Chapter Text
Xiao, with all the wisdom his long life could have given him, had never thought that one moment could change the trajectory of his life.
With one golden glance and four words this star traveler pronounced, his fate turned opposite.
“Let me help you.”
Xiao shouldn’t have accepted. He didn’t need the pity of this traveler, didn’t need his help, and didn’t need to be cared for. He destroys everything he has. That’s what his hands are made for.
“No need.” Xiao got up and hissed between his teeth. “I can take care of myself. Don’t get in the way of the Adepti. Move.”
This man was too bright for his own good. Xiao noticed it immediately. If he stays with him, his light will faint. The thought of an innocent life being corrupted because of him shook him to the core. It happened once and it won’t happen again.
But something pulled him back suddenly. The traveler had grabbed a piece of his clothing behind his back, preventing him from continuing on his way.
What was his problem? Does this man know who is speaking to? Is he aware of the danger?
“That wasn’t a question.” He said.
Xiao frowned. This man wasn’t going to give up, isn’t he? But the way he had just talked to him… Rude. Humans don’t have respect anymore these days.
“Being close to me is dangerous. Stay away from me, for your own safety.”
“I’m tough, and I know how to fight.” He answered proudly. “But thank you for worrying about me.” Then, he added with a honeyed voice. “You’re kind.”
Ah… That’s at this moment that Xiao started to fall.
He had never stopped falling since.
___________
Xiao had teleported to the opposite of Liyue’s lands. Far, far away from Aether until he couldn't feel his touch, couldn't smell his scent, couldn't meet his eyes. Until he couldn’t crave him.
Xiao wiped away that one tear angrily . How foolish to cry for something that futile.
It wasn't the first time he argued with Aether, and he knows that it won’t be the last. Why bother crying at something doomed to be repeated? It was a waste of emotion, truly.
Xiao remembered Aether’s cold gaze, his angry screams, and the miserable look on him when he had admitted that he couldn’t spill the blood’s Prince.
Frustration and wrath were still bottled in him, ready to explode again.
He was so angry, but this was an anger he shouldn’t have felt. One shouldn’t be angry at himself when one hurt their enemy. This anger, logically, should be for Aether.
Enemy. Enemy. Enemy.
This word sounded meaningless.
Oh, the demons better sleep today. They better stayed out of his way.
Xiao went hunting.
It’s been a while since Xiao had killed with bloodlust. He left carnage after his passage. The shadows were louder. The corrupted ties of his karmic debt tightened around his soul. He felt trapped in this endless circle more than ever.
He stopped only the catch his breath.
An abyss mage crossed his path. Soon, two abyss mages joined. Xiao’s felt his wrath storming inside him. He resolutely stood his ground, while they were laughing at him. They must think the battle will be easy, because Xiao looked on the verge of death, covered in blood and bruises after hunting for hours.
Little did they know, that he felt great.
His karmic debt became stronger. The mages of the abyss suddenly felt it. Death. Death was coming for them.
“It’s your fault.” Xiao muttered. His eyes were filled with hatred as he wore his Yaksha mask. “It’s your fault!!!”
He hates the abyss order. He despises them.
They have corrupted his sun.
Xiao attacked.
If he decimates all the abyss order, will it be enough? If he gets rides of all this damned corrupted organization, will his beloved be back to him? Will it be enough?
He killed his enemies violently, breaking their bones, and spilling their blood on his clothes. He shook the earth with his powerful, and deadly spear. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough. He needed more damned souls to fall by his hands. He needed more cries of pain, to silence his own.
And the ties of his karmic debt tore him apart.
Xiao couldn’t feel his throat. He was screaming incoherent sounds of pain suffocated by his mask. The remains of the abyss mages and others monsters lay around him.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts-
His own shadow was observing him with pity, and severity.
Xiao was tired of his own ferocity. He wanted to kill his dark side, to twist it, to make it disappear, to beat it.
He had forgotten the faint hope he had embraced when Rex Lapis had saved him from the Chasm.
Suddenly, two arms went around his chest, and hands rested on his shoulders. A familiar energy surrounded him. It caressed his skin with a gentle warmth.
