Chapter Text
The panic that had set into Kuroo's mind when he had opened Kenma's hospital room, only to find it empty, was Earth-shaking. He had shakily fumbled for his phone, opening Kenma's contact, only for there to be no response when he sent frantic texts to his best friend. He was almost too distracted to hear the faint buzz of a phone across the room, lying on the bed.
There was definitely something wrong. Kenma would never just go somewhere without his phone like that. If Kuroo really did know him, the brown- and blonde-haired boy couldn't go two seconds without the small black device.
Kuroo wasn't quite sure why, but he found himself sprinting down the street, his legs carrying him as they may. It was like they had minds of their own, knowing exactly where Kenma would be. There were many ideas that he had racing through his head, but his feet seemed to know the true location of the former setter that he was so desperately searching for. When he arrived at his destination, his hot breath came out in strained, visible puffs as the cold air that whistled in his ears.
His coughs turned into deep, relieved breaths as he spotted the frail figure of Kenma, sitting with his head lying against the hard, cold wood of their favorite cherry blossom tree. Memories came rushing through his head as he walked quickly over to the small brown- and blonde-haired boy. Memories of after-school days filled with undone homework and faded-out conversations that somehow weren't awkward in any way. The silence was something that he had grown to enjoy, something that Kenma had loved all along. Sometimes, there weren't words that needed to be said to express how he felt, but instead, it was like the once-soft gusts of wind carried the messages for him, secured away in the depths of the icy blast.
Underneath the pale, moonlit night, Kuroo found himself wishing for the sun-kissed shine of the sky that burned ever-so bright on the summer days that were half a world away. But he knew that Kenma wouldn't have it any other way.
Boy, was he wrong. The former setter, in question, only hoped for the warm glow of the bright star in the sky, one he knew didn't bid him well. The wind had no effect on him, as he had grown used to the bitter, wintry feeling of his skin that was not unlike ice creeping into his bones after a swim in ice water. And as he noticed Kuroo approaching, he knew he had messed up. How was he supposed to know that the ravenette would have gotten there so soon? Kenma had really thought that he would have a tad more time, if anything. He saw the worry in his spiker's eyes that had flooded over with relief when he had seen that Kenma was alright. As if to confirm this suspicion, the much taller boy called out to the brown- and blonde-haired boy.
"Kenma! Oh, thank the stars you're alright.." Kuroo let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, enveloping Kenma in a tight bear hug, though still being careful as to not hurt him. Like a breakable object, if the former setter used to be fragile, then now that would be more than just an understatement. But to Kuroo's utter surprise, weak arms wrapped around his heavyset frame, holding him tightly as the two just stayed there, knees on the icy ground as they embraced each other.
-----
Taking the long way home was something that Kuroo and Kenma had always done for years. When they were children, of course. As of recent, the two couldn't be bothered to take the extra turns so that they could spend more time together.
And yet here they were, treading back to the hospital after a hour-long conversation of Kuroo trying to convince Kenma to go back. The shorter boy didn't want to go, for fear of getting in trouble and being back inside the horribly enclosed, stuffy place. Kuroo thought to himself as they walked, looking down at his feet as he took each heavy step. He definitely knew there was something wrong, whether that be from his disease, or an underlying mental issue that he hadn't yet heard of. Kenma never cared about getting in trouble, never despised enclosed spaces. In fact, he had known small spaces to be one of the former setter's best friends.
Suddenly, Kuroo was ripped out of his thoughts, the frozen silence between the two boys shattered with just a simple sentence that made the Ravenette never want to have been friends with this kid, just so he wouldn't have to experience the pain that every lasting moment with Kenma caused. Knowing that he didn't have much time left with the shorter.
"Everything is changing.." He murmured, trying to keep himself from coughing. Kenma hated the feeling of his chest resonating with rough, scratchy pain caused from hollow hacking that persisted every minute of every day. Honestly, Kenma was more tired of it than ever before.
"I know, Kenma. It'll all be over soon." Kuroo instantly regretted what he had said once the words had fallen from his lips, realizing the double meaning as Kenma's body tensed up.
