Chapter Text
“Shit.” Had turned to be Kevin’s word of the day. He’d repeated it approximately 36 times since they’d reached the hotel rooms.
Neil was glad he didn’t have a phone (for now and not if Reynalds had anything to say about it). Jean cursed every time he opened his glowing box. Even Neil couldn’t come up with a positive way to interpret that.
Neil could see the other three sharing the articles they were finding. Every so often, Kevin would repeat his word of the day, and run his fingers through his hair.
It was all Neil could do not to bite his nails to stubs.
Whenever Andrew noticed Neil’s fidgeting, he promptly threw a pillow at Neil. Once Andrew ran out of pillows, he just sent Neil a sharp look. Neil would’ve preferred a pillow to the face.
The four stayed up all night. Neil hadn’t been bothered to change, he’d just unbuttoned his shirt a little (not enough to show any scars) and taken off his makeup.
Neil stared at his reflection in the mirror.
Neil Josten.
‘Who is Neil Josten?‘ He asked his subconscious.
‘Now is not the time for an identity crisis,’ it replied.
Neil still reminded himself.
Neil Josten was good at making shivs; Neil Josten had loose braids in his hair; Neil Josten had a best friend; and most importantly, Neil Josten had just punched the shit out of Riko Moriyama.
Neil smiled to himself.
It was nothing cruel, like Riko’s.
It was nothing blank, like Nathan’s.
It was nothing manic, like medicated Andrew’s.
This smile was Neil’s own. It didn’t show his teeth. In fact, it barely made a dent in his face at all. Just enough to show his shallow dimples.
Neil washed his hands, finding blood under his nails. Neil removed every trace of it.
When he reentered the room, Allison was on speaker on somebody’s phone line. Neil couldn’t quite place whose phone and he didn’t care enough to ask.
Neil laid back on his hotel bed and interlaced his hands on his stomach.
Neil was reminded of decades he’d spent in this exact room. Well, not exact.
The walls were always a slightly different shade of beige, the abstract painting on the wall always in a different position.
But hotel rooms always remained the same. Lifeless, unlived in. Although, Neil supposed that was the point.
The ceiling was white. How unimaginative. Neil still studied it. Drowning out Allison and just focusing on counting the streaks in the paint.
“Neil.” Said a voice. Jean? Kevin? Andrew? Andrew. The voice sounded underwater.
Neil turned his head to look at Andrew.
It felt like a breath of fresh air, and Neil hadn’t even realised he’d been drowning.
Andrew tilted his head slightly. A question? An offer?
“Food?” Andrew asked in German for some reason.
“Not hungry, lost my appetite.” Neil half-lied.
“Ha ha.” Andrew said flatly, not a hint of amusement and he got up, presumably to get Neil food.
Jean and Kevin watched Andrew leave, and once he had Jean dived right back into his conversation with Allison again. Something to do with PR? Neil didn’t really care.
Kevin’s eyes lingered on Neil for a second longer than they should have. Searching for something that Neil probably couldn’t answer either. Kevin shrugged and went back to helping Allison.
Neil got bored waiting for Andrew and he picked up a Sudoku book Kevin had packed from his bedside table. Neil took a pencil from Jean’s sketchbook and started figuring out of numbers. In some ways, it was incredibly relaxing.
Focusing on numbers instead of people was much easier in Neil’s opinion.
Neil had gotten through two and a half puzzles by the time Andrew came back.
Sushi for Kevin, a sandwich for Jean, and a mountain of chocolate for himself. Neil wasn’t sure Andrew would even be able to consume that much chocolate.
Andrew threw some packets vaguely in Neil’s direction. Andrew had gotten him dried fruit, cashews and rice cakes.
At Neil’s clearly puzzled expression, Andrew said: “What can I say? You eat like a bird.” Neil didn’t argue with the obvious truth and opened his cashews.
He sat up, and listened to the conversation. Neil rarely contributed, and if he did, it was for someone to pass him his water. Neil didn’t think Allison would have even known he was there if it wasn’t for his occasional comments to Andrew in German.