Xiao tried to pull away. He pulled out his claws, he struggled while growling and screaming. He was sure he must have left a scratch or two on his opponent’s flesh. But the grip didn’t let him go. It grew stronger and stronger. And yet, this voice was full of softness, like a cloud in the sky, or the taste of Almond Tofu.
A tiny firefly in the darkest night.
“Shhh, it’s me. It’s alright. You’re safe now.”
Slowly, with only those words, his mind became quiet. Xiao regained his senses one by one. His vision was dizzy. He felt numb and it was hard to breathe. His body still ached all over.
Why is he always being saved? Isn’t he supposed to be strong?
“Aether…” Xiao said in a croaky voice.
He didn't see him very well, but he knew it was him.
“It’s me, my love. You can stop fighting now. You killed all of them.” He placed his hand on his. “Drop your weapon for me, Xiao.”
With an exhausted breath, Xiao dropped his spear.
“Good.” Aether hummed.
“I killed several Abyss Mages.”
You are not supposed to help me.
You are not supposed to be helped.
“That’s alright. You are more important than them.”
Strangely, these words reassured him.
His mask disappeared from his face.
Xiao collapsed from exhaustion, but Aether supported him, as he had always done in the past.
“Let me help you, Alatus.”
It was unfair to use that name. It was unfair for him to say those words that made him fall in love with him.
“Fine.”
Aether laid Xiao down and put his head on his lap. The corpses of the monsters turned to ash around them. One of Abyss Mages held out his hand and whispered your highness in pain. Aether paid no attention to them. He stroked Xiao's hair, and his cleansing energy entered Xiao’s bones.
“Alatus, you need to rest.”
He passed a hand over his eyelids, and Xiao closed his eyes.
"Sleep."
Xiao was overcome with a wave of nostalgia. It was years ago, his companions were still alive, Rex Lapis was actively working in Liyue, Barbatos sometimes came to visit, and Aether slept under a tree with him by his side under a gentle wind.
He remembers that these moments gave him hope for the future.
“Stay.” Xiao said in a last murmur before falling asleep.
Aether continued to stroke his hair as Xiao slept soundly. He smiled affectionately. Xiao was beautiful when he slept. A beauty that surpassed any world he had ever visited. His features relaxed, and one could no longer see the pain that weighed on his shoulders. Xiao was kind. So, so kind . And gentle. Tough, and yet, so fragile. Aether could cry.
He wanted so much to set him free. He wanted Xiao to enjoy a life full of joy, and tranquility. A life of peace.
Just a little more patience. One day, Celestia will fall. It will fall under his hands, he will sit on the celestial throne, the gods will be no more, Kaenri'ah will bloom again, its people will be reborn, and Xiao will be free of his contract. As for his fate, he left it not to the stars, constellations, or comets but to Xiao and Lumine in the final act.
Aether leaned into his ear. He whispered his love in his native tongue.
"Wouldn't it be wiser to kill him now Prince? He is vulnerable. This is very rare from the Vigilant Yaksha. He's been killing countless of our people relentlessly for hundreds of years. If we got rid of him, harming Liyue would be much easier."
“Enjou…” Aether said in a cold voice. “If you touch one of his hair. I will kill you. Do I make myself clear?”
No one can touch his lover.
Enjou shivered despite the pyro powers coursing through his veins.
He really didn't understand their prince. How could his fellows trust him so blindly, when he couldn't assassinate such a powerful enemy from such a vulnerable position? Getting rid of him would have been a strategic turning point for them.
"Very clear, Your highness." Enjou chuckled despite all. "It's your orders after all."
"Leave now."
Enjou disappeared into a vortex of night.
___________
Xiao opened his eyes and recognized the familiar wood of the walls of Wangshun Inn. He was lying in a bed, wrapped in a blanket, and the smell of Yanxiao's food caressed his nose. He sat on the bed, head in his hand. Xiao didn't like how in less than 24 hours, he had felt the emptiness twice. Both physically, and mentally.
A small wind caressed his face. The window was open to let in a night breeze.
Aether sat at the window, gazing at the moon, pensive. His features were softened by his light. He looked like he belonged among the stars. He gazed toward Xiao, and a reassuring smile spread on his lips.
Aether was blessed by the sun and the moon. It was unfair.
Xiao remembered their fight, but the anger had vanished. He remembered losing his mind, but the pain had melted away. He remembered asking Aether to stay, but he shouldn’t have said that. It was one of his most kept secrets.
