but imagine a future where they were in the same situation, minus the two grown men, well one grown man and an almost grown one, and the baby in Seokjin’s arms would be theirs. It was a nice thought. Really nice.
The three on the sofa harmoniously existed while the two who had started as comrades bonded by their hate for Netflix were now bitter rivals over which universe was better. Marvel vs DC. This is a stupid argument because it’s obviously Marvel. (These are the author’s personal thoughts and should not be held over the character’s head even though I am right *shrug emoji*). It seemed like they had forgotten about the conversation they had been having but they all knew this was just avoidance. They were trying to collect their thought and give Jungkook some time to adjust his emotions before tackling the elephant in the room.
Taerin soon fell asleep putting a pause on the new argument Jungkook and Yoongi had started, should Hermione have ended up with Harry instead of Ron. #Team Harry (Again, personal thoughts dear readers). Jungkook took her into the bedroom before settling back on the sofa next to Yoongi. They were quiet for a while, this time the atmosphere was subdued as opposed due the previous oppressive silence before Namjoon decided to hit the nail on the head. “Jungkook, I know saying things won’t change anything but, I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. Your family…what they put you through was so shitty. You don’t deserve to be made to feel so small and vulnerable by the people who are supposed to hold you up and build you up. They pushed you into a corner and made you question everything about yourself. Destroyed the chances you had to be yourself and grow into the best version of yourself there is. Family is supposed to represent safety, love, comfort, and belonging but that’s not what they gave you,” Namjoon’s voice was soft and gentle as if carefully approaching a wounded animal. And that is what he was right? A wounded animal. Wounds running so deep that never got the chance to heal. But just kept having new ones added on. Tears started streaming down his face again. He was just about to use his shirt sleeve to wipe them when a pale beautiful hand appeared in his line of sight. He followed the hand to Yoongi his eyes clearly showing his confusion but the other wasn’t even looking at him. So Jungkook grabbed the offered hand and lifted it to his eyes only to have it yanked back. His eyes flew to Yoongi in shock and confusion. “Don’t wipe your snot with my hand!” Jungkook tilted his head as he grew even more confused. A chuckle from the other side had him turning his gaze to Seokjin who’d settled on the armrest of Namjoon’s chair, “He wants you to hold it. It’s his thing”. Namjoon let out a laugh that he quickly disguised as a cough when Yoongi glared at him. “Oh,” Jungkook mumbled softly. He slowly reached out to the hand that had been conveniently placed in the space between them. Yoongi’s palm was warm, his long fingers wrapping around Jungkook’s hand gently. ‘This is nice,’ he thought as held Yoongi’s hand back. It gave him a sense of safety. Like he wasn’t alone in this.
“Your family is shit!” Jungkook unconsciously snorted at the apt description Seokjin gave. “But that doesn’t mean you need to take their shit,” he continued. “The worst thing you can do to yourself is to let others determine your worth and affect how much you value yourself. You have to accept the fact that if they haven’t made any attempt to change all these years, they most probably never will. They have no empathy for you and will continue to hurt you as long as you let them. And if you keep your daughter around them then that’s most likely going to be her in a few years. This is no longer just about you. The best thing you can do for yourself and that precious soul in there is to take that power they’ve had over you your entire life back into your own hands. Don’t make any room for people who treat you like you’re less and cause you pain. There’s enough shit going around the world to add more.” Jungkook could see the truth in their words but that didn’t make it easier to accept. They were his family. The only constant that had ever existed in life. Hearing this ugly truth about his life from an outside perspective was worse because at least he could lie to himself and manipulate his thoughts to excuse their behavior but when it came from someone else, it was impossible to deny the truth right in front of him.
“Blood doesn’t determine family. You may share the same blood as them, but those people never considered you their family. That’s not how you treat family. Anyone who comes to you with that ‘they’re still your family, you should respect them’ bullshit can just fuck off. Respect is earned not freely given. They didn’t respect you or your feelings, so you don’t owe them any form of respect. Don’t let anyone guilt you for seeking your own peace of mind. You’ve given enough of yourself to them to the point you have nothing left without ever receiving anything in return. It’s time to end this parasitic relationship before it sucks you dry. Put all that energy into yourself and your daughter,” Yoongi’s final words were the final nail in the coffin. He curled up on himself again and started sobbing. He cried for the little boy who had ever only wanted the love of his parents, the acceptance of his older brother, and to feel like he was part of a loving family. He cried for all the fantasies that were shattered with the realization that this dream was never meant to be. He grieved for Haerin. His best friend, the mother of his child, who’d been taken away from them too soon. He grieved for the family he lost but never truly had. He cried for his daughter, who would never know her mother and experience her love. He cried for the unknown future. But he also hoped for it. The chance to change his life. Make a better future for his baby girl. Give her the family he never had.