Andrew was sat on the single bed opposite Neil, Jean and Kevin on the floor and desk chair. Andrew picked up his book, at what a stranger would assume was a random page. Neil knew Andrew had the number memorised.
Neil shifted over to the bed Andrew was on. Andrew raised an eyebrow at Neil’s choice, but ultimately ignored it.
Neil leaned forward to find the book title. Andrew flattened the book against his lap, the dramatic bitch.
“Can I help you?” Andrew questioned raising one of his eyebrows above his glasses, quite impressive in Neil’s opinion.
“Can you read to me?” Neil asked. As always, not thinking before he said.
Andrew looked taken aback by the question. He considered it for a moment then nodded. Neil shuffled closer.
Neil watched Andrew, and waited. Neil counted the piercings up his ear and studied the glasses that Andrew didn’t wear often enough.
Andrew pushed his face away. “Eat your goddamn cashews,” he grumbled. Neil did as he was told.
Andrew started translating the novel to German. Every now at then, he’d say “I don’t know the word for that” and Neil would lean to the side and tell Andrew how he would say it.
Jean and Kevin seemed momentarily stunned when Andrew started saying the words in hushed tones. Once they’d taken it in, Kevin rolled his eyes and Jean smiled. They continued with their Twitter take downs.
————————————
Andrew was barely focusing on the words he was saying. He had a flawless memory, yet his German was coincidentally slipping up often, probably just so he could hear Neil’s voice say them instead.
Andrew was so done for.
He had ignored Kevin’s looks. He had tried to ignore how long it had taken him to pick Neil food. He couldn’t ignore Neil’s gaze.
Neil’s questions were just as bad. Andrew had half-done what Neil had asked before he even got the sentence out. Andrew had to pretend to consider when Neil asked him to read.
Andrew had been talking for over an hour. The novel was Emma by Jane Austen to be specific, not the easiest prose to translate. If Neil recognised the story, he didn’t say a word.
Andrew’s voice was tiring, this was the longest he’d spoken in years. It was lowering with drowsiness and he looked over at the digital clock to be greeted by the neon red 3:17AM.
Andrew knew Kevin wasn’t going to sleep, drunk Kevin stayed up for hours on end and in that moment Andrew despised Riko for rooming him with Kevin. Although that wasn’t much of an achievement, Andrew despised Riko anyway.
Andrew stopped after he finished the chapter. Neil had laid back on the bed with his knees up, hands interlaced and covering his eyes. Andrew looked at him. Then looked away when he realised that was not something friends did.
Jean was out cold on the floor, and Andrew sure as fuck wasn’t carrying the french oaf. Kevin was still somehow awake, twiddling his thumbs and babbling to himself.
Andrew decided it wasn’t worth moving rooms. Kevin had the keycard anyway, and it was only a matter of minutes before he fell asleep.
Andrew shifted in his place, testing to see if Neil was still awake. Neil stirred, and Andrew ignored the leap his heart did at the dopey smile Neil gave him.
“Want me to move Drew?” Neil slurred, barely understandable. Unfortunately for him, Andrew spoke Neil and understood every word he said.
Andrew shrugged, and he moved over to the other bed Neil had been occupying a couple of hours before.
Andrew only removed his armbands and tucked his bare arms firmly under the sheets.
Neil turned off the only remaining light.
Kevin hummed a jumble of goodnights and fell asleep almost instantly.
The room fell silent, after what had felt like an eternity of noise.
Andrew peered through the darkness, studying the silhouette that was Neil.
Through the gloom, Andrew saw a pair of blue eyes staring right back at him.
————————————
Neil had a phone, and it wouldn’t shut up. He barely understood the basics of the thing, let alone how to mute it.
It had been buzzing non stop all morning, Neil ended up just smothering it with a spare pillow.
Both Kevin and Jean had explained how to use it, Neil had been listening, but clearly not enough.
Neil had four contacts. Andrew, Matt, Kevin and Jean. Somehow, he had been added to at least three group chats, all of which he didn’t know how to mute.
Neil did have a fifth contact. A number he’d memorised and refused to put into his phone.
Stuart. The man Neil hadn’t gone to for 20 years, whose number Neil still had burned into the back of his mind like the iron on his shoulder.
