Chapter Text
After two months, as expected, Sunggyu avoids everyone he possibly can as much as he possibly can. He gets at least twenty texts a day – usually a fifty/fifty ratio of his mom and his sister. Sometimes Dongwoo jumps in and throws the balance off but Sunggyu doesn’t bother to reply to any of them. He hasn’t responded to anyone in weeks, and nowadays people have resorted to calling Sungyeol to ask about him.
To be quite frank, Sunggyu is surprised he takes it, Sungyeol isn’t the type to take shit. Yet without fail, Sunggyu hears his phone buzzing in the kitchen and he hears the tired sigh Sungyeol lets out and hears his voice come out exasperated and exhausted. That’s the best way to put it – Sungyeol’s pretty damn exhausted. But he still talks to the person (his mom? Sister? Dongwoo?) without fail, even if it’s just a quip, “Yea, he’s still holding up.”
He supposes it’s better than the first few weeks after Woohyun passed. He barely remembers that time – it’s hazy in his mind. He remembers smashing his apartment and things swirling in his eyes and he remembers slamming Sungyeol into a wall and he remembers punching him until his nose bled. But he can’t quite put it all in order.
He can’t remember if Sungyeol crumpled to the ground in pain before or after his nose was busted and he can’t quite remember if he pulled Sunggyu against his chest and let him sob until his favorite Nirvana T-shirt was soaked and he can’t remember what color the vase he smashed against the wall was. He can’t remember if it was the pretty stain-glass one where the sunshine shone through and illuminated it until the colors danced on his wall – the same one where Woohyun would lay on his wood floor and ask him what shade of red his favorite was and Sunggyu would sigh and demand they were all the same.
His knuckles were usually bloody those first few weeks. They were always covered in scabs or fresh blood, his eyes were just as red (not that he could see it, anymore) and blood-shot and he slammed down everyone that approached – with his words or with his fists. Needless to say, Sunggyu was a complete wreck.
He still isn’t doing any better, honestly.
He still looks like shit, too. He wakes up every morning to see thick bags under his eyes, his hair has thinned out to a mess and it’s usually greasy all the way from the roots to the ends. He lost those cheeks Woohyun loved to squeeze and he looks more like a stick than a person but no one says anything to him. Well, not that he sees anyone that would.
Sunggyu truly does feel bad for the way he’s acting. But he’s in too much of a funk to fix it. He can tell people are careful around him these days, and usually he hates that kind of shit. Right now though, he’s grateful. Grateful that whenever he hears two sets of feet waltzing around his apartment they never enter his bedroom. Thankful that Sungyeol always ends up backing him up with some bullshit excuse whenever someone does demand to see him. He wouldn’t be able to make it through otherwise.
Sungyeol still tries though, he offers to take him to the new Marvel movie he’s been dying to see (he was going to go with Woohyun), he bought him Yiruma tickets (Woohyun was planning to get them), and he even tried to learn how to brew a French vanilla (it didn’t come out like Woohyun’s) and Sunggyu doesn’t give him the time of day.
Really, he’s surprised Sungyeol’s holding up like this. Sunggyu thinks that if the positions were reversed he would have kicked his roommate’s ass for acting like such a stuck-up brat. He lost his soulmate, big deal. Sunggyu would have gave him some long-ended speech about life going on and other old shit he used to say before he met Woohyun.
But that seems to be the big problem. He couldn’t do that anymore. Not now that he knows the taste of Woohyun’s lips and the shimmer in his eyes. It’s kind of ironic, Sunggyu thinks. Sunggyu thinks of his sister losing her soulmate all those years ago and he thinks of the broken down people that have lost theirs trudging to work and trudging home to an empty bed. Sunggyu feels his stomach gurgle and his lunch crawl up his throat at the thought that he’s become one of them. He’s become the grumpy old people that have no one to love so they hate everyone.
Really though, he always hates everyone, so it isn’t much of a change. Still, he lets out a tired sigh and ruffles up his hair so it looks semi-decent and takes a quick trip in the bathroom to splash some water on his face. It doesn’t do much – you can’t erase weeks of damage with a splash of water. Sunggyu opts for slipping a hoody over his head and keeping the hood up.
He slips on a pair of jeans and kicks the door open with his toe, it crashes against the wall with a loud smash and Sunggyu winces. Sungyeol – who was previously on the couch – jumps to his feet to follow the noise; his mouth literally drops when he sees Sunggyu waltz past him and slip on a pair of sneakers. He doesn’t even complain that they’re his favorite pair that Sunggyu was never allowed to touch. “You um….you going somewhere?” Sungyeol chooses his words carefully, as if Sunggyu is fragile, as if a single world will make him crumble and slither back to his room.
The way Sunggyu’s been acting, Sunggyu can’t really blame him for it. “I’m in the mood for some coffee, Dongwoo makes a mean French vanilla and I need it right now.”
Sungyeol opens and closes his mouth a few times while Sunggyu laces up his (Sungyeol’s) shoes. “Okay uh…” Sungyeol searches for the right words to say, “Um…bring be back a Pumpkin Spice? And uh…tell Dongwoo hi.” He finishes lamely and Sunggyu’s lips barely twitch into a smile.
“Yea, sure.”
“Um...you’re okay now...right?”
“Of course I am.”
“Good...just...good. That’s good.”
“I’ve barely made it to the shop and you called, Noona?”
“Sungyeol texted me.”
“It’s not like I’ve never left the house before.”
“You haven’t left it feeling so dead, before.”
“You’ll be okay, right?”
“Probably not, honestly.”
“Funny isn’t? Both of our love lives are really fucked up.”
Dongwoo’s lips stretch into a smile so big Sunggyu thinks his lips are going to fall off. He can’t offer him much in return, his smile is tiny compared to his. Dongwoo’s stretches high on his cheeks and Sunggyu feels that familiar bubble of happiness. His doesn’t stretch that high, it doesn’t even stretch a quarter of that. It makes him a little bit jealous that so much happiness glows on Dongwoo’s face.
But more than that, it’s warming. Very warming. Sunggyu gives him a tired look, “Hey Woo, what’s up?”
If possible, the light in Dongwoo’s eyes shines brighter. “Nothing much,” he chirps and starts humming warmly, “But I think the world is gonna end soon.” He gives Sunggyu a pointed look and the latter only rolls his eyes.
“It’s not like I haven’t come out ever,” Sunggyu snorts (he can’t remember the last time that he has, though. And as if Dongwoo can read his thoughts a small bit of sadness glistens in his eyes, a little bit of hurt, and it all occurs to him that he isn’t the only one hurting. That maybe he’s deprived Dongwoo of two friends instead of one.)
Dongwoo smiles softly, “But you haven’t come out to see me...or anyone for that matter. Sungyeol lives in the same room as you and I don’t think he’s seen your face for the past two months,”
“It’s only been one and a half for him…” Sunggyu trails off remembering the large purple bruise that he decorated Sungyeol’s face with. He should probably apologize for that...but it’s Sungyeol so maybe not. Dongwoo snaps him from his thoughts with a light chuckle and a steaming cup of French Vanilla pushed in his direction. Sunggyu smiles, a little wider, a little happier. “I didn’t even order.”
When Dongwoo smiles at him again, it isn’t big. His teeth don’t show and his eyes don’t crinkle. But Sunggyu thinks it’s the most warming, understanding smile that he’s ever gotten and it makes tears well up at his eyes. He wipes them away roughly and Dongwoo speaks, “You didn’t have to, Hyung.”
“Pumpkin spice, skinny, no whip.” Dongwoo recites. “In other words, white girl coffee.”
