Chapter Text
+1. 36
It was dark. Very dark.
He didn’t want the lights on. He didn’t want to see himself.
He didn’t want to see them.
He didn’t want to be seen at all, by anybody. Anything.
He sat on the floor next to his bed. His back itched.
It *always* itched now.
Like a raging ant colony.
He flinched away from his blanket when it caught on the fresh quills poking out of his shoulder.
He hated them.
He couldn’t remember how many he ripped out.
He couldn’t begin to remember collapsing from it.
He was shaking.
Mirai wanted to help, but….he’d traumatized him enough.
No one can help. Nothing he could do would stop it.
He was becoming a spiked, rough, strange monster.
Mirai promised him they’d find out what was happening, but the news had figured it out before they did.
*Porcupine*
He squeezed his arms and fell to the side as pain wracked through him.
His bones were growing. His eyesight was changing. His hair…was growing too much.
He was sick with it.
He was….scared. He wished Nana was here to help, but…she wouldn’t be able to hold him either.
He sobbed into his arms, ignoring the soft knocks on his door from the well-wishers and the supposed “old friends”.
——
It took two hours for Mirai to chase them away. It took another hour for Mirai to get the hint and leave as well.
Toshinori was in a pretty foul mood.
He nearly fell asleep, exhausted from the itching and fear.
There was a soft knock on the door.
Toshinori growled, opening his eyes.
He looked towards the door, years of stress and exhaustion showing on his face.
The soft knocking continued, and Toshinori frowned.
He’d heard Mirai leave hours ago….
“…….Go away.”
The knocking stopped, and a soft voice rang out.
“Yagi Toshinori. Can I talk to you?”
Toshinori froze at the voice. He hadn’t heard it for years, but he recognized it anywhere.
He slowly stood and walked towards the door, past shattered mirrors and trashed furniture.
He slumped against the door.
“What do you want.”
It wasn’t a question.
Amari sighed, softly.
“I saw the news. I…I couldn’t just sit back. We need to talk.”
Toshinori chuckled, mirthless. “Now you want to talk? What changed? I know the money is gone. Is that what you want? You can take that up with my sidekick.”
Amari sat against the door and slid down, sitting against it.
“……..I couldn’t bare to think you’re alone through this. And I know you’re alone. You always are.”
Toshinori felt a sudden rush of emotion, and he shifted, slowly getting up and pulling the chain off the door.
He cracked open the door and peeked out. Amari stood up.
He almost slammed the door at her look of pity, but he swallowed it down. Pity was the *worst*.
She fiddled with her scarf. “I don’t want you to be alone. I….I didn’t know if you would even…even see me. I don’t know if I have the right.”
Toshinori blinked.
“You’re doing an awful lot to turn this about you.”
She flinched, then turned away.
“I’m learning. I’m sorry.”
She looked back to him. “Can I come in?”
Toshinori regarded her a bit, and then stepped away from the door and let it swing open.
She entered slowly, daintily stepping around broken glass and sitting on the ground next to his coffee table.
“Thank you.”
Toshinori noted how expertly she avoided the glass. It would normally be a red flag for him but he was too tired to care.
“I don’t have any tea. I think there’s juice in the fridge.”
She shook her head, keeping her eyes on the table. “It’s fine.”
He sat down across from her heavily.
They sat in silence a bit, both unsure about treading the new waters.
Amari spoke up.
“I didn’t believe it at first. That day we met. I didn’t know what they were talking about. Mimi hounded me to stay quiet and forget, but….I couldn’t do that. It took me a few years to find out about you. It took me more to find you again and figure out who you were. Mother fought me for years. But after father died…..she broke down and told me. She had a son. Before me.” She paused, taking in a shuddering breath.
“It strained our relationship.”
Toshinori blinked steadily.
“So now what?”
She looked up at him. She wasn’t crying but it was close.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long to find you. I’m sorry I never reached out. I’m sorry….I’m sorry our parents failed you.” She wiped her eye with a finger delicately.
“Father never knew. He was told you died late term. He never knew you were born. I need you to know that. But, I don’t think it would have made a difference.”
Toshinori tilted his head. The fog was returning, the numbness that he felt after that day in the old castle.
He held onto his resolve.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong.”
“They had me to replace you.”
“You had no choice in that.”
She hiccuped, leaning forward and wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands.
“Stop this.”
“Hm?”
“Stop being so understanding! You’re allowed to be angry! You’re allowed to be upset! I replaced you! I had whatever it was they wanted their kid to have and they threw you away!”
Toshinori felt himself smile. It was a mask.
“Yeah, I know. What good would that do? What would that achieve? I’ve already been mad. I’ve already mourned my own death. I’m just….over it now.”
She looked up at him, fighting sobs. After a little bit, she slumped, and she looked just as tired as he felt.
They were both in pain. Toshinori couldn’t help but feel warm in the kinship, despite it being a bad reason.
“Tell me about your life.”
She looked at him in confusion.
“What?”
“Tell me about your life. What was our father like? Did our parents ever show up to your extracurriculars? Did you have any pets? Were you able to marry for love?”
Amari was quiet, and after a bit she smiled.
Toshinori felt warmth in his soul again.
“Toshinori Yagi. You are….the most loving and remarkable person.” She looked at her hands.
“I think I’d like that drink now.”
Toshinori nodded and stood, and they spent hours talking, about how she grew up. They shared experiences, about how he didn’t have guidance and she was crushed under the weight of their parents expectations.