The pillow didn’t prove a worthy silencer.
Neil picked up his phone (still wasn’t used to it) to find out what all the fuss was about.
Neil regretted allowing Allison free rein on setting up his phone. He had a Twitter account. Neil shelved that thought for after he’d read his messages.
Neil had been added to a group chat with
Matt, his girlfriend Dan, Allison and Renee. That one had the most messages so he checked it first.
THE GIRLS (and Matt)
Allison [7:34]: GUYS I GOT NEIL A PHONE HES ON THE GROUP CHAT
MATT [7:35]: YOU WHAT
MATT has changed the groupchat title.
THE GIRLS (and Matt (and Neil))
Allison [7:35]: wdym matt neil is one of the girls
Dan [7:35]: 💀💀
Dan [7:36]: How did you convince him to get a phone Al????
Allison [7:36]: pure willpower.
MATT [7:36]: sounds rough the little guy can be rlly stubborn
Allison [7:37]: tell me about it
Allison [7:37]: but he’s clueless enough so it worked
Allison [7:38]: shit i forgot he was on this gc
Allison [7:38]: HEY NEIL
Neil Josten [7:50]: hello
MATT [7:50]: HE LIVESSS
Neil Josten [7:51]: to be honest if i was gonna die young i probably would’ve done it by now
MATT [7:51]: …
Dan [7:51]: …
Allison [7:52]: …
Neil [7:53]: guys i’m kidding
MATT [7:53]: right…
MATT [7:53]: anyways
MATT [7:55]: good to see you’ve finally moved into the modern age buddy
Neil Josten [7:57]: i’m younger than you??
Dan [7:57]: that’s exactly the problem
Allison [7:57]: ^^ seconded
Allison [7:57]: you’re very behind on this stuff Neil
Neil Josten [8:00]: if i let you choose my twitter profile picture will you leave me alone
Allison [8:01]: DONE!!!
Renee [8:03]: neil what have you done…
Neil [8:05]: what HAVE i done????
Dan [8:05]: you’ve made a grave mistake
Neil Josten[8:07]: i have???
MATT [8:07]: you have.
Neil decided to think about whatever mistake he made later. Neil added Dan, Renee and Allison to his contacts and moved onto the next groupchat. This one with Kevin, Andrew and Jean.
GIRAFFES & GARDEN GNOMES
Neil Josten [8:10]: what does this groupchat name mean
Andrew [8:10]: it means kevin and jean are salty about being giraffes
Frenchie [8:11]: we’re closer to average height than you are
Andrew [8:12]: and???
Neil Josten [8:15]: i thought this argument had been put to rest
Frenchie [8:15]: NEVER
Andrew [8:15]: agreed
Neil Josten [8:16]: andrew don’t text and drive
Andrew [8:16]: ok mom
Neil Josten [8:17]: ….
Frenchie [8:18]: i’m missing context again arent i
Frenchie [8:19]: yk what i don’t even want to know
Kevin [8:19]: wise choice when it comes to these two
Kevin [8:20]: also you fuckers woke me up
Andrew [8:21]: poor kev kev whatever shall we do
Andrew [8:21]: should i call the royal doctor??
Kevin [8:22]: and who’s that? aaron?
Andrew [8:23]: nah he’s fully booked
Kevin [8:23]: i suppose his döppleganger will have to do
Neil Josten [8:25]: what are you guys even talking about
Andrew [8:25]: why kevin’s royalty of course
Kevin [8:26]: i’m too hungover for this
Frenchie [8:27]: you’re ALWAYS too hungover for this
Kevin [8:27]: ain’t that the truth
Neil got a text from Allison, regarding Twitter. He regretted his deal almost immediately.
Allison [8:28]: neil send me photos of you i need to choose
Neil Josten [8:28]: does it have to be my face?
Allison [8:29]: yep.
Neil Josten [8:29]: what if there was a hypothetical scenario where i have no photos of myself?
Allison [8:30]: then you’d ask Andrew.
Neil reluctantly opened his chat do Andrew.
Neil Josten [8:31]: do you have any photos of me?
