Chapter Text
ERIK’S POV
Chase after me, call me, please. Anything.
Erik could hardly think. Listening for the sound of Charles’ voice to call him back and tell him to stay.
What did I do now?
How did I fuck this up?
We were so close.
What am I supposed to do?
No matter how many times Erik looked back, Charles wasn’t anywhere to be found.
Erik found a liquor store and bought all he could with the bills he had in his wallet. He had exchanged his dollars for pounds at the bank in New York before heading out to meet Charles at the plane and had wanted to surprise him by buying him dinner.
It was all moot now.
~
CHARLES’ POV
Erik was gone. He had looked so broken before he left. No anger. No fire. Not even enough fight to slam the door.
A small click of the lock was the only sound left of indication that Erik was gone, probably for good.
“It’s better this way.” Charles told himself in the empty room. “I know it is. I’ll only hurt him more the longer we try to make things work.”
Something pressed in his chest and Charles found himself gasping. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was crumpled on the floor, sobbing.
“Alright. That’s enough of that.” Charles told himself, hiccups interrupting his monologue. “You hurt him, there’s no reason for you to be dramatic about anything. This was your decision.”
Charles lifted himself off the ground and grabbed his keycard and things, making sure not to leave anything.
The lube.
The lube was still on the bed.
Making sure that he had everything else, Charles left the room.
~
“Hey, Charles?” Raven called out to the almost completely dark apartment as she turned on a light.
“Raven!” Charles replied, rushing down the stairs to greet her with a large smile. “Good, you’re here! I want to show you how the decorating is coming along.”
“You went to the furniture store with Erik and you didn’t invite me?” Raven shook her head at him. “I would have loved to make fun of his taste.”
“No, I went by myself.” Charles answered quickly. “But that doesn’t matter, I think that I have a study set up already. I’m going to need one after all.”
“Right…” Raven nodded. “Where’s Erik?”
“Why do you care?” Charles asked with a small twitch. “You two don’t get on very well and he’s not here, so you should take advantage of that and allow me to show you how the decorating is going. You can give me your tips and advice and opinions freely without having someone interrupt you.”
“There is that.” Raven agreed. “Alright, show me. Is it on the top floor?”
“Yes, I would like to keep my books safe from any guests I might have over later for parties and such.” Charles replied. “I’m thinking of moving the large bookcase to the upper floor as well, just to have all my books in the same area.”
“That might be a good idea, Charles. Don’t want any of them to get lonely or anything.” She teased.
Charles chose to ignore her and led the way up the stairs.
“Oh my god, Charles.” Raven gaped. “This is just incredible! You did this all in one day? It’s so very you I want to hug it!”
Charles allowed himself to chuckle. “Yes, I should hope that it looks like me if I decorated it.”
“Where did you get the idea?” Raven asked, moving closer to the desk.
“I can’t say that I’m sure, but I did some measuring and calculating and I was able to find what I wanted.” Charles replied, smiling.
“So is this like another bedroom?” Raven asked, moving over to the space against the wall where Charles had put a bedframe and mattress.
“Yes and no.” Charles answered easily. “As you know, I tend to fall asleep at my desk often or leave too many books in my room. I figure, if I set up a bed in the study, surrounded by my books, I can avoid two problems. One being falling asleep at my desk, now I can simply crash on the bed if I’m too tired, and the other being that now my books will all stay in one room and I won’t lose as many of them.”
“That’s pretty genius actually.” Raven smiled. “You haven’t painted yet though, or bought any bedding. Where are you sleeping tonight?”
“I hadn’t thought of that…” Charles looked down.
“Are you alright?” Raven asked, noticing his fallen expression. “Where’s Erik?”
Charles smiled back up at her, a bit too happily. “I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry about me, and certainly don’t worry about Erik.”
Raven sighed. “If you say so, but Charles?”
Charles turned around to face her.
“You have to stop keeping this shit in.” She sighed. “I’m here for you if you need to talk or watch a stupid movie or just sit around and do nothing. If anything’s wrong, you should tell me. Or someone. Or anything! Just don’t keep whatever it is in.”
“Of course not.” Charles nodded. “Now quit being a nuisance and leave. I’ve shown you what I wanted.”
“Oh no.” Raven shook her head. “You’re coming with me. Wherever Erik is, he can let himself in or find someplace else, but you are not sleeping on the floor.”