"Obviously. It'll end with me dead, just like Oikawa." That comment rendered Kuroo speechless. There was no way that Oikawa had..? "He died about two hours ago, for your information." Kenma's voice was barely a whisper, his now-quiet voice but a husk of what used to be a full, beautiful tenor that Kuroo would gladly listen to for hours on end. "It's going to be lonely back at the hospital without Tooru.." He mumbled quietly, averting his gaze from Kuroo's eyes down to his shuffling feet.
"Well.. if it helps at all, you could always be lonely with me." Kuroo joked, his face twisted into a half smile as he clasped Kenma's hand into one of his own large, calloused and warm palms. The former setter felt cold in his grip, something that the ravenette despised to think about. He was like a corpse, he definitely should not be out in this weather. Kuroo found himself letting go of Kenma's hand to take off his own thick jacket, draping it over Kenma's much smaller frame.
"Wha- what are you doing? You'll get cold." The brown- and blonde-haired boy hissed.
"So what? You clearly need all the warmth you can get," Kuroo reasoned, taking hold of Kenma's hand once more, after he had pushed his arms through the much too-long sleeves. Personally, Kuroo would be grateful to live in this moment forever, walking past dimly-lit street lamps and staring up at the constellations in the dark sky. The bright white-on-dark color scheme put Kuroo at ease, a feeling that he, nor Kenma had been able to feel for so much longer than they would have liked.
As the two walked into the hospital, they both took deep breaths. They managed to get past everyone for a second time, making it safely back to Kenma's hospital room. Kenma wasn't quite sure why, but he felt more fatigued than ever before. Maybe it was because of the long walks the two had taken, or the chill of the biting, chilling wind that tore at him from the outside in and the inside out, all at the same time. But at least he felt safe, wrapped in Kuroo's jacket and in a pair of strong arms that held him in a comfortable tightness. The warmth he felt lulled him into a sense of calm, but it just made him want to sleep all the more, even if every attempt at even a blink of the serenity it would bring him was so far out of reach that it could be galaxies away from his feeble grasp.
Kuroo pulled the wool-woven red weighted blanket that had sat stationary at the foot of the hard hospital bed over the two of them. The ravenette was uncomfortably hot, but it didn't matter to him, as long as Kenma was alright.
----
Kenma was most definitely not alright. In fact, he was anything but. It was like his legs had just stopped working for him. One day he had been taking a long walk with his spiker, and the next, almost unable to move. Had he just been holding himself together all this time, only to fall apart before the eyes of his best friend, only a day after he had come to stay with him?
To say that Kuroo was worried was quite the understatement. He spent his time either pacing around the room, sitting with Kenma, or talking to the nurses that took care of his setter.
It was quite funny to the ravenette that he still referred to Kenma as his setter, even though he not only quit the volleyball club, but never only setted exclusively to him. It didn't really matter, though. The only thing that the spiker could even keep his mind on was how much time he might have left with Kenma. He had told himself over and over to detach himself from the small boy, but he had long failed that promise he had made himself. He had irrevocably, unconditionally fallen in love with this kid. Kuroo regretted not spending more time with Kenma, not using what he had to keep his friendship wrong. He supposed that he never really knew what he had until it was ripped from his grasp, leaving what felt like a gaping wound in his chest, piercing through his heart and out of his back like a dagger of rose thorns.
Then again, that's how life works. A give-and-take world full of surprises, never knowing what's next around every corner.
-----
"MERRY CHRISTMASSSS!" Kuroo burst through the door, arms full with gifts and sweets. Kenma's shoulders shook in what seemed to be laughter. The ravenette almost paused in the doorway, feeling a pang of sadness in his chest. Kenma's voice had given out two months ago. It had been over a year since Kenma had been admitted to the hospital, and his condition was slowly, but surely, getting worse. The only things that even seemed to be able to cheer him up anymore were Kuroo and his friend Nishinoya, who had to be re-admitted every once in a while for mandatory surgeries due to his disease, Chiari Malformation.