There is a lot of shouldn’t when it came to Aether.
He cleared his throat.
“How’s your forehead?” He asked.
“It’s fine.”
They didn’t push the conversation further. Feelings still too knotted, too fresh on their mind to speak clearly about them. Xiao wasn’t going to say sorry, oh no. He doesn’t think that he’s the one who is wrong , in this whole situation. He turned over in his bed to avoid seeing Aether.
Aether cursed in foreign words. Secretly, Xiao had always liked it when he spoke this language. This sonority sounds beautiful on his tongue.
“Let’s take a bath.” He said.
“Pardon me?”
Xiao quickly turned around in the blankets to stare at Aether with horror.
“A bath, you and me. You need one.”
Xiao let out a disgruntled noise as Aether walked towards him.
“Why do you need to be with me?” Xiao mumbled.
Aether knelt down and put his forearms on the bed to be at Xiao's level. He smiled. A smile filled with memory and tenderness.
“You used to say that you enjoyed bathing with me.”
Xiao hid his face behind his hands with a groan. His ears are red, and Aether giggled.
Oh, the butterflies again.
“It was a long time ago. Before that …” He said.
“I won’t force you. But you still need a bath, okay?”
“...Okay.”
Aether nodded, satisfied with this answer. “I'll take care of it."
Xiao watched Aether's figure walk away with a pang of regret in his chest. He wouldn't admit it to Aether, or to himself, but he missed these moments endlessly.
He was going to be selfish again.
He was losing his self-control piece by piece.
Aether returned after a few minutes to tell him that everything was ready. Towels and soaps were in the bathroom, along with clean clothes. Xiao got up from the bed and left the warmth of the covers. He stopped in front of Aether who gave him a curious look.
“I need someone to wash my back.”
Aether smiled, and Xiao felt as if the stars aligned.
Xiao was covered in blood, dust, and dirt. He realized this as he undressed, and Aether helped him remove all the layers of his clothes.
“You don’t need to do that. I had simply asked you to help me wash my back.”
Aether removed his epaulet and gloves.
“I want to.” He answered simply.
From all the years he had spent with him, Xiao knew that it was no use to insist when Aether wanted to help someone. This habit, curiously, didn’t seem to have disappeared.
Xiao felt like he was centuries backward. This feeling didn’t want to leave him, no matter how much he told himself that it was only an illusion, only a fleeting moment between them.
Aether got undressed in turn as Xiao observed him. The fallen traveler didn’t seem to be nervous about it at all. The first time they actually bathed together, Aether was extremely embarrassed, and Xiao couldn’t understand why. His body was just flesh, and muscles. A living organism that allows you to live, to move on the earth, and to fight. There was nothing to be ashamed of.
With time, Aether explained to him why he was flustered at this time. Xiao still had some struggles to understand. After all, he had always considered his body as a weapon.
Aether’s body, however… He considered, for a long time, that it was something he had no right to touch.
So, his heart sank when he saw red scratches on his back and waist. He understood right away by their rough form that it was he who made them earlier.
Xiao raised his hands to reach them, with questions hanging on his lips. However, neither he did move, nor did he speak.
Aether noticed it and asked him if he was okay. But, Xiao could only think of the scratches on the body of the person he cared about the most in the world.
His head burned. The guilt grew stronger. His vision became dark again. The incalculable number of his sins abounded in his mind. He was about to fall, losing his balance.
Aether took his hand with a firm grip.
“It doesn’t hurt me. I’m fine. I took care of it a short time ago.”
Xiao wanted to protest, but the knife in his head stab him again. He hid his face in his hands and let out a groan of pain. Archons, he’s so hurt, that he can’t even speak.
“Let's get you cleaned up. The hot water will do you good.”
He took his first shower with Aether to assist him. Despite the warm water against his skin, Xiao felt like his head was still being stabbed, and he could have passed out again at any moment.
Aether took care to help him, even though Xiao insisted on doing everything by himself. He could still manage on his own, despite the pain that was eating away his nerves.
“If I was at Pervas’s temple to meet you, it’s because I was worried. I wanted to take care of you.”
Aether and Xiao are facing each other. They share only the bathtub and the water in it. We hear drops echoing between the walls. A warm mist ran through the room or rested on the mirror a little further.
