Chapter Text
I was left alone for only a short while. Blackwall was the first to respond. The black bearded man shuffled in, eyes colorless and heart empathetic. His words were low and slow, like me as I had once carefully picked them.
"She just got up and left you here? That's unlike her. You two are always together." He observed for a second before getting to the point. "You look hurt. I'll get a medic to help."
The toxicity of her reaction had me at a loss for words and my brain too jumbled up to form them. I placed my fingers lightly over my lips and hummed tragically, an inarticulate moan of agony. Blackwall didn't know what to say about that. His heart sounded confused.
"…I'll get Varric, too." At least he came to that conclusion. Though I didn't want to see anyone, really. I don't know why, but for the first time ever all I wanted to do was sleep. For a while. Until the hurt healed. The medic entered a few moments after Blackwall exited, replacing my bandages and feeding me healing potion until my nerves were numb once more; but the wound in my heart remained throbbing hopelessly.
I was no better when Varric entered. Crickets chirped and toads croaked from beyond the tent's fabric walls, singing their songs sleepily. A small candle in the dark depths of a dungeon, faint and fuzzy, floating through the fog.
His voice was warm, crackling like a fireplace as always. "How're you feeling, kid? That was some blow you took."
With the comfort of his voice and the warmth of his words I was able to speak, though only slightly. "Worry welcomed in the world with open arms, though peeling away at peace like rotten plums. Can't say it, shouldn't've said it, wish I hadn't but can't take it back. A bird flying, fleeing freely, then falling, falling, frightened, failing…I'm sorry."
"I…only understood part of that." The dwarf sat beside me, eying my bandages "Can you try and repeat that? Take a deep breath—if you can."
I took as deep a breath that I could through the bindings of my bandages. It stung sleepily with my injured ribs. "I told her. I told her, and she left. She didn't even say anything." The confession brought tears to my eyes. None fell, but Varric noticed.
"Oh…kid…I'm sorry about that. I thought I told you not to tell her. This is why. Are you okay?" Heart sang sadly in sympathy.
"I don't know…" but my eyes darkened once I said so. "No."
"I'm sorry you had to experience that. Love's a double-edged sword. It's both the best and the worst feeling humans can feel. It's good that it brings you a step closer to humanity, but this…I wouldn't wish this on you, kid. I know how it feels. It hurts like hell."
"Does it get better…?" I murmured, feeling the potions pull at my consciousness.
"I don't know, kid. You'll have to wait and see."
I was let out of the tent a week later. Varric and Solas visited me every day, and The Iron Bull, Blackwall, and Dorian every few. Naomi never did. And when I limped out of the tent to the brightness of day, she wasn't there either.
It only took me a few afternoons to realize she wasn't going to meet me at the library, or that she now preferred to sit at the bar table to drink tea as The Iron Bull downed mugs of ale next to her, rather than climb the second staircase to the third floor. When we would walk past each other she avoided eye contact and hurried away. I couldn't read her without eye contact. Varric had said to wait and see, but the waiting hurt more.
Even when my limp left, I wasn't sent with the party. When they stormed the elven ruins to the Eluvian, I was left behind to worry. Naomi replaced me with Sera. And then Varric, and then The Iron Bull, eventually every option but me. It hurt. I was too human to be oblivious. Too human to just forget. I finally had to say something.
I found out by accident that Naomi had been spending her afternoons playing chess with Dorian. The two mages spent hours on a single game, as if the pieces were truly at war. Mainly, though, they were laughing and telling tales in between turns. Snippets of details were left out or changed from her stories, like holes nibbled through by moths in an old coat. I knew this because she told me the same ones once, but they held a different, darker song. Getting to the point that I strayed from, I followed her one day. She noticed.
It was almost like a short chase. With hurried steps she strode, strayed from me, but I would not stop.
"Naomi, wait!" I called as she passed through a crowd. Weaving my body was harder than ever, for despite my reluctance to be, I was realer than ever. She ignored.
"Why are you running? Please, it's me, Cole!" I knew she knew who I was. I don't know why I said that, but at that time she reached a dead end. Cassandra tried to ignore the scene beside her training post, pretending she was reading Swords and Shields. Naomi couldn't avoid me now. It hurt me to see that the only way she'd turn and look at me was if she was cornered. But she did turn, eyes averting my gaze as I tried so hard to meet them.
"Don't you have something to do?!" she crossed her arms, voice like venom. "I know I do. Dorian's waiting for me, you're too nice to keep me here when I'm busy—"
"Dorian can wait." Icy blue finally met her Aquamarine as I snapped. She's never seen me snap. I haven't seen myself snap, either. It felt ugly, like spitting poison. I didn't like it. "I have nothing to do because you haven't given me anything to do! You've acted like I don't even exist for weeks now! Shoving me away into the shadows only hurts. I'm still here, yet you don't even want to look at me. Why?! Aren't we friends?!"
Her eyes lit up with cold. She bit her lower lip in fear. Words she wanted but did not want to say passed through the whites of her eyes as she scanned me from head to toe, finally stopping at my own eyes. She grit her teeth and gave up.
"...DAMN IT, COLE." I didn't expect to hear those words. It surprised me. "You had to tell me that?! Don't you know what the hell's on my plate as is?! You of ALL people should know the SHITE I've been through, and what I still have to deal with! Now I have to worry about love as well?! Now isn't the time!" as steady as her words were, her voice began to quiver.
"So that's why you're ignoring me? Leaving me when I could help?"
"You were launched off of a cliff the last time you helped. I can't bring you with me in good conscience when you could do that again. You mean too much to me." Hands balled themselves into fists, pain pulsing in her eyes. So much pain.
"I'm sorry, but not sorry…timing wrong and wicked, but words sincere. I never meant to distract you, I only wanted to help. But you helped me more. You've helped me grow. To be real. Please, don't ignore me anymore. You don't have to love me; I just want my friend back."
We stood in silence as she thought. I felt Cassandra stare at us, our drama clearly more interesting than the sixteenth read-through of her novel. I felt too shy to look in the blonde's eyes, but I found myself staring anyway. And then she sighed, shakily.
"I don't know if I love you or not, but we can still be friends." Bittersweet words flowed from her lips as she stepped forth. "I'm sorry for acting rudely, it was unacceptable. I still want you as a friend, at least. You're the best I've ever had."
She heard my sigh of relief, heart both flying and falling at her reply. The mage wrapped her arms around me, awkward at first, but warm nonetheless. A smile sprouted on my lips.
"…if you come with me to fight Corypheus, promise me you'll never pull that stupid stunt again. You nearly gave me a heart attack." She murmured in my ear. I nodded, but no promises were made.