Chapter Text
Beatrice shared a name with someone else on the beach. That someone was a duck.
Beatrice the Duck became a fixture here about two years ago after the city passed a new ordinance that said no dogs on the beach. But since they didn’t say anything about ducks, a lady named Shannon acquired a pet duck, named her Beatrice, and brought Beatrice to the beach every time she came to surf.
Beatrice the Duck loved to surf. She’d low-fly out onto the water, catch waves, and ride them back in to the shore. She was a smart surfer, never tackling waves she couldn’t handle, never fighting the ones she caught but letting them take her where they would. She would waddle around in between surfing and quack hello to everyone, making sure they were all having a good time. She was quite possibly the happiest duck Beatrice the Human had ever seen.
Beatrice the Human was not quite as happy today as Beatrice the Duck.
The Fourth of July was about three weeks away. Beatrice had not promised to show up to her parents’ party, but she had also not outright said no. She had found her way to something like peace when she’d chosen to disengage from their lifestyle of conspicuous consumption, and she disliked being placed in that kind of environment again.
She’d been a young teenager when she’d realized how empty she found the whole circus: the parties whose entire purpose was to be seen, the cars, the clothes, the house in the Hills, summer homes, all seemingly for the benefit of getting admiration and praise from people she didn’t even know or particularly like. Her mother was quite sure that it was just a teenage thing, and she’d grow out of it.
However, as Beatrice went through college, she’d spent semesters abroad, summers traveling to ashrams, zen monasteries, shamanic retreats. She knew she hated the endless gnawing feeling that growing up with too much money had placed inside her, but she hadn’t figured out what to replace it with. In her junior year, she’d found surfing, and something about it tapped into all of that aimless spiritual searching and training.
Now, it was her rock, her religion, her life.
She still found it hard to meet the challenge of dealing with her parents with the equanimity she was able to employ when dealing with most other things.
She stood in between lessons, sipping a bottled water, watching Beatrice the Duck frolic in the waves. Beatrice could not remember the last time she personally frolicked and wondered whether this was a bad thing.
Mary came strolling up the beach. “Hey, Bea. What’s good?”
Beatrice shrugged and greeted Mary with a little fist bump. “Just waiting on my 4:00, watching the duck.”
Mary cackled. “Yeah, she’s having a good day today, she caught a pretty killer half-pipe a little while ago, did you see?”
Beatrice shook her head. “Missed it, sadly.”
They stood together and watched the fat little white duck bob up over the top of a swell and then ride it in as comfortably as breathing. There was something pleasant about watching a creature happy and in its element, doing a thing that brought it joy. Beatrice was glad that Mary was able to stand and appreciate it for a moment with her without needing to fill the space with commentary.
“So, your parents doing Fourth of July this year?” Mary asked, still looking at the turquoise waves rolling in and out.
Beatrice had brought Mary with her a couple of years ago, as sort of a human shield. Mary had actually not minded the martini cart and the creme brulee station and the ice swans with the shrimp cocktails cooling around their asses, but Beatrice felt badly nonetheless. It did, however, keep her mother from trying to pair her off with anyone.
“Yes.”
“You going?”
“Haven’t decided. But I don’t want to impose on you again.”
Mary snorted and kicked at the sand with her bare toes. “Yes, the imposition of free booze and gourmet food, it was just terrible.”
“Free booze?” came Ava’s voice from behind them.
Beatrice turned around. There she was, in her wet suit, hair pulled back, Hello Kitty board tucked under her arm.
Mary gave her a quick once-over. “You have incredible timing.”
Ava shrugged. “It’s a gift, what can I tell you.” She looked at Beatrice. “So what’s the free booze and gourmet food?”
“Oh,” Beatrice sighed. “My parents’ Fourth of July party. They’re doing a luau and roasting a pig or something absurd like that.”
Ava’s eyes grew three sizes. “That sounds amazing.”
It was impossible to explain to people who didn’t live with her parents that no, it wasn’t actually amazing. It was stupid and wasteful, they didn’t even like half the people they invited but had to do it for show, or obligation, or to grease some wheels, and every last person there walked around like they were perpetually on parade. Always phony, and always in the pursuit of some next, better thing that they might or might not obtain, and that even if they did obtain it, would not likely make them happy.
