Chapter Text
August, 2023.
Throughout Jisung's short life as a teenager, there were a few things he thought he would never bring himself to enjoy, finding out he was completely mistaken about it as he began his adult life.
The first thing on the list was cats.
Animals are the most precious living beings in the whole world and he loved them all, even the grumpiest of the cats, he just couldn't view himself having one. Now he has been with Betty since when he moved out his parents house and was deeply attached to her.
If in the past he couldn't view himself having a cat, now he couldn't view himself without his little angel.
The angel part being opened to discussion. Betty was a fully grown cat that didn't realize she was already grown, behaving just like a kitten.
She would frequently jump on the countertop when Jisung was cooking something, sneakily trying to steal the food with her paws. Also, it wasn't uncommon for Jisung to come home after a tiring day of work and have to deal with the mess she made with the tissues, all in multiple pieces over the bathroom.
Speaking of work, it was the second thing Jisung unexpectedly came to enjoy.
The way in which he became deaf happened suddenly, he wasn't prepared at all, having zero knowledge about sign language or how to read people's lips. In the beginning, he refused to learn about it, even if it was for his own benefit. He was still in denial of his condition.
However, he couldn't keep restricted to his phone forever to understand other people, so he gradually had to step out his comfort zone and learn other ways to communicate. That's where he found his passion.
Having all this knowledge about how people exactly like him were able to understand the rest of the world was incredibly fun, he didn't want to stop once he was at it, so he worked hard to become a Deaf Interpreter.
"Dude, you won't believe what I saw today." Changbin said, after getting Jisung's attention, this way he would be able to read his lips.
That's the third thing on Jisung's list, Changbin.
He didn't expect to ever like the man when they first met, convinced he was too full of himself, but now they were best friends, even if Changbin was really full of himself as he thought. That trait of his never failed to make Jisung laugh.
They were in the same team at work, Changbin being one of the hearing interpreters he worked the most with.
He worked a lot with Seungmin too, also a hearing interpreter but not really. The man couldn't hear from one ear after he accidentally pushed a cotton swab too deep, causing a rupture to his eardrum.
A few days of having meetings after work to get some drinks ended up bringing the three of them together. The two men were great additions to Jisung's life. Not that he would ever say it out loud.
"What did you see?"
"It was more like who did I see, and it's someone you know very well."
That's an effective way to make Jisung's heart stop, because he would always associate these types of sentences with a specific person. Something that always happened unconsciously, he wasn't even sure whose name he wanted to go out of Changbin's mouth.
"Who?"
"Stare right into my lips cause I'm gonna tell you with every letter. Hwang Hyunjin."
Jisung rolled his eyes, almost going back to the file opened on his desktop, but giving up since he needed to read what Changbin was saying.
"Who the hell is that?"
"What? Man, wasn't he your enemy at school? You told me about him many times."
"I don't remember." He did remember. He just wanted to avoid speaking of the devil because it could bring bad luck. "But how did you see this person?"
"We're talking on a dating app." Changbin smirked, choosing to say the next sentence in sign language.
'Get ready, you'll see him a lot from now on.'
"Hell no!"
"So you do remember him."
He was already tolerating Changbin for years, now Hyunjin too? He didn't know what sin he committed to deserve such a disgraceful thing.
He went back to what he was already doing before his friend came, focusing on it until it was his time to leave the office.
Somehow, going back home felt different that specific night.
Jisung was doing the same as always, walking his way to the station and waiting for the subway patiently. Usually, he didn't leave his work during rush hours, so there were always plenty of seats for him to travel comfortably until his stop.
It was almost boring since he had been doing it every weekday for the past years, but he was used to it.
Because he was so absorbed in his everyday routine, he failed to notice the wide eyed man, sitting in his front, staring at him in disbelief.
When he did notice, putting his phone down for a minute to look at the view outside, he found himself even more perplexed than the other.
Minho avoided Jisung's eyes when he looked back at him, cleaning his throat as he got up in a blink of an eye. Before Jisung could even think of saying something to him, he was already gone.
In seven years, Jisung had never seen Minho before.
Of course, he saw the pictures Felix uploaded with Minho, yet they didn't bump into each other even once. It was almost like they weren't living in the same city.
Jisung thought it was unfair of the universe not to give them a single chance to blame on destiny, but he couldn't deny it was a huge city, easy to get lost in.
Now, after seven years, they just casually met on the subway, after a common day of work. And Minho, just as casually, got up and left.
Jisung was speechless until the very moment he got home, getting his second surprise of the day when he saw Betty didn't make a fuss over the place, it was a quite rare occasion.
He felt relieved because of it, his head was already a mess at the moment, he didn't know if he could deal with the cat's mess.
The next few days were followed by extreme anxiety every time he was in the subway, his eyes analyzing every corner with full attention, expecting to see him again.
