Chapter Text
Normally at that time of night the city was quiet, there were a fair amount of cars driving around and there was no heat. Itoshi Sae owned a red, convertible Ferrari car, a fresh new model, tinted in the same colour as his hair, Shidou wanted to think he had customized it for an absurd amount of money.
"Where are you taking me now?" Shidou had already started to investigate all the car's compartments, checked the space for glasses, credentials and the dashboard. He discovered that apart from a box of face masks, an emergency kit and hand lotion, there was nothing else. Interesting.
"Food."
"Right, we didn't eat anything earlier" Shidou kept silent for a few moments. He felt anxious, he constantly wanted to ask Sae everything about himself, but he was also sure that if he did so their current relationship could be destroyed in just seconds. "What's your favorite dish?"
"Don't talk."
"Well, I like Yukhoe."
"Hmm...yeah, it's something like you" Sae muttered, still holding the steering wheel, Shidou didn't question much the fact that an underage boy knew how to drive, after all he had been to Spain, surely he had done several things that in Japan could be considered horrendous, criminal, illegal and all sorts of other barbarities.
"Delicious?" he said in a joking tone.
"Disgusting" He stuck out his tongue in disgust, thinking briefly of Rin, and the very thought of this undiscovered habit of his, caused him to return his tongue to its position as soon as he became aware of it.
"Ouch."
"Yeah, raw meat doesn't taste good. It's a wild, primal dish, it suits you."
Silence fell over them again. Neither Shidou nor Sae felt the need to say anything, the silence was cozy enough to let them both enjoy the night blizzard on their faces. Probably?
"Hey, Shidou" Itoshi Sae didn't take his eyes off the road, but his hands gripped the steering wheel much tighter.
"Yes? Sae-chan"
"I think...it's a bit lonely here, sometimes" His gaze hardened as he continued speaking. "I hardly seem to have any friends" In fact, he had absolutely no one.
Shidou gazed at the scenery, the trees on the side of the road, the lampposts. It felt relaxing. "I'm not your friend?" he said with obviousness, that sarcastic and humorous tone that characterised him was nowhere to be seen.
"If you want to call yourself that, good for you," Sae shrugged, as if he didn't really care about the subject. But honestly, he often found himself thinking about his lack of friendships. Even though he acted all-powerful most of the time, he was always that bit curious about what it would be like to actually lower his barriers, have friends, and honestly go out with them and enjoy his meagre 19 years.
"I like you" Shidou said, for a moment, his voice trembling, almost wanting to use his usual teasing tone again. "I don't know why, but you've got me hooked on you."
Itoshi Sae didn't react at all, he gently pressed the accelerator and increased the speed on the road, uncertain about his next words. Shidou didn't expect an answer, in fact, he even expected to be abandoned in the middle of the road, but instead, Itoshi Sae gave a long sigh while turning his face slightly towards him, without taking his eyes off the road replied:
"Hooked? Why?" The car slowed down.
Shidou's eyes widened in confusion. Was there really a reason to be in love with someone? "I...I don't know" He said, averting his gaze to the sky, the light from a lamp post momentarily blinding him. "It's just like that."
"...Just like that?" Sae muttered. "Shit, what a pathetic confession, I-"
"Are you alright?" Shidou Ryusei leaned forward, the pain-distorted grimace on Sae's face told him that something wasn't right, he had glassy eyes, but no tears had fallen yet.
"Shit... Just like that?"
"W-what is it? Err, if you're uncomfortable with what I said, forget it, okay?" For Itoshi Sae, that calm and peaceful side of Shidou was new, he questioned again what he was doing wrong.
Sae opened his eyes and tilted his head back even further, still looking up at the sky above the car. His vision was blurred by tears, and he let them fall down his cheeks. Then he wiped the tears away with his fingers and stared at his hands for a moment.
He closed his eyes and looked at the floor of the car for a moment. "No," he finally murmured. He didn't want to let go of that candid feeling in his chest, those words he wanted so badly to hear from someone. He would never confess that to someone of course, it was embarrassing to know that he himself acted like a fucking cat, a surly cat that was mistreated before, refuses affection, but with a few tokens of affection he could easily give in. Pathetic, Pathetic, Pathetic. He was so pathetic.
"Just like that..." At this point, the car had stopped its operation, it had lined up not a few seconds ago, as he couldn't see with his eyes full of tears, you're pitiful, Itoshi Sae. "Shit, I really hate people who do things by halves."