“Do you want to come with us Jungkook?” Jungkook tensed at Namjoon’s voice. He slowly lifted his head to look at him. His sight was obstructed by his tears, but he could still make out the gentle and encouraging look in the other’s eyes. “What?” he croaked out. “I want you to come with us,” he replied without hesitation. “This place is not good for you or your daughter. There’s too much hurt and negativity. In order to start a new life, you need to completely cut yourself off from them, and that starts with removing yourself from their presence. It’s easier to heal if the object of your pain is not in sight”. Jungkook knew he was right but was still hesitant. How could he burden them like that? He had no job only a little money saved up. And it wasn’t just him, but he also had a child. This was expecting too much of them. He couldn’t take advantage of them like that. He was about to refuse their offer but was cut off by Seokjin, “I know what you’re thinking, and I just want to say that any excuse you think of is dumb,” Jungkook blanched at having his thoughts read and insulted all in one breath. “Yoongi and Namjoon already freeload on me, what’s one and a half more people?”
“You’re rich”. Min Yoongi, content shameless freeloader.
“I’m your boyfriend and you told me not to pay rent!” Kim Namjoon, the falsely accused boyfriend.
“See, you’ll fit right in. If you let me babysit Haerin, I’ll consider that as payment,” Seokjin said. “That’s not how it works,” Jungkook tried to argue. “That’s how I work,” Seokjin retorted, “My house, my rules”. Jungkook had no way to refute so he just kept quiet. Seokjin took his silence as agreement and stood up clapping his hands twice to get their attention, “Since that’s been decided, let’s start packing”. “That…I didn’t…You…” he tried to say he hadn’t agreed but no one paid any attention to him. Yoongi let go of his hand and stood up to start packing as instructed. Jungkook’s hand unconsciously clenched chasing the warmth. Namjoon tried to go start in the kitchen but was immediately shot down by his boyfriend and directed towards the books stacked in a corner of the living room, “We don’t want Jungkook sinking into poverty before he’s even 20. Only handle things that can’t break”’ Namjoon sighed dejectedly, his shoulders slumping as he trudged towards the corner. It was like watching a giant teddy bear being punished with a time-out. Seeing his boyfriend look like he’d just been banned from the museum, Seokjin sighed in fond exasperation. He grabbed the drama king, pulled him back, and softly kissed him. Namjoon automatically leaned into the kiss completely forgetting his previous grievance. “Gross,” Yoongi muttered from the side but was completely ignored. Jungkook on the other hand stared at them in wide-eyed shock. Seeing two men kiss right in front of him without any inhibitions awoke something in him. He realized he wanted that for himself. He wanted to love and be loved for who he was. And he would never have that as long as he was in his family. Maybe moving away was really the best option. And that was how he came to be standing in front of his family. Ready to cut the last string that tied him to them. The others had wanted to move immediately but Jungkook made the decision to face his family directly. After a few days of packing everything he wanted to take with him, they drove to his parent’s house, and he left Taerin with them while he went in to talk to his family for what would most likely be the last time.
“Why did you call us here? You do realize we have better things to do than sit around here waiting for you.” Jungkook didn’t even flinch at the dismissive words from his mother. Because that was it, wasn’t it? They did always have better things to do. More important things than he could ever be. Jungkook felt as if the last chain around his heart was released. “I’m gay,” he said. Wait this sounded familiar. It really should be the intro to his epic drama. His mother gasped dramatically while his father’s gaze froze before curling in disgust. His brother was more vocal about his disgust. “What the hell? You’re a homo?” Jungkook looked at him and calmly replied, “Yes. I’m homosexual”. His mother shot up from her seat none of her usual cold, elegant detachedness in sight as she started hurling insults at him. She called him a disgrace, cursing at him for bringing shame to their family, bringing up all his past mistakes, highlighting how much of a failure he’d always been. Lamenting why she had given birth to a disgusting thing like him. Jungkook stood by silently waiting for her to finish her hysterics. When there was a pause in her tirade, he turned to her and casually asked if she was done. His mother blanched at his blatant disrespect but before she could start insulting him again, his father had already reached him, slapping him hard in the face. His head jerked to the side, and he stumbled a few steps backward. He kept his head turned away, clenching and unclenching his jaw to relieve some of the pain. “How dare you speak to your mother like that?”
Jungkook sighed as he turned back to face them. “She’s not my mother. Just like you’re not my father and he’s not my brother,” his father slapped him again. There were more yells calling him ungrateful and blaming his sexuality for his lack of manners. Jungkook just let them yell their throats hoarse. “There’s a lot of things I could say about how much shit you put me through, but I realize that you won’t care. You never did and you never will. I’m done letting you trample me to the ground. You’re not worth all the pain and heartache I went through. Putting me down made you feel better about yourselves but I’m no longer willing to be your punching bag. This was never my family. It was a prison I held the key to but was unwilling to use. Now it’s time for me to set myself free. Goodbye, and I hope you’re happy with the fact that you almost drove me to the edge of destruction. And you might have succeeded if I hadn’t met some good people”. He finally let go of the shackles that had tied him to this darkness he’d called his family. He felt relief flooding his chest. His whole being became lighter.
Jungkook turned around and walked out ignoring the shouting behind him. A few tears trickled down his face and he promised himself that this was the last time he was ever going to cry because of these people. He walked out of the house to find Namjoon, Seokjin, and Yoongi who had his daughter in his arms waiting for him in the front yard. Jungkook smiled at them brightly and the worried looks on their faces melted as they mirrored his smile. Jungkook stepped down the final stair leaving the worst years of his life behind and walking toward his future.