Aether let out a dry laugh. “Guessed I failed.”
They were not touching, each on the other side of the bath, curled up on themselves covered with water and soap. So close, and so far at the same time. Aether could just reach out his leg, and his foot would touch Xiao's. He missed him. He missed his touch every day.
Xiao let silence be his answer, and took the soap in his hands, with a washcloth. Although he had agreed to let Aether come with him, he didn't dare look at him anymore.
He still felt that the dirt was still clinging to his limbs.
Xiao saw his reflection in the bath water, between the foam. His Yaksha mask reflected on the warm water. Its eyes glistened, ready to jump on him and sink him in the water until there was no more air in his lungs.
The reflection slowly blurred in the waves, caused by a movement of Aether's hand under the water.
“You’re supposed to rest and relax. Nothing will happen to you while I’m here.”
Xiao scoffed quietly.
“How humorous.”
His neck felt unusually warm, but he blamed it on the temperature of the water.
Aether, for his part, did not take his eyes off Xiao. He watched him as one watches the starry sky. As if constellations, galaxies, and nebulae were anchored on his skin. He looked at him as if he was made of beautiful and stellar things.
But Xiao's body was only forged by war. There were no constellations on his black, deep green hands. There were no galaxies instead of the countless scars that dotted his body
His scars reminded him of wars he would like to forget.
“You’re beautiful.”
Aether’s voice echoed in the bathroom, and Xiao stopped moving. Something flickers on his face. Droplets fell from his hair, traced his skin, and ran down his torso, and Aether couldn't help but follow them with his eyes.
Aether wanted to drink them on Xiao's skin.
Xiao still wasn't looking at him and he leaned in. It didn't feel right, how far they were.
The Yaksha stopped him by putting a hand over his mouth. "Bathing is enough." He said.
He felt a pout against his palm. Aether retreated.
Aether’s stomach still tingled at this touch. He felt the shadow on Xiao’s palm on his lips, like a butterfly had just landed on him.
“I’ll help you wash your back.”
Even if he didn't take care of him hours earlier, he could do it now. He did in the past, and he hopes, he can do it again in the distant future.
Xiao did not protest. He didn't watch Aether's movements while his back was to him. He didn't flinch when Aether passed a soapy washcloth to clean the rest of the dried blood from his skin, and his scars. He didn't freeze when Aether passed his hands to places with vital organs.
Aether had started at his shoulders and moved down to his waist. He had avoided the two largest scars that adorned Xiao's back. The ones where his wings used to be, at a time when Aether didn't know him yet.
“I’m going to touch the scars. Is that okay for you?” He asked. He always asked.
Xiao nodded in silence.
He still trusts me. This realization was better than any kiss that Xiao could give him.
Aether cleaned his scars as if he was made of crystal. Gently, tenderly, and with all the affection he can express in his movements. He hoped that Xiao could feel it.
Perhaps it was the heat of the bath that had short-circuited his brain, or maybe the feeling of melancholy, and intimacy made Xiao say the following words.
“You’re beautiful too. There is something ethereal about you.”
Oh.
Aether couldn’t believe that Xiao has just said that. Did he hear it right?
The tingles in his stomach became fireworks. Aether did not know where to put his hands, did not know what to say. He wanted to kiss Xiao, to cuddle him all night until the first light of the morning.
The Yaksha risked a small glance towards Aether.
The abyss prince blushed.
Xiao felt weirdly overwhelmed. He thought, however, that he had understood this feeling after all this time.
“I’m going to wash your hair next.” Aether said instead.
“I already did it before getting in-”
“I want to. Please.”
Xiao let out a tired sigh. “Fine. Do as you wish.”
Aether ran his hands through Xiao's hair. He massaged his scalp slowly, taking care to make him feel as good as possible, and to relax him. He ran his hands over his ears, temples, and forehead.
Xiao closed his eyes, and lifted his head slightly, resting it against Aether's chest. He was much more relaxed than when he started the bath. His muscles were less tense, and his constant frown had melted away, to make way for a soft face.
“Does it feel good?”
“It does.” Xiao murmured.
He could fall asleep again if Aether kept doing that.
“Are you feeling better?”
“I am.” Xiao breathed easier. He let out a sigh of comfort. “Keep going please.”
