Chapter Text
Thursday morning was very pretty. Despite the heat, I wondered if Yeosang would want to go to the park with me again. I would bring Eunha because she’d been asking when she would see the real-life angel again.
I smiled at the thought. I didn’t like Yeosang that way, as some of my friends thought. I just wanted to be his friend. I could tell he was lonely and needed someone, and I had friendship to give. There was no reason to continue avoiding him as if he had the plague because reality was that he didn’t have the plague. Plus, he was a nice guy. Sure he could be rude, but he had his moments.
That first day we talked I held fondly in my memories. How he’d laughed at the park and been so open to chasing me. I’d felt like a little kid again, as I’m sure he did, and it was nice. I missed his smile. It was refreshing. That was why I was hoping he’d say yes to coming with me to the park again.
Walking into school, I saw Yunho. I grinned and waved him over. I was sure he had no friends since he was new and he used to be friends with Yeosang. That sounded a bit rude in my head, but with the way Yeosang was avoided I was sure people avoided Yunho too.
“Hey,” I said once he was next to me. “What’s your first class?”
“PE,” he said, “which sucks because I don’t want to be sweaty throughout the day.”
“They give you ten minutes to change in case you wanna wipe yourself down with paper towels and put on cologne,” I said. “I have PE as well. Let’s walk together. You can be my partner. I usually do things alone.”
“Oh, thank God, I was scared that I would have to talk to some random people,” Yunho said, dramatically putting a hand to his forehead. I laughed. Together we walked to the locker rooms to change into PE clothes. Five minutes after the bell rang, and we were all ready to take attendance, the announcements came on.
“Good morning, Aztecs. Sorry for the interruption, but we have an important announcement.” Yunho and I looked at each other in confusion. “If you are in need of serious help, please call 9-1-1. If you, and I apologize because this is a sensative subject, are suicidal and are thinking of acting on the thoughts, call the suicide hotline at this number.” The principal rattled off some numbers.
“What’s this about?” Yunho asked. “Is this something they do daily?”
I shook my head. “Not at all.”
The principal continued. “The reason for this announcement is that one of our very own students has taken his precious life away from us. Kang Yeosang. If you knew him and need grief counseling, please see the front office right-”
“What?” I said out loud, sure I’d misheard the principal. First of all, there was no way Yeosang was dead. Second of all, why would the principal just announce this as if it was a normal thing? Why didn’t he ask if there were any friends of Kang Yeosang and ask to see them in the front office? Why did he have to announce something clearly so hurtful to the entire school? Most of these kids didn’t even care about Yeosang.
“Finally,” I heard someone say. I turned and saw it was Juyoung. “It was about time that pathetic boy killed himself.”
Before I could even register what I was doing, I was on top of Juyoung, beating him to a pulp. “I dare you to say that again,” I yelled as Yunho and a couple other guys I didn’t know pulled me off of him. The PE teacher, Mr. Shin, did nothing but stand there in shock.
Juyoung spit out blood. “Oh, it’s his precious boyfriend. Hit a nerve, did I?”
“Who gives you the right to speak of him like that?” I growled. “Also, when did you even transfer to this PE class? I thought you had it third-”
That’s when it hit me. Anger boiled up inside me even further, to the point that I was afraid I’d implode. I wanted to scream, to cry, and to beat up Juyoung, but none of that would help.
I shook Yunho’s hands off of me and looked Mr. Shin. “I need to go to the office.”
“Were you close with that kid?” Mr. Shin asked, sounding sympathetic.
“I was his only friend,” I said. Yunho opened his mouth to say something but I glared at him. “I don’t even know who you are. You weren’t here.”
Yunho looked down, ashamed. I didn’t care. How could Yeosang do this? How could he take himself away from me?
I realized what I’d thought earlier was wrong. I did have feelings for him. I did like him. And now he was gone. I couldn’t tell him what I was thinking. I couldn’t give him the chance to speak. He was gone, and there was nothing I could do.
I felt tears start to fall steadily. I grabbed Yunho’s arm and ran. I wasn’t sure where I was going until I burst into a classroom and found San’s sad face looking at me. I grabbed him too and pulled him out of the classroom, much to the teacher’s dismay, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck. My friend was dead. Someone I wanted to get to know, and now that chance would never come.
I laughed spitefully. “Who knew that three days of knowing someone could fuck you up so badly?” I said, letting go of Yunho to wipe my eyes.
“He meant a lot to you for years,” San said. “Since you saw how lonely he was, you wanted to be his friend. You’re mourning what could have been rather than what was.”
I looked at him. We were walking across the courtyard to the office. The security guards didn’t say anything to us, probably knowing what was wrong when they saw me and Yunho crying.
“I-” Yunho started, choking up. “I missed him so much over the last few years. He was my only friend ever. And now, when I move back to get to know him again, he’s fucking gone. He fucking killed himself. That selfish son of a bitch!” Yunho yelled, kicking the trash can we passed. It tipped over and spilled its contents, but Yunho didn’t seem to care.
I grabbed Yunho’s shirt. “Don’t you dare call him selfish,” I said in a low voice. “He was depressed. I could see it. Everyone could, but people are harsh. This world is harsh. He probably felt he had nothing else to do.”
“He has a little brother,” Yunho said, crying again. “Seojoon. His little brother is the one who found him. His parents go to work before either of them wake up, so Seojoon must’ve found him. Do you know what that’ll do to a five year old?”
I felt like I’d been punched. Yeosang had a little brother? There was so much I didn’t know about him, and so much I’d never learn because he’d taken himself away from me. From Yunho.
“You’re right,” I said, gritting my teeth. “That is selfish. But we don’t know how he felt. I think- I think Juyoung, the one I punched, was bullying him. Telling him to off himself and all.”
“How do you know?” San said.
I didn’t respond. I found myself unable to. It was like my throat closed up, and I found myself unable to speak. I simply cried, crumbling onto the ground and curling into a ball. Yunho hugged me, and despite the fact that he was still a stranger to me, I found comfort in knowing that he was also mourning the loss of a friend.
San held my hand as I sobbed. I didn’t get up for an hour, during which the bell rang and kids looked at us like we were weirdos, which I didn’t care about. Was this how Yeosang was looked at all the time? I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Later, in the office, I still found myself unable to speak. It was like Yeosang took my voice with him. Yunho told the front desk lady that we were friends of Yeosang, and she looked briefly confused before being sympathetic. She led us to the counseling room where I listened to nothing that the lady spoke of.
Yeosang stole my voice. The angel I’d grown so fond of stole my voice, and I couldn’t bring myself to care.