“And the alternative is?” Charles asked her with a knowing sigh.
“My lumpy pull-out couch with the spring that sticks out!” Raven giggled, grabbing Charles by the arm and yanking him towards the door.
“I’m saved!” Charles laughed out sarcastically.
“It’s your own fault for not wanting to buy me another.” Raven said, smacking his arm playfully.
“I’ve told you to get rid of that monstrosity a hundred times!” Charles replied with mock indignation. “You continue to completely ignore me, as always.”
“I just like to watch you squirm a bit.” Raven teased.
“Right, it has nothing to do with the fact that we out-bid Hugh Grant for it at an auction.” Charles smirked.
Raven just glared at him.
“I should have just let him have the blasted thing. It’s hideous.” Charles said, wrapping his arm around her.
~
ERIK’S POV
Erik prided himself on being able to hold his drink, but even he had a limit. Apparently three large bottles of absinthe, vodka, and whiskey were enough to get him feeling pretty stupid and off-balance.
Erik stumbled along the streets, feeling reckless and wild. Ready for a fight and yet ready to give up.
He spotted a homeless man and sat down next to him.
“I’m sort of rich.” He slurred.
The homeless man just nodded.
“But I’m homeless too.” Erik laughed out, humorless. “I’d give you some of my money but it’s been spent. See I spent it all on booze, liquor, whatever you want to call it, just for the sake of getting myself in such a state I can forget blue eyes and that stupid, stupid accent.”
“How’s that working for you?” The homeless man asked, pulling his coat closer to himself for warmth.
“It’s going shit.” Erik laughed again. “I still remember ‘im. Can’t forget. I’ll never forget but he probably already has someone lined up to fuck. He won’t fuck me though.”
The man shifted uncomfortably.
“I don’t want anything from you, don’t worry.” Erik assured him, getting up. “Here, have my coat. It’s cold tonight.”
Erik took his coat off and tossed it to him, wandering away drunkenly even as the man thanked him and warned him against the cold.
Erik was wandering for a few more minutes before he heard a familiar giggle.
“I can’t believe you, Charles.” Raven said, huddled against Charles’ side. “It’s freezing and you let that old lady steal our cab.”
“I can’t believe you, Raven.” Charles chuckled, hugging her closer. “Were you honestly going to wrestle that old woman over a taxi?”
“CHARLES!” Erik yelled out louder than he had intended to.
Charles’ face was that of surprise and deer-caught-in-the-headlights.
“Erik-”
“Oh my god, Erik.” Raven growled. “Are you seriously fucking drunk right now?”
“Raven, please.” Charles said, now holding her back. “I didn’t tell you what happened.”
“Raven, dramatic as always.” Erik bowed mockingly. “Cuddling close to Charles just cause you want him to ravish you?”
Both Charles and Raven paused and looked at Erik in surprise, but Raven was more enraged than anything.
“How fucking dare you?!” Raven hissed. “What the hell’s the matter with you, huh?”
She tore out of Charles’ arms and shoved Erik, causing him to stumble back with a wry laugh.
“You cling to him all the time and you hang around his neck and you obviously want to jump his bones!” Erik smirked. “But he won’t fuck you. He doesn’t think of you that way and he never will. And even if you weren’t his sister, you love him and he doesn’t fuck people that are in love with him.”
“Erik, that’s enough.” Charles said firmly, holding Raven back from charging at Erik again and standing between them.
“It’s enough for you.” Erik sighed. “You’ve had enough of me. You’ve had quite enough of everything and everyone. I love you, Charles. I love you so much, I don’t know just what to do with myself. I’d do anything for you. I have, in fact. And if that stupid little tramp could get over what happened at your high school graduation, or at least see that it was both of our faults, then she’d see that too.”
“Be careful what you say about Raven, Erik.” Charles warned.
“Yes, you told me earlier today.” Erik nodded. “And if I could shut my mind up for just a few seconds then I’d be happy to just leave her alone as a kindness to you. No matter what you feel or how you treated me, I don’t actually want to harm you. I should. I should hate you. I should tear your spleen out through your teeth and make you suffer as I do, or at least want to, but I don’t and I won’t.”
“Jesus, Charles, you sure have a thing for psychopaths.” Raven said worryingly.
