Chapter Text
They move together, sway from side to side, their eyes never leaving each other. Misty gave in to Cordelia’s request to dance with her and the atmosphere became slightly awkward, she didn’t know where to look when her arms wrapped around her neck, tried to avoid her eyes, and feared the feelings that would come with it, with the closeness and intimacy. It’s inevitable, she has come to realize. Those feelings she still harbors for Cordelia, and probably always will.
“I miss you, Mist.” Cordelia whispers in the brief silence between the song coming to an end and a new one beginning. She studies the Cajun's face, attempts to figure out what’s behind those beautiful eyes. Misty finds it hard to keep her gaze on Cordelia, feels as though she could faint merely because of the way she’s looking at her — all doe eyes, a smile on her lips, and the hint of a blush on her cheeks. She’s mesmerizing and so close.
Misty bites her lip, a million thoughts racing through her mind. She could feel her hands getting sweaty where they lay on Cordelia’s hips. It wasn’t appropriate to be this close to each other, was it? ‘Just say something to her, Misty.’ There’s the tiniest glimmer in those brown eyes, one that Misty can only interpret as … hope? “I miss you, too.” She says, finally, barely audible. It feels as though she has just revealed her darkest secret. Not something that feels so blatantly obvious. Of course, she misses her. Cordelia meant – means – something to her, they loved each other.
Cordelia takes a leap of faith, and maybe she’s crossing multiple boundaries, but she rests her cheek against Misty’s shoulder. She holds her breath, ready for Misty to push her away. But she doesn’t. They keep swinging for the next song, and the one after until Cordelia lifts her head. She hesitates for a moment and Misty wonders if she wants to say something. Instead, Cordelia leans in to bridge the last bit of distance left between them.
For a brief moment, Misty leans in too. She can feel Cordelia’s breath on her skin. Another moment passes before Misty lets her head drop, she sounds defeated as she pulls away.
“Misty, I- I,” Cordelia goes to apologize but is interrupted by Misty. “I can’t, we can’t do this, I can’t destroy the life you’ve built for yourself.” She furrows her brows in confusion while the Cajun rambles on. “Mist, what-” Misty paces the room before she settles in front of Cordelia again. “You’re married, Cordelia.” Her mouth opens in realization, she glances at the ring around her finger. “You have this life that you built for yourself, I can’t stand in the way of that, we can’t do this again.” She gestures between them.
Cordelia shakes her head, “No, I-” It’s hard to speak when Misty is still rambling and she finds it hard to make sense of what she’s saying. “I let you go so you can have all of that.”
“You let me go?” Cordelia asks quietly, unbelieving. Misty closes her mouth then, stops talking and looks at her. She tries to come up with an explanation, something that isn’t the truth. She didn’t mean to say it but now it’s out.
“Hi Sylvie, is Misty home?” Cordelia beams at the woman and bounces back and forth on her heels as she stands in front of their door. “Sure, sweetheart. What’s got ya so excited?” Sylvie smiles, letting the girl into the house. “I’m just happy to see Mist.” Cordelia says softly.
She steps inside the place that was more of a home to her than the house she grew up in. Instead of the hostile cold, she was used to, she was welcomed by the warmth and the smell of Sylvie‘s famous apple pie. “I see.” She chuckles, “She’s in her room. Go ahead, I’ll bring you some snacks in a moment.” Cordelia nods. “Thank you, Sylvie.” She heads to her girlfriends' room.
Misty opens the door before Cordelia even has the chance to knock, smiling at her. “Hey.” She smiles, stealing a kiss. “Finally.” She hums, pulls her girlfriend inside, and closes the door behind them.
“I’m sorry I’m a bit late, I was on the phone with Aunt Myrtle.” Cordelia informs her excitedly. "Sit down, I need to tell you something.“ She rushes Misty to the bed and waits for her to sit. “What’s going on, Dee? Is Fiona on vacation – I mean – a business trip, again?” She grins and Cordelia shakes her head, laughing.
She wrings her hands like she often does when she‘s nervous. “Unfortunately no, but I talked to Myrtle and she told me about the college she started teaching at. It sounds so wonderful, Mist. She said I should come to visit her soon and look at it myself.“ Cordelia bites her lip.
Misty listens to Cordelia, although her excitement fades when she mentions staying with Myrtle, leaving New Orleans, she doesn’t let it show. The mere thought of graduating makes her want to curl up in a ball.
