Chapter Text
The sky was beginning to darken, the sun sinking behind the mountains as we made our way to our camp for the night in silence. It had been two weeks since Alphinaud and I had set out from Ishgard, joined by the Azure Dragoon Estinien and the leader of the Heretics, Ysayle in hope of mediating peace with a dragon of the first brood Hraesvelgr and bringing a close to the Dragonsong War. However, before being able to ascend to the Churning Mists that the great Wyrm called home we were tasked with defeating the primal of the Gnath, Ravana.
Though we had been travelling together I found myself missing being with Alphinaud. We hadn’t had a moment alone since we had departed which only added to the tension lingering between us. It was true our hands had been kept quite full keeping Estinien and Ysayle from being at each other’s throats, and yet every moment we were left together he had found something to busy himself with; I was almost sure by now that he was avoiding being alone me.
I let out a long sigh as I gazed at Alphinaud’s back as he strode ahead of the three of us. He felt so far away, it was as though the side of him I had seen never existed. I found myself clenching my fists, I couldn’t wallow in self-pity, after all…I was the one who had decided to ignore my feelings. I couldn’t let myself lament his avoidance of me, yet it was hard to do otherwise when I could find little else to occupy my mind besides him. I couldn’t abandon what I felt for him no matter how much I tried, I can only pray to the twelve this gets easier.
My body felt heavy from fatigue as we eventually arrived, immediately slumping myself on the ground as Alphinaud and Estinien unpacked the pair of Chocobos that carried our supplies. I was relieved I had decided to bring both my Company Chocobo and the Ishgardian Chocobo gifted to me by Lord Haurchefant, though mainly out of fear of me becoming the one to haul our supplies across all of Coerthas and Dravania. I cringed at the thought of how I would have fared in their place as Alphinaud glanced toward Estinien as he stroked the black feathers of the muscular bird.
“Estinien, I’ve been meaning to ask. However did you train that bird? It’s slightly more…bulky that other Chocobo I have seen.”
The Dragoon seemed slightly puzzled as he spoke, “Master Alphinaud, this is not my bird.“
“It’s not!? It has Ishgardian barding so I had assumed…whose Chocobo have we taken!”
Estinien laughed at Alphinaud’s panic, “Calm yourself, this is another of the Warrior of Lights birds. A gift from Lord Haurchefant, I am to understand. I believe he is the one who trained it, which would certainly explain it’s...unusual physique.”
Alphinaud turned to me for confirmation as I nodded, “Estinien is right… It was a gift from Haurchefant, though it is certainly odd; he seems fond of doing squats for some reason…” I trailed off as I saw slight annoyance in Alphinaud’s expression, sighing as he pouted.
“At least it isn’t stolen I suppose. Though Lord Haurchefant being it’s trainer does explain a lot...and he is supposed to fly?”
I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched Alphinaud while he sceptically eyed the Chocobo. Estinien shrugged, “Black Chocobos are indeed capable of flight, they are one of the prides of Ishgard…this one however, I doubt…” As the pair spoke, Ysayle quickly marched over from the edge of the camp where she had sat and knelt in front of me with flush cheeks. “You were gifted a Chocobo by a gentleman! Such an extravagant gift, does that not mean you are betrothed to one another?”
I immediately felt my face redden, “N-no! It’s not like that, not at all! We’re just good friends! He did make a comment to a similar effect but it was just in jest!” Ysayle seemed both disappointed and intrigued at my answer as she moved to sit next to me on the ground, fumbling something in her fingers “hmm, forgive me...I got a little excited. Though surely such at least invites that possibility?”
“…I suppose, though I hadn’t really thought of it that way…” I mumbled, resting my chin on my knees as I hopefully glanced at Alphinaud, watching for any irritation.
I diverted my gaze to the floor. He didn’t react at all…he used to get so competitive whenever Lord Haurchefant was mentioned and yet now…
I quickly shook my head, I need to stop thinking and forget about these feelings! I should be glad he is doing the same.