“Erik, I’m sorry for earlier.” Charles apologized. “I should have handled it differently. Earlier for sure. I’m so sorry. But that doesn’t excuse you to make lewd comments about my sister. It doesn’t give you the right to harass either her or me anywhere or at any time.”
“I don’t want to harass you, Charles.” Erik swayed on his feet. “I just wanted to love you. I had hoped that you might learn to love me too.”
“Yeah, well he doesn’t.” Raven bit out. “You better leave us alone or I will have to handle you myself.”
Erik smiled. “And what are you going to do?”
“Raven, that’s enough.” Charles said, trying to pull her back again but she kept pulling away.
“You don’t want to know.” She said, stepping in front of Erik.
“I might.” Erik leered, stepping closer to tower over her.
“Both of you, please.” Charles pleaded, trying to step between them.
“Stay out of this, Charles.” Raven told him.
“Raven…” Charles tried pulling her away but she pushed him back.
“I’m waiting for an answer.” Erik said impatiently, a bit tired.
“I’ll tear you apart, asshole.” Raven reached to punch him but Erik was faster, catching her fist in his hand and holding her neck with the other.
“Erik, let her go.” Charles demanded.
“She should learn what happens when you play with fire.” Erik said calmly, his instincts kicking in.
“Is that what you are? Fire?” She mocked, his hand still at her throat.
He squeezed his hands harder, loosening her fist and causing her breath to hollow.
“Perhaps.” Erik smirked.
“Erik, that’s enough. Please, let her go.” Charles started breathing heavily.
“She’s a snake, I don’t trust her.” Erik said, pushing her back harshly.
Raven tried to attack him again, her kicks and punches fast but he deflected them, even in his drunken state.
He caught her leg mid-air and flipped her over, causing her to land on the cement with a huff.
“You’re a dick and I hate you.” Raven spat.
“Raven, we should leave.” Charles implored her as he helped her get up.
“Not until this jackass has learned his lesson!” Raven jumped on his head, trying to crush Erik’s head with her thighs, but he leaned forward, face-first, causing her to jump off of him and land a firm blow to the jaw.
“Raven, we should run.” Charles said, pulling at her now and starting to jog.
But Erik was faster and he caught her arm, swinging her around into a choke-hold, falling back and crossing his legs over hers, leaving her squirming helplessly.
“Erik, please.” Charles begged, kneeling down to where they were tangled. “Please, she’s the only family I have left.”
Raven started gasping for air, her arms flailing.
“Why did you make me leave?” Erik asked, looking up at him and letting all of his pain show.
“You’re tired, and drunk, and confused, and heart-broken.” Charles swallowed hard. “It wouldn’t matter if I told you now.”
“Why did you force me to leave?” Erik asked again, louder with a slight growl.
“I’ll tell you once you let her go.” Charles promised.
“I don’t know that I can believe you.” Erik frowned at him.
“I give you my word, on my honor, that I will tell you why I forced you to leave once Raven is safely home and you have sobered up.”
Erik’s grip loosened and Raven started coughing, scrambling out of his grasp and into Charles’ arms.
“What happened between you two?” Raven asked hoarsely as Charles helped her stand up.
“You should have gotten the answer to that before assaulting him. I’ll tell you later.” Charles sighed. “I’m sorry about this. What were you thinking? He could have killed you!”
“Charles-” Raven started.
“No. You and I are going to have a very long discussion about you charging into dangerous situations that could get you killed, later though. I have a friend to take care of. Can you make it home without getting yourself into any more trouble?”
“This trouble wasn’t mine and you know it.” Raven glared.
“Maybe not but that’s certainly how it ended, isn’t it?” Charles sighed. “Go on home, I have a loft and a bed, I’ll sleep there tonight.”
“Alright.” Raven shrugged. “If he steps out of line, just scream in his ear.”
“I can handle a drunk.” Charles smirked at her.
“I still want the details of all of this tomorrow.” Raven stated firmly, pointing her finger at Charles.
“And you will get them, but go home now.” Charles pulled her in for a hug.
“Fine, fine.” She replied, hugging him back and then leaving.
Charles watched her go a ways before turning to where Erik was laying on the pavement.
“Do you need a hand?” Charles asked, offering to help Erik stand up.
“No, thank you. I have two of them.” Erik half-smiled at Charles.