"Huh?" escaped Shidou's lips in surprise.
"Work hard, you horny demon, I'm not someone you can...'hook up' with just like that, if you have a brain use it for something really worthwhile, don't waste your time on things like that" Shidou didn't reply.
Itoshi Sae laughed softly "Yeah, just like that..." He averted his gaze to the side of the road, letting out a sigh, started his car again and began driving again, he still felt that sense of dissatisfaction with himself, somehow, he had gotten out of that situation, at least for now. But still, he had no intention of reciprocating Shidou, he didn't want his friendship, anything that came from him, he didn't want it. He felt lost again, more... worried, anxious and heated.
Shidou sighed a little, feeling his chest ache at the realization that Sae didn't feel the same way he did right now, though he knew very well what he had gotten himself into when he unthinkingly blurted out his ridiculous confession, of course it wasn't mutual, there was no need to confirm it, but having that confirmation face to face was...annoying, no, it wasn't annoying, it was more like...awkwardness? Shidou Ryusei didn't know that feeling, but it sure was similar in some ways, yes, that was it. He looked ahead, seeing the road in front of him, the car still moving forward.
He frowned slightly, resting one hand on his left knee and the other on the door. He looked down at the floor of the car, feeling the air around him grow slightly still.
Well, today has been a good day after all. In the end, he had just wanted to be ambitious, nothing bad had happened after that.
"Hey, Sae-chan."
"Hm?" Said the other, he was back to his usual expression, bored, sleepy and judgmental.
"I guess...I get lonely sometimes too" Shidou fiddled with his fingers as he continued to stare at the floor of the car. Honestly, he had never vocalized anything like this before, he usually didn't have the need, and it wasn't a topic that was for the most part of his interest, but in these moments he wanted for the first and mean time he wanted to be sincere, not to his family, but to someone he knew almost knew. It didn't bother hi,, somehow, it seemed to be easier to do so.
Sae's brow furrowed slightly at Shidou's words, but he let him speak instead of trying to force the conversation.
"...You..will get used to it..? I'm not sure what you want to hear from me." Sae was... lost. He didn’t know how to react to such words, mostly because he also couldn’t find a better solution than just ignoring the feeling.
"No, nothing, I just wanted to tell you, ya’know?...You're not alone after all"
Night road trips had always had a reputation for fixing everything wrong for people, but this one, in particular, was far from it. Itoshi Sae had a big mouth, few friends and too many thoughts to organize himself, and now for some reason he had decided to be honest with Shidou in a fit of courage he had, he didn't really expect anything, maybe a couple of laughs here and there and that was it, but, he never wanted to hear words like that. What did he mean by liking him? It was impossible, no, he himself couldn't be considered handsome (although he didn't mind attending such a business more than applying a cream and sunscreen), much less eloquent or charismatic, because he clearly wasn't, he was...normal.... abnormally normal, for an international football star, it was strange that within his own person there wasn't or directly couldn't coexist a kind of extroversion that (at least) only awoke with the cameras in front of him. It was more like secretive type of person, there was only introversion, shyness, fear, etc, etc; he couldn't organise his own feelings into more words, he didn't know that many either, he was ashamed of that sort of thing too, outside of football where he was a monster that swept everyone off their feet on the pitch, he was just a useless big brother, a useless member of society. (When did it become such a bother anyway? He didn't care most of the time, but it seems to be like today was the day)
That was him, Itoshi Sae. The great Itoshi Sae, a prodigy who had conquered the courts of Spain. But to him, his name was only decorative at the end of the day.
He felt as if he was not human.
"If anyone finds out about this, you'll never see the light of day again," Sae threatened as soon as he had calmed down.
"Trust me, no one will know about this." Shidou also seemed unaffected, as he returned to his usual playful tone. Raising his hands in truce he got out of the car, stretching in the process. "What's the restaurant about?"
"You really only think of food," Sae said, pressing the bridge of his nose. "It's Italian food."
"Oui mamma mia, pasta al allioli, penne, salsa, pizza" Crooned the other, following in the older Itoshi footsteps.
A confused grimace formed on Itoshi Sae's face as he heard them confusing words, but he said nothing.This time, there were tables available, and Shidou turned back into a curious child as they were seated on a balcony, secluded and comfortable in the open air.
"Wow what the fuck was there anything like this in Tokyo?"