Ysayle looked at me with concern as I internally berated myself, still passing a small object through her fingers. It seemed I was not the only one who had noticed as Alphinaud fixated his stare on her hands before breaking the awkward silence that had ensued.
“Ysayle, could I enquire as to what it is you are holding?”
She paused as he spoke, lowering her head as she looked down, her fingers slowly opening to reveal a small wooden carving of a crystal. “…it is a charm, given to me many years ago by somebody whose face I cannot remember…it is to keep me safe in their stead.”
Alphinaud seemed taken aback by her response, before composing himself. “Oh…my apologies for prying…though it seems to have worked well, which I’m sure would please its giver.” I smiled as I gave her a nod, “They must have cared for you a lot to carve such a beautiful trinket. You are very lucky to have such a thing. Let us hope it continues to do so tomorrow when we meet Ravana.” Ysayle returned my smile as she held her hands to her chest as she tightened the grip on the charm, “I believe you are right. It has protected me well over the years, I shall hope it continues to do so.”
Estinien scoffed, “What rubbish, though I’m not surprised a heretic would believe in such superstitious nonsense.” Ysayle furrowed her brow as she readied a curt reply as Alphinaud quickly interjected. “Ah, Ysayle! The sun has nearly set yet we still haven’t built a fire, shall we not go to collect more wood? You may tell me more about this quaint tradition as we walk.” She sighed before rising to her feet. “I believe that would be for the best.” She narrowed her eyes at the smug Dragoon before following after Alphinaud.
I watched them both disappear from view before turning to Estinien to scold him, “was that really necessary? We still have far to travel together before we meet Hraesvelgr, I’d prefer it if you didn’t kill each other before we even get there.” Estinien smirked to himself, “I shall stop provoking her when the teasing ceases to amuse me.”
“Honestly, you are beyond help sometimes.” I said with an exasperated sigh before giving a wry smile. “Do not come to me for protection should you push her too far.” The Dragoon laughed as he spoke, “I shall keep that in mind.”
It had long grown dark since Alphinaud and Ysayle had left, Estinien had already fallen asleep as I paced restlessly around the camp. They had been gone too long. I had reassured myself that they were okay but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking the worst. I played scenarios over and over in my head, my chest growing tight with every passing moment. If something happened to Alphinaud I could not forgive myself, I had to make sure they were okay for my own sanity.
Just as I left the camp to begin searching for them, I could make out faint voices approaching. I glanced around frantically before catching sight of the pair as they arrived back. Before I could think I rushed toward them, grasping Alphinaud in a tight embrace as he dropped the wood they had gathered to the floor. Alphinaud gasped as he spoke from my squeezing him.
“Wha-what is wrong!?”
I paused before pressing my face into his hair as I spoke, “Thank the twelve you’re both okay! You had been gone so long, I was worried something had happened…” My body felt hot having him so close to me, he smelt so nice…so familiar. I couldn’t help but feel comforted with him in my arms, knowing he was safe. Alphinaud paused before slowly wrapping his arms around me, “Honestly, you worry far too much…I am fine.” We held each other in silence as Ysayle cleared her throat before letting out a soft laugh, “Forgive us, we had gotten carried away and forgotten them time. I did not realise you would fret so.” My face flushed red as I quickly released Alphinaud, his cheeks a matching shade of scarlet. “Ah, no…sorry, you needn’t apologise Ysayle. I’m just glad you’re both safe.” I clambered to collect the wood that I had caused Alphinaud to drop before heading back to our camp for the night.
“Ah and thank you Alphinaud, for calming my nerves.” Ysayle let out a sigh as she spoke, “I do not know how you do it, to face Primals so fearlessly.” She looked to the floor, “I wish I could be as brave…”
I sighed, “I’m a lot more mortal than people give me credit for. Even I am not impervious to fear of primals or my own death.”
Ysayle and Alphinaud looked at me with shock, “but you are always so composed and confident, I cannot believe you to be afraid!”
I tried to force a smile, “If I didn’t look so, I don’t think nearly as many would place their faith in me...”