Sunggyu sniggers, “its Sungyeol...he’s probably going through some phase again.” Dongwoo starts fiddling with his machines and hums in response. Sunggyu takes a careful sip of his coffee and is thankful that Woohyun and Dongwoo have an entirely different style of making coffee. It would be hard...otherwise. “So...how...have you been?”
Dongwoo rolls his eyes, “Aren’t you just the king of small talk?”
Sunggyu grumbles, “Excuse me for making an attempt,”
Dongwoo stays quiet for a long time. So long that the hot water to make Sungyeol’s coffee heats up too much and boils over. Sunggyu only silently sips his coffee. Dongwoo speaks and his voice his so quiet over the sound of the bustle in the coffee shop that Sunggyu almost misses it. Almost.
“I’ve been the same as you, Hyung. But I’m getting better, too.”
Sunggyu gives him a quiet nod and watches the coffee swirl in his cup. He imagines Dongwoo punching a wall like he did, or maybe breaking someone’s nose, or locking himself away for weeks, or just being an overall dick. He can’t. He can’t imagine Sungyeol doing it either, or his mom, or anyone he cares for. “I was a real ass, wasn’t I?”
Dongwoo pushes the pumpkin spice in his direction and trades for his empty cup of French Vanilla. “Yea, you were.”
Sunggyu nods his head as a goodbye and chuckles at Dongwoo’s rambunctious waves and chipper smile. He takes a sniff of Sungyeol’s coffee and wrinkles his nose. Pumpkin isn’t Sunggyu’s thing - it probably isn’t Sungyeol’s thing, either - but he’s tempted to take a small sip just to see what Sungyeol’s new “big” thing is.
Before he gets the chance, Sungyeol’s precious pumpkin spice is staining his hoodie and scalding his skin.
Sunggyu lets out a low snarl and looks up from his precious hoodie with the meanest glare he can muster, but the boy he intends to yell at is already incredibly flustered. “Holy shit I’m so sorry!” The boy looks up and flinches back under Sunggyu’s gaze. His eyes are wide and fearful and he curls back like a kitten, it almost make Sunggyu want to pat his head and give him a treat. He’s dressed like a kitten too, there’s a large scarf coiled around his neck and if the boy so much as ducks his head a little bit Sunggyu’s sure it will swallow him up. The sweater looks warm, too, with small bits of wool sticking out and it looks handmade. Sunggyu’s eyes drop to the camera hanging at his stomach, the strap that loops around his neck is lost somewhere beneath that mountain of a scarf, but it looks expensive all the same. And if Sunggyu looks to his face, he can’t deny the boy his handsome. All sharp lines and bold features, his eyes could probably be piercing if he tried.
The boys eyes keep darting back from Sunggyu’s shirt to his face and Sunggyu really wishes he could see what color they were. “It’s not really a big deal,” he shrugs his shoulders but the boy flushes deeper. Sunggyu thinks he’s definitely handsome, but also annoyingly apologetic.
“N-no! I can...buy you another cup? Um is the shop far from here? Or I can give you my number and we can…” The boy pauses and his face goes at least ten shades darker red (it’s almost amusing, to Sunggyu, but he thinks the kid is going to piss himself and feels kinda bad). “Not that I want your number!” He squeaks quickly, “I just think I should…”
Sunggyu puts a hand over the boy’s mouth and the kid and his incredibly dark eyes (could they be brown? They’re so dark Sunggyu thinks they’d be pitch black even if he could see). “It’s really fine, it wasn’t my coffee anyway,” He takes his hand back and chuckles nervously. If this kid looks anymore scared people are gonna think he’s trying to kill him. And in the state he’s in, it wouldn’t be unbelievable.
“I’m sorry, really I am!” The boy goes into a deep bow and now Sunggyu’s cheeks redden at the people starting to stare at them – this kid is really making a scene.
“Hey listen, kid, don’t worry about it,” Sunggyu brushes it off and tries to get him to quit acting like he shot the queen of England, “It’s just coffee, it’s honestly no big deal.” Sunggyu finds it pretty ironic that the first person he’s being nice to in weeks is some clumsy stranger with a camera around his neck.
“B-But your coffee, and your hoodie, and I…shit I’m really sor-“The boy starts wringing his fingers together and he looks like a little kid. That or an awkward puppy...a really awkward puppy. He ducks his head and his innocent eyes are sparkling with a little trace of fear.
“Listen, its fine.” Sunggyu crosses his arms and declares sternly. The boy ducks his head lower and Sunggyu lets out a groan. He gently pushes him up by the shoulders (his bare hands confirm that the sweater is warm, and most definitely hand-made if the stitching is anything to go by.) “Kid people are starting to look at me like I’m gonna kill you, it’s really fine.”
The kid gives Sunggyu a kicked puppy look that makes him feel like he actually did walk around town kicking puppies and stealing candy from children. Piercing features and all, this kid sure has his pouty look down. “M-Myungsoo.” He says suddenly and then tries to cough away his embarrassment into his hand. “My name is um...Myungsoo.”
Sunggyu raises an eyebrow and resists the urge to smirk, it would probably scare the kid more. “Right um...well it was nice err...ok it wasn’t so nice meeting you,” Myungsoo flinches a little and lowers his gaze, “But it’s really fine...just uh...don’t worry about it, okay?”
Myungsoo nods carefully but lifts his head as to say something, but Sunggyu doesn’t stay to hear it. He abruptly turns on his heels and starts in the other direction. He thanks the lord that this Myungsoo kid is probably to awkward to follow him...kid seemed like he’d choke up just trying to order coffee.
“You’re not the only one that misses him,”
“I know but I’m…”
“The one that needs him back the most.”
“Exactly.”
“You could get LacR, you know.”
“I can’t...I want to remember him,”
“But it’s killing you,”
“Then let it.”
When Sunggyu holes himself up again, apparently Sungyeol decides to stop letting his bullshit slide after a while. Sunggyu supposes he should thank him for that, he really should, but he wants to shove a sock down his throat and watch him choke to death. “Can’t you go back to ignoring me? I think I prefer that.” He snaps.
Sungyeol raises an eyebrow, hands on his hips and scowl etched into his face. “Absolutely fucking not, I’m done taking this shit. You didn’t even get me coffee last week.”
“I told you some kid made me spill it on myself! You saw the stain!” Sunggyu cries. He curls back into his hoody and reaches for the remote but Sungyeol snatches it from the coffee table and promptly puts it on the highest shelf…the one that no one else can reach.
Sunggyu, too lazy to pounce on him, lets out a long groan of protest. “Listen I’ll go to the studio later, later this week, okay? Just not…just not now, please.” Sunggyu pleads, and Sungyeol can see the desperation in his eyes.
Sungyeol shuts his eyes tightly for a few moments and the bitter silence makes Sunggyu grimace. “Listen, I can’t do that. I want you to go today, you’re sister wants you to go today. And just because….” Sungyeol trails off with a sigh but continues quickly after, “Things have happened, you can’t do this to yourself. You went out to coffee once looking like complete shit. That’s not better.”
Sunggyu doesn’t say anything to him.
Sungyeol groans loudly, “Look, Hyung, I really didn’t want to be the bitchy roommate that tried to make you better, okay? I wanted to give you space and shit because I know you. I know you hate positivity and you hate people waltzing around telling you life’s gonna get better because it won’t. Life’s a fucking bitch and you know that as well I do. But the fact of the matter is it’s always gonna be a bitch.”
Sunggyu scoffs and turns back to the T.V, “You really outta consider applying to become a motivational speaker, you sure seem to have the attitude down,”
“Stop changing the subject.” Sungyeol snaps harshly and Sunggyu feels anger starting to simmer again. He opens his mouth to snap at Sungyeol and then thinks of Sungyeol curled on the floor, clutching his nose and he feels a twinge of guilt. “Just please Hyung, just today? Don’t musicians drown out their sorrows in music? At least give that a shot.”