“You almost killed my sister.” Charles told him.
“I hate her and she tried to kill me first.” Erik shrugged.
“Is that an excuse?” Charles lifted his eyebrow at him.
Erik shrugged again. “Does it matter? I’m pretty sure that you hate me now too so what does any of it matter?”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Erik.” Charles sighed. “I don’t hate you. Come on, let’s take you home.”
“Where’s home?” Erik asked, taking Charles’ hand and standing up. “I don’t have a home.”
“Home is with me.” Charles smiled at him shyly.
“Home is with you.” Erik smiled, nodding in agreement.
“Yes.” Charles wrapped his arm around Erik’s waist as they stumbled in the direction of the apartment. “Now that that’s settled, Erik, where the bloody hell is your coat?”
“I gave it to a homeless man.” Erik shrugged.
“You’re going to catch hypothermia, come here.” Charles took off his coat and wrapped it around Erik’s shoulders.
“What about you?” Erik asked.
Charles stepped in front of Erik, pressing his back up against Erik’s chest and walking in step with him.
Erik smiled and wrapped his arms around Charles’ chest, just for good measure.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.” Erik sighed, breathing in the scent of Charles’ hair.
“That’s funny, because I’m not sure what I’m going to do with you either.” Charles teased, cuddling closer into Erik’s arms.
“You’re not forgiven.” Erik informed him.
“Neither are you.” Charles replied.
“You broke my heart.” Erik clarified.
“Hmm.” Charles hummed. “You tried to kill my sister.”
“I didn’t though.” Erik reminded him.
“Yes, I know. Thank you.” Charles smiled. “You bloody lunatic, you should be institutionalized.”
Erik hummed his agreement and they walked their way home to Charles’ apartment in companionable silence.
~
Erik woke up with a nasty headache and a dry mouth.
You’re on the floor.
No shit.
Don’t sass me.
Shut up, for once in your stupid life, just leave me alone.
Erik groaned and turned over.
Max was sitting next to his head, sniffing his face curiously. He didn't seem to like what he smelled and walked over to the kitchen.
“Ah, you’re finally awake!” Charles said rather loudly.
No, he’s speaking normal, you’re just being sensitive.
I told you to shut up.
“What am I doing here? Where am I?” Erik asked, disoriented.
“You’re home.” Charles replied with a large smile, purposely lowering his voice for Erik’s sake.
“Huh?” Erik frowned at him. “I thought you didn’t want me, what happened?”
“We can talk about that when you’re feeling a bit more human.” Charles deflected. “Let’s get some food in you, you threw up almost ten times last night.”
“I must’ve made a complete ass of myself.” Erik groaned again. “Why am I on the floor?”
“We don’t have any furniture yet, remember?” Charles answered kindly. “Well, I did buy some but that was more impulsive than thoughtful.”
“What did you buy?” Erik asked, attempting to get up, waving off any attempts Charles made to help him.
“Bookcases, a desk, and a bed.” Charles shrugged. “I got a call this morning saying that my books and clothing will be arriving tomorrow, so I’ve got plenty of time to kill decorating the rest of the apartment if you’d like to help.”
“Wait, but if you have a bed, why didn’t you sleep in it?” Erik asked, noticing how Charles looked rumpled and tired.
“I was looking after you and you refused to sleep in the bed, saying that it gave you nasty ideas and you didn’t want to insult me by being pushy.” Charles smiled at him brightly.
“Well at least I was trying to be a gentleman.” Erik sighed. “How did we end up back here anyhow? I thought you didn’t want to see me again.”
“You were drunk on the streets without your coat and you spotted me walking with Raven and I brought you home.” Charles shrugged. “I couldn’t very well leave you alone out there in your state.”
“Oh.” Erik frowned. “Well I don’t want to bother you anymore, I’ll just let myself out.”
“Erik, you really are an idiot.” Charles sighed, grabbing him by the arm. “You’re not a bother and I didn’t mean it when I told you to leave, not really. I’m sorry.”
Erik looked down to where Charles’ hand was on his arm and smiled up at him. “Does this mean you want me to stay?”
“Well, I- yes.” Charles nodded.
“Say it.” Erik pressed. “I just want to hear you say it.”
“Stay with me, Erik.” Charles said, looking honest as though he truly meant it. “You’re home is here, with me.”