Sae didn't answer, just looked down at the menu in front of Shidou. "Ah, yeah, I'll take my pick. '' He said, with a smile, which soon crumbled. "P..parste? Gennouv-vezee?" He looked up earnestly. "Shit I can't read anything, order for me" He gave up immediately.
"Well, don't tell me you didn't like something after that."
"Nah, no chance for that, I'll eat anything, you know?"
"Ready to order?" The waitress's voice echoed between them.
"Two Minnestrina with two plain Risotto, to drink..." Sae looked at Shidou.
"Shit, ah, what's to drink?" Shidou lightly kicked Sae under the table. He wasn't even paying attention to the order. Embarrassing.
"We have natural juices in Melon, Passion Fruit, Strawberry flavors. Various liquors, prepared drinks, carbonated drinks and-"
"Hey, Sae-chan, can we order wine?"
"Don't be an idiot and answer properly" He rolled his eyes, exasperated.
"Ah, so two natural juices then? Ahm, what flavor does my baby want?" he joked, as he tried to intertwine his hands, Sae hit him with precision and pushed his hands away.
The waitress's cheeks flushed slightly as he turned his attention back to Sae. "Passion fruit."
"Two passion fruit juices then?"
"Yes."
"Good, the food will be served shortly" And just like that the woman returned inside the restaurant.
"My baby? Really?" Sae Itoshi raised an eyebrow, then kicked him with real violence. Shidou flinched, cupping his shin in his hands.
"Ouf-"
"Think of a better nickname" The other concluded, returning his gaze to the city.
"Sure, you want me to compose a song for that? Look, I can sing" Shidou's voice was off-key, but sincere.
"Darling, my love, my lemon pie, my last drop of water, my beautiful, my precious, my baby girl, my little one, my sweetheart-"
Sae had his hand pressed to his forehead, stunned. "Fuck, you sing like shit, and you suck at giving nicknames" He shook his head, sighing.
"W-well, shit, it's not like it's very easy" He excused himself, flustered.
"Just say you suck, Shidou Ryusei."
"No!"
The waitress soon came back in, pushing a finely decorated cart. On it, the two portions of Risotto and grilled meat, Shidou's eyes widened expectantly, it looked good.
The juices also arrived together and everything was placed in front of them. When the waitress came out and Sae returned his gaze to his plate,he noticed how a variety of hearts were drawn with sauce, some bigger and some smaller, all with sauce, that is, all of them.
Shidou Ryusei burst out laughing and took numerous pictures with his phone. "Shit, the waitress sure is creative with this" Itoshi Sae didn't react at all. What did that mean, did they look like a couple, his face immediately broke down, why did everything suggest that he must be in a relationship? Not just Shidou or the waitress, but even the television, his phone, the manager and his own mother.
Was it so necessary? For 19 long years he didn't really have a repetitive or constant urge to date, he just felt that if the situation arose then he would date someone. So far, nothing had happened,he didn't worry at all about anything that might slow down his professional practice.
"Shit I'm uploading on social media."
Itoshi Sae went into Berserk mode at the comment, snatching the phone right out of his hands. "Fuck off..." He hissed angrily. "If you upload anything remotely related to me or what we do together I will beat you to death."
Shidou stepped back, as if he wasn't expecting it. "I understand sir!" He gave a half lazy militia salute and laughed softly "It was just a picture of food, I'm an idiot most of the time but not always" Sae narrowed his eyes as if he was doubting his words,he sighed and checked the screen, indeed, it was only pictures of his own plate, there was no view of his person, eh, well, embarrassing.
"Here" He threw the phone down and sat down to eat this time. "Eat, or you're out of dinner."
"Yeah, yeah~" Shidou immediately dove into the food. It was good, nothing beats his favorite dish but he took comfort in the fact that 1. He wasn't paying and 2. Itoshi Sae was the one who had bought it for him. Didn't Denji dream of such things? Being invited to dinner by a pretty girl, eating himself to death and then... sleeping with her. Well, Denji didn't really have anything to do with Shidou's dreams, but the 'pretty girl' part at least applied, maybe fucking after dinner was unlikely, impossible, but he supposed he wouldn't give up on that for a good long while, he'd push it to the back of his mind in an attempt to make it a more passable feeling.
"Disgusting," he said, suddenly.
"Huh?" Shidou replied, popping a piece of meat into his mouth. He kept his mouth open and only looked up, he was half hunched over his plate.