Andrew [8:31]: i thought you told me not to text and drive
Neil Josten [8:32]: when have you ever done what anyone told you?
Andrew [8:33]: fair enough, i’ll pull over
Andrew [8:37]: {Image Attachment X6}
The first photo was of Neil in the courtroom, with his shoes on the desk, smirking and rifling through Jack’s files.
The second photo was Neil’s side profile against the cloudy window in the plane.
The third photo was Neil with his middle finger raised (by the expression on his face probably at Kevin) in their hotel room.
In the fourth, Neil was rifling his hair in the mirror, before the premiere.
In the fifth, Neil was at the bar, smiling at Allison with a drink in his left hand.
The sixth didn’t show his face at all. It was Neil’s legs on Andrew’s lap and Emma on top of Neil’s legs. Most of the shot was taken up with the book, but Neil knew the photo hadn’t been taken for a favourite page.
Neil took a few minutes to look through all of them again.
Neil Josten [8:42]: when do you take all of these?
Andrew [8:42]: when you’re not looking
Neil Josten [8:42]: ok not creepy at all
Andrew [8:43]: why did you want them?
Neil Josten [8:43]: allison wants them for my twitter
Andrew [8:44]: i probably didn’t send you the best options then
Neil Josten [8:45]: “best” implies there are more
Andrew [8:45]: ….
Neil Josten [8:45]: andrew
Neil Josten [8:50]: ANDREW
————————————
Once Andrew recovered from his mild gay panic, he set up a Twitter (mainly to see what all the fuss was about, not because Neil was making one, obviously).
He sent his Twitter handle to Renee, who presumably passed it onto the rest of the crew. Andrew quickly got an influx of followers, most of them seeming to be Allison accounts (who needs 3 Twitters??)
Andrew tapped on Allison’s profile to find more people to follow. Andrew followed Kevin, Jean, and a few others whose names he’d vaguely heard from people he trusted.
—RETWEETED: @theallisonreynolds
renee :) @knivesandrainbows
everyone go follow @aminyard!!! he’s my best friend and will give you guys updates on @thescarredguy ‘s case!!
Andrew opened Neil’s Twitter and followed it. Just because it was there okay (totally not because he wanted to see what photo Neil had chosen).
Denial really didn’t suit Andrew.
Neil had chosen the third photo, of him flipping Kevin off. Very telling for his future Twitter career.
Andrew scrolled through trending hashtags, unsurprised to find #TheButcher very high up. The tag was mainly dominated by videos and photos of Neil punching the shit out of Riko from a multitude of different angles, all with different outlandish captions. Andrew very quickly decided that everyone on Twitter was braindead.
Andrew started out sending a few random tweets to fill up his blank profile.
In reply to Renee’s:
andrew @aminyard
@knivesandrainbows your flattery has been noted and ignored. also if you’re following me for neil updates, just follow @thescarredguy
l
l
- Kevin Day @kevinnightandday
i don’t think even Neil will give Neil updates
l
l
- neil @thescarredguy
can confirm
Over the next few hours, Andrew’s phone blew up with notifications from Twitter. Follows, replies the whole lot. Andrew couldn’t be bothered to read half the things people were saying about him.
Allison, Jean and Kevin had been put on clean-up after last night, so Andrew found himself a bit of a loose part that day. Neil had gone on a run way too early, and Andrew hadn't seen him around much, apart from over text.
Andrew assumed Neil was busy with phone calls and calming social media. Andrew had tried to keep busy, but there was only so many new cases he could read before he fell asleep.
Andrew had gotten more busy after Neil’s trial. Emails were somehow worse than before, and Wymack had said that people had been “specially requesting” Andrew. He knew it was his job, what he’d always wanted to do. That didn’t stop him from being burnt out.
Andrew should’ve expected it going into law, he had done it because he felt like he had too. He hadn’t lied when he told Neil “someone has to fix the justice system”. Andrew knew he was good at it, because of the many of emails he was currently getting. But a part of him couldn’t help but regret it.
Regret is the wrong word, Andrew doesn’t believe in regret.