Sunggyu doesn’t say a word to him. He just quietly gets off the couch and gives Sungyeol a tired look. He still doesn’t speak when he slips on his jacket and gym shoes (not Sungyeol’s, this time) and takes one step out the door. Sungyeol doesn’t ask where he’s going, if he’s going to listen, but just let’s out a tiny little thank you before Sunggyu shuts the door behind him and starts down the stairs of his shitty apartment building.
Sunggyu shoves his hands into his jackets to keep his fingers warm and starts a slow journey to his studio. He wonders if the keyboard has cobwebs on it yet, and he wonders if Sungyeol’s been paying to keep the place running. He hasn’t been doing shit for two months, and sure his landlord for his apartment was pretty understanding of that, gave him two months rent-free. But for his studio? The landlord that rented that to him was always a little shithead. And Sunggyu doesn’t really have the energy to face him.
He doesn’t really have the energy to even go. He hasn’t touched his keyboard in ages, doesn’t really want to, either. He just remembers Woohyun sitting on top and his musical laughter fitting in with the notes and Sunggyu takes a shaky breath. Thinking of Woohyun doesn’t help him much, it’ll only make him turn back and Sungyeol will throw another hissy fit. Or even worse, he’ll just sigh and let him become a hermit again. Sunggyu can take the sigh, but not the look of disappointment that will surely go along with it.
So of course, Sunggyu does his best to walk as slow as possible. And what better way to make his journey even slower by stalling? And the perfect way to stall presents itself as well.
The first thing Sunggyu notices is the scarf. He really wishes he knew what color it was, it looks like it would be something vibrant and bright. Sunggyu can’t see most of his face, it’s covered by the lens of his camera, but he catches the smile on his lips. It’s big, like Dongwoo’s, but it’s sincere. It’s an innocent smile and it’s one of pure happiness. Sunggyu doesn’t know if Myungsoo’s found his soulmate, doesn’t know much except he clearly wears that scarf and handmade sweater everywhere, but if he hasn’t, Sunggyu doesn’t think he quite needs to. All the love the boy could possibly have is invested into the tiny machine in his hands.
Without much else to do, Sunggyu decides to call out to him. Might be able to get a cup of coffee out of the kid and stall some more, if he’s lucky. It’ll be awkward as hell for sure, from what he’s seen, but Sunggyu goes against his better judgement that screams ‘you’re about to talk to a stranger!’ and goes for it anyway, “Hey, Myungsoo!”
Sunggyu doesn’t call that loudly, but Myungsoo still jumps and his head shoots up. Sunggyu faces those wide eyes again and can’t help but smile slightly. Myungsoo immediately looks away, and Sunggyu can’t help but wonder if his cheeks are red, they have to be, he thinks. Myungsoo looks back to a few children (he must’ve been taking a picture of them, based on the angle of his camera) and he meets the eyes of a few snappy looking parents.
Sunggyu leisurely strolls over and watches Myungsoo toss an apologetic look at a pair of parents ushering their children away while giving him the evil eye. It makes him laugh a little, what kind of person takes pictures of kids without permission anyway, it’s almost creepy. “Sorry, were you busy?” He jerks his head towards the leaving children.
Myungsoo, of course, starts to stutter. “Busy? Uh…no…um…I was just taking pictures,” He holds up his camera (still refusing to meet Sunggyu’s eyes, enough that it kind of pisses him off). “Nothing great...did you…want coffee? To compensate for last time, I mean?”
Sunggyu crosses his arms over his chests and gives him a look. “Well, I was gonna ask, because I’m bored. But you look like you’re scared shitless of me, so maybe that’s not the best idea.”
Myungsoo raises his head and eyes go wider (if that was even possible). “I do? I’m not!” he assures.
Sunggyu glares harder and Myungsoo shrinks back a little. “Well your eyes are just a little scary,” he whimpers and Sunggyu scoffs. “But I’m sure you’re a nice person,” Myungsoo tries to amend, obviously terrified Sunggyu’s going to eat him.
“Listen, I’m not gonna cook you up so don’t worry about that,” Myungsoo gives him a weak smile. Sunggyu is just about to angrily give up and storm off, potential coffee forgotten. He’s stalled enough anyway.
But then, something pretty fucking unfair happens. (At least, Sunggyu thinks so, when he looks back on it later.) “Soo? What the fuck are you doing with the biggest asshole alive?” Sunggyu recognizes Sungyeol’s voice immediately, what surprises him, is that Myungsoo does too.
“Yeol!” Myungsoo’s smile immediately stretches to its full length – like when he was holding his camera – and his eyes crinkle up and he strolls forward with a happy look in his eyes.
The first thing Sunggyu thinks, is: “What the hell?”
It doesn’t take long for Myungsoo to get to Sungyeol’s side, and it makes Sunggyu jealous. He’s at least five times nicer than Sungyeol, but the kid chooses to be his friend. That’s messed up, the world is a messed up place, Sunggyu guesses. “I should be asking that question, what the heck are you doing with my best friend?” Sungyeol raises an eyebrow at him, “Did he do something stupid? He does that a lot,”
Myungsoo squawks out an angry snarl, “I do not! I only get into bad situations at bad times, I just have shitty luck!”
And Sunggyu is incredibly surprised.
Myungsoo did a complete 180. One second he’s cowering under that stupidly large scarf and the second Sungyeol jumps in he’s standing as tall as he possibly can (although he still looks like an awkward puppy, but a happier one, at that). And then, it starts to click, “Wait…is this that Myungsoo?”
Myungsoo blinks. “You know me?” A look of confusion quickly morphs to horror and he slaps Sungyeol on the shoulder, “What have you been telling people about me you asshole?”
Sungyeol snorts, loud, “Me?! I haven’t said anything! I just told him you were coming into town shithead!” Sungyeol puts on his best innocent eyes, “Why do you always assume that I always tell people about the stupid shit you’ve done?”
Myungsoo narrows his eyes. “Because you do.”
Sunggyu coughs awkwardly in the background and thinks that wow, this is not fucking fair. He feels a little like a third wheel, and these two aren’t even soulmates. But Sunggyu’s heard Sungyeol skype someone named Myungsoo before, and, has heard a lot of the shit Myungsoo’s done too. He can’t tell you what though, he usually tones those out because Sungyeol could talk about Myungsoo for hours. “So um, this is Myungsoo. You’re best friend Myungsoo that moved to Seoul two week ago?”
“Yea, I’m surprised you remembered, considering…” Sungyeol trails off and Sunggyu notices even Myungsoo starts to fiddle with his camera, slightly uncomfortable. Myungsoo knows then, which means Sungyeol really is close to this kid, because Sungyeol doesn’t tell things to just anyone.
He isn’t angry at Sungyeol for telling Myungsoo, he’s angry at Myungsoo for being scared of him but clinging to Sungyeol. Even going as far as to swear at him. He’s not that scary, for God’s sake. Maybe a little snarky, but not scary enough to make the kid stutter like a wounded animal about to be eaten. He narrows his eyes at the two of them. “Well, I’m Sunggyu, but it sounds like you already know that,”
Myungsoo gives him a sheepish smile, “Err…yea I guess so. Um…so do you still want that coffee?”
Sunggyu gives Sungyeol a shit-eating grin and shrugs, “It wasn’t mine – it was his.”
Sungyeol makes a face at him until it dawns on him. “You were the little shit that spilled MY coffee on him!” he screeches.
