Chapter Text
Dean left me at a motel. I argued and fought, but he won, saying that just in case it wasn’t an empty threat to kill him, we couldn’t risk Cas’s life. He had a point, although I didn’t want to admit it. So, I stayed behind. I kept trying to figure out how Zachariah was alive. Dean told me the entire story a long time ago, and as far as I knew, an angel blade to the skull would certainly kill any celestial being. How had Zachariah survived?
That line of thought eventually led to just stressing over Castiel’s safety. Was he even still alive? Had he been tortured to death? Would I ever see him again? I turned on the TV for a distraction, but I couldn’t sit still. I paced the floor of the motel room, looking out the window any time I thought I heard a rumbling car.
“Please. Please save him. Please don’t be too late.”
Another rumbling car went by. I didn’t even bother to look outside. Countless false alarms got my hopes up, and I didn’t want to be disappointed. Not again. Instead, I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I needed to calm down. My heart pounded so fast that I thought it would beat out of my chest. I dried my face and went back into the main room.
“Y/n.”
I felt my heart lurch. There he was, standing in the doorway, puppy eyes and a smile.
“Cas!”
I ran full speed and slammed into him. He stumbled back a little, back out the door and into the parking lot. I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me so tight I almost couldn’t breathe.
“You’re okay,” I said into his trench coat.
“I’m okay,” he whispered into my hair. “We’re okay.”
I looked up at him. His eyes were tired and there was blood on his suit jacket. “What happened?”
“I’ll explain that in a minute. Just…” Cas tucked my head back into his chest and didn’t say anything else.
I don’t know how long we stood there, but eventually someone cleared their throat, and I looked around Cas to see Dean and Crowley standing next to the Impala.
“Well,” Crowley said, “seeing as you two lovebirds are reunited and all is well, I think I’ll be off!” With that, he disappeared.
“Maybe we should go inside,” I said, peeling away from Cas. He seemed reluctant to let me go, which was unusual. I brushed it off and led the guys in - something I hadn’t done in a really long time. The only thing missing was Sam.
“So,” I said once the door was shut. “What the hell happened? Why did Zachariah want you?”
“First thing’s first,” Cas said. “How did you find me?” His gaze shifted between me and Dean.
“Well, like I said, Y/n called me,” Dean said. “If it hadn't been for her promise to not bother me, I would have ignored it. But…I don’t know, something just felt off when I saw her number pop up, so I answered. I’m glad I did.” He paused. “Crowley owed me big, so that’s why he was involved. Made a trip up to heaven and talked to Dumah. They had no idea that Zachariah was back. That is, until they heard you screaming through angel radio. Dumah managed to find a rat that worked for Zachariah and we got him to tell us where you were. That’s how we found you.”
Cas nodded. “Is Zachariah…”
“Oh, he’s dead.”
“We thought that last time.”
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, well let’s just say I got a little trigger happy. If he survived that , I don’t know what would kill him.”
“Right.” Cas took a deep breath. “Well, he was looking for you, Dean. I think he had something of a vendetta against you for killing him last time. He knew I wouldn’t freely give up that information, hence the probe. I’m just glad you found me when you did.” I could tell there was something he purposefully left out, but I didn't press the issue.
“Well it’s a good thing I haven’t gotten too rusty.” Dean smiled. “Damn, it’s good to see you two again. Although…” He paused. “Are you sure the two of you aren’t… more than friends?”
My eyes got wide and heat rushed up my neck into my cheeks. “What kind of question is that?”
“Well,” Dean said, “it’s just I’ve known both of you for a really long time, and I can say, I’ve never seen you hug like that before.”
“We hug all the time,” Cas said.
“That may be,” Dean continued, “but that ? That was like a reunion between…I can’t believe I’m saying this…between lovers.” He looked between the two of us, knowing in his eyes. A knowing I didn’t share. “I think the two of you need to talk when I’m not here. But, how about we go out and get something to eat? I’m starving.”
I laughed. “Okay, so some things haven’t changed.”
“Not in the slightest!”