“You’re an ass.” Erik chuckled.
“And you still tried to kill my sister last night so I suggest you keep the insults to a minimum.” Charles rolled his eyes.
“Did I kill her?” Erik asked worriedly.
“No.” Charles shook his head. “You let her go.”
The events of last night started coming back to Erik. His wandering, his drinking, the homeless man, and Raven.
“She tried to kill me first.” Erik half-smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
“She wouldn’t have let you off that easy.” Charles laughed, smiling at him again.
“Why did you make me leave?” Erik asked, remembering Charles’ promise. “If you didn’t mean it, then why did you say it?”
Charles paused and looked down.
“Never mind.” Erik shrugged. “We have some shopping to do and I’d much rather do that than force some information out of you that you’re not ready to share just yet. Shall we go?”
Charles smiled back up at him gratefully. “You need a shower first.”
“Right, I suppose I do.” Erik sighed. “But I’m not really in the mood and I still have a monster headache.”
“I made some eggs and there’s a bottle of aspirin on the counter.” Charles informed him, pulling Erik by the arm that he had not yet let go.
Erik followed him easily and Charles let go of him once Erik had seated himself on Charles’ trunk standing upwards to be used as a barstool.
“These are awful.” Erik gagged and nearly spat out the eggs. “Oh, these are horrible and… salty.”
“Hey!” Charles yelled defensively.
“Why are they raw in some parts and burned in others?” Erik poked at the contents of his plate with a grimace.
“I was cooking them while making sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit, so excuse me if they aren’t perfect.” Charles grumbled.
“I thought you were better at this.” Erik said, looking up at Charles confused. “You’ve made better eggs than this, I’m sure of it. Who the fuck screws up eggs?”
“I got distracted with a phone call.” Charles pouted.
“And you still tried to feed me this horse shit.” Erik started laughing. “Next time, I know better than to try to kill your sister, but poisoning me is just unfair!”
“I wasn’t trying to poison you, I was trying to do something nice.” Charles protested.
“Charles.” Erik stood up and wrapped him in a hug. “Surely, even the worst cook in the world knows that what you served me isn’t edible.”
Charles remained silent.
“Have you eaten yet?” Erik asked, pulling away to see Charles glare at him.
“No.” Charles shook his head, disgruntled.
“Let’s go find a café or something and get something decent to eat and a nice hot cup of coffee for my hangover.” Erik sighed, pushing Charles in front of him out the door.
Max jumped up on the counter and pushed the plate off.
~
“How do you even have it in yourself to laugh after getting so trashed last night?” Charles asked once they had finished their meal.
“I’m used to dealing with pain and disorientation.” Erik shrugged. “Sometimes the people I try to kill, try to kill me. I’ve been drugged and beaten and thrown in a river weighed down by chains. A hangover is a lighter one of the many pains I have to deal with for my job.”
“Used to deal with.” Charles corrected. “When were you thrown in a river?”
“Oh, this one time in Florida, I was trying to sneak onto a boat and the captain of the ship found me, suspected me of being a spy, and had me chained up and thrown in a river.” Erik shrugged. “It could have been worse, I could have been shot on site. Incidentally, I’ve dealt with that too.”
“What?” Charles asked confused. “If you’ve been shot, then why are you even still here?”
“I had a hell of a backup team.” Erik smirked. “I did get shot though, I have a few battle scars from my travels.”
“I feel like I should have noticed them.” Charles looked down.
“Well, anytime you’ve seen me shirtless, we both had other things on our minds.” Erik winked.
Charles laughed at that. “Yes, I suppose we did.”
~
“Erik, you don’t have to carry that in yourself. Don’t be stubborn.” Charles chided, rushing over to help Erik settle a couch into the apartment.
“You didn’t have to hire the movers, I could have carried these things in myself if you had rented a truck.” Erik grumbled.
“Well I was hoping that you wouldn’t get a hernia before we could get around to doing other, more athletic, things.” Charles answered suggestively.
“Oh no.” Erik let out a huff. “I’m not doing any of those kinds of strenuous activities until after we talk.”
“Are you honestly putting off sex for conversation?” Charles asked dubiously.
“The movers will hear you.” Erik teased, bending down a bit to give Charles a quick kiss on the lips and then rushing out the door.