“As much as you want.”
And Aether kept in his soul, the peaceful and shy smile painted on Xiao’s lips.
Aether had prepared a dish for him despite the hour. Xiao held the warm plate between his fingers. He was dressed in new fresh clothes, and his gloves were drying under the moonlight after that Aether had washed his clothes for him. He was feeling better.
“How’s your Almond Tofu?”
Utterly disgusting.
“Try to cook something else next time.” He said.
“Hm, it was my first time cooking, I guess it can’t be helped. And you’re a picky eater so…”
Xiao frowned.
“Don’t make me sound like a child.”
Aether had the guts to laugh. “I’ll get better next time.”
His heart skipped a beat. Next time.
He took another bite of this Almond Tofu.
Aether reached out to take the plate, but Xiao dodged him. He kept eating the Almond Tofu with a straight face.
“Xiao, I know it’s not good, don’t force yourself. That’s not the point of relaxing .”
But you cooked this. Xiao wanted to say.
“Hmpf.” He said instead, putting another spoon in his mouth.
“Fine, eat that if it’s that you want, stubborn Yaksha, but…” Aether leaned toward him. Dangerously close. Their knees rubbed under the table, placed in their room. “You can eat my dreams tonight.”
Xiao's stomach flipped in a pleasant way. Eating Aether's dreams... those sweet, delicious, mellow, fond dreams. He hadn't tasted it in so long. A smile played on the Prince's lips. He was delighted.
Xiao absolutely wanted to eat his dreams. He licked his lips. His eyes were shining with gluttony.
“Can I?”
“Of course.” Aether spoke softly. “Did I ever tell you to not eat my dreams?”
Never.
“No…”
Xiao was never able to resist sweet things.
“Exactly. Because I care about you, Xiao.”
“You care about me…”
Aether caressed his cheek gently. “Yes. I told you, I still love you.”
Aether's fingertips gently traced down his cheek, his chin, and then up to his lips. He traced the scars that adorned the Yaksha's face. Aether wanted to kiss them all. Xiao closed his eyes, and let Aether outline his face. Every trace of its passage left him with a soft burning sensation. Aether tucked a lock of hair back behind his ear, and Xiao opened his eyes.
He could hear his heart beating in his ear, yet he remained calm.
Xiao bent down. Aether didn’t move.
He rested his forehead on his shoulder and grabbed his arms.
“Your love is a curse.” He whispered. “I've been trying to break it for years.”
“Are you still trying?”
Xiao took his time to answer, and Aether let him. He knew how complicated it was for Xiao to put into words what he was feeling. Emotions were so complex that mere words would never be enough.
“I… I don’t know if I want to.”
“Do you know why I want you to kill me?”
Xiao has sand in his mouth.
“Enlighten me.”
Maybe, this promise will be easier to accept with explication.
“Outlanders do not belong in this world. I am the prince of the Abyss, but I trust no one. I don’t trust this world, but you and Lumine. I don’t want this world to decide how I will end. So, if in the end, I go mad, if I am losing myself. Please, kill me. Please, stop me.”
Xiao buried his nose against Aether's neck. He smelled like soap and stars.
“You will not return to me.” Xiao said against his neck.
And I should be the one asking you to kill me.
One day, I will lose myself.
“No. I have made my decision.”
Xiao’s breath into his neck. He moved away, and Aether already missed the soft hair against his neck. The moon's glow reflected in his golden eyes. They were beautiful and full of resolution. It was as if Xiao had just been infused with a new wind.
“I have made my decision as well.”
“You look determined General Alatus.” He smirked.
Aether took his face to kiss him softly, and Xiao let him.
“I like that.” He whispered against his mouth. “Come at me with all you got. I want to witness your determination until the very end.”
“You keep saying that, but your body will never last against my blows.”
There was a slight taste of defiance in his words.
“I think I've done a pretty good job of resisting so far.” Aether teased.
Xiao tilted his face in confusion, eyes scrutinizing him like a cat.
“What do you imply? We had never fought seriously. Even as a hobby in the past.”
Aether seemed astounded by Xiao’s question. The fallen star turned red, and brought his hand to his mouth, in a poor attempt to hide his blush.
“Even after all these centuries… You’re so cute. It’s hurting me.”
