Chapter Text
Kara didn’t ask for much. She knew that being Supergirl meant she had to give up certain vulnerabilities—like being completely open about her true identity with new friends or guys she chose to date.
She’d given up plenty already, and understood the sacrifices she had to make to be a hero—a Protector of Earth.
But was a sweet boyfriend who brought her the most deliciously decadent baked goods and was almost annoyingly respectful of her physical boundaries—which she knew he found to be a bit old-fashioned—too much to ask for?
Apparently, yes. Yes it was.
Because the sad truth was she had literally forgotten that William existed the minute she heard her Legion ring alerting her to a long-distance call from—she thought—Mon-El. And whether she was going to the future or not, Winn’s call had given her instant and unequivocal clarity about her relationship with William—it just was not meant to be.
But first things first. Kara knew she had to come clean to Alex. She brought her blanketed knees to her chest, hugging them tightly. She could feel Alex’s eyes on her but she didn’t look up, instead choosing to pick at a bit of non-existent lint on the blanket. “Well, I told Winn I couldn’t do it, so…” she said in a way that she hoped made it clear she was not interested in talking about it.
But this was Alex.
“Kara...”
“I have responsibilities, Alex!” Kara said, talking over Alex’s frustrated tut-tut. “Important superhero responsibilities!”
“Okay, but Kara—"
“No, I made up my mind.”
“—what is your gut telling you?”
She should have known Alex would play dirty pool.
Kara made a point of never mentioning Mon-El to anyone. Ever. Well, except Alex, and even she didn’t know the depth of Kara’s feelings for him. Mainly because Kara didn’t know herself. She’d packed Mon-El away, put all her memories of him in a little box, like Brainy taught her. She’d never wanted to dwell on what could’ve been. And until stupid Mxy came along and snapped her into alternate timelines where she could see, touch, and talk to Mon-El—actually have a conversation with him, and marvel again at how mature he’d become in his time away…
A memory of Mon-El a few years back, in his casual Argo attire, telling her he had learned that her gut instincts were usually spot on, came unbidden into her mind, but she scowled and shoved the memory back into the little box where it belonged. Packed away.
My gut is telling me I don’t want to see Mon-El in yet another relationship with someone who isn’t me.
But she couldn’t say that to Alex—mostly because she’d spent the better part of the past three years trying to convince her—and herself, if she was being honest—that she had moved on from Mon-El. And maybe because she didn’t want to admit—especially to herself—that she was basing her decision almost entirely on her wish to avoid seeing her ex-boyfriend. Because Winn refusing to tell her anything about Mon-El, except that he was alive and well, gave her a bad feeling.
But all she said was, “Honestly? My gut is being uncharacteristically quiet.”
“Well, I guess if your mind is made up…” Alex’s voice trailed off, but there was a tone. Kara knew that tone. That tone meant this discussion was nowhere near over, but Alex was willing to drop it for now.
A momentary reprieve.
“So what are you going to tell him?”
“Mon-El?” She paused, brow furrowed.
Alex just stared at her like she suddenly had two heads
Oops.
“Oh! I meant Winn!… Wait, what?”
Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I was talking about William.”
Of course she was. Kara’s stomach clenched and she shook her head. “I—I don’t know.” Honestly, making this kind of uncomfortable decision was not how she envisioned spending her evening.
Alex persisted. “Well, do you care about him?”
Kara scoffed and said, “Of course I care about him!” She stared down at her hands. Hands that should’ve been holding pizza and a remote as she Netflix-surfed the night away.
Alex reached over and gave one of Kara’s hands a squeeze. “Do you love him?”
Even though Kara was pretty sure the question was coming, it still hit her. Hard. She raised her head from her hands and looked at Alex, taking in the curious, concerned-big-sister expression Alex wasn’t even trying to hide from her. Kara was pretty sure Alex already knew the answer—she always knew—but she felt like she needed to say it out loud. To make it real. Final.
“No.” Kara thought about how easily William had slipped her mind, thought about how other certain people were never not on her mind, then sighed softly and shook her head. “No, I—I guess I don’t.”
Kara couldn’t pretend anymore. Pretend there wasn’t a Mon-El-sized hole in her heart. And she didn’t know how to fill it.
Alex gave Kara’s hand another squeeze, “Then you know what you need to do.”
Kara, tears pricking at her eyes, nodded her head.
“Good, good…” Alex said, nodding as she grabbed her discarded pizza, then settled back into the couch. She tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear as she glanced at Kara. “Okay,” she said, “so just to be clear, you’re not telling William you’re Supergirl?”
Kara rolled her eyes, laughing in spite of herself. “That’s correct.”
Alex nodded once. “Okay. Just checking,” she said.