Kuroo shut the door with his heel, beaming at Kenma as he set the bags down on the floor. Kenma was curled up on his hospital bed, in the corded, weighted red blanket that he had had for so long. As long as either of them could even remember, really.
Kuroo hugged Kenma as tight as he could without hurting his frail form, his skin cool to the touch. Kenma loved the feel of the warmth that coming in contact with Kuroo brought him. It was more than his blanket could ever do, and he always had to resist the urge to reach for Kuroo when he pulled away, just so that he would have to endure the chill that would seep back into his very bones within a matter of seconds.
If only Kuroo knew that Kenma was losing the strength to fight against the currents of icy death that threatened to sweep him away, to rip him from an otherwise blossoming life. Like a rose out of season, Kenma's petals had began to wilt and shrivel up, his eyes gone dull like that of a waterless leaf, drifting through forest after forest of pain and nothingness. The brown- and blonde-haired boy knew well enough that he didn't have much time left, no matter what he did to prolong his life. Everything would be coming to an end in a matter of the short time that he could keep himself from drowning in the consuming, gripping black waters of death that swam circles around him, made his head dizzy from watching it speed by.
He wondered if the pictures flashing before his eyes were memories or real events. Everything seemed so.. slow. There was the off sound of TV static somewhere.. somewhere.. he couldn't quite put his finger on it. It was almost downing out Kuroo's speech.. The deep voice that brought him safety, serenity, calm.. Why was everything taking so long to process? Why weren't his arms moving? Wait a minute.. what's going on? Panic started to set into Kenma's very core, but he barely had the energy to move his face to show it. His eyes were lazy as he looked off to the side, staring a hole into the off-white wall of his hospital room. When he glanced back, he saw the concerned look of Kuroo, who had walked over to get the gifts, but was staring at Kenma as if something was wrong. What was wrong? What's wrong, Kuroo?
The former setter hated to see the worry in his friends' eyes- or were they even that anymore? Kenma sensed that they were somewhat.. more.. than friends. Judging by the quick kisses goodnight just before Kuroo went to sleep, the excessive hugging and cuddles. It could have also been a byproduct of Kenma not having much longer to live, but the brown- and blonde-haired boy would like to think that it wasn't. That it was something special that only he would ever share with him.
If only Kuroo knew it would all be over soon.
Kuroo thought back to all the things he used to do with Kenma, but moreover, all of the mistakes he had made in his time with the former setter. Maybe if he hadn't replaced Kenma with all of those girls who he hadn't even liked. He had broken countless innocent hearts, and left a friendship in the dust over it. Maybe if he hadn't done those things, if he had just stayed with Kenma, maybe all of this wouldn't have-
No. Of course things wouldn't be different over something silly like that. If anything, it would have made things even worse that now if they were too close.
If only Kuroo knew that he had put up a futile fight.
Things weren't going to change.
Kuroo gazed down at the sunken features of the small boy, who hadn't been facing him. He was just staring off into nowhere, like always. He barely even noticed Kenma's attempt to grab his phone, weak and shaking hands fumbling for the small object. Eventually, he got ahold of it, typing ever-so-slowly on his messages app. This was what he had resorted to so that he would be able to talk to Kuroo, sending him a text of whatever he wanted to say.
'Kuroo, I don't want to die.' The message had caught Kuroo off guard when he got the notification, his eyes chasing over the six words over and over. When he looked up, he could see the tears in his best friend's eyes.
"Kenma, you aren't going to- I'm not going to let you- I-" He let out a choked sob, covering his own mouth with a rough hand, his dull nails threatening to puncture his skin with jagged marks.
"Kenma?"
If only he knew that 'everything he could do' would never, ever be enough.
Never enough to save him.
Never enough to breathe life into the once light-lifted body of his best friend.
The love of his life.
This was it.
This was the end.
And as Kuroo took hold of the small boy's frail hand, he heard the last sigh of breath leave Kenma's body.
A sound that would haunt him for the rest of his days.
His side of paradise, burned to the ground.
Forever and always, he would remember this day.
The day his love was lost.