Xiao crossed his arms, offended. Aether wasn’t taking his deadly threats seriously. And worst He was calling him cute . The audacity. “Good.”
“Mean… I know you don’t really think that.” Aether smirked.
“This is starting to be a waste of time, I’ll just take my leave.”
Xiao get up from his chair, however, the Abyss Prince made no move to stop him.
Odd.
“I guess you will not eat my dreams tonight, then.”
Xiao froze.
Aether rested his head on his palm, watching the intense inner conflict in Xiao’s golden eyes. It lasted several minutes before the Yaksha turned towards the bed.
“Come to bed. Now.”
Aether didn't hesitate.
He took off his shoes and untied his hair. He patted the bed to tell Xiao to join him.
They wrapped themselves in the blankets silently, face to face. The cicadas sang under the moon. The night was warm. Xiao doesn’t want to leave Aether’s arms and face a cold, and lonely world again. But he will do it, as always.
“I’m happy. I missed this.”
Aether curled up against Xiao.
“You know, I have a solution for one of your torment. About me, specifically. And it doesn’t have anything to do with our promise.”
Xiao raised his eyebrow in curiosity.
“Go ahead.”
Aether smiled.
“Accept that you’re mine. As simple as that.”
They were like a planet and its satellite. A great distance between them, but still revolve around each other. The forces of gravity could not change anything. What was the point of continuing to deny what was true? It had been 500 years since Xiao had tried to forget Aether.
Nothing worked. No success. The more he tried to forget him, the stronger the feeling came back.
Aether had taught him to love. He had taught him to see the world with his eyes, and he could not see it any other way.
Xiao couldn't think of anyone else he could live his immortal life with. And he didn't want to.
To accept was to be free of the first pain.
There was sand in Xiao’s mouth.
“Only if you are mine as well.”
“I had always been yours.”
Aether listened to Xiao’s heartbeat. Steady and calm. He felt his breath against his hair, the gentle movement of his chest against his face. He was surrounded by the smell of Quinxing flowers and water. A strong arm found a place on his waist.
Ah, really. It was in Xiao’s arms that he felt most at peace. Where he felt safe.
Aether closed his eyes.
Aether was breathing softly in his arms. He was dreaming. Xiao could smell the aroma of his beautiful, and fond dream.
Better and better. Aether used to say that everything would get better and better.
Xiao stroked his hair with the back of his hand.
Adepti does not require sleep.
But, Xiao wanted to sleep intentionally, so he could forget everything.
He took a long lock of Aether’s hair between his fingers.
“I had always been yours as well.”
It took him 500 years to finally said those words out loud.
Xiao leaned towards Aether, stopped a few centimeters from his forehead, and opened his mouth to devour his dreams.
_________
When Xiao opened his eyes, Aether was gone. The bed was cold as the morning sun and air. There was no sign of his passage. Aether was a shadow as well as a sunburn. He came and went without leaving any trace of his passage. But he always left a burning mark.
The Yaksha found a note on the table, with Aether’s distinct handwriting.
I’m glad you slept a little more. You needed it, it was easy to tell.
Please, take better care of yourself.
You had always said that I could call your name if death and danger were knocking on my doors. You can call my name as well when your karmic debt is too heavy to bear.
I’ll protect you while you sleep.
By the way, you still don’t want to join the Abyss Order?
Xiao tore the paper into small pieces.
________
“And I will always come back to you.”
“It is a promise?” Xiao asked.
“It’s an oath.”
Aether kept his oath. He always had come back to Xiao.
His oath was not empty.
“What a pity that Morax saved him… If Xiao had fallen into the chasm, I would have him back.”
Aether remembered Xiao’s smile. He rarely smiled as he did earlier. He never did since he became the Prince of the Abyss. And he knew that Xiao will never smile like that if he joined him.
“It’s better that way.”
Aether could still fight the loneliness.
He had all the time in the world.
…
“I miss Lumine.”
Aether sank into his chair. Soon, a meeting for their next projects, and actions would take place. He had to deal with Sumeru... and those Fatui... Aether should try to contact them.
He will not be able to see Xiao for a long time.
He had a storm to prepare.
“Oh… maybe I can try to see Xiao at the Lantern Rite! And Lumine should be there as well!”
Aether giggled.
“It could be fun!”