“Why did I have to tell them to move it all in today?” Charles asked himself quietly, shaking his head.
Once all of the new furniture had been moved in and the workers had all left, Charles and Erik sat down on one of the new couches together, admiring the décor and drinking wine, whIle Max slept peacefully on oNE of Erik's clothing boxes.
Erik was thinking about the fur getting all over his black shirts when Charles spoke up.
“Want to have sex on the couch?” Charles asked idly, sipping at his drink.
“That’s pretty straight to the point.” Erik raised his eyebrows at him with a smirk. “I must look pretty good right now.”
“Actually you didn’t shower this morning and you’re all sweaty from moving furniture, I’m just feeling particularly horny.” Charles shrugged, playing coy but smiling back at him.
Erik smiled thoughtfully and looked down. “Charles…”
“I know what you’re going to ask and I was scared.” Charles cut in.
“You told me to leave.” Erik said, finally looking back up at him. “How am I supposed to know if you’ll still want me here tomorrow?”
“Well of course I’ll still want you tomorrow.” Charles sighed, placing his wine glass on their new coffee table.
“Do you just want me for sex?” Erik asked seriously. “If you do, then that’s fine. You wouldn’t be the first and I don’t mind being your boy-toy, but I’d like to be warned before I do anything even stupider like ask you to marry me or something equally foolish.”
“You want to marry me?” Charles lifted his eyebrows at that with a teasing smile, trying to lighten the mood.
“Don’t change the subject.” Erik said firmly. “I want an answer to my question first.”
Charles sighed. “No, Erik. I don’t just want you for sex.”
“Then what do you want me for?” Erik asked, sincere.
“I don’t know.” Charles looked away. “I just can’t actually let you go. I try and try but for some reason, when I see you again, I just can’t let you slip away.”
“I hope you realize that that sounds like complete bullshit to me after yesterday.” Erik frowned.
“Yes, I suppose it does.” Charles let out a groan. “Erik, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“How about the truth?” Erik muttered. “Why did you get so upset yesterday? What scared you?”
Charles hesitated. “You were- no. You love me. Above that, you trust me. I can hardly trust myself and somehow you managed to worm your way into my life again. Possibly even my heart. I let you into my house without a second thought. I brought you to England because I couldn’t stand the idea of having a whole ocean between us. I never even left bloody New York because you still lived there.”
“Is that why you never left?” Erik asked, a smile growing on his face.
“I kept telling myself that I had friends and a life there, but I know, as I always have, that the only reason I actually stayed was because I was hoping to see you again.” Charles answered, smiling with relief, like he was finally being honest with himself. “I went back to see Kurt, dreading that you might be there and see me so weak again. The same boy that couldn’t stick up for himself against what was really just a big bully.”
“Charles, you never seemed weak to me.” Erik told him, scooting closer to him on the couch and setting his own wine glass down on the coffee table. “I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you because you’ve always been so strong. You’re intelligent and humble and kind, but I’ve never seen you as weak. I’ve always seen you as the second strongest person I’ve ever met, second only to my mother.”
“But you hated me.” Charles said confused. “When you’d find me or your mother would to tend to my wounds, you hated me. You would ignore me and shut yourself away in your room. I was so sure that I was a nuisance, and that you didn’t want me intruding on your life.”
“Charles that’s ridiculous.” Erik scoffed. “I’ve been in love with you since before we met. The only reason that we did meet is because I had finally built up the courage to talk to you. I still remember that night: it was cold and about to rain. You were shivering because you were only in a thin shirt and pajama shorts but you weren’t crying, like you refused to. There were bruises on your face and Kurt had hurt your left arm but no matter how much it must have hurt, you didn’t even complain once.”
“You let me in the door that night.” Charles smiled fondly at the memory.
“I remember when you were following me up the stairs and you kept staring at me with those blue eyes of yours, introducing yourself in that stupidly posh accent and asking for my name.” Erik chuckled.
Charles chuckled with him. “I thought you were mentally ill, you didn’t know how to shake my hand.”
“Have you ever seen someone so beautiful that they left you speechless?” Erik asked with a smile. “I’d always known that you were attractive, but having the focus of your eyes on me is still one of the most amazing experiences of my life.”
“Oh shut up.” Charles blushed. “I vaguely remember you letting it slip that you’d been stalking me for quite some time.”