Which didn't happen, at least not there.
It happened at the bar.
Jisung was having his usual meetings with Changbin and Seungmin to complain about anything they felt like, when he saw the man.
They had been there in the minimum three hours, Jisung was already inebriated by the alcohol, but it only took him a glimpse of Minho to sober up. Feeling more conscious than ever.
Minho had sunglasses over his head even if it was dark outside, some strands of his dark brown hair slightly covering his eyes, his cheeks, undeniably red, indicating he had been there drinking for a while too. The man was laughing, probably about something the person by his side said.
He looked just as pretty as always, if not more. Jisung gulped.
It took them seven years to see each other again, and less than a week to meet two times, by coincidence.
The view of Minho sitting some steps away looking that good made his heart stop, frightened, yet it was racing faster than the wind when Minho looked back at him.
It was his power on Jisung.
The man wasn't alarmed after seeing him, perhaps already aware of his presence, but something did change now that their eyes met.
Did I make you sober too? Jisung wanted to ask.
Contrasting the first time they bumped into each other, Minho maintained Jisung's gaze this time, with an unreadable expression on his face.
What broke the little atmosphere surrounding them was Seungmin's gentle touch on Jisung's elbow. When he looked at his friend, Seungmin started to use sign language.
They always ended up using exclusively signs when they were out in places like this.
It wasn't only because of the loud noise for the other two hearing men, making it easier to comprehend signs than yell at each other to be heard, but because Jisung had a hard time trying to read their lips once they were drunk and mumbling in a weird way.
Figuring out what they were saying when their lips were barely forming words was hell. So it was a rule for them to only communicate with signs when going out.
'Will you hit on him?'
Jisung gasped, how long have they been staring at each other for his friends to notice?
He didn't answer Seungmin's question, causing Changbin to join the nuisance.
'I think you should give it a go, you haven't seen a dick in ages.'
'You neither.' He answered, looking away when Changbin arched his eyebrows with a smirk making its appearance. He knew it was a huge indication he would start to talk about Hyunjin, and he would proudly leave it to Seungmin to take care of.
They seemed to forget about the person their friend was looking at, although Jisung didn't forget for a second, always stealing glances at Minho and not having the courage to actually do something about it.
They weren't teenagers anymore.
Jisung knew the other man wouldn't rip his face apart if he tried to talk to him because of something he said nearly a decade ago, but being polite didn't mean he wanted Jisung back in his life.
And it was scaring Jisung.
He didn't even want Minho to leave his life the first time, was it about to happen the second time when he barely had the chance to speak to him?
He wanted to be part of the man's life again. A subtle need that he didn't even know was still there, buried in his chest, for so long.
Contrasting the conviction he thought he had, he went home without risking a conversation.
It only took him some hours of sleeping and a dizzy head for him to regret it the next day.
To make things worse, it was his day off, which usually would be great, if Minho and his own lack of attitude weren't torturing him.
There was a reason why he left without trying anything. It wasn't an appropriate place for them to talk for the first time after seven years, wasn't an appropriate time either, since they were both with friends in a bar.
Even if he knew he did the right thing, it didn't make his feeling of failure vanish.
He was now 24 years old, he couldn't just video call his brother to ask for help with Minho, not that Chan would pick up either. He had a little girl, the result of a one-night stand, to take care of.
The little Alice was adorable, Chan taught her a few things in Korean sign language just so she could communicate with Jisung on their video calls. He had never loved a child so much like he loved his niece.
Being aware that he couldn't go for Chan now, there's a last option, and it was someone that would be the happiest finding out about the dilemma Jisung was in.
"I need your help."
Felix gave him a bored look, without putting down the tablet on his hands as he didn't decide if Jisung was really worth his time.
"Tell me."
"How do I… You know, I saw Minho, two times. Purely by coincidence but I don't know if the universe is gonna give me a third chance. Where can I find him?"
Felix's expression didn't change even a little bit, actually he seemed ready to send Jisung away. That was until he understood which Minho his cousin was talking about, opening his mouth in disbelief, wide eyed.
"Minho like, our Minho? The one whose name couldn't be pronounced all this time?"
"That's right."
"Man, we haven't talked a lot lately to be honest. I'm not sure what he's been up to those past months, I just know he's often at the shelter as a volunteer."
Jisung wasn't fond of the idea of going to the place Minho was volunteering just to try to start a conversation with him.
The man had things to do there and Jisung wasn't even sure of what to tell him.
But that was his only option.
Maybe going by the time the place was closing up would make him not so bothered by Jisung's presence.
He sighed, in contemplation, looking around the place. It was weird being there, since he moved out and wasn't living on the other side of the street anymore.
