Chapter Text
"Should I come with you?" Castiel asked. It had been a few days since he had become human, and the Winchesters had found a case. People were disappearing in New Jersey, possibly werewolves.He didn't know why he was offering, he had the social skills of an undersocialized thirteen-year-old and didn't know how to kill the human way.
"Sure, Cas, we need you" Smiled Dean. Something fluttered below Cas's diaphragm. Had Dean's smile always been so...
But Cas cut his thought process off, shifting uncomfortably where he stood. "Why would you need me? I'm useless until this curse is broken. This is obvious, Dean." Sam looked up at him from his computer, concerned, and Dean laughed.
"You're not useless, buddy, we'll figure something out. New Jersey's a couple of days' drive from here, so I guess we're road-tripping, pack some stuff."
Cas frowned. "Stuff?"
"Yknow, toothbrush, toothpaste, razor...", he gestured, "Stuff. Human stuff."
Still frowning, Castiel averted his eyes slightly, embarrassed. "Oh shit, Cas, you don't have human stuff yet, why didn't you say something? I feel like a dick forgetting." Dean said, wincing his eyes shut. "Look, we'll get you stuff on the road for the motels, it's fine."
Cas was uncomfortable, wishing he had some way of paying Dean back, but of course, he had no money. He was going to have to leech off of the Winchesters for as long as the curse lasted.
»»——⍟——««
In the car, Cas couldn't help but notice the way his stomach looked when sitting down. He tried to arrange his trenchcoat in a way that hid his body, even though he was sitting in the back seat and there was no way that anyone would have seen him. Sam and Dean were lightheartedly bickering over music or girls or something but Cas couldn't will himself to tune into their conversation, his mind for some reason was focused on the fact that his body- now that he was human- was able to change.
If he was cut, he could scar. He could grow old. He could build muscle. He could gain weight. He could lose weight. This was something new that he had never yet had to consider. Castiel had never been the perfect angel, but if he was to be human, couldn't he strive to be a little less... average? He'd never had to think of his vessel- though it was no longer Novak's vessel that an angel was possessing but Castiel's mortal body- as something that was his responsibility. Sure waitresses and witches and the like had made comments about how he looked before, but he'd never paid girls much attention, especially ignoring the comments they made on Novak's- no, Castiel's body.
Because it hadn't been Castiel's fault, then, that he was an average height, and an average weight, with average hair and average eyes. It hadn't been Castiel's fault or problem that when he'd sat down in the Impala, his thighs had seemed to take up too much space on the seat. Back then, he couldn't change anything about himself.
But now, Castiel realized, he could change one thing. His weight. He had control over one aspect of his human body that he so despised, just because it was human. So he'd read up last night on the phone (he'd had to get one on a case) about weight loss and fasting and calories and macros and all these things he'd never really heard of before. Cas sat up a little straighter. He'd heard it burned more calories. He was okay. He just needed to keep the thought 'What could I be doing right now to lose weight?' on his mind at all times. Then he'd be okay.
A few hours of driving later, Dean pulled over to some greasy diner with flickering fluorescent lights. "Who's hungry?" he asked.
Sam grimaced pointedly. "It's fine, Sammy, I'm sure they do that rabbit food you like. C'mon" They walked into the diner that smelled like oil and fried food and ketchup, Dean nodding at a pretty waitress as they passed her, which for some reason made Castiel resent her. He suppressed the thought. Dean had a type. Cas wasn't that.
They grabbed a table, and Cas picked up a menu, scanning for something low-calorie. There were two salad options, one with chicken and one with avocado. Cas discreetly added up the calories on his phone under the table before settling on the chicken salad, seeing as it was higher in protein. He didn't particularly like the idea of eating a dead animal but it wasn't about his personal comfort anymore. When the waitress came and asked for their orders, he made sure she knew that he didn't want any oil or dressing on his salad, which amused Sam and Dean greatly, seeing as he'd never tried any of these things, but Castiel managed to brush it off by saying that he found oil's hydrophobic nature "unsettling."Dean of course ordered a cheeseburger and fries, with little to no thought. Not knowing whether to feel jealous of him or not, Castiel didn't remark.
Sam did though. "Dude." he shook his head, turning to the waitress, "the... salad with avocado please.", then, to the table, "At least Cas's taste takes after mine. You probably should eat healthy, Cas, you don't look so good."Cas thought this was unfair. He had started trying to get some more sleep, as he'd read that sleep lowers the metabolism, and tried to fathom what Sam could possibly mean by this. When their food came, Cas ate his salad slowly, paying attention to each mouthful and taking little sips of water between each bite. If he was going to eat, he could do it right at least.