Chapter Text
“Jungkook-ah.”
Jungkook blinks himself back to reality and looks up to meet Taehyung’s eyes, his hyung peering at him with an amused smile.
“What do you want?” Taehyung is leaning forward, his chin resting in his hands, his fingers drumming against his cheek lightly.
“You,” Jungkook replies absentmindedly, still dazed from fighting against the rush of emotions that threatens to overtake him.
“Huh?” Taehyung furrows his brow, confused but eyes remaining on Jungkook.
‘Oh my god, what did I just say’’ Jungkook curses inwardly, his mind struggling to keep up with his mouth.
“Ah, no I mean.. uh.. you.. whatever-- whatever you’re having!” he hastily replies, trying to cover his slip of tongue. Taehyung straightens and nods to the waitress, who finishes scribbling down the order and walks away, seemingly unaware of the silence that has now fallen around the two boys.
“So.. hyung.. um, how was your photoshoot yesterday?” Jungkook can’t stop stumbling over his words. He’s never been this nervous before, never had a problem talking with Taehyung, but he’s suddenly overly self-conscious. He clenches his hands together in an effort to release some of the tension.
Taehyung hums “It was fine,” before reaching over and placing his own hands over Jungkook’s white ones, prying them apart and rubbing the circulation back into them. Jungkook winces. It scares him a little how easily Taehyung can read his mind, and he hates being such an open book.
“You?” Taehyung adds, looking up to meet his conflicted eyes. Jungkook lowers his gaze, not wanting his hyung to see the war that’s going on inside of him. Taehyung’s eyes linger on him, and Jungkook forces himself to maintain a blank expression, focusing on the way his hyung’s long fingers are rubbing into his own.
“Um, it was fine too, I think.. I mean..” Jungkook keeps talking, not really knowing what he’s talking about. He tells Taehyung about how cold it had been despite posing in the sun, how huge the crowds were, how pretty the location had been, how his shirt had kept tickling him, and anything else, something more, but eventually his mind begins to wander. He can’t stop noticing Taehyung’s light brown hair, still fluffy from rolling around on their hotel bed; his dark brown eyes, framed by chiseled cheekbones and half covered by his fringe; the smell of sleep and sweet soap; his tan hands and long, slender fingers still holding onto Jungkook’s. All these things Jungkook had seen before but had not really seen until now.
“Jungkook-ah, I’ll be right back,” Taehyung murmurs before standing up and moving towards the diner counter, leaving Jungkook to recollect his thoughts.
‘I can’t do this,’ Jungkook thinks. His hands already feel empty without Taehyung’s around them, and he almost laughs out loud. Years of harboring feelings for his hyung, and he was trying to brush it off as a little crush. ‘Who am I kidding,’ Jungkook mutters softly to himself. Hiding feelings had an expiration date, and for Jungkook that was today. ‘I have to tell him,’ he steels himself. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut. ‘He has to know,’ he repeats in his mind, trying to convince himself to man up. He feels a twisting in his gut when he realizes that he has no idea how Taehyung will react.
Jungkook snaps out of his thoughts when he feels a hand close around his arm and tug. He looks up to see a smiling Taehyung dangling two paper bags in his face.
“I got them to make it to-go, so let’s get out of here,” he explains, pulling Jungkook out of the seat. Jungkook doesn’t stop to ask questions, instead quietly letting his hyung drag him out the door and onto the empty sidewalk. Taehyung is handing him a bag with one hand, the other already holding an unwrapped burger. He hums appreciatively, and Jungkook glances at him sideways from time to time as they make their way across the street. When Taehyung catches Jungkook’s eyes, he grins widely, making Jungkook involuntarily blush into his food.
Taehyung leads them to a spot on the beach, against the walls of rock that protect them from the buffets of wind. Taehyung nestles close to Jungkook and drops his head onto Jungkook’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Kook-ah,” he murmurs. Jungkook’s chest constricts, words threatening to spill out all at once from the weight he feels behind his hyung’s gratitude.
“It’s fine hyung. I was pretty hungry too anyway,” Jungkook shrugs, trying to keep calm despite his racing heart. Taehyung lifts his head off his shoulder and scoots so that he’s facing Jungkook, and then proceeds to crawl into his lap. Jungkook’s heart leaps into his mouth.
“No. Thank you, Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung whispers, “for everything.” Jungkook’s head is spinning because Taehyung’s thanks sounds a little too serious for the situation. Before he contemplate anything, Taehyung’s fingers reach up to Jungkook’s face to brush a few pieces of hair out of the way, and then he wraps his hands around Jungkook’s face, cupping his burning cheeks and leaning in. When Jungkook’s mind finally catches up to what’s happening, his hands fly up to Taehyung’s shoulders and shoves him back hurriedly. Taehyung startles.
“No, hyung, I don’t.. I don’t need.. anything.. like that… from you..” Jungkook swallows. All he wants to do is pull Taehyung back in, let it all happen, but he knows that he doesn’t want it like this. He knows his hyung. He knows that he will do anything for Jungkook, so eager to please. He knows how much Taehyung cares for him, but he doesn’t want Taehyung’s kindness, his gratitude. Not when Taehyung doesn’t feel the same way.
