Chapter Text
Billy hugs and kisses the girls goodbye before heading downstairs. Before he leaves, he stalks off to the kitchen where Camila is currently making tamales, along with rice and beans.
She still has that long wavy brown hair of hers only this time with honey blond highlights. She’d cut it multiple times in the past but once again had grown down to her hips. She’s wearing a long black maxi dress that hugs her body and accentuated her curves that has developed more over time as she had borne children. Her brown skin still glowed, and she still had that absolute gorgeous smile of hers. Everything about her was just…absolutely gorgeous.
“Hey, I’m going to start heading out”. Billy says.
“Ok.”
Billy notices that she’s tense, he can see the aggression in her assembling the tamales. He steps further into the kitchen, “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Camila responds with an underlying annoyed tone as she still hasn’t made eye contact with him.
“Cam…what’s wrong?” Billy says concernedly.
“Nothing seriously, I’m fine.” Camila finally turned and flashing him a forced smile, one that he knew.
Billy was going to push further because he wants to be there for her, just as she had been there for him. But before he can, Camila changes the subject.
“You can’t leave though. I’m almost done with dinner.” Camila says interrupting his thoughts.
“No, it’s alright. I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“No Billy, I know you don’t have anywhere to be and I’m not letting you go home just to order takeout. Don’t argue with me, and Eddie isn’t here. He’s gone for the next week on some producing business, so you would not be imposing and I know the girls would love it if you stayed. I know I would.”
Billy doesn’t take too long to surrender. Camila did always get what she wanted. And honestly, he missed family dinners.
Once dinner was set, they all enjoyed the food and company. It was noisy with a cacophony of laughter, conversation about everyone’s lives, light music, sounds of dishes and utensils cluttering, arguing, and so forth. It was so warm and bright, it was home. Billy looks around at his gorgeous daughters and the love of his life. She was laughing with Maria and the kitchen light was hitting her just right, but that was nothing new, and he just was so lucky. Lucky to have gotten to experience her. Her love, faith, trust, stubbornness, honesty. He’d wish he had known and appreciated how lucky he was before he took her for granted, before he lost her.
When he did make eye contact with her, he was filled with warmth but also knew something was off about her this evening. Because although he felt warmth when meeting her eyes, he also felt like she was glaring at him. Her lips would pursed together and she would wring her hands together in her lap, like she was irritated with something.
They move to settle in the living room once dinner is finished. The girls continue to catch their parents up on what’s going on in their lives. They would go on and on until the girls decided it was time for them to call it a night. They kissed their parents goodnight and headed up.
“We got pretty lucky with those minions.” Billy says fondly.
Camila laughs lightly, “we sure did.”
“They got lucky with the best mom in the world.”
“ Oh Billy stop”
Billy leans in from where he’s sitting on the couch, “No, I’m serious. You deserve all the praise because you’ve been holding them down since they entered the world. On your best days, your worst days, your sick days, everyday you show up for them…I got lucky. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother for my children. Thank you” Billy intensely stares at Camila, hoping that his sincerity is being communicated.
Camila eyes well up and she just gives him a modest smile while playing with her hair.
Billy feels compelled to continue, “Thank you for holding me down too. I know you were fighting for our marriage and our family, and I know it took a lot out of you and you didn’t deserve that.”
Camila is suddenly tense again, like she’s withholding something. She gives him a strained smile and nods her head before looking away, wringing her hands together and bouncing her right leg up and down.
Those are the tells of her irritation and anger. He initially thinks it’s because he’s reminded her of the pain and anguish he’s put her through, but he just knows that’s not it.
“Hey Cam, are you okay? You’ve been off the whole evening.”
She doesn’t respond at first; it’s just silence until she does…and she’s pissed.
“You’ve got some fucking nerve.” Camila starts.
Camila doesn’t get angry or upset easily, it takes a lot for her to lose her composure so he knows whatever he did, he must’ve fucked up pretty bad.
“Woah, Cam wha—what did I do?”
“What did you do? What did you—?” Camila chuckles lightly while shaking her head. She pursues her lips and the rims of her eyes start to become red.
Billy hates when she’s upset, or when she cries, and he hates that it seems like when she does, it’s whenever she’s around him.
“Cam…I—I don’t know—
“I heard what you told the girls…upstairs in Julia’s room. Caught the last bit”
Billy inhales deeply and shifts his eyes towards the floor. Not knowing what to say.