Felix was still living with his parents, in front of Jisung's childhood home, and he was unemployed too. Somehow, he was making more money than everyone in the family with his YouTube channel.
Jisung looked back at the ginger.
"I have one more question. Two. Is him single? If yes, do I have a chance?" He got flushed as Felix smirked at his questions. "What? A man gotta shoot his shot."
"For the first one, yes, he called off his engagement last year."
Jisung didn't know Minho was engaged in the past, he doesn't know a lot of things about Minho now, yet he smiled shamelessly at the affirmative that he was now single. Felix rolled his eyes.
"Asshole, at least pretend you're sad."
"I'm happy though."
"For the second one, I don't really know. Just as you avoided any mentions of him all this time, he never talked about you either." Ouch. "Maybe it's because I'm your cousin and he didn't feel comfortable to talk about you to me, or maybe he just really doesn't give a fuck." Double ouch.
Jisung bit his bottom lip, making himself comfortable on the seat and closing his eyes. He got immersed in his thoughts.
It's impossible to know what is gonna be Minho's reaction to him trying to get closer after years. If the man tells him to back off, he will respect it and won't do anything, but giving up without trying? He can't do it again.
"You know what's funny? I went months without thinking of him, then you would post a pic but his side and I was suddenly reminded, but next day I would forget again. It has been a vicious cycle, yet now that I have seen him in person again, I can do anything but forget. He didn't leave my mind for a second, just like it used to be."
He opened his eyes again, Felix had his gaze fixed on the wall, wide eyes as if he was in his own world and didn't get a word of what Jisung said, even though he did.
"Let's see what he wants to do. I'm okay with whatever he decides."
He wasn't okay, though. That's what he concluded after a week of overthinking.
Making up multiple scenarios of how he should approach Minho was more interesting than actually bringing himself to do so.
Not that he gave up, there was just this anxiety building up on him everytime he decided it was the right moment. In the end, he would always leave it to another day.
However, now was really the day.
He didn't know exactly when Minho was in the shelter, so he stalked his Instagram to find out. It was completely reasonable due to the circumstances.
The only day Minho was volunteering is Saturday, but Jisung didn't find out at what time he would usually leave the place.
So he was now leaning against the wall for over an hour, waiting for him.
When Minho did appear, he was too distracted by the game he was playing to notice him.
Minho frowned his eyebrows, while twisting his head to the side. He can't say he's shocked seeing Jisung there, somehow he has been having this weird feeling in his gut, warning that something unusual was about to happen.
Still, he didn't know what reaction he should have to that.
Thinking it was too presumptuous of him to assume Jisung was there for him, Minho took slow steps, starting his way back home, ready to pretend he didn't see the other there.
That was until Jisung's voice called.
"Minho!" Said man turned around when hearing his name.
He didn't walk far from where Jisung was waiting, still the other ran a little to reach him, stopping when the distance between them was fine.
"Hey, I… I was waiting for you. Cause I wanted to talk, can we?"
The man's stare over him didn't give a clue on what was going on through his mind. It made Jisung swallow with difficulty, suddenly thinking he was pathetic for coming after him.
'If it's something quick. I don't have much time, I have to go to the subway station.' He replied in sign language.
He was willing to talk with him, which meant he didn't despise Jisung and that was a nice point of start.
"I just, well, I saw you the other day and it has been years since we last saw, it made me remember everything. I just wanted to say I regret how things went between us and what I did."
He wasn't sure of what he was expecting Minho to do, still, giving him a smirk wasn't on the list of expected reactions.
Was it his little act of benevolence before slapping the shit out of him?
'It's the first time you saw me in years, but I've seen you many times since that day already.' Was what Minho told him, before making his way to the station.
Jisung didn't sleep that night.
Yes he did, he liked his lazy hours a lot, but it definitely took him more time than usual to fall asleep. He felt conflicted.
What did Minho mean by that?
Did he try to come over by any chance in the past? Or was he stalking Jisung? He did have these crazy-like eyes sometimes, but he wasn't a weirdo, so this couldn't be.
Betty, apparently sensing his restlessness, jumped over the bed, laying down by the side of his head.
"Daughter, you're always so supportive. What should I do about him?"
The cat purred, without a clue on what her owner was saying, getting closer to him as she stretched.
Jisung liked that she was completely the opposite of what people thought cats are, cold and apathetic. Betty was the clingiest pet he ever knew.
He slept almost glued to the cat, it gave him enough energy to keep wondering about what Minho said during the next day.
"Is it Minho?" Jeongin, one of the people who worked with him too, said after getting Jisung's attention.
They weren't from the same team, Jeongin's job was just to deliver documents and get signatures.
The youngest pointed to Jisung's phone, which was showing a pic of Minho and Felix together. That one was kinda old.
"Oh, yes it is. How do you know him?"