“Oh, it’s impressive. It just isn’t a very interesting crowd.”
Mary was glancing back and forth between her and Ava, with this weird kind of knowing smile. “Yeah, well, the appletini slushies make up for a lot.”
Ava’s mouth dropped open wide enough for Beatrice the Duck to fly in, “APPLETINI SLUSHIES?”
Beatrice gave Mary an imploring look. Why would she mention that? Now Ava was going to beg to be invited.
Mary ignored her imploring look. “Yeah, they’ll probably have a ukelele band or something too,” she went on.
Ava gave Beatrice a look as if viewing her anew. “You didn’t tell me your family was like that .”
“I haven’t told you anything because we don’t know each other,” Beatrice said as gently as she could. “We’ve only just met.”
Ava grinned at Mary, having immediately identified her as an ally. “Got any other intel on this gal?” She thumbed in Beatrice’s direction.
“Intel?” Beatrice felt as if she was losing control of the situation.
“Her folks will assume you’re together. Just roll with it.”
Ava bounced a little where she stood. “So they’re not homophobic, that’s cool. So, wait, am I going?”
Mary had a triumphant look on her face. Beatrice knew that when you lost your balance and the wave overtook you, the best, safest choice was not to fight it, but let it send you where it was going to send you. “If you want to.”
Ava clapped like a baby seal.
“I took Mary two years ago, and–”
“Wait, you don’t wanna go again?” Ava looked concerned.
Mary shook her head. “Nah, I had the opportunity, it’s someone else’s turn. Besides, Bea said it’s roast pig this year, and I don't dig on swine.”
“I definitely dig on swine.” Ava rubbed her hands together.
Looking pleased with herself, Mary clapped Beatrice on the shoulder. “See you later, Bea.” She winked at Ava. “Have a good lesson!” And then she walked off down the beach toward the concession stand.
Beatrice and Ava stood there facing each other. Ava had these little golden baby hairs that didn’t quite make it into her ponytail. They caught the mellow, late afternoon light.
“So, I read Bleakley,” Ava announced.
Beatrice lifted an eyebrow. “And what did you think?”
“The stuff he talks about, like the spirituality involved in preparing, like waxing your board and things like that, that was interesting, but you’re kind of already teaching me that.”
“I haven’t taught you how to wax your board.”
“No, but I know you’re going to. You’re thorough, I can tell that. But that’s not the point. I just mean, I want to feel what you feel.” Ava dug the ball of her foot into the sand. “Like, when you’re in the wave. When you’re in the water, the way you talked about the first time I met you. He doesn’t really tell you how to get that.”
“Hm,” is all Beatrice says.
“I just feel like you gave me a really simple book because you didn’t think I could handle something that got at the really deep stuff.” Ava almost looks like she’s afraid to say it, doesn’t want to hear the answer, has probably heard the answer all her life, You’re not that smart, honey. The curse of being an impossibly pretty girl.
Beatrice is guilty of underestimating her, she realizes. “There is depth in simplicity, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. Minimalism, Zen, all that. Just know, I know this was training wheels stuff, what you gave me.” And now she’s playful again.
Beatrice can’t keep up with this mercurial girl, so she doesn’t try. She again, decides to operate like Beatrice the Duck and ride the swell wherever it goes. “First learn stand, then learn fly, Daniel-san.”
Ava blinks at her for a second. “Karate Kid?”
“Yes.”
“Ohhhh. Right.” Ava lifts her arms in an approximation of the Crane Technique from the classic 80s martial arts film. “All right, Mr. Miyagi. I trust you.”
The lesson was surprisingly pleasant. Beatrice took Ava through waxing her board (Ava couldn’t help muttering “wax on, wax off” and then snickering), and then they went through the yoga poses. Ava’s form was excellent. She’d clearly practiced in between lessons. Beatrice made a point of complimenting her on it, and the amount of golden retriever energy that came off her when she did was almost blinding.
Ava got up on her board more easily today, and they practiced mostly just riding the small, friendly swells that you could catch fairly close to shore. Beatrice felt something warm in her chest, rather like pride, at watching Ava climbing to her feet, sinking into the right posture, keeping her focus long enough to stay standing and ride out on the salty foam.