“Wait it was his?” Myungsoo smiles slyly, “Never mind then, clearly compensation isn’t needed.” Myungsoo pivots on his heels and starts walking away, speed-walking away, he looks like a hobbling little penguin in that dumb scarf and Sunggyu giggles a little.
“Wait what? You fucking – ugh Hyung go to the studio, I gotta deal with something. KIM MYUNGSOO, YOU GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FUCK. I WANT MY PUMPKIN SPICE.”
All of Sunggyu’s suspicions are confirmed when he hears Myungsoo shout back, “You don’t even like that shit!”
“You made it to the studio? You actually went?”
“I’m not that horrible of a person you know – your friend seems to think so, though,”
“Soo? Nah, he’s just stupid. He’s terrified of all strangers.”
“Sungyeol said you went to the studio today,”
“I did.”
“Good…I’m…yea. Good. I guess.”
“I miss you a lot, you know.”
“So much I might write a song about it and make it a hit single,”
“I hope it…makes you laugh….god I’m not crying, really. I just…I just fucking miss you.”
The next time Sunggyu spends his day lazing around his couch a few days later, Sungyeol plops down next to him with a long red mark on his face. It doesn’t look deep, but it does look funny. So funny that Sunggyu can’t help but point at his face and laugh so hard the breath leaves his lungs and he’s choking on air for a while. “What the fuck happened to you?” He squeezes out between gasps.
“Fucking Kim Myungsoo is a piece of absolute shit,” Sungyeol crosses his arms over his chest while Sunggyu still breaks out into little bursts of giggles. It’s really hard not to, once you take a look at his face.
“Did Myungsoo finally realize you were a piece of shit and attack you? Because good for him, if he did.” Sunggyu’s laughter dies away and he settles back into the couch, prepared to tone out whatever stupid thing Myungsoo did today, he’s not interested in someone he’s not friends with anyway.
Except, this time he doesn’t. He listens to how Myungsoo just had to save the baby kitten from this evil dog, and he just had to get a few pictures of it and of course it had to be Sungyeol who moved it to the park because the scenery was better. Myungsoo couldn’t risk having any damage done to his camera. And of course the cat liked Myungsoo more. Of course it rabidly scratched at Sungyeol in a series of hisses and meows and of course it cuddled into Myungsoo’s legs the second he let it down. And of fucking course it did because cats are attracted to their own kind.
Sunggyu raises an eyebrow at that, “Last time I checked, he’s human, not a cat,”
Sunggyu snorts, “Bloody acts like one, sometimes he’s a cuddly monster, but you touch him while he’s with his camera and he’ll bite your hand off.”
“Or sometimes he’s just scared shitless,” Sunggyu adds in and Sungyeol gives him a blank look. “He’s scared of me, I think. Always starts stuttering and his eyes get so wide whenever I talk to him. Of course, it was only twice, but he doesn’t seem to like me much.”
This time, Sungyeol starts to laugh until his lungs crave oxygen. Sunggyu scoffs indignantly, “Dude, it’s not funny, I’m pretty sure your best friend hates me.”
“No!” Sungyeol croaks out, he wipes the tears from his eyes and lets any remaining little giggles escape. “No you fucking idiot, he doesn’t.” Sunggyu gives him a pointed look. “He’s just…” Sungyeol pause for a moment, “He’s just Myungsoo. It takes him a shit ton of time to start talking to someone without stammering, he just isn’t very open to people.”
Sunggyu shrugs and reaches for the remote to brush off the topic, but Sungyeol has better ideas. “Hey wait, give me your phone?” He doesn’t wait for Sunggyu to hand it to him, but digs around the couch for it himself and unlocks it (Sunggyu angrily demands how he knows the password, but Sungyeol ignores him, as usual) and starts punching in some numbers.
“What the hell are you doing?” But Sungyeol doesn’t answer, just shoves his phone back with a new contact “Myungsoo” shining on the screen. “I don’t need his number, I don’t have a crush on him or anything.” Sunggyu sighs.
“I know that,” Sungyeol’s eyes quickly dart toward the face down picture of Woohyun on the counter, but quickly returns to the conversation, “It’s just that I think it would do him good,”
Sunggyu rolls his eyes, “How is this gonna do him any good?”
“He just…doesn’t have much, you know?” And Sungyeol looks away and it hits Sunggyu that he’s serious. That he really wants this to happen. “Myungsoo just has a lot of trouble talking to people. He really only had me and his family growing up. Really loving people they are, but out here in Seoul…I can’t be there for him all the time, and well, I trust you’re not gonna hurt him.”
Sunggyu wants to laugh, because that sounds really fucking cheesy, but he can tell that Sungyeol is serious. Sunggyu just sighs instead, and flips on the TV and settles back into the couch. He glances at his phone for a second before deciding to fuck it, and types out a quick text and tosses his phone across the couch.
“You’re babying him too much, he’s an adult.”
“Yea but he’s got these cheeks you wanna squish, he’s the type of kid that makes you wanna baby him,”
“You’re an idiot, Sungyeol.”
“Hey, this is Sunggyu, Yeol’s dumb and gave me your number.”
“Oh yea? Well um, hi then.”
“You really suck at this whole friend, thing don’t you?”
“So?”
“Slowly, Noona. I’m getting over it slowly.”
“No one ever said it would be a fast thing.”
The next time that Sunggyu finds Myungsoo, he realizes that the kid is a klutz. And Sungyeol is one hundred percent right about him. At first, Sunggyu watches from the side, waiting for the encounter to finish before he goes to talk to Myungsoo, maybe even make fun of him a little, to break the ice.
“I can um…pay for dry cleaning? Buy you another coffee? I’m really, really sorry,” Myungsoo whimpers and those big eyes widen and Sunggyu can’t help but smile a little. It falls off quickly, however, when the ass of a guy Myungsoo’s talking to snorts in his face. Sunggyu starts to frown.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Thanks to your stupid ass I’m five minutes late to a really important meeting. You wanna pay for my dry cleaning? A skinny little brat with a camera could never dream of affording my dry cleaning. Fuck that – you wanna compensate? Pay for the three million dollar business deal I lost, how about that?”
If Sunggyu could see color, he bets Myungsoo’s face at least became five shades paler and something sparks in him. Sungyeol really is right, the kid makes you want to baby him. He makes you want to pinch his cheeks and punch anyone who dare lay a finger on him. He’s a cute kid really, too cute and innocent for his own good in a big bad place like Seoul. “I um…I really am sorry, it was an accident, I swear it was!”
Myungsoo squeaks when the man starts to curl his fists into his scarf, and that’s when Sunggyu starts to step in. The man is shorter than Myungsoo, shorter than Sunggyu too, and his arms are slightly muscly in places that would be a bit terrifying to face, if he didn’t have Myungsoo by the scarf. Sunggyu wraps his fingers around the man’s wrist and puts on his best snarl. “How about you leave him the fuck alone, asshole?”
The man rips his wrist out of Sunggyu’s grip and gives Myungsoo a dirty look. “He was the one that spilled coffee on me,” the man says rather indignantly, “And he is the one that made me late.” He snorts again. “And I’m a very important staple to this meeting, I could get fired if I don’t give my presentation on time thanks to this brat,” he snaps.
Sunggyu steals a glance at the golden-plated name tag attached to the man’s breast pocket. “Listen here, Howon,” the man blinks at the use of his name, and Sunggyu likes the feel of being in power. “He also apologized way more than you clearly deserve. So the kid made a mistake? So what? Give him a break, and you’re not getting any business deals done if you have an attitude that shitty.”