"Are you kidding? Isn't he a teacher at that kindergarten you always go to?"
There was indeed a kindergarten which Jisung's team would go to every year.
They were always lecturing to the teachers there, sometimes a few parents that liked to watch too, about how to deal with deafness and the introduction of sign language at a young age.
He tried to find Minho's face on his memories from all the times he went there, nothing came to mind.
"Maybe I'm wrong, I only went there with you guys once, I'm sure that's the guy though…"
He offered a fond smile to the boy, messing up his hair by patting it.
His head went even more frenetic after what Jeongin told him, so it was only expected for him to be waiting for Minho in front of the shelter again.
The man crossed his arms when he saw Jisung walking towards him.
"It was at the kindergarten? That you saw me? Are you a teacher there?"
Minho blinked a few times in a row, getting ready to use his hands.
'I'm more like a teacher's support, cleaning the kids when they throw up or calming them down when they're having a tantrum.'
"That's pretty cool too! I mean, not the cleaning when they throw up part, but there's a cool side, right?"
'Yes, I think. I love my kids, they're always giving me a headache but they're all adorable still.' Maybe, Minho didn't realize the smile he was exhibiting now.
It made Jisung tremble, even knowing the smile wasn't actually for him. Minho was just happy talking about the kids. Once the man noticed he was smiling in front of Jisung, he got shy.
That kind of behavior wasn't usual for him, but that was years ago, Jisung didn't know anything about him now.
The only thing he knew about Minho's way of being is that he was always gone before Jisung could say something, just like now.
Jisung didn't let it affect him, he kept coming over every Saturday.
It was always at the time Minho was leaving, they never talked for more than five minutes, Minho always in a rush saying he had to go to the station. Even so, Jisung kept coming to see him.
He wasn't sure of the man's thoughts on it, since he never told him.
That until the day Minho seemed a little pissed off. He was the first to start the conversation this one time.
'Why do you keep coming here?'
Jisung felt lost, for the first time thinking that Minho actually hated seeing him there every Saturday. Has been like this for nearly two months.
"Do you want me to stop?"
'I just…' Minho stopped moving his hands, as if in a deep wonder about what to say next, carefully analyzing the possibilities.
'If you're coming here because you're still feeling guilty, it doesn't make sense now. I won't lie to you and say I wasn't mad at all, believe me, I really was. And it kept getting worse as you didn't come to apologize, but with the years passing by it felt pointless. And I've been seeing you too many times to really care. You already said you regret what you did, so you don't need to keep doing this.'
Jisung did feel sorry for what happened, although it wasn't the only reason he kept coming there.
He thought it would be the best way of going back to Minho's life, maybe he was wrong.
"It's not because of it I keep coming here. I wanted to keep seeing you, that's all."
Minho blinked a few times, Jisung didn't hold himself back to copy his action, remembering their old habit. It made the other man flushed.
'Are you finally trying to hit on me like your friend said?'
Jisung twisted his head to the side, repeating Minho's sentence in his mind as if trying to make sense of it. What was he talking about?
Then he got it.
It was in the night they both were at the bar, that's what Seungmin told him in sign language. Back then, he didn't know Minho could understand what they were saying, so they didn't mind talking about Jisung hitting on Minho, who was perfectly understanding it.
"Oh my. I mean, kinda of?"
'If you have enough time to keep waiting for me to leave the shelter, ask to be a volunteer too. You'll be more useful helping there.'
And he left.
Jisung was feeling on cloud nine the entire weekend.
Well, Minho basically told him to stop fucking around the shelter doing nothing, but it also meant he agreed with the idea of having to interact with Jisung for hours.
In the same place. Together. He couldn't deny how excited he was.
His first time as a volunteer was weird. He has been hanging outside for months, yet he never saw it inside.
It had space enough for all the pets in there and was comfortable, even if it wasn't actually a huge place.
Minho was like his tutor, showing him everything and explaining what he needed to do. It wasn't a lot, he just had to clean the million sands and entertain the cats, and he wasn't the only volunteer there so it made things even easier.
The second time he went to the shelter as a volunteer, he already knew many of the cats' names, way more than the names he knew of the people working and volunteering there.
He was always around Minho since the man was keeping an eye on what he was doing, yet they only talked about the cats and tasks they needed to do. Nothing about their lives.
One day, Jisung approached a cat he didn't usually interact with. There were a few pets that didn't like to be around anyone, yet Jisung was feeling that would be his lucky day with the little Ning.
He was wrong, though. The cat tried to attack him, but Jisung quickly backed off.
He looked around, slightly worried with the eyes on him. The people around and even some of the pets were looking, trying to find out what was happening. He probably made Ning have a noisy reaction.
Jisung started to excuse himself with the little thing, going back to where he was sitting before with another cat.