They’ve talked about college and their future at length, spent many hours dreaming about what it might look like. Misty has even started saving money for their own little place, a small apartment in town just for the start. She would work with her mother and look for another job. And Cordelia was looking at colleges nearby, spending most of her free time sending out applications.
“Misty?” Cordelia asks, interrupting her thoughts, when Misty doesn't say anything for a while. “It sounds amazing, Delia.” Misty says, plastering a smile on her face. “It sounds like it’s perfect for you.” She adds. It sounds like Cordelia’s dream. “Right?” Cordelia squeezes her hand. “I mean, I’m not going to apply. But I’d love to see it. Sit in on some lectures, maybe.” Misty hasn’t heard her speak about any other college as enthusiastically as the one in New York.
“Why don’t you send in an application?” Misty suggests even though her heart sinks at the mere thought. “But I don’t want to go to New York without you. We’ve talked about it.” Cordelia strokes her thumb over her girlfriend’s hand. “I know but you got so excited about it and your eyes got all twinkly.” Misty chuckles. “There’s no commitment in applying, you could just… try.” She says. “Are you sure?” Cordelia asks.
Misty wants to say no, to tell Cordelia that even the thought of her potentially leaving is scaring her. She wants her to stay. But she can’t stand in the way of Cordelia’s future like this, to deny her this opportunity. “Yes, I’m sure.” She nods and seconds later, Cordelia is attacking her face with kisses. “I love you.” She says quietly. Misty smiles, “I love ya right back.”
They sit in silence. Cordelia on the armchair in the corner, bent over, shaking her head. Misty stands and leans against the wall, she doesn’t dare say anything.
“Why?”
She looks across the room at Cordelia and sees the tears in her eyes. Misty releases a shaky breath, can feel herself trembling. There’s the question. The ‘Why’. Something she never thought she had to confront.
“I couldn’t keep you here. I couldn’t hold you back.” Misty whispers, “For as long as I’ve known you, you wanted to get out of here — away from your mother. And when you told me about this college, and how excited you were about this opportunity… I had to let you go, Delia. And I knew you wouldn’t leave me, even if I told you it was okay.” She chews on the inside of her cheek.
“We could’ve figured something out, we could’ve… I can’t believe you, Misty.” Cordelia sobs. “Did I mean nothing to you?”
Misty gasps at her words, at the accusation, wonders if it's a serious, genuine question. "You meant everything to me. That’s why I did it ‘cause look at your life now. You wouldn’t have that if you stayed with me.” Misty looks at her, and pleads with her to understand.
“I would’ve had you. I would still have you. That’s all I ever wanted and when you told me you couldn’t be with me anymore when you froze me out…” Cordelia chokes on her words as the memories come crashing in. “Without any explanation. I couldn’t reach you. You broke my heart.”
There are so many things Misty wants to say. She wants to scream at herself for being such a coward, such an idiot for letting her insecurities get the best of her. For thinking, she wasn’t worth something so good, that she couldn’t give Cordelia the life she deserves. She wants to tell her how sorry she is, how she wishes she could turn back time and take everything back. But she can’t change the past.
“The day before you left for New York I came to your house, you know.”
“Go to her, Misty.” Sylvie says, tired of watching her daughter staring at the telephone, “Or call her. But stop sulking.” She’s been sitting here for hours, has typed Cordelia’s number into the phone countless times, but she never actually called her. “What would I even say to her? I don’t think she wants to see me.” Misty wraps her blanket tightly around herself, red-rimmed eyes glancing up at her mother. “It’s up to you, sweetheart. But it doesn’t have to end like this.” She runs her fingers through Misty’s curls, smiling faintly at the girl.
Her mother is right, the Cajun decides. There’s still time to fix things and patch things up between them. If Cordelia would ever forgive her. She gets herself out of the cocoon of blankets she’s wrapped around herself, grabs the keys to her mothers' car, and drives towards Cordelia’s house. The closer she gets, the more her confidence dissipates. She feels as though her heart could burst out of her chest any second when she catches a glimpse of the familiar building.
She parks the car out of sight, and observes for a while before finally getting out of the car and walking down the sidewalk. Before she even reaches the gate, she hears her. She’s laughing, talking to someone. “I didn’t know you were such a gentleman.” Cordelia teases and Misty’s heart drops. She doesn’t move, can’t move. She’s frozen in place. Only when the voices get closer, she manages to hide behind a tree. It’s too dark for the pair to spot her but Misty can see everything. She can see how he wraps his arm around her waist as they walk to the car, how Cordelia leans into the touch.
And then she kisses him.