Chapter Text
Mackenzie and Judo are behind a rock with bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them.
Mackenzie: My god, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?
Tucker: You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank.
Mackenzie: Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?
Tucker: Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy.
Mackenzie: Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya.
Cut to Lucky hopping in the tank. As the canopy closes, the tank turns on.
Tank: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila.
Lucky: Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.
Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?
Lucky: Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.
Sheila: Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving.
Lucky: Okay.
Cut to Bluey firing the Warthog's gun with Jack on the ground behind him.
Jack: Bluey. BLUEY!
Bluey stops firing, and steps down.
Jack: Man, that thing is loud.
Sheila drives by in the background.
Bluey: ...WHAT?
Jack: Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.
Bluey: OKAY.
Jack: Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.
Cut to Lucky having Sheila stranded on a tall rock and turning to try to get off.
Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features.
Lucky: No, no, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?
Cut to Mackenzie peeking out from the side of the rock. Judo is still standing behind it.
Mackenzie: (whispering) Psst, hey, they stopped firing.
Judo: Why are you whispering?
Mackenzie: (whispering) Uhm... I don't know.
Cut to Bluey and Jack standing at the foot of a cliff.
Jack: Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way.
Bluey: Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?
Sheila rolls up right behind them.
Jack: Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long.
Sheila's turret looks at Jack, then at Bluey as they speak.
Bluey: Well, at least that was fun.
Jack and Bluey turn simultaneously to see the tank.
Jack: Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?
Cut to Mackenzie and Judo looking at the vacant Warthog.
Mackenzie: Judo, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out.
Judo: No they're not, look - they left the jeep. They're gone.
Mackenzie: Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it.
Cut to Sheila's HUD. Her cross hair slowly homes in on Jack's head.
Jack: Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us.
A tone goes off indicating target lock.