Minho, who wasn't in the place until now, looked at him, laughing. How dare he?
'He doesn't like to be patted. At least not by you ordinary people.' He made the signs, not moving from the corner he was in.
The scene was funny, both of them talking in signs from a considerable distance away from each other.
'What do you mean?'
'He only likes to be patted by me.'
'I can see why. I'd like it too.'
He could see Minho's ears getting red even with the distance between them. The man rolled his eyes, focusing on the cat climbing his shirt.
That day was chaotic. Strangely, a lot of people decided to come to get a pet. Some of them left with a new cat, others wondered about their decision and went home with a promise of coming back later.
He talked a lot that day, even if he was just a volunteer and wasn't actually responsible for the proceeding of the adoptions.
As he kept having to read everyone's lips, he thought about how Minho never really talked to him.
He never had to read what the man was saying, since Minho only used sign language with him.
"You're aware I'm able to read lips, right? I know you are."
He shot him with the question, when the two of them were getting their things to walk to the station together.
Minho nodded at the question, even if it was a rhetorical one.
"So why don't you ever use it? I'm not complaining, I'm just curious."
'I know it can be tiring for you, even though that's part of your job and you're used to it. I remember how you used to hate it.'
It was too thoughtful of him.
Once people that weren't from his work environment knew he was able to read lips, they would just straight up take it as a win and rely on it forever.
He was really okay with it, sometimes it was just too overwhelming. Minho thinking about it almost made him cry of happiness.
"I do prefer using sign language, but I'll be fine if you want to actually say things sometimes."
Minho put his backpack on, staring at him.
"Got it, Jisung." He said, with no sign this time. Jisung grinned.
The way back home was silent.
Well, it was always silent for Jisung, the ringing on his ears being the only sound he was always hearing. They just didn't try to start a conversation, both feeling exhausted.
Still, it felt nice, just quietly sitting side by side with Minho. Felt cozy.
Now that they were talking a little bit more, Jisung found out that the other never got over his trauma of being in a car, so the subway was a safer option for him.
Jisung knows what Minho meant, since sometimes he would struggle a little over the same thing, but he didn't exactly relate. Minho had it way worse than him.
Accidents involving subways do happen, but Minho told him that the fact they have special tracks just for them makes him feel more at peace.
Jisung also found out Minho's stop was the one before his own.
He may have or may have not left the subway with the man once just to be with him a little bit more, causing him aching feets from the distance he had to walk to get home.
"You're so disgusting, didn't you meet him like three weeks ago?" Changbin said. He didn't know about Jisung's past with Minho.
"Actually, we have known him for so long. Yes I really mean that we."
"What do you mean I know him? I only know he's the man from the bar."
"Here, look harder." It's what Jisung said before making his friend stare at Minho's pic. He gave up after a few seconds as not a thought seemed to be passing behind those eyes. "Jeongin told me he's a teacher at the school where we give lectures."
"Eh? This can't be, I'd remember him. I never saw this man before." Changbin shook his head, giving the pic a last stare. Something felt to pop up for him. "Oh! Lee Minho! Yes I know him, I remember now."
Another week went by, and as Friday night came, Jisung was suspecting he wouldn't be able to go to the shelter the next day. A sudden fever made him feel like he was about to pass out.
He went to take a shower and took the last headache pill he had, expecting to wake up better, which didn't happen. He was just the same as before he went to sleep. He sighed when getting his phone to text Minho.
Jisung :
i won't be able to go today
can you warn Chae for me?
He could do it himself, yet it was better to have an excuse to text him.
Minmin :
will do
did something happen?
Jisung :
i'm just feeling tired, i have a fever
Minmin :
do you need something?
Jisung nibbed his lips, thinking. He could very well go to the pharmacy himself, like he always did in moments like this, but that was a chance to bring Minho over for the first time.
Jisung :
can you gets me some pills? ill send you the address
Minmin :
sure!
ill be there before going to the shelter
Jisung was feeling lethargic, anyone able to see his running nose and the dark circles under his eyes would tell. He thought of mopping the floor for his house to seem cleaner to Minho, but he just wanted to be in bed.
It wasn't like his house was in a bad state anyway, he was always running around organizing all the mess his cat would make, so everything was looking in place.
"You're really sick, you look dead." Minho said when he arrived.
Actually using his mouth instead of hands, since both of them were carrying plastic bags.
"Blunt as always, come in."
"I got you something for your fever and food. I remember you would always avoid eating when you were feeling sick, so I'm gonna monitor you."
"Oh, thank you I guess? Let's eat then."
Minho brought chicken soup, it was a good thing to have when you're having fever, but he couldn't think of a place near them selling it.
