Chapter Text
Logan’s Pov
As soon as I get home I go to the kitchen and start cleaning my picnic basket. I see Virgil sitting at the table eating cookies.
“So how was your “date”?” He asked with his mouth full.
“It was nice we talked and made some jokes.”
“Anything else happen?”
“We kissed. Which was interesting.”
“You kissed?”
“ Yeah I mean we are acting as a couple, couples kiss.”
“ But Logan, this is your first kiss didn’t you want it to be special or with someone you actually have feelings for?”
“ I don’t really mind it being Roman and I think in its own way it’s special he’s my best friend. I would rather it be someone I care about and feel comfortable around. Yeah I don’t have romantic feelings for him but I still feel happy that it was with someone like him.”
“ But what if you develop feelings for him or what if he develops feelings for you?”
“ If I develop feelings for Roman I’ll think about it for a week or two and talk to him about it. If he develops feelings for me we’ll talk about what we’re going to do when we get there if we get there at all.”
“ you’re talking about this like it’s an easy decision, these are feelings Logan, it's not going to go that smoothly in real life than in your head.”
“ I know that Virgil, you don’t think I just thought that fake dating might not lead us to develop real feelings for each other. When I came up with this idea I thought about the multiple different ways this can go and I’ve decided to take a risk and do it. I know this isn’t conventional but I truly think this is going to work out no matter what. My and Roman’s relationship has improved significantly since we were younger. I think because we finally know how to talk to each other we can really have a heart to heart.”
“I just don’t understand why you are doing this?”
“The reason I’m doing this is because I’m Demi-romantic.”
We’re both silent. I can’t understand his look. I think it’s a mix of understanding and confusion.I should try to explain this.
“I don’t really have the urges that everyone else has when it comes to relationships. Someday I might be in that type of relationship with someone but that’s if I fall for them I’m not craving it but I won’t mind it if I do feel that way. So when people ask me out it’s flattering but I usually don’t hold those feelings for them. And explaining all of this to people can be so draining, yeah maybe a few would understand but the majority will think I’m making this up or call me a freak for feeling this way so it’s better for me to say “I’m not looking to date anyone right now.”. And after a certain amount of times of saying that it’s exhausting not only to the person who was just vulnerable with me but to me who has to lie to protect my vulnerability. I hit a point where I didn’t know what to do and how to handle this either way a person gets hurt. So I thought that this way no one could get hurt and I could just live my life.”
Before my own thoughts begin to cloud Virgil started to talk
“I’m sorry Logan, I accept you and love you … I was just worried that something bad would happen. That would make you guys not talk to each other anymore which causes me to not see him again. I know that it’s only anxiety but I’m still scared sometimes. I mean there was a time were our friends now weren’t our friends because we had stupid fight or someone broke up with someone else. I know we’ve changed and we’re different but at the same time, I can see this going a different way and I know I should just trust you but it's hard to trust when this has happened before.”
“I can understand where your anxiety is coming from. I also have those fears but I have to remember to give our friends the benefit of the doubt. Yes we’ve had fights with friends and friend groups have come and gone but we’ve grown, they’ve grown. I mean now when we’ve had disagreements it doesn’t get to that level, if it ever did get to that level and they left without saying anything again. Is that really a person that you want as a friend? Friendship like any other relationship requires time, respect, boundaries and a ton of other things and just like in relationships we fight but it’s how we and the other person react that really helps us know if the relationship is worth continuing and through that we grow. I know that this isn’t just about the friend group though, you’re scared that if Roman and I were to really break up that you wouldn’t be able to have a best friend anymore which is valid. Even though Roman is in fact his own human being I did kinda take him away from you. I’m sorry that I did that. I hope you know that it wasn’t my intention.”
“You don’t have to apologize I know that it wasn’t on purpose, and I hope my response didn’t sound like I don’t respect your decision or your sexuality I just want to spend more time with my best friend not my brothers boyfriend”
“Does this mean that we’re on the same page?”
Virgil gets up from his chair and starts walking up to me
“Yes we are.” he starts giving me a hug which is sweet cause Virgil is shy when it comes to hugging
“ I love you Virgil.”
“I love you Logan and I accept you.”
As I’m holding him I realize that I’m crying and that he’s crying too. I can feel the tears catch on my glasses. So many things are running through my mind but I’m choosing to ignore them because in this exact moment I feel this becoming a memory.
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Logan’s Pov
The next day Virgil and I decided to talk about Saturday and how we can move forward.
“Soooo” said Virgil awkwardly.
“Yes, let’s talk about Saturday. I got my first kiss, I came out, we shared a heart to heart and cried. So how do we handle this now?”
“ I mean I want to say again that I support you. It's no secret that we both are queer but I didn’t want you to think you couldn’t have told me.”
When Virgil said that he looked like he was going to cry again so I immediately started to talk.
“It wasn’t anything about you!”
He stares
“I..uh.. I didn’t know that what I was feeling wasn’t normal, I thought that everyone was like how I am. When I would hear songs or see movies talking about falling in love with people I thought they were over exaggerating and when I would watch the movie I wouldn’t watch it for the love I would watch it if it made any sense for them to get together. I mean for years when I saw kissing scenes I thought they looked a little bit weird. Not until recently have I found out that my lack of romantic attraction isn’t “normal”. Everyone in our school is now talking about how they want to date this person when I don’t really have that want as extremely as they do. Yes it would be nice to be that close to someone but I think my definition is different. I would actually just be okay with a friend being the closest to me. I’ve felt this way for such a long time and I haven’t found a label for it until this year. So the reason I haven’t said anything has nothing to do with you, it's more that I just found out.”
“ yeah there isn’t that much talk of asexual people or characters in the media so it makes sense that you didn’t know. I’m just bull dozed with emotions cause I want to be there for you. Like you were there for me when I came out as Queer. I'm your brother, I care about you.”
“I care about you too.”
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sure”
“Are you just Demi-romantic or are you anything else? No pressure of course.”
“ I think I’m Pansexual or Queer I don’t have that much experience but I know that I’m not straight so I guess I’m just unlabeled.”
“That’s valid, I also have another one.”
“Yes?”
“How do you watch romantic movies? Like give me an example.” Virgil said with a laugh
“ I watch it like a straight man watches football when the character does something stupid I pause and take a lap, when the character goes for the wrong guy I basically yell at the tv, and when the finally get together I am pleased but if the character ends up with wrong person I rewrite the ending cause I’m not dealing with a bad ending.”
As I’m saying this with a straight face Virgil is chuckling into his hand.
“I definitely want you to see glee with me.”
“Why, I thought you said that show is “ too cursed for its own good.”
“ I take that back, we need to watch this immediately.” He says as he pulls me to the couch. So far the music is good.