Howon sneers and turns up his nose, reminds Sunggyu of a pampered poodle that’s been to way to many dog pedicure appointments. He has to force back a smile, at that. Howon gives one final click of the tongue at Myungsoo and mutters something under his breath that Sunggyu can’t quite catch. But judging by the way Myungsoo ducks his head, it wasn’t anything pretty. “What an ass.” Sunggyu says, loud and proud as Howon stomps off. “Don’t waste your time apologizing to a dick like that,”
“Well it was my fault,” Myungsoo mumbles, digging his nose into his scarf. Sunggyu wonders if it’s red from the cold, he wishes he could see. He’s always had the urge to see color since Woohyun’s passing, but he feels it most strongly with Myungsoo. Probably because he’s the first person he’s actually become friends with again. If you can even really call them that. “But thank you!” Myungsoo almost drops into a deep bow, but Sunggyu stops him quickly by the shoulders.
“Wow there tiger, let’s not attract attention now,” Myungsoo gives him a sheepish smile and Sunggyu returns a small one, still much smaller than he’s used to, but a small one all the same. “So what’re you up to around here anyway?”
And that, Sunggyu finds, was his ticket into Myungsoo’s heart.
He holds up his camera with a swell of pride, “I was just taking pictures, I like going around town and taking lots of pictures.” Myungsoo has a smile on his face, like he did when he first spotted Sungyeol. And it makes Sunggyu’s heart a little warmer that even if the smile isn’t directed at him, Myungsoo wears it while talking to him.
“So you like taking pictures, right? Sungyeol mentioned it was a hobby of yours,” Sunggyu starts walking and as expected, Myungsoo starts trailing after him.
“It’s not really a hobby,” Myungsoo mumbles and fiddles with a few buttons, “I really want to go somewhere with it, but it’s uh…not easy, I guess. So it’s gotta be a hobby for now.”
Sunggyu steals a glance at his watch and thinks back to the stupidly awkward text conversations he’s had with Myungsoo and sighs and decides to fuck it again. “When’s the last you ate today?”
Myungsoo thinks back for a moment and shrugs, “Haven’t, I was too busy,”
Sunggyu makes a face, but doesn’t comment on the fact that it’s nearly five in the afternoon and no way in hell that’s healthy. Sunggyu really isn’t one to talk about health, not when he knows the feeling. He is a songwriter after all, and when you’re in the zone for art, you can’t just not grab the opportunity. “Wanna grab something? Hyung’s treat, tell me about your camera, and stuff.”
Myungsoo smiles softly, “Did Sungyeol put you up to this? You don’t have to-“
“Yup.” Sunggyu shrugs, “But if I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t. So just get a coffee with me, or something. Besides, I’d really love to hear some stuff about pictures. I gotta start thinking about getting cover art done for an album I’m gonna release…uh….well someday,” Sunggyu finishes lamely. Myungsoo isn’t the type to comment on it though, at least, not yet.
They end up swinging by Dongwoo’s café, ordering a few cups of coffee and talking for hours. Except Sunggyu barely gets in a few words. It becomes pretty clear that the key to Myungsoo’s heart rests around his neck. It isn’t even boring, Sunggyu likes listening to him talk.
He chatters about filters and scenery and Myungsoo delves deep into the importance of lighting and all this high-tech camera stuff that Sunggyu didn’t even think of. He tells him that he applied to get his pictures accepted into a well-known magazine, and it would make his world if even one would make it. He even asks Sunggyu what theme his music is, and that shocks him. But Myungsoo’s eyes are wide and eager and Sunggyu ends up singing him something because he wants to. He really wants to know what kind of design Myungsoo would come up with.
“It’s called The Answer,” Sunggyu tells him and looks away shyly with wistful thoughts that his cheeks must be red right now. Too bad Myungsoo can’t tell. “I wrote it a little after…”
“Black and white.”
Sunggyu blinks, “What?”
“The theme, it should be black and white, it fits the tone I think. And you could add the tiniest splash of color to the cover too, it would look nice.” Myungsoo rattles on as if he’s too awkward to stop, but the smile on his face says otherwise. He means it, he means every word. “And I think black and white would suit you, Hyung, because...um…”
“Can’t see the colors anymore?” Sunggyu finishes. “That’s an interesting metaphor going on there,” Sunggyu wipes off his sad smile with a question of his own, “How do you know so much about color anyway? You can’t see them.”
“I learned a lot about them,” Myungsoo explains, “My mom told me all about them,”
Sunggyu laughs, “Of course she did idiot, everyone’s mother tells them about colors.”
Myungsoo frowns that same pouty frown he gives Sungyeol and Sunggyu counts this as a friendship victory. “That’s not what I mean!” Myungsoo huffs and Sunggyu chuckles. “My mom taught me what color feels like, you know? The sky isn’t just blue, it’s like…um…” Sunggyu is sure he’s reddening, embarrassed probably, “It’s like you’re in a room, by yourself, but it’s not scary because it’s really bright. And it’s the perfect amount of windy, you know? Not too windy but windy enough that it’s a light breeze. And it’s like there’s light piano in the background, comforting kinda, and not classical but like, a hazy thing to it. Is that the right way to say it?” Myungsoo stutters over his words, “Er…well it probably isn’t but um…it’s like this feeling that your light. Lighter than a feather and you’re floating on the top of the world. That’s what sky blue feels like.”
Sunggyu doesn’t speak and Myungsoo looks down, “If you’re gonna laugh at me like Sungyeol…”
“Just because Sungyeol’s an asshole doesn’t mean everyone is,” Sunggyu rolls his eyes. He pauses for a moment. “She’s right, you know.” Myungsoo looks up with those wide eyes and Sunggyu feels much, much older. “About the sky? That’s exactly how it feels.”
Myungsoo smiles at him. Not the shy one, but a sincere one. One that reaches down and touches his soul and it makes Sunggyu smile back. “I’m glad you understand that, Hyung.”
“Tell me about more colors. I want to know how they feel.”
“Which ones? All of them? There’s a lot.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we? We’ve got all the time in the world.”
“Yea, he talked about you today.”
“He did?”
“Said you believed that stupid color bullshit he pulls.”
“It isn’t bullshit, he’s got it spot on and you’re an asshole for making fun of that.”
“I heard you made a friend.”
“Sungyeol, huh? Yea, Myungsoo’s a nice kid.”
“Good…I’m glad you’re finally opening up again.”
“Yea Noona…thank that kid, I don’t think I would’ve if it wasn’t him.”
It doesn’t take long for Myungsoo to become a frequent visitor at their apartment. In fact, over the course of three months, Sunggyu ends up rummaging for clothes and pulls out a cardigan of Myungsoo’s from his sock drawer. And of course, Sunggyu doesn’t let it go. He never lets these things go. “How many of these do you even own?” He rolls it into a ball and whips it at Myungsoo’s face, who is currently hanging upside down over the couch with his legs draped all over Sungyeol in weird ways. Sunggyu’s stomach twists a little bit but he ignores it.
“At least ten,” Sungyeol chimes in, lazily flipping through the channels. “Loves them as much as his camera, the loser.”
Myungsoo scoffs and whips the cardigan at Sunggyu’s back, misses, and whines for Sunggyu to pick it up and give it back. And surprisingly, Sunggyu obliges, he has kind of a weak spot for the kid. “They look professional, it completes the young photographer look.”
“The one you don’t have?”
Myungsoo sticks his smelly feet into Sungyeol’s nose and the elder jumps off the couch like a screeching koala, leaving a cackling Myungsoo and Sunggyu laughing so hard milk squirts out of his nose. “I hate you!” Sungyeol cries and glares at Sunggyu, “The both of you!” He slams his favorite gym shoes on his feet and slams his way grumbling out the door.