They ate the soup quietly, after warming up a little bit more because it got cold. Jisung always keeping an eye on Minho, avoiding his gaze when he looked back at him. Once they were done, they just left the dirty dishes on the sink. He would take care of it later.
"Where did you buy it? It tasted good."
'I didn't, I made it myself.' This time he was back to using signs, since his hands were free now.
'It's the first time I tried making soup, and I don't really like cooking so I wasn't sure how it would come out. It's a shame you liked it, I was hoping you would get poisoned.'
Jisung chuckled. Minho was a specialist in acting all cute and thoughtful, then saying something threatening just to break it.
He took the medicine out of the plastic bag, facing a syrup instead of pills. He looked at Minho.
'You used to have a hard time swallowing pills so I got you a syrup. Did you know that's for kids?'
"Oh shut up. Will you go to the shelter now?" He answered, taking a sip of the syrup.
'I'll stay a little bit longer.'
"Sure, let's watch something then."
Minho didn't stay just a little bit longer. In fact, he spent the rest of the day by Jisung's side.
He was there, staring fondly at Jisung, who fell asleep after 20 minutes of watching the show they agreed to. And he was also there when the boy woke up, hours later, at the end of the afternoon. Looking all sweaty and with drool over his cheeks.
'We should take your temperature. Besides, soon it's time for your syrup again.'
Jisung checked his temperature as Minho said. His fever lowered, yet he still had it.
He would probably be okay the next morning if he kept taking care of himself.
"I have a question."
'What is it?'
"Did my voice change a lot?" It was a random question, he was really intrigued by it.
He was just a teenager when he lost his hearing, so he didn't know how he sounded now after the end of his puberty. Was his voice sounding as deep as Felix?
Minho looked somewhere else, reflecting about it, then he looked back at him.
'It's still the same, just sounds a little bit deeper, not on your cousin's level though. It's like the same letter in a different font, you know what I mean?'
"No." Minho laughed at his answer.
"It's weird, even though I can't hear anymore, my dreams have sounds. With the time passing by, I stopped recognizing my own voice there, to the point I'm not sure if I ever sounded like the voice I hear in my dreams."
'Your voice sounds lovely.' Jisung grinned at it.
He wished he was able to hear himself. He wished he was able to hear Minho's laugh again. It made him sigh, with a feeling of sadness.
"I miss your voice."
Minho was glaring at him the whole time, yet he stopped when hearing those words, clearing his throat when he reached his phone.
His ears were getting red, it was adorable.
"I'm gonna shower, real quick. I feel like I'm burning inside." Jisung said to the man, who stopped looking at his phone to give him attention. Jisung smiled, slyly. "Stay?"
Minho nodded.
He wanted to stay with Jisung too. So he kept staying.
It didn't happen only that day when a sick and fragile Jisung asked him to, and not only on the Saturdays they would spend together with the cats, but on weekdays after work too.
Saying it was just like the old times would be a lie.
Nothing remains the same forever. Not even they were the same, now having different worries than the ones they had when they were teenagers.
It wasn't the same, their friendship wasn't the same.
Yet it felt so much better.
Watching Minho talking about the kids was fun, for him at least. Minho on the other hand, was always about to rip his hair out when telling how multiple children kept trying to talk to him at the same time, breaking into a smile when Jisung started to laugh at the situation.
He also loved to complain about the real teacher of his class, saying she was always taking advantage of him and making him do the things that she was supposed to be doing, as the titular teacher.
Surely she gets a heavy feeling on her chest everyday from all the curses they were always throwing at her.
"Did you know your cat doesn't meow?" Minho said. Betty was lying down on his lap while the man was caressing her.
"Yeah, Seungmin told me once. The weird thing is that I got a lot of complaints about her being noisy when I got her."
"Do you think she realized you're deaf?"
"Definitely. At some point, she just started to tap me three times when she wanted to show me something. She noticed it was more effective than meowing endlessly, then she just stopped doing it."
"Cats are so smart."
"They are, that's why you have three of them, right?"
"Yes, you need to meet my kids. My real kids, not my kindergarten kids."
When he did meet Minho's cats, they didn't want to be around him.
They sniffed Jisung a little bit, he thought they would gradually give in and let him pat them, but they just went away after it.
He got flashbacks, but at least they didn't try to kill him like a certain dog did.
Speaking of it, Minho's dog was the only one being receptive towards him, as if he wasn't barking and trying to bite him in the past.
Maybe it's because he is already old and got used to the chaotic environment by living with the cats.
He looked back at Minho when the man tapped his shoulder.
'Come, we have a lot to do.'
They do have.
The reason Jisung came to meet the cats wasn't actually to meet the cats, he agreed to help Minho to paint some festive masks. He didn't get what the purpose was, he only knew it was part of a project the other teacher was doing with the kindergarten.