A creature happy and in her element, doing a thing that brought her joy.
When they finished the lesson, as before, they sat down on their boards and Beatrice guided them through a meditation. It could have been her imagination, but Beatrice thought that maybe Ava’s energy seemed a little less squirrelly this time. They sat with closed eyes, face to face, in the moment, the noises of the beach, the waves, the laughter, all present but not intrusive, wrapping them both in the wonder of being.
Quack.
Beatrice tried to keep her mind in its balanced state.
Quack quack.
She sighed and opened her eyes. There was Beatrice the Duck, standing in between them, looking back and forth, wanting to know if they were having a good time.
Ava giggled. “Hello, ducky. How are you?”
Quack quack.
Beatrice smiled at the duck. “Yes, we’re having a lovely time, thank you.”
Ava wrinkled her nose. “You know this duck?”
“Yes. She’s a regular on the beach. She surfs here.”
Ava hooted. “Come on!”
“Really, I swear.”
“Lies.”
Beatrice turned around and waved up to Lilith in the lifeguard’s seat. “Lilith. The duck surfs, does she not?”
Lilith looked at them disinterestedly. “Yeah, she surfs.”
Ava clapped both hands over her mouth for a second. “She? Does she have a name?”
Beatrice sighed. “Yes.”
“And…?”
Ava was never going to let her hear the end of this, probably. “Her name is… Beatrice.”
Ava almost fell over laughing. “No fucking way!”
“I promise. Ask Lilith if you want.”
Ava glanced up at Lilith in the lifeguard’s seat. “No, I believe you. But OH MY GOD.” She cackled. “Beatrice the Duck. That’s amazing.”
Ava stands up and dusts the sand off the backs of her legs. She’s not really graceful but she moves as if she’s grateful for every little twitch and impulse and spark in her body. Beatrice stands up, preparing to say something, but Ava interrupts her. “Listen, I didn’t mean to invite myself to your parents’ party. You don’t even know me. You didn’t even seem like you wanted to go. So, I won’t be insulted or anything if, you know, you wanna like, un-invite me.”
Beatrice hesitated. Ava was standing here, giving her an out. She was too perceptive. Beatrice was feeling more and more like she really was getting in over her head. Maybe that was all right. She wasn’t even sure anymore. “No, I think you’d probably enjoy it. I think it’s a lot of fun for anyone who isn’t me and doesn’t have the history with my parents that I have.”
Ava eyebrows twisted themselves into an overly expressive little snake shape that clearly indicated she didn’t like the sound of that. “Am I gonna have to beat someone’s ass?”
“No, no, I don’t mean it like that. It’s fine. I should go. And… you should come.”
But Ava didn’t seem satisfied with this. “But do you actually want me to come?”
This bundle of squirming energy didn’t want to just be tolerated, she wanted to know that she was actually wanted there. The insane thing was, Beatrice did want her there. She hated to admit it to herself, but Ava had “DISRUPTOR” written all over her, and something in Beatrice was dying to introduce an element of chaos to this party.
And there was more, too, wasn’t there?
“I do want you to come, Ava. Truly.”
Ava stood looking at her for a moment, with a serious, level stare that Beatrice didn’t quite know what to make of. Then her face lit up, and she pumped her fist once and said, “Yes! Awesome! Ok. You have my email or whatever. Just like, send me the info and stuff.”
“I will.”
Ava stood there like she was waiting for something else.
“And…” Beatrice smiled. “Your focus was very good today. I think you’re ready to graduate to new reading material. Saltwater Buddha by Jamal Yogis.”
“OK, teach!” Ava picked up her board, But before she walked away, she stopped. “You know how you told me to look at Lilith in the lifeguard station to help me keep my focus, and that was what worked?”
“Mm?”
“Well…” Ava lowered her voice and leaned closer. She said quietly into Beatrice’s ear, “I may have been looking at Lilith, but I was picturing you .” And then she bounded off. “I’m gonna get that Buddha book!” she called over her shoulder.
Beatrice could only marvel at how Ava seemed always to leave her standing there, a little stunned, while she rabbitted away down the sand.