Sunggyu is quick to replace him, plopping on the couch with a cup of coffee under his nose. Myungsoo doesn’t waste much time snuggling against him. Sunggyu learned that Myungsoo cuddles…a lot. And Sunggyu doesn’t mind it much. He can almost hear the vibrations in Myungsoo’s chest as if he’s purring, as if he’s an actual kitten and he likes it. It feels homey, Myungsoo feels homey.
Sunggyu likes to run his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair. And judging by the way Myungsoo closes his eyes and the weight of his head gets heavier against his chest, he likes it too. It reminds him a lot of Woohyun, the way Myungsoo cuddles up against him. It reminds him of Woohyun curling up on his side and the way Woohyun’s curls would get caught in the tips of fingers and the way he’d have to be careful to get them out, careful to keep from waking him up. So, so careful. Myungsoo’s voice breaks the silence, “Are you thinking of him?”
Sunggyu doesn’t speak for a long time. He thinks. He thinks that Myungsoo does not tread around the question carefully. He likes that, it shows that he’s come far. He smiles that it was only a few months ago that Myungsoo was crawling around fearfully, afraid of setting off the fuse that was Kim Sunggyu. It makes him happy that Myungsoo doesn’t bother with that anymore. That if the fuse sets off, so be it, he doesn’t give a shit. He focuses on Myungsoo’s breathing, the steady rate of his heart doesn’t spike, and he doesn’t squirm or get impatient. If Sunggyu doesn’t answer he’ll probably fall asleep. If Sunggyu doesn’t want to talk about it, Myungsoo won’t pester him to. So he speaks.
“There’s never a moment that I’m not,” Sunggyu continues to card his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair. “He was an idiot, you know? A really stupid idiot. Like…imagine Sungyeol times twenty,” Myungsoo laughs that dumb snorty laugh he has that makes his nose scrunch up like a piglet and Sunggyu resists the urge to pinch it. “I think you would’ve liked him, but you would’ve been scared of him,”
“You think so?” Myungsoo looks at him incredulously, “Sungyeol says he was nice though,”
“He was, much nicer than I am,”
“That isn’t hard, Hyung.”
Sunggyu smacks him lightly, “But he was too happy for you. He was almost too happy for me too. I’m sure you know I never was one for the soulmate thing, and then this ball of sunshine jumps into my life with a smile painted on his face 24/7, it was quite the jump.” Sunggyu chuckles, “He was too social for you, Myung, you’d retreat back into your awkward shell.”
Myungsoo’s argument consists of nothing more than a grunt, he really can’t argue much because he almost cried himself to sleep spilling coffee on Sunggyu once. “I don’t really believe in it much, honestly.” Myungsoo stretches out his arm (careful not to lift his head, Sunggyu’s chest is too warm) and starts to flip through his photos. There’s a lot of Sungyeol, and there’s a lot of Sunggyu too and there’s a lot of animals and kids and random things. But Sunggyu knows they aren’t random to Myungsoo, and he feels a swell of pride whenever Myungsoo swipes by a picture of him.
“Soulmates? I didn’t either, but then I met him.” Sunggyu laughs to himself, “Sounds cheesy as shit, huh? It’s really true though, you won’t be saying these things once you find your soulmate.”
Myungsoo mumbles something. Something so quiet that Sunggyu can’t hear it. It’s so quiet he can’t even tell if Myungsoo even bothered to open his mouth. “What did you say?”
Myungsoo smiles shyly, and Sunggyu frowns. He hasn’t seen that smile in months. Myungsoo shakes it off, “I said that I’m not a big cheeseball like you; I’ve already found my soulmate anyway,” Sunggyu snorts and catches Myungsoo’s eye on his camera. He rolls his eyes, Myungsoo’s favorite thing to insist is that his camera is for sure his soulmate.
“That doesn’t count you loser.”
Myungsoo waves the camera in his face, it’s a picture of Sunggyu smiling grandly into the camera. His teeth are showing and he’s not even looking into the lens. It’s a nice candid picture, Myungsoo says it would do well for the album he wants to release. He put the filter on black and white with a splash of red down the center and Sunggyu really, really wishes he could see it. “This is all I need in life, Hyung. Even if it’s not my soulmate.”
Sunggyu carefully takes the camera from Myungsoo’s grasp and sets it gently on the table.
Then he shoves Myungsoo’s face into the couch despite his cries of “Ok fine, fine! I’ll find my soulmate! Hyung stop!”
Sunggyu finally lets him go and chuckles at the loose hairs sticking to his forehead. Myungsoo gives him his signature pouty face and Sunggyu puts his hair back together. “Good, see? Hyung is always right?”
Myungsoo mumbles something else, something along the lines of “Hyung is too much of an asshole to accept being wrong,”
Sunggyu decides to let it go…not.
“I found him already, I’m sure that I have. But I don’t have the colors to prove it.”
“What did you say?”
“I said that I’m not a big cheeseball like you; I’ve already found my soulmate, anyway”
“That doesn’t count you loser.”
“Ok, ok you’re always right! Always right! Not an asshole! Let me breathe!”
“Oh Myungsoo, you’re such a respectful boy, you know? Always know what’s best.”
“Sometimes I really hate you Hyung.”
“Nah, you love me too much.”
“Unfortunately.”
When Sunggyu opens his door at 5 am; to say he’s annoyed is a bit of a stretch. He’s absolutely furious. The sound of incessant doorbell ringing makes him groan and he whacks at air a few times before he realizes that Sungyeol is not gonna get it. Even if he’s awake, Sungyeol isn’t gonna get it.
So Sunggyu angrily shoves his blanket off, hisses at the cold air, and shoves on his bunny slippers in a little bit of a rage. He’s prepared to punch the shit out of whoever dares wake him up at such an ungodly hour. He starts planning their death already; he can get a guy who owns a couple of crates, and he could get another guy that owns a boat that could “conveniently” lose a bit of cargo in the middle of the Indian Ocean.
But he doesn’t get to put too much thought into his plan because the second he opens the door and starts his long-ended speech about the importance of sleep and that he doesn’t want whatever the fuck this person is selling, he’s tackled into a bear hug.
It takes Sunggyu a moment to register that he’s not being murdered. “Myungsoo?” His voice is smothered by a yawn and he has to wipe the sleep from his eyes but when his attacker pulls back he finds it is most definitely Myungsoo.
His hair is still sticking up in places and his eyes still look red from sleep. In fact, the idiot hadn’t even bothered to change. He’s got those stupid pajama bottoms with the frog on and a T-shirt with a ketchup stain by his neck. But of course, he just had to grab a dumb cardigan and that dumb scarf. “What the hell are you doing here so damn early?”
Myungsoo doesn’t offer him much explanation, just shoves a paper under his nose and rushes off to drag Sungyeol out of bed. Whatever Myungsoo wants must be important, judging by the loud screeching and interesting arrangement of cusswords that come from Sungyeol’s mouth.
Sunggyu finally has enough sense to give the paper Myungsoo shoved at him a quick skim.
Dear Kim Myungsoo,
Enclosed is a consent form, we would be honored if you would agree to have your photos-
“Holy shit!” Sunggyu gasps. “This is that magazine you were talking about right? The one you submitted pictures too?” That manages to drain the sleep from Sungyeol’s eyes and he’s scrambling for the letter and starts to speed-read.
In the meantime, Sunggyu gives a gurgled sound of joy and pulls Myungsoo back in for a hug. “You little shit, you actually made it!” Myungsoo makes a weird squealing sound and squishes him back, Sunggyu thinks he’s speaking, but he doesn’t quite catch the words, he’s too happy for him to care anyway.