It took them good hours to finish all the painting, their hands already aching. So they decided to lay down in a cuddle session while watching a movie, until it was time for Jisung to go home.
Jisung loves having the other in his life again. All the time they lost didn't really feel like a loss when they were together. He was happy to be Minho's friend again.
The thing is, he can't pretend he doesn't want more.
He had feelings for Minho. He did for a long time already.
They even tried to have a first date, so it wasn't an unilateral thing, Minho surely used to be attracted to him too. But that was years ago, Minho's perspective about him wasn't the same.
Shit, he was engaged last year, how could he possibly still have feelings for Jisung?
He didn't want to make things weird between them only because he never moved on. He tried his best, but how was he supposed to keep it up if Minho was back hugging him so close?
He was sure Minho knew his heart was about to rip his ribcage from how fast it was beating.
Jisung turned around, changing his position to rest his head over Minho's chest.
It showed him something interesting, because his heart wasn't the only one racing, he could feel Minho's heartbeat increasing.
His beats were so heavy that it almost felt like Jisung could hear his heart.
He smiled, with excitement, unable to keep paying attention to the movie.
Jisung raised his head, spying on the other.
Minho avoided his eyes, as if he just got caught and was feeling too shy about it.
He touched his parted lips on Minho's shoulder, softly, getting the man to look at him.
"Can I?" He didn't specify what he was talking about because it felt obvious. Minho chuckled, before nodding his head.
Jisung adjusted himself to get face to face with Minho. He held on his neck, placing his lips on Minho's cheeks first, as if trying to get a second confirmation.
Minho kept looking at him with pure adoration in his eyes, almost shining.
Then he proceeded to place his parted lips on Minho's lips, gently brushing them together, incapable of holding a smile before properly kissing him.
He waited for so long to kiss Minho. It felt like stars and raindrops falling over his head.
Raindrops, for all the time they were apart and missing each other, without any hope of getting back. Stars, for all the happy moments they had that led Jisung to love him so badly, for finally knowing how his lips feel like.
Minho tasted like everything he had ever wanted, because in reality that's exactly the case. He has always wanted him.
They maintained the contact for as long as they could, even when they needed a little pause they would soon go back at it. They only stopped once it was getting too late for Jisung to go home.
Falling asleep was a tough mission that night, all he could think about was scenarios involving Minho and kisses. He was feeling on clouds, energetic.
It showed to be true as he couldn't stop talking about the man with his friends.
Changbin couldn't stand him anymore, always making a disgusted face and pretending to puke when he was being too much, but Jisung could see the twirl on the corner of his lips.
"It's good to see you finally interested in someone like this Han, I'm happy. But not really, you're starting to piss me off, lover boy."
He knew what Changbin meant.
Throughout the past seven years, he has seen other people, after all he was a pretty and healthy man. But he didn't consider himself available, emotionally speaking.
Kissing others and hooking up was fine, yet he didn't want anything serious, because he was already waiting for someone to have something serious with.
Now that he was closer than ever with Minho, he was happy with his decision.
'I wonder how he's doing.' Minho told him one day.
They have just seen a scene from a movie where the girl left her ex, when Minho paused it and made Jisung look at him. If he was about to talk about his ex-fiance, Jisung honestly didn't know how to react.
They were making up not long ago and now he brings it up?
"Who?"
'The driver.' Minho had to elaborate, since Jisung didn't get it. 'From the accident.'
Jisung swallowed heavily, choosing to play it off.
"Dude, you think about him when you're watching romance movies?"
"Fuck, idiot." Minho said, rolling his eyes. Then he went back to the signs. 'I'm serious.'
"Well, do you wanna know something? I went to visit him once." Minho stared at him, with expectations. "I wanted him to feel guilty when I told him those things back then, but in the end I was the one feeling guilty. I went there to apologize."
'How was it?'
"He was dead."
Minho opened his mouth, yet he didn't try to say anything, looking perplexed by the news that wasn't actually news.
Jisung took the strand of hair off the man's eyes, continuing to say.
"What I told him was unfair, I was mad and I had all the right to feel that way, but attributing all the responsibility to him, when in fact it wasn't his fault either, was… I can't imagine how he felt. It was eating me inside, so I decided to go to see him and apologize, when I got there his daughter told me he died a few months ago. He died feeling the worst because of what I said, just the way I used to want. Now I'm the one being tortured about it and his death."
"Jisung…" Minho called, knowing the other wouldn't know since he wasn't looking at him. Jisung had both of his hands covering his eyes. A huge feeling that he was about to cry on his chest, his throat tightening, still he wasn't able to cry.
He has done it a lot already.
Guilt. It came back to him.
Actually, it was always there. What if I chose to stay home that day? What if I waited 5 minutes more before searching for a driver? Maybe I shouldn't have called him on a date. We could've walked, it wasn't that far.