Alphinaud put his hand to his chin as he furrowed his brow, “I had no idea…the weight upon your shoulders would surely crush many others.” They seemed to grow despondent from my words as I tried to lift their moods. “Ah…but do not fear..! Tomorrow victory shall be ours Ysayle and we will end this war once and for all. I shall not let any stand in our way.” She nodded, as she regained her composure. “Yes…you are right, we cannot lose sight of our goal. We must do all in our power to see it through to the end.”
I felt relieved when morning finally arrived, I had been so restless I felt as though I hadn’t slept at all. Though it had seemed I was not the only one that had been awake, as Alphinaud’s bed had remained empty for the entirety of the night. I tried to warm myself on the embers remaining of the fire as I gazed at the clouds, the purple of the night sky still lingering. It would soon be time for Ysayle and I to depart and face the Lord of the Hive, Ravana. I stretched as I stood to ready myself before I heard something fall to the ground. As I looked around my feet I found a small wooden carving in the shape of a crystal, adorned by a small blue ribbon. There was something that felt oddly familiar but I couldn’t place where. Was this Ysayle’s charm? But then why would I have it, and I felt certain hers was absent of a ribbon. As I inspected the charm I was startled by Ysayle whispering from the other side of the camp fire.
“Do you like it?”
I looked at her puzzled, “Yes, it’s lovely…but whose is it?” Ysayle smiled as she spoke, “it’s yours, I noticed Alphinaud was making it for you through the night. He seemed to determined to finish it before we left today.” I was speechless as I gazed down at the tiny wooden crystal, I couldn’t help but feel relieved as tears welled in my eyes.
“He seemed worried after our conversation yesterday, I believe it was his way of telling you to come back safely today.” I felt my cheeks turn red, how could something so small make me feel such happiness? I gently ran my fingers over the ribbon that had been in Alphinaud’s hair since we first met, it felt as though I had a piece of him all to myself. I couldn’t help but smile as I spoke, “I…see, thank you Ysayle.”
I turned around to see Alphinaud still sleeping against my Chocobo, grabbing my blanket before walking over to him. He looked exhausted, he must stayed up all night to make this. His hair seemed messier than usual now it wasn’t held in place by his ribbon, though it may have just been the Chocobo feathers.
I smiled to myself as I covered him with the blanket, brushing my hand against his cheek as I spoke softly. “I promise I’ll come back to you…always.” I sat captivated watching him sleep for a few moments before bringing myself back to reality, as much as I wanted to stay I had to force myself to leave. The sun had barely risen as I made my way to face the Lord of the Hive with Ysayle by my side, clutching the charm in my pocket. For this battle, he would be my strength. I would return to his side no matter what, for this day I would let myself be in love with him.
Following our victory against Ravana, both Ysayle and I found ourselves exhausted as we walked back to join the others. We sighed as we looked to the dark sky, not having seen sunlight at all that day. Ysayle was smiling as she gazed at the tall trees looming overhead, “It seems Alphinaud’s charm worked well.”
“You’re right, I’ll have to properly thank him when we return.” I felt myself blushing slightly at the thought of speaking to him normally again. Ysayle glanced at my face as I spoke before clearing her throat. “…actually, there is something I’ve been meaning to ask…” I paused before cautiously nodding my head.
Ysayle braced herself as she spoke, “…you and Alphinaud…I have noticed since we began travelling, there is something between the two of you…is there not?” My hair stood on end as I flinched at her words, “Wha…! N-no, there isn’t…!” She laughed slightly as I felt my whole face burn bright red while I struggled to form words. “I see, so there is something between you both! When I noticed how you are around each other that was the only explanation I could think of.”
I felt my hands tremble at her words, “…there may have been at one point but…I decided not to act on my feelings…but they are becoming difficult to ignore…” I choked on my own words as I tried to stifle back the tears that were escaping as the feelings I had suppressed overwhelmed me as they came to the surface all at once. Ysayle seemed to panic as she watched me, “ah, no…please forgive me for prying…I had no idea…” I shook my head, wiping the tears from my eyes as I tried to calm down. A few moments passed before the silence was broken between us as Ysayle bit her lip. “I may be speaking out of turn, but if it is as you say…why can you not confront your feelings? I am certain he feels the same.”