“You little shit, you’re gonna be famous!” Sungyeol pries Myungsoo away to put him in a headlock and ruffle up his hair. Sunggyu’s smile falls, just a little bit, small enough that he doesn’t even notice. But he misses the warmth, Myungsoo is always warm, he’s like a walking furnace and his apartment is cold. Really. But Myungsoo’s smiling in Sungyeol’s arms and his smile is so wide and his teeth are showing and Sunggyu feels the tiniest bit jealous. But he pushes the thought out quickly because he’s only jealous because he wants to be that close with Myungsoo too, it’s just a friend thing, it really is.
Sunggyu ends up buying them ice cream later, to celebrate. He has to be coaxed into it, of course. But the duo of Myungsoo and Sungyeol whining is enough to make him crack and buy them a cone for the sole purpose of shutting the two of them up. He complains the whole way, but Myungsoo chatters so much about his magazine that it goes unnoticed and Sunggyu gives up just to listen to him.
“And maybe if they like my pictures enough they’ll pick more in the future,” Myungsoo stops talking to let Sunggyu wipe ice cream off his face but continues quickly after, “And if they pick my pictures enough times maybe I’ll get a permanent job,” Another wipe, “And if I’m really lucky-“
Sungyeol rolls his eyes and gives Sunggyu a look, “Just stop, he’s gonna be blabbing his little heart out so half that ice cream’s gonna end up on his face no matter what you do,” Myungsoo gives him an apologetic smile that doesn’t even look that apologetic.
Sunggyu clicks his tongue, “What a waste of my money, why’d you even beg me to buy you ice cream when you’re not even gonna eat it?” Myungsoo takes a big bite and makes a face because of the cold feeling against his teeth just to prove him wrong and Sunggyu rolls his eyes. “I swear to god my friends are idiots.”
Myungsoo smiles big, and says, “But you love me anyway,” at the same time that Sungyeol chimes in and says,
“You can’t say I’m as stupid as him!” He pauses, registers Myungsoo’s words and scoffs, “He loves me too!”
Sunggyu starts whistling and gives Myungsoo a knowing look. Sungyeol snorts angrily, “Wow, you’re such an asshole. You’re like, the asshole king. And you even found a sidekick,” Myungsoo just shrugs. Sungyeol aims a kick for his shin, but misses because Sunggyu kicks him instead.
Sungyeol groans loudly, “I really regret this. Introducing you two, I mean. Clearly it was not going to end up nicely for me, I fucked up.”
Sunggyu tosses Myungsoo a look and they both chime in with a, “Yup.”
“I’m so proud of you, now would you eat the ice cream properly?”
“I love you Hyung, so that means a lot coming from you.”
“You better love me, I’m too awesome of a guy…what’s with the sad smile? Fine, I love you too. Happy?”
“That kid really helped you get over Woohyun...I want to meet him,”
“You really should, Noona, Myungsoo’s kind of magical.”
“Exactly what you wanted before you met Woohyun, huh?”
“I’m happy that you and Soo are getting closer, I’m happy he’s found someone,”
“You don’t sound like it,”
“I am! It’s just…I am, okay? I just am.”
The next time he sees Myungsoo, Sunggyu plops down on a bench after roaming around a park with him for hours. “How the hell do you do this for so long?” He snorts, “I’m already sweating,” Myungsoo only hums and starts clicking through his camera at his newest finds of the day.
“Time flies by when you’re doing something you love, you know,” Myungsoo laughs. Sunggyu rolls his eyes and smacks him on the head. He thinks about the way Myungsoo’s lips curl into a cute little smile, and the way that his hair always falls perfectly on his head. He likes the way Myungsoo’s hair feels in his fingers, and he loves the look his eyes get when he’s clicking through his camera. It’s all so Myungsoo, every bit of it. And Sunggyu really loves that.
He really loves Myungsoo. Not like Woohyun, of course, but not quite like Sungyeol either. Or, so he believes. Sunggyu closes his eyes and rests back against the bench and lets out a deep sigh. He feels Myungsoo shift beside him until their legs are pressed against each other. Eyes still closed, he lazily drapes an arm over his shoulder and lets Myungsoo rest his head on his chest, still lazily listening to the flicking of the button on his camera.
And Sunggyu remembers Woohyun in that moment, so strongly it seizes at his chest. He remembers the way Woohyun would smile so big, and the bright brown of his eyes. He remembers the roughness of his hands mixed with the softness of his lips. He remembers the touch of his skin and the whisper of his words and he feels a tight feeling grip his throat.
Myungsoo shifts again. Sunggyu still keeps his eyes closed.
“Hey, Hyung, do you think it’s possible to find a new soulmate?”
Sunggyu pauses. “It isn’t unheard of,”
“Do you think you could? Find someone else, be happy again?” Myungsoo shuffles closer to him.
“I…” Sunggyu thinks of Woohyun’s laugh, thinks of Woohyun’s smile, his touch, and everything. He sighs, “I really couldn’t. It just wouldn’t be the same, Soo. I suppose it’s hard for you to understand but Woohyun…he was Woohyun, you know? And I can’t ever love anyone like that again. Because he was just Woohyun and no one can be that for me,”
Myungsoo is silent for a while, and speaks again in a whisper. “You don’t have to love them the same, not even as much, you could love them differently, you know? Like in a different way. You can’t ever expect to love anyone as much as you loved Woohyun Hyung, buy you can still try to love someone else in a different kind of way,”
“That isn’t fair,” Sunggyu sighs and relishes the feel of sun on his skin and misses the bright tinge it put on everything, god does he miss the colors. “It’s not fair to someone else to know that I won’t be giving them all of the love I can offer. It isn’t fair to someone else to know that they love me with every ounce of love they have, but I can never give them the same. You’ll understand when you’ve found your soulmate.”
Myungsoo doesn’t speak for what feels like a long time. And then he does. In a quiet voice, hands clutching his camera tightly and sounding heavily uncertain, “I think…” he swallows, “I think I have, Hyung.”
Sunggyu’s eyes snap open at that, but then he forgets what Myungsoo says completely. Sunggyu’s jaw drops and his stare is blank. He rips his hand from Myungsoo’s shoulder and grabs at his face to squish it between his hands and Myungsoo splutters out a few words Sunggyu can’t make out because his mind is spinning. “Hyung? What’s wrong? Is it THAT surprising?”
Sunggyu gurgles out a bunch of weird sounding noises, and tears start to fill in his eyes. Sunggyu feels tears running down his cheeks and he can’t even tell when he starts crying, but his next words make Myungsoo smile a little.
“Brown.” He whispers, “Your eyes are brown.”
Myungsoo starts to smile softly, and then it gradually becomes bigger, and he starts to speak, but Sunggyu cuts him off and Myungsoo’s smile falls off his face. “Woohyun?” Sunggyu mutters, “Woohyun? Woohyun must be here? Woohyun has to…” Sunggyu shoves off the bench and starts to dart his eyes around, searching because this is actually happening. Because Woohyun’s alive, his soulmate’s alive, Woohyun has to be alive.
“Myungsoo you’ll get to meet him!” Sunggyu grabs him by his orange cardigan and shakes his shoulders. “God you’ll love him, but he’ll scare you at first. But you gotta love him, okay? Because he’s Woohyun and he’s too loveable.” Sunggyu feels happy tears rolling off his cheeks and he can’t stop them, he doesn’t want to. Woohyun’s around, he must be looking too, he’ll find Woohyun, he will. And Woohyun knows where he lives, Woohyun can find him if worst comes to worst. He’ll have his love again.
“I’m gonna kick Sungyeol out,” Sunggyu continues, “Can you take him? Give him the couch for all I care, you’re best friends after all so you’ll be fine, right? Because you’ve got to understand, I haven’t seen Woohyun in so long that I have to be with him all the time, I want to, I need to.”