“What the actual fuck Billy? I don’t think it’s okay for you to be feeding our girls lies nor is it necessary.” Camila is breathing heavily like a volcano that’s trying not to erupt.
Billy's eyes snap up…she thinks…that he lied? About how he felt about her? How he still feels?
He laughs in disbelief making Camila glared even harder if possible.
“I’m in love with you.”
Silence follows his admission.
They’re staring at each other, and Billy knows she doesn’t believe him, not one bit. Camila rolls her eyes as she stands up and he notices the symptoms of her eyes tearing up, probably out of anger and pain. Camila starts walking to the kitchen and Billy follows her.
“You know what I think.” Camila swiftly turns around to face him, “I think you’re a liar. I think you’re probably feeling lonely right now and think you feel something that’s not there.”
Billy just stares at her as she continues because my goodness she is just gorgeous, so gorgeous that it hurts to know that he had her once and didn’t cherish her.
“I mean—you sound ridiculous.” Camila breathily says. “ ‘I never fell out of love with your mom…your mom completes me…your mom’s the love of my life’ blah blah blah all that bullshit.” Camila mimicking his voice.
“When are you ever going to just stop? Huh?! I thought we moved past lying to yourself and others?”
“Are you going to say something or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me?!” Camila crosses her arms and tilts her head.
There’s a bit of distance between them, so with each step Billy takes closer to Camila, he releases a word.
“I.” A step.
“Am.” Another step.
“In.” Another step closer.
“Love.” Another step even closer.
“With.” One more step…
“You.” And he’s in front of her. Right there in her vicinity. Breathing in the delicious smell of her vanilla perfume. Looking into her beautiful brown eyes.
He can tell by looking in her eyes when it clicks that he’s serious…that he’s not lying.
“ Look, I was never going to tell you or anyone for that matter, but like you said, we moved past the lying to myself and to others. I’m not going to lie to our girls when it comes to how I feel about you.”
Billy can’t help but place a hand under her chin, forcing her to look up. He can’t help but lean in and touch his forehead with her forehead. He can’t help but run his hands to her here pushing it backwards from her face, before placing them on both sides of her rosy cheeks.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re my heart. You’re my everything. You’re my better half. You’re my home. You’re my Aurora. You’re the water to my fire. You’re the love of my life…my soulmate. And I’m so fucking sorry for everything, and I mean everything I put you through. I’m so sorry for not being there. I’m so sorry for betraying you and our marriage. For the pain. The hurt. The neglection. For making you feel like an obligation or that I didn’t love you. For forgetting to remember you and cherish you. I’m. So. Fucking. Sorry. I need you to understand how losing you will always be my biggest regret. Please tell me you understand.” Billy says intensely looking into her eyes while his hands tremble against her cheek.
Camila doesn’t say anything, she just closes her eyes to prevent tears from falling.
“I love you Cam.”
[Silence]
“I know I don’t deserve you but…I just—do you feel what I feel? You must know it or feel it in your heart… because I do. I. Love. You.”
Camila's face scrunches up as she tries not to cry in his arms. She slowly removes Billy’s hands off of her face and steps back from him. He’s trying not to tear up, but he feels his heart breaking and knows this is exactly how she felt that night he broke her heart at the Chicago Stadium…and man does it hurt.
“I love you, and I’m always gonna love you.” Camila gently states.
Billy feels hope in his chest.
“…but I don’t want to love you. I want to be happy. And Eddie makes me happy. He loves me and I love him. And if you keep pulling at me…then I’m just gonna look dumb coming back to you.”
And then that hope in his chest is gone.
“I’m not putting my heart in your hands again...I learned my lesson too many times." Camila says tearfully while shaking her head. He had weaken her time after time after time, betraying her trust and loyalty, abusing her faith in him, making her feel insecure and unwanted...he weakened her and she refuses to feel like that again.
Billy nods his head as a tear drops.
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. But at least you know…you’ve always had my heart—you do have my heart…always and forever.” Billy leans in and places his lips on her forehead. He didn’t kiss her. He just held his lips right there. Just like he used to do before he and the band left on tour. Billy bids her goodnight, not waiting for a reply and hops into his car, wiping his unshedded tears.
On his drive home, the fragments of a new song danced in his head.
Later it’ll be released, titled “Always and Forever.” His first solo single to be released and holding the #1 spot for weeks.