"You eat like an animal."
"Ehhhhh?" He said.
"Are you from the caves?"
"¿?" At that point, Shidou's eyebrows could no longer rise in confusion.
"...Yeah, whatever, just keep eating" He gave up immediately. There was no point in making him understand anymore, much less when he had already eaten half of his plate.
" ‘key~."
"Just shut up and eat before you ruin my dessert."
"Oh? You like desserts?" now, finally some real conversation between the two of them. Shidou gladly settled back in his seat.
"No, but I'll eat something by myself today."
"Cute, do you like chocolate?"
"I hate it" He shrugged as if it was of minor importance.
"And vanilla?"
"Bearable."
"I like caramel, coconut, mint chocolate chip, purple Ube, coffee, and butter-" Shidou began to list.
"What the fuck do you eat in your spare time?" Sae was grimacing in disgust, he wasn't criticizing the fact of Shidou enjoying desserts, in fact, he himself wanted to eat them more often, but Mint and Chocolate? Coffee and Butter? Even the purple Ube was passable, but...just...what?
"Ice cream? It's not that import-"
"Mint chocolate chip ice cream."
"Oh? So you're one of those people who hates that combination? Okay, okay, I get it, not everyone has good taste."
Sae watched him puzzled, letting out a silly laugh into the air. "That's a lousy taste, shit, it feels like eating after brushing your teeth."
"Hey, that's offensive."
"Your taste in fashion is offensive" He rolled his eyes.
"Ack, right in my weak spot" He feigned pain in his chest and leaned back from his chair, looking up at the sky "That sure was a good dinner"
"I guess" He shrugged as he wiped the corners of his lips with his napkin. "You have rice on your cheek."
"Wipe it off for me, will ya?," Shidou said.
"With a slap? Gladly."
Shidou stepped back laughing, then leaned back again, closing his eyes and smiling. He expected to feel Sae's hands on his face, but the sharp slap of a napkin on him was enough to bring down all his expectations.
"Clean yourself up and let's go," He told him, dug into his wallet for his credit card and called the waitress, who promptly picked up the bill for the meal.
"Could Itoshi-sama sign an autograph?"
"Uh...Yes, sure, yes" Said the other, usually, he did not stop, he always walked and did not stop for other people's pleasure, he could not help thinking How long had it been since he was asked for an autograph? After returning to Japan, only journalists were confident enough to harass him in the streets. He signed the girl's notebook and left with Shidou who was happily humming back and forth. Sae had the fleeting thought; Shidou would once again give one of his cutting looks to people who approached him, but that didn't happen, surprisingly.
Most of the time he pretended not to see it, but after several hours together he couldn't get that ridiculous act out of his head anymore, it was comical, honestly it was, but in a way it also seemed to be an act of condescending love, something unique that only Shidou could do for him, and not that he wanted him to, but who was he to stop him from doing that? Not that his word was an absolute will, was it? Perhaps, it was only to him, that demon he himself had unleashed on the court.
Maybe he was already doing it, maybe he was already trying to make his word an absolute law, or he had, maybe, most likely, but that was...the past. But he regretted it, it was clear to him, and even if one day his life took a 180 degree turn and he had the divine will to work on it, in the end, it was tedious to do it in the solitude of a hotel suite, or alone in his flat, or alone on the playing field, wherever he went, he was alone.
"WAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Shidou suddenly shouted, running down the street.
Sae watched him from above, still, observing the scene precisely, the coins in the pockets of Shidou's jeans, his Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned, his antennae bouncing with every step, he looked up at the sky, sighing deeply, he felt full from the meal earlier. Then he came down. When Shidou turned to see him after his run, he had already started walking with his hands shoved in his coat pockets, trying to cover himself from the wind. Sae wondered if Shidou wouldn't be cold.
"That felt good."
"Mad dog" He told him when they were together again, he turned his face and eyes away from Shidou.
"Meh, you get used to it"
"I doubt it, you're fucking annoying."
"What can I say, it's a natural gift."
"Being an idiot is a natural gift? I hope it doesn't rub off"
"Sure for kisses it does" he blew him a kiss with his lips, then as he lazily stretched his arms behind his head he hummed a tune as they continued walking. Sae felt a shiver run down his back, he kicked Shidou's thigh with his right leg and immediately returned to the rhythm of the walk.
"Idiot."
In the end, when they were together, they didn't feel so lonely.