“Hyung.” Sunggyu notices that Myungsoo’s frowning, finally. That his eyes are lined with water and he looks like he’s about to cry, but it doesn’t look like a happy cry. Then it hits Sunggyu that Myungsoo probably thinks he’s lost his marbles. “Hyung, Woohyun is dead.”
“No, I can see them Soo!” He shakes Myungsoo harder, “Your hair is brown, and so are your eyes. Your cardigan is orange, you’re wearing blue jeans and that dumb scarf is brown! All this time I was sure it had to be something bri-“
Myungsoo whispers softly, slowly taking Sunggyu’s hands off his shoulders, but not letting them go. “And you’re eyes are brown too. You’re hoody is red, and your shorts are black. I can…see them too.” He should be happy, Myungsoo should, but he’s not. Sunggyu thinks it’s because he thinks the way he used to.
“Oh Myungsoo!” Sunggyu groans, “Don’t look so down, give them a chance, okay? Go find your soulmate and give them an opportunity, and oh damn it just wait until you meet Woohyun, he’ll knock some sense into you the stupid cheeseball,”
“I don’t think I’ll get to meet him,” Myungsoo squeezes his eyes shut and holds his camera tight against his chest. He speaks as if he’s choking, as if the words are going to eat him. “I think…Hyung…I think that you…and…me…”
Sunggyu stares at him.
Myungsoo doesn’t finish because he doesn’t have the guts, he just looks at Sunggyu with the stupid puppy-dog eyes and Sunggyu, deep down, thinks they look so much cuter when his eyes are brown and big with his hair falling into them. “No.” Sunggyu takes a step back.
“But it could be!” Myungsoo starts, and a bit of tears escape from his eyes. “I know that…it took you a while to even get over Woohyun but I really think that-”
Sunggyu shoves him so hard Myungsoo topples backward, “Don’t you dare suggest you could take his place,”
“I’m not!” Myungsoo retaliates, he doesn’t get up though, a little shaken because Sunggyu looks ridiculously scary. “I’m just saying that…I just started seeing them too…and you see them, so logically…” Sunggyu’s glare doesn’t falter, “And Hyung it really isn’t impossible, you know? There have been scenarios of people who have their real soulmate die and then they fall in love with someone and then-“
“Shut up!” Sunggyu shouts, he wants to yank Myungsoo up by the collar and put a fist against his nose. But a part of him can’t do that because it’s Myungsoo. It’s his Myungsoo. He can’t hit him. “This is wrong. Woohyun is around and you’re trying to convince me that-“
“He’s dead!” Myungsoo ends up shouting back at him. “Hyung you can’t change that, you were at the funeral, you saw it! This isn’t Hollywood, okay? This isn’t a movie, no one can come back from the dead and-“
“You’re right,” Sunggyu scoffs, “If this isn’t a movie, then why’s this happening? This isn’t a movie so there isn’t no happy fairy-tale ending getting two soulmates, you aren’t mine. I’m not yours.”
“Hyung please, it isn’t unheard of! It’s actually very-“
The final words Kim Sunggyu says to Kim Myungsoo are, “Don’t you dare talk to me ever again.”
He runs home after that. He’ll wait for Woohyun at his apartment.
Woohyun doesn’t come.
“You are the stupidest little brother I have.”
“He’s wrong, he’s being dumb, he’s-“
“In love with the biggest asshole alive,”
“Sweetheart it could have been a second chance!”
“I don’t want it,”
“So you’re taking it away from that boy?”
“Hyung I know you don’t want to answer my calls but – BEEP”
“Won’t you give me a chance to explain – BEEP”
“Please, I really think that I lo- BEEP”
Your mailbox is currently empty.
The first week, Sunggyu gets a lot of calls, and he talks to Sungyeol. “Are you gonna bitch to me about it? Are you gonna be his personal messenger?”
“Don’t fucking talk about him like that,” Sungyeol spits at him.
“Listen, the little shit thinks-“
“I don’t care what he thinks, what he told you, how he phrased it, I don’t give a shit.” Sungyeol snaps at him. “But Kim Myungsoo is my number one best friend, and I won’t let you say one word against him. I’m not picking his side, and I’m not picking yours. But if you aim one bad word at him, intentionally, I will rip your head off. I swear I will.”
“I’m not answering any of his calls,” Sunggyu snaps back.
Sungyeol softens a little bit, “I already told him you wouldn’t,”
“Tell him to give up,”
“Believe me, I’m trying to make him with every bit of power I have, because you’re an asshole. And you’re the last person he needs to be his soulmate,” Sunggyu scoffs and reminds him that he was the one that wanted him and Myungsoo to be tight. That he was the one that wanted Myungsoo to have a new friend. Sungyeol sighs, mutters something under his breath, and leaves. Doesn’t even respond to Sunggyu’s demands to repeat himself.
Myungsoo doesn’t try to contact him for the rest of the month. Sunggyu feels the emptiness.
Myungsoo doesn’t try after two months, and Sunggyu feels like something is missing.
Myungsoo doesn’t try after three months, and Sunggyu realizes he’s fucked up.
He realizes that Myungsoo’s eyes were always glowing, always smiling, always bright. They didn’t need the brown tinge of color to illuminate them. Maybe if he had met Woohyun without being his soulmate, they would have had that same glow to them. Maybe they wouldn’t have. But Myungsoo’s did. They had that glow, they had that bit of love swirled into them. And it was all love for him.
Sunggyu holds his head into his hands and groans. “I fucked up.” He can only pray that it isn’t too late to go fix it, that it isn’t too late to go find Myungsoo and tell him he’s sorry, he’s an idiot, he doesn’t deserve an apology but he will do just about damn anything to get it.
It’s a little too bad that Myungsoo took his last few words a little too seriously, and Sunggyu never quite gets the chance.
The next time he meets Myungsoo, his heart actually shatters. It’s Sungyeol that brings him over, with a soft smile in his eyes when Sunggyu beams happily, “I was just about to come to see you! Myungsoo, I really need to-“
Myungsoo looks very confused for a moment, his brown eyes give Sungyeol a scared little look and Sungyeol swallows nervously. “Um, Hyung…this is…this is Myungsoo.”
Sunggyu doesn’t move. So Sungyeol continues, “He um…had some rough times with a soul mate his…his old soulmate.” Myungsoo gets this embarrassed smile on his face and Sunggyu feels his stomach drop. “So um, he got LacR,”
“Oh.”
“I’m…did I know you well?” Myungsoo has that shy, sheepish smile that Sunggyu hoped he’d gotten rid of for good. Something he hoped he’d never have to see again. “I’m sorry…if I met you around the same time as my soulmate things won’t really click well…”
Sunggyu smiles softly, “It’s nothing we can’t build up again.” He holds out a hand, “The name’s Sunggyu, we first met when you spilled coffee all over me, and I’d really appreciate it if you tried not to do that again.”
Sungyeol gives him a soft smile and he knows. He knows Sunggyu realized a little too late, knows that Sunggyu fucked up real bad, but he doesn’t stop Myungsoo’s outstretched hand and tiny embarrassed smile. “I…did? I’ll keep in mind to stay away from you whenever I have coffee,”
“I wouldn’t sweat it, it was Sungyeol’s anyway,”
For a spilt second, Myungsoo’s smile returns and he giggles. “Well if it was Sungyeol’s, then who cares?”
“Trust me kid, you and I are gonna get along great with that mindset,” Sunggyu laughs.
Sungyeol snorts, “I’m really gonna regret introducing you two…again.”
“Hyung…you can…you can get it too, you know?”
“I could…but I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just something I want to remember, for a long time. If he can’t, then I have to remember for the both of us. Three people, actually. I want to remember all of it for the three of us.”