She shared how she chose her husband out of a group of men their parents chose.
He was the least offensive.
She shared how years ago, after their fathers funeral, she’d been cut off from the family fortune, and how she’s been selling pottery and jewelry to supplement her income.
Toshinori shared his life in foster care, his growth into a hero. He shared his memories of Nana and his love, bc his pain.
They shared well into the morning.
His back didn’t itch once, and am when he waved her off in the garage, she gave him a hug and didn’t get poked once.
His smile was real for the first time since his body started changing.
——
It was a wet day. Pouring rain.
Toshinori stood at the end of a procession.
He had on a large trench coat, and a black wide rimmed hat to keep the rain out of his face.
His mother stood not ten feet away.
He couldn’t bother to look at her.
Amari laid in her casket. She was beautiful. Like she was sleeping.
He saw the reports. He knows how she died.
Self-inflicted wounds.
He had called in many favors. He’d got Naomasa on the case.
He KNOWS why she did it.
He wouldn’t dare look at their mother.
He knows.
Amari wasn’t suicidal. She didn’t hate her life.
But she hated a cage. She hated the pressure.
And the pressure had finally broke her.
The concept of being forced to live with their mother again….after having a child born with gills and fishlike characteristics. A sweet baby girl.
His niece.
Motherless.
His brother in law was sobbing inconsolably. He really was a decent man.
He’s going to take the child far from their mother and live. The child will know love.
Toshinori will make sure of it.
He felt her staring at him, but he wouldn’t grace her with his attention.
Not yet.
Not when there were innocent bystanders.
—
She approached him after everyone had left. He was standing over the wet earth, freshly filled. He was gently shaking morning glories over the grave.
It was Amari’s favorite.
“………What is your name?”
Toshinori paused, then continued. “You would know, you gave it to me.”
She was silent.
Toshinori finished scattering the seeds and looked back at her calmly.
“Did you not…? It would explain why I was named basically ‘genius law eight tree’. Makes no sense. Hilarious.” He looked back to the grave, gently petting the dirt over the seeds.
“What do you want, Lady Shirakashi?”
She approached him.
“I would like to speak with my son.”
She set her hand on his shoulder, and Toshinori quelled a dark tendril of pleasure when she gasped and flinched, pulling her hand away as a sharp quill poked her through the coat.
His voice didn’t waver.
“Don’t you remember, ma’am? You killed your son. Your inability to accept him as he was made you kill him.” He stood up, brushing dirt off his knees.
“Son, I didn’t-“
“What? Want to kill me? Or you just didn’t want me. I know you wanted grandmother to like you, and you wanted her money, more than you wanted me.”
She flinched at his words, and then his gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late to be sorry. It was too late the moment you walked away from your son and left him in the care of strangers. You killed him, and you killed your daughter too.”
She actively flinched at him, shocked.
“Your pressure for perfection killed her. She was happy as who she was. Your standards was poison to her joy, and she saw the only way out was OUT. You will never see your grandchild.”
“H-How could you say such a thing?”
Toshinori smiled, but it was a mask for the rage he’d had burning in his belly since the beginning of his life. His eyes burned with it.
“I don’t care about you, mother. You will die poor, alone, and unloved. Your end will reflect my beginning. Isn’t that such lovely karma?”
He couldn’t see her face. It was a fog. He didn’t recognize this woman.
She was a shocked, scared, horrified woman.
He hated her.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“You are a horrible boy!”
“That would be your fault, since it was your job to raise me.”
She put a hand over her heart, collapsing into one of the seats.
“I have nothing now. Is this rage really worth losing the relationship we can grow?”
Toshinori tilted his head at her.
“Absolutely. This rage has sat quietly for 36 years. And I’ve seen what a relationship with you can do to a person.” He pointed at Amari’s grave.
“Behold. What stands before you is a testament to your actions. Revel in the consequences.”
She was pale, and shaking terribly. A man was coming towards them from the cars, probably a helper for her. He was not approaching quickly.
“You horrible boy. You think I can’t hurt you too?! I can tell your precious media what you’ve done here, to me!”
Toshinori almost laughed. “Please. Please do it. You think they’ll believe you? Don’t be stupid. The only people who might believe you are villains looking to hurt me. And trust me. I won’t be rushing to save you.”
By now, the helper was in earshot.
Toshinori’s smile dropped, and he leaned in close to her.
“Take a good look, Lady Shirakashi. I’ll be the last family you see till your death, and then you can try to explain to your husband why his son is still alive.” He stood up straight, to his full height.
She sobbed, eyes locked on him.
He turned once, arms out, then gave her a soft look and held up one of his bangs.
“Here. The blonde hair is why you abandoned me, right? Have a short retirement. I am loved. I found my family. I will be surrounded by people who love me and care about me, and I will be richer than you could ever hope to be. I’ve succeeded in life. My only regret now? Is that I couldn’t save Amari from you.” He ran his fingers through his bangs, pulling out a few golden hairs.
“You can have these. Maybe sell them online to get a little spending money.”
He set the hair, rolled up, on the seat next to her. He smiled and nodded at the confused helper, but it was grim.
“I’m just about done here.”
He turned and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“So, my mom would be upset with me if I told you to go die, so I won’t. Never try to contact me again. Bye.”
He turned away from her and walked away, ignoring her shrieking sobs and screaming.
He walked far away, to the edge of the graveyard, to the last car from the procession, and then jumped to his freedom.
He expected to be happy. He expected to be devistated.
Instead, he was just numb, and foggy.