“But--” Jungkook stops Taehyung’s protest with a finger to his lips, and Taehyung stills.
“Hyung, I have to tell you something,” Jungkook begins. Blood is pounding in his ears, and his mouth goes dry, but he clears his throat and continues.
“I don’t.. I don’t know how to say this really.. but.. I..” Taehyung waits for him patiently, not daring to touch Jungkook until he’s finished speaking.
“Hyung.. I like you..” Jungkook bites his lip, waiting for Taehyung to react. When he doesn’t, Jungkook presses on.
“I think I’ve liked you for a long time.. but I didn’t want to think about it because.. well I don’t know, I just couldn’t.. and I really like being with you and everything.. but I.. sometimes I feel like.. I don’t know.. I don’t know, I don’t know.. I want to be friends with you hyung, but then sometimes I think I want something else.. something more.. but I don’t know what that even means and--” Jungkook takes a deep breath.
“I don’t want to lose what we have,” Jungkook’s voice cracks but he can’t stop, his words tumbling out now that his dam of feelings has broken wide open.
“I can’t do this anymore, hyung. I.. every time I look at you.. I want.. oh, I don’t even know but I can’t just look at you without feeling.. something.. and.. I don’t know what to do, but I had to let you know.. because..” Taehyung reaches out to touch him but Jungkook pushes his hand away and rubs at his wet eyes. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying, from the relief of letting this off his chest or from the anxiety of how his hyung will respond. Maybe both.
“I don’t want you to do anything with me because you care for me or because you want to make me happy or you want to make me feel better or something like that, because really.. hyung.. I can’t take that kind of kindness if you don’t feel--”
Taehyung’s arms shoot out to grip Jungkook’s shoulders and he slams him against the wall. Jungkook gasps at the pain.
“Hyung, I’m not finis--”
“Shut up, Jeon Jungkook,” Taehyung growls, his voice laced with so much anger, frustration, and pain that Jungkook gulps.
“What do you take me for?! That I was just going to kiss you because I wanted to make you feel better?! Oh my god, Jungkook-ah, you idiot, why would you think that. I thought you knew me better than that,” Taehyung bites out, gripping his shoulders so tightly that Jungkook winces.
“But hyung.. you always.. I mean.. you always do things for me.. like when I’m down or something.. and why...” Jungkook trails off.
“Because I like you,” Taehyung snaps, pressing Jungkook harder into the wall. Jungkook stares back, dumfounded. ‘What? What did he just say?’ He tries to stomp out the tiny flame of hope that burns in his stomach, but it won’t go out.
“Hyung..”
“Jungkook-ah..” Taehyung runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “I like you. I really like you a lot. It’s become sort of a problem. I never know if what I’m doing is okay, I always worry about what I’m saying because I don’t want to scare you away. I always want to be with you, but I don’t know if you do, and that drives me crazy. I was trying to keep it to myself, but then you come and say something like that and..” Taehyung’s mouth curls into a half-hearted smile and his voice softens, “how am I supposed to respond..?”
“Hyung..”
“I tried not to cross the boundaries, Kook-ah, but I guess I already did, didn’t I?” Taehyung chuckles, bringing his face closer to Jungkook’s, keeping their eyes locked together.
“Hyung..” Jungkook is aware of the tears that are spilling over but he makes no move to wipe them.
“Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung breathes, “what do you want, Jungkook-ah?” Jungkook struggles to maintain his composure but falls apart under Taehyung’s gaze. Taehyung moves his hands to cup his face and Jungkook bites his lip. The silence stretches out as Jungkook tries to find the words to express everything he’s felt the past two years.
“I need you to tell me this is okay,” Taehyung stresses, voice tinged with want.
“What do you want, Jungkook-ah,” he whispers.
“I want… hyung.. ah.. I want..” Jungkook chokes on his words, in a hurry to get them out once he realizes what his hyung’s asking.
“I want you, oh my god, I’m.. I want--”
“Then kiss me,” Taehyung drops the the words into his mouth, pressing his lips firmly against Jungkook’s. It’s all the persuasion Jungkook needs, and he melts into Taehyung’s touch, molding his lips against his hyung’s. Taehyung kisses him gently, slowly, as if still asking for his permission, and Jungkook’s heart clenches at the tenderness, eagerly opening up for him and kissing him back hungrily. Taehyung sighs when Jungkook leans in further to deepen the kiss. He complies, exploring Jungkook’s panting mouth before pulling away slowly. They look at each other for what seems like an eternity, Jungkook blushing furiously, face flushed pink from the heat of the moment, neither wanting to be the first to break the silence.
“Hyung..” Jungkook starts tentatively.
“Mmmm?” Taehyung murmurs.
“Ah.. umm.. what.. what now?” Jungkook asks uncertainly, insecurity creeping back into his voice. Taehyung pulls Jungkook into a tight embrace and leans into his neck, lips brushing Jungkook’s ear.
“We’ll figure it out, yeah?” he whispers. He feels Jungkook’s shy smile against his cheek and can’t help chuckling, moving his fingers to curl into Jungkook’s soft hair.
“Yeah, we’ll figure it out,” Jungkook sighs.
Their breathing crests, both of them full from each other’s presence.