Law was something he had to do. Andrew had to protect the people that couldn’t be protected, especially when he’d been left for dust by the system.
He had to provide others with what he didn’t have.
Protector over comforter and all that.
Maybe there was still that one bone in his body that wanted to open a small bakery, with a book nook in the corner, and a cat jumping from shelf to shelf.
Realistically, there were people he had to protect, and that always came before cinnamon rolls.
Andrew closed all the curtains in his hotel room, covered himself in his duvet, lodged his glasses onto his face and tried to get through as many emails as possible with little distraction.
Andrew occasionally glanced over at his phone to read a snarky tweet Neil had written, and huffing in amusement before setting it back down onto the bedside table. Other than that, he got working with minimal interruption for about an hour.
Andrew had mastered the art of the blanket cave, and if it wasn’t for a couple basic human needs, Andrew could probably live out of a blanket cave.
Andrew rang Bee, because despite how it may seem, he did care about his family.
“Hey Andrew how are you?” Bee answered immediately, ever the ray of sunshine.
Andrew told her about last night, better her hearing it from him than a headline. His voice faltered a little when he told her of Riko’s mention of their “mutual friend”. Despite being calm about it in the moment, talking to Bee always gave Andrew another perspective of situations. With her, all of his hidden emotion surfaced, she seemed to have that effect on him. Andrew didn’t mind, and he listened to her opinion.
Despite no longer being his therapist, she was still his mother.
Andrew asked her about her plants, how Aaron was doing, and her loud neighbours. Bee spoke with serenity, allowing Andrew to relax in the calm tones of her voice.
Bee’s voice was lavender to him, the calm lilac in the raging storm.
Andrew eventually hung up, and turned on the new episode of his law-drama (he told himself he only watched it to make fun of the inaccuracies — but he couldn’t help but tune in every week).
Just because Andrew was a lawyer, didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy Legally Blonde.
After another hour, Neil came into the room without knocking (how rude). He looked sweaty and exhausted, despite it being 1pm. Andrew assumed he’d been to the gym with Kevin, and turned back to his laptop.
Neil froze when he walked into the room, part of the way through running his fingers through his hair. Andrew gave him a bored look.
“Is this where you’ve been?” Neil asked, breathless.
Andrew shrugged, and turned back to his show. Not that he was ignoring Neil, he just had higher priorities (Tess was finally confronting Matthew).
“Have you even eaten?” Neil said picking his sleeve and sitting on the bed opposite Andrew.
Andrew considered, and shook his head.
Neil huffed and threw Andrew some of his leftover chocolate from the drawer. Neil waited for Andrew to open it before speaking again.
“Work?”
Andrew huffed in annoyance, which he supposed Neil took as a yes.
“Do you not like law?” Neil said, a rephrasing on the first question he’d ever asked.
Andrew swallowed. “Is this you taking a turn?”
“I thought we gave that up a long time ago.” Neil replied.
Andrew agreed, and answered. “It’s tedious sometimes, that’s all.”
Neil furrowed his eyebrows. Neil knew that wasn’t all, but he didn’t push a boundary Andrew set.
Andrew still said what he wanted to know. “Maybe one day,” he paused, considering his next words. “People may not need my protection.” Andrew looked at Neil, trying to understand what Neil thought.
Neil nodded slowly, a gesture to continue.
“Law is a necessity, like I said. I don’t care for it, I doubt I ever will. It’s treated me wrongly, but all I can do it stop that from happening to other people.” Andrew said, words slurred from not talking for hours.
“Was I one of those other people?”
“Yes and no.” Andrew said, and didn’t elaborate.
Neil brushed it off, and opened Kevin’s Sudoku book. Andrew opened Emma.
After a few minutes, Neil’s phone buzzed. “Shit.” He said after he’d read the notification, throwing his phone across the room and onto Andrew’s lap.
Andrew opened it. It was a tweet that Neil had been tagged in, send to him by Allison with a wonder of exclamation marks.
Allison [13:56]: !!!!! {Image Attachment}
Kathy Ferdinand @thekathyshow
@thescarredguy I’d love to have you on my show next week to discuss the highly anticipated documentary! Get in touch!