I couldn’t respond, she was right. There was no real reason for me to ignore how I felt for him, I had used our duty as an excuse but…we travelled side by side now, sharing the weight of Eorzea’s problems. I felt more nervous with every step we took, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I had thought only of Eorzea for so long…I had denied myself of a life, of feelings of my own. Could I finally do something in pursuit of my own happiness?
As we finally arrived back, Alphinaud sighed with relief as Estinien strode over grinning, “Thank the twelve!”
“Never did I doubt you warrior of light…unlike some. You were gone so long that Master Alphinaud here nigh lost his wits with worry. Fretting like a maid for her sweetheart, he was!” He jolted backwards slightly at the dragoons words, his cheeks quickly flushing red. “Estinien! Was that truly necessary!?” Estinien let out a laugh before retorting, “Not truly necessary – But certainly true.” Alphinaud furrowed his brow before turning to storm off, as Ysayle snapped. “Estinien, really? Leave the boy alone…” She quickly turned and gave me a stern look, “and you should be going after him!”
I nodded before turning to run after him as I tried to ignore the butterflies now in my stomach. What would I do when I saw him, what would I say? I had only been running a few minutes before I found him walking beneath one of the huge trees that covered the Chocobo forest. I ran and grasped his hand as I tried to catch my breath to speak, “Alphin..aud…wait…” I panted, “I just…wanted…to thank you…for the charm.” He paused, his ears red before he turned to face me. “You needn’t thank me. After hearing what you said yesterday…about being afraid…it seems you reminded me of your own mortality also.”
I hesitated before speaking, “were you really so worried as Estinien said?” His face quickly turned red before he diverted his gaze away from mine. “Of course…you said so yourself, defeating primals is no small feat.” I found myself tightening my grip on his hand as he spoke, “It was nice…to know you would be there waiting when I returned…” I felt my chest grow tight, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to be close to him again, I want to know how he feels...I couldn’t deny myself that anymore. My mouth felt dry as I forced myself to speak, my pulse racing.
“Alphinaud…I want to ask you something…” He looked at me, slightly baffled as I braced myself, squeezing my eyes shit. “Our last night at Camp Dragonhead…you told me something, I…I know you don’t remember what you said…but-“ I was cut off as I felt myself pulled into Alphinaud’s arms and the warmth of his lips on mine. My head felt light, I couldn’t stop as I pressed myself against him, my body melting in his arms. His lips were so warm and soft as I gently kissed him back, the tension between us gone. It was as though for this moment, we were the only people in the world.
When our lips finally parted, Alphinaud slid his hands down to grasp mine as he spoke. “I remember what I said…” My eyes widened, he had remembered all this time? I stared at him in disbelief as he looked to the ground before speaking again, “But for you to ask now…means you feel the same, does it not?”
My heart felt as though it was in my throat as it beat wildly, “I-”
“Master Alphinaud! I have been looking for you…” We turned to find Estinien marching toward us, “Ysal-Lady Iceheart has sufficiently scolded me and I felt it only proper to come and retrieve you-“ He paused before grinning as he folded his arms, “Ah, but it seems as though I may have interrupted something..” Our faces turned scarlet as we glanced at one another before quickly parting our hands as we recoiled at Estinien’s comment. Alphinaud seemed irritated as he composed himself, clearing his throat to speak.
“Thank you Estinien, for being so uncharacteristically considerate.” The dragoon smirked before turning to head back, beckoning to us. “Come, Lady Iceheart shall not let me sleep unless I return with you both.” Alphinaud sighed as he began to follow Estinien, “It seems there is no helping it. Very well, let us go.” I trailed behind slightly as Estinien continued to tease Alphinaud.
As we walked, I found my fingers lingering on my lips where Alphinaud’s had been just moments ago. I blushed still feeling dizzy from the sudden embrace. It seemed it would be impossible to ignore my feelings for him any longer as I dreamily relived his kiss in my mind, wondering only when I would be able to feel his lips on mine again.