Chapter Text
“Do you miss me when I go?”
Alonzo was sitting on the side of the bed, fur still rumpled, as the early morning sun began to filter through the window. The streets of Nassau were never quiet, but today they seemed blessedly subdued.
“What makes you ask that?”
When Alonzo got contemplative, it usually meant something was bothering him and he didn’t know how to say it.
“Just wondering I guess. We’ve ended up in bed like this a lot recently. What happens when I go again and come back?”
Munkustrap sat upright in bed, pondering his next move carefully. It was an odd rhythm they had fallen into. The last several times Bombalurina and her pirate crew had docked, they had ended up like this. It always happened the same way: Alonzo would check on Mistoffelees and Victoria, his self-assigned charges who worked/lived with Munk in the tavern, before Victoria was pulled away by Plato and Rumpleteazer vying for her attention and Misto was commandeered by his own younger brother, Tugger. Munk reckoned he was lucky that Tugger still came to see him before Misto, he was madly in love with him, to Alonzo’s exasperation. But then he and Alonzo would find each other. Some way or another, they would end up getting carried away, spend the night together, and never speak about it. It was slightly shameful to admit, but Munk was afraid to speak about it, in case doing so would end it. Why look a gift horse in the mouth? Alonzo was special, the thought of losing him as a friend was unbearable.
“I worry about you when you go,” he said carefully. “It’s dangerous, your life.”
“I’m more careful than you think I am,” Alonzo sighed, his ears twitching. “I have Misto and Vic to think about.”
“Do you really think I’d let anything happen to them?”
“They’re my responsibility, I'm supposed to provide-”
“And as I’ve told you several times before, you don’t owe me anything,” Munk interrupted. “I love those two. ‘Lonz, they’re fine, you don’t need to worry about them.”
Alonzo whirled round to face him.
“Are you, the king of stress, telling me not to worry?”
“Hypocritical, yes, but that’s how I know,” Munk laughed. “From the moment you arrived in Nassau, you’ve wanted to sail and feel free. You can do that now. You deserve to enjoy yourself. I don’t know why you’re holding yourself back.”
“I wouldn’t call it ‘holding back’...” Alonzo muttered, trailing off with an agitated look on his face.
“Well, what would you call it?”
“‘Waiting’, I guess,” he shrugged.
Waiting? For what, Munkustrap wondered. Did he want to know? Perhaps this was another thing to sweep under the rug. Alonzo could be… prickly, he supposed, when he didn’t want to talk about something. It was usually better to let him come to you. A familiar nervousness rose within him, the fear that came about when he was trying not to think too hard about how he felt for Alonzo.
Alonzo was now looking at him curiously, as if what he was waiting for was Munkustrap’s response. He didn’t know what to say. He picked at the sheets. Other Cats called him brave, but he certainly didn’t feel so right now. A moment of tense silence passed. Alonzo let out a sigh.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, getting to his paws and starting to look round for his things, which had been dumped in numerous spots on the floor.
“Is something bothering you?” Munk asked delicately. “Is there something I can help with?”
“No,” he replied shortly, in a way that suggested there was very much something bothering him.
“I can’t help if you don’t tell me,” Munkustrap pressed.
But he had pushed too far. Alonzo spun round with a nasty scowl.
“You wanna talk about not telling stuff?” he hissed as Munkustrap started in shock. “You’re the one who avoids telling stuff!”
Munkustrap’s heart began to pound; this was going in a very dangerous direction. He had dealt with an irate Alonzo on numerous occasions, but that anger had never been directed at him.
“I don’t-” he started.
“Don’t give me that!” Alonzo stepped towards him, his fur crackling. “Any time I try to ask anything about us, you avoid the conversation like the plague! I ask if you miss me, you give me some waffle about piracy being dangerous. Water is wet, Munk! If you don’t give a fuck about me, just tell me! I’m not stupid, you know, I know there’s something going on here that neither of us planned. It’s hard to talk about, right? Now imagine any attempt rolling off like water on a duck’s back!”
As quickly as his anger came on, it deflated, and Munkustrap could see the wind drop from his sails. Alonzo physically drooped.
“I’m sorry,” he said, heading for the door. “Forget it. I gotta go.”
Munk felt terrible. Now that Alonzo had pointed it out, it was obvious. He had tried multiple times his last few visits to initiate the conversation, and had been deflected each time. Munk hadn’t wanted to see it, hadn’t wanted to face it. He had been afraid, but if that fear had been hurting Alonzo, then it was time for it to go.
“I miss you, ‘Lonz, of course I miss you.” He jumped up and Alonzo paused. “I worry myself sick about you when you go,” Munkustrap continued, paws gesturing wildly, “and when you come back it takes all of my willpower to give you space, to not pull you away from everyone just to be with me. I… I was afraid. I don’t want to trap you, but I don’t want to let you go either! I like you, I-”
But he was cut off as Alonzo stepped forwards again, leaned in, and kissed him fiercely.
“How, Munk?” he said after they broke apart. “Like friends, or more? ‘Cause I’m more, much more.”
“More,” Munkustrap echoed, his voice breathy, hardly believing what was happening. Everything he had wanted, but hadn’t let himself consider, was being offered to him. He just had to reach out and take it.
“More,” he said firmly, seeing Alonzo’s eyes light up as he did.
“Thank the Everlasting,” Alonzo breathed, still holding on to Munkustrap. “Tell me it won’t always be like pulling teeth getting you to talk? Stubborn as a mule, you are!”
“Now who’s being hypocritical?” Munk joked. Alonzo was the most stubborn Cat he had ever met, himself included, and that was saying something!
“It’s a damn good thing I am, isn’t it?” Alonzo snorted in response.
“It really is.”
Everlasting, he loved this Cat, didn’t he? He could work on opening up, if it was for him.
“So what happens then, when I go and come back again?”
“I imagine you’ll first check on Mistoffelees and Victoria, but then you’ll have my undivided attention, and every moment of my time until you sail again.”
Alonzo let out a shuddering breath.
“Will you tell me you missed me?”
“As often as you like.”
“Often, then.”
“Anything else?” Munkustrap asked, biting back a laugh.
“Just… don’t hide from me, not ever.”
“Never.”
He leaned in and kissed Alonzo again.
Never again.