Those were the questions he made himself for a long time, blaming himself for ending up deaf.
He was much more acceptive with his reality now, but those thoughts never stopped.
Minho gently took Jisung's hands out of his face, placing a tender kiss in both of them. When he got the other's attention, he muttered.
"It wasn't your fault."
Someone saying this to him felt somehow comforting, even if those are cliche words in that situation. Minho wasn't just saying, he really meant it.
Jisung let his head fall over Minho's shoulder.
"Can we stay like this for a few minutes?"
Minho put his left arm behind Jisung, bringing him closer, as an answer.
And a few minutes turned into more time than he was able to count, finding some kind of relief in Minho's touch.
At some point, the other started to watch another television series, after the long time they spent cuddling. Jisung wasn't interested or even feeling in the mood to check on the TV, but Minho still set the subtitles in case Jisung wanted to watch too.
It was easier to take this pace having someone to support him, even if he's stuck in his own head.
Someday when he wakes up, he hopes he won't blame himself anymore.
Gradually, he started to make comments about the show, even if he didn't understand what was happening, having lost half of it.
Things would be fine, he thought with himself.
"Dude, let's go on a date." Jisung told him one day. Both of them were searching for fast food to order, too lazy to cook something. Minho looked back at him, disgusted.
'Stop calling me dude when you're supposed to be romantic. And I'm surprised you're actually asking, you were terrified to use the word date the first time you asked me.'
"People change, but it's because I want to do it fast! We must have a first date before we can, in fact, date."
Minho's eyes were now showing confusion, his eyebrows frowned.
'Aren't we dating already?'
"Huh?"
Now, Jisung was just as shocked as the other. He doesn't remember any of them asking the other out, because it didn't happen.
"When did it happen?"
Minho shrugged, feeling frustrated and flushed at the same time.
'Forget it. I guess I'm a conservative guy, I didn't consider you were kissing me and sleeping with me but not thinking of it as a relationship.'
"Min! Oh, I'm sorry, let's go on a first date so I can fix this! We can still be boyfriends on our first date!"
Minho shook his head as Jisung pulled him in a hug, not letting go even when he tried to free himself. He gave up, chuckling a little.
Jisung let him go once he realized the man wasn't trying to fade away anymore, just to see what he had to say.
'It's like, our second-first date.'
"You're right." Jisung said. He was sure there were little hearts around his eyes when looking at Minho. "Is there somewhere you wanted to go?"
"The Aquarium. I wanna see Nemo." Minho actually spoke this time, feeling excited.
"The clownfish? So be it!"
The anxiety of the first, second-first date, was just the same from years ago. It was silly, because they were already together, already dating as Minho pointed out, yet Jisung was feeling nervous about going out on a date.
Maybe because it was the first date they never had, harshly denied for both of them after the accident.
Would something bad happen again? He tried to avoid thinking like this, but it wasn't easy.
The only moment when he calmed down was when Minho tightened his hand. Only then he snapped out of his bubble of bad feelings, noticing they were standing in front of the Aquarium entrance.
"We're here."
"We are, my love." Minho said.
He looked gorgeous, he always did.
And it was impossible for Jisung not to think about how much he loves Minho, he always did.
Since the time he first saw him and freaked out on the call with his brother. Jisung smiled thinking of it, he still had to tell Chan about the news.
He found out he didn't know anything about fishes at all, everything was a mystery for him, who didn't know any species. Minho wasn't a specialist either, but he pointed to a few fishes from time to time, happily telling him their names.
"What if the glass breaks and everyone here dies drowned?"
"Shut the fuck up, I'll kill you before the water will." Minho threatened him, making Jisung laugh. It was a pleasure to get his boyfriend wanting to end his life after saying things like those.
They walked through several species, the only thing Jisung recognized was the turtles and the clownfishes, thanks to Nemo.
Minho recorded some of the things that got him mesmerized. They weren't allowed to take pics with the flash on, a security measure to avoid the animals getting startled, but if the flash wasn't on it was fine.
The day was incredibly fun with Minho by his side.
They were feeling really tired from all the walking, in the end. Going home and jumping straight to the bed was the only thing on their mind.
Minho checked the hours on his phone, giving a concerned look to Jisung.
'The subway station is already closed by now.'
Jisung bit his lips, thinking. If they were supposed to walk home, it would take them a long time, the Aquarium wasn't located in a close place.
He glanced at the cars passing by, then looked at Minho, who was getting goosebumps by the glimpse of where Jisung was previously looking at.
"Let's go to Changbin, we're gonna have to walk a little, but his house isn't so far from here like ours."
Minho smiled, relieved. He felt even silly for thinking Jisung would mention anything about getting in a car.
"Let's do it, Ji."
They would be fine.