“Well, I’m not the most sociable of people.” Erik shrugged.
“Why would you ignore me so much?” Charles asked, a hint of hurt seeping into his expression.
Erik made a pained face. “Ah. That. Erm, I saw you with Raven before I knew that she was your sister. I saw an attractive teenaged boy kiss an attractive teenaged girl and I jumped to conclusions. I suppose I was trying to push you away so that I wouldn’t get hurt.”
“Well then we’ve come full circle.” Charles laughed aloud. “We honestly have the worst communication and we are both very much at fault but neither more so than the other.”
“I haven’t been with anyone else.” Erik said, confused.
“No, but I was trying to push you away so that I wouldn’t get hurt.” Charles smiled. “I forced you to leave because I realized, in that terrifying moment, that I wanted to take what you were offering.”
Erik was still confused. “What?”
“I wanted to be selfish with you.” Charles explained. “I want to keep you to myself and never let anyone else touch you. I want to please you and make you happy. I want to be yours. I want to love you. I do love you.”
Erik gaped at Charles.
Did he just say what I think he said?
Not the time. Later. Tell him something, you ugly fish!
Erik closed his mouth. “You love me?”
“I love you.” Charles giggled.
“But I love you.” Erik said, like the two things couldn’t both be true.
“Yes, that’s why it works out quite perfectly, don’t you think?” Charles smiled, waiting for Erik to catch up.
“I love you.” Erik said again, for good measure.
“Erik,” Charles said, scooting to sit next to him and gently placing both hands on either side of his face. “I love you.”
Charles smoothed his thumbs over Erik’s cheeks just as Erik smashed his lips against Charles’. Charles moved his hands to play with Erik’s hair and Erik pulled Charles ever closer by the waist, towering over him as they laid down, their lips never separating. Erik squeezed Charles closer to him, willing to hold on to him forever.
“Erik.” Charles mumbled against Erik’s lips.
Erik didn’t let go.
“Erik, I can’t breathe.” Charles chuckled.
Erik pulled away. “You won’t change your mind tomorrow?”
“What? No, of course not.” Charles laughed at him as though he were ridiculous. “We have to buy paint tomorrow, and then we have to paint the walls and put all of my books away, and settle you in because there’s no way you’re leaving me alone in such a large apartment.”
“What if you kick me out again?” Erik teased.
“Listen to me very carefully, Erik.” Charles said, extremely serious. “I cannot promise that I won’t get angry, or that I won’t suddenly shut myself away or ignore you or say nasty things. I won’t be easy to live with. I could give you the excuse of everything that I’ve been through, but I won’t because it doesn’t matter. There is no good reason to treat another person the way that I have treated you.”
“Charles, I was joking.” Erik assured him.
“I know, but I should at least warn you.” Charles shrugged. “I can be moody. I lie about how I’m feeling, even to myself, and then I lash out. I’m trying to fix myself, and I’m confident that with enough effort I can change.”
“You don’t have to change.” Erik sighed.
“Yes I do.” Charles continued. “There will be times when I will be cruel and vicious and say things that I don’t mean. At times like that it will be up to you to decide whether you want to leave me to cool down, or if it’s the appropriate moment to calm me down and help me unwind. I can’t tell you when and I can’t tell you how, but I can try to warn you about my moods.”
Erik simply nodded.
“Your home is here with me.” Charles stated firmly. “You have your own bedroom and things, even that adorable ltitle kitten. Most importantly, you have me. You have my love and my loyalty. I’m yours as you are mine.”
“The upstairs is more yours than mine to be honest.” Erik winked.
“The upstairs is the study, and you chose some of the furniture up there too.” Charles replied mock-defensively. “You can choose what color we’re going to paint it.”
“I’ll choose something soothing.” Erik promised.
“That’s a rather good idea, but nothing too soothing, I don’t want to fall asleep too often.” Charles smiled.
“What about Raven?” Erik asked, there would be some trouble there.
“You’re not the first person to try and kill her.” Charles snickered. “She’ll get over it all when I explain what happened, and if that doesn’t work, then once she sees how the apartment looks, she’ll have to. Even if she doesn’t get over any of it and decides to hate you forever, then there’s still no way I’m letting you leave me ever again.”
Erik smiled at Charles again. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Charles smiled back.