Dean and Cas had the chance to catch up as he drove us back to the Montana cabin. It was nice. It was a nostalgia I craved, but I knew the chapter of running the road with Dean and Castiel was over. It was over the second Sam died. Dean’s wife - because Dean went and got married - called him as we crossed the border into Montana, and it was the sweetest thing to hear him talk to his son. Seeing him as a normal person without the threat of monsters chasing him was so good to see. He got his happy ending.
“Home sweet home,” Dean said as he parked the car in front of the cabin.
“Come in for a beer?” I asked.
“Nah, I need to get home. My kid is waiting for me, and who knows when the other one will pop out.”
I nodded. “Alright. It was so good to see you, Dean. I can’t thank you enough.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “Hey, it’s what family does.” Dean let me go and glanced between me and Cas, who had already walked up to the cabin door. “Seriously, Y/n. I think the two of you need to have a conversation about whatever it is you two have going on. Because this? It’s more than friendship, even if you don’t see it.”
“Okay.”
Dean raised his eyebrows at me. “Promise?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
Dean followed me up to the door and gave Cas one more hug. “Take care, man. Stay out of trouble.”
Cas nodded. “You too.”
With that, Dean turned around, got in his car, and drove away. I didn’t know if that was the last time I’d see him or if we’d run into each other at some point in the future. It was bittersweet watching the Impala roll down the dirt road, away from the seclusion of the cabin.
I sighed and walked inside the cabin, leaving the door open so Cas could follow.
“I think we should update the warding on this thing,” I said as I heard the door close and the lock bolt into place. “Obviously it’s not secure enough if the angels can find us. I’ll start looking up symbols.”
“Y/n.”
“Surely Bobby left some books around here somewhere…”
“Y/n.”
“I just need to look through -”
Cas latched onto my arm and I sucked in a breath as he spun me to face him. His eyebrows were knit together, his mouth set in a line. There was an innocence in his eyes, but there was something else behind it. Like there was something new he just discovered and he was trying to come to terms with it or understand it.
“Cas,” I murmured, licking my lips, uncertain, “what is it?”
“It’s just…something Zachariah said.”
“What did...Zachariah have to say that was remotely important?”
He suddenly let me go and walked toward the small kitchen, resting his hands against the counter. He shook his head, frustration in the movement. “It’s forbidden.”
My palms felt sweaty. “What is?”
Cas turned around to face me again, a desperation in his face I’d never seen before. He took a deep breath, almost as if debating with himself. “This. What I…” He swallowed, like he fought to keep the words choked back, away from the open air. “What I feel for you, Y/n. It’s forbidden. By heaven. I would be deemed an outcast forever. A rebel.”
“Aren’t you already considered a rebel?” It was not the question I wanted to ask, but it’s what came out of my mouth.
“Well, yes, but this? It’s far worse.”
“Castiel,” I said, taking a step toward him. I wanted to ask him exactly what it was he felt, but I couldn’t get the words to come out. They got caught in my throat. I found myself wanting to hear him say a certain phrase, and it was something I had never wanted from him. Or maybe I just hadn’t realized I wanted him to say it. Maybe Dean was right.
“Y/n, I…” He looked tortured all over again.
It was turning into some chick flick.
So, something in me decided to end the tension. I didn’t consciously tell my body to move, to approach him, but it did. I didn’t consciously cradle his face in my hand, but I did. I certainly didn’t tell my toes to stretch. But they did.
Electricity shot through me as our lips pressed together. Cas wrapped an arm around my waist, and I was glad because I would have fallen back otherwise. There was a release, like all the uncomfortable air in the room got sucked out. And a weight I didn’t know was there fell off my shoulders.
“Y/n,” Cas mumbled. “What I feel…” He swallowed, those blue eyes boring into mine. “I…”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “You can say it. Heaven already knows.”
He grinned, a resignation in his smile. “I love you.”
I closed my eyes as he said it, the words sinking in and wrapping around every inch of me. “I’m pretty sure I love you too." He tipped my chin toward him, capturing my lips again. "Why did it take something like this for me to know it?”
“Because,” Cas said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. He’d done that so many times before, but this time was different. “Because someone had to point it out.”
We fell into a laughter that evolved into just holding each other, giddy and carefree. Maybe it was our turn to have a happy ending.