Chapter Text
The three remained silent. They had nothing else to say to him, even if they wanted to speak, there was nothing else for them to say. It wasn't even confusing when their friend started whispering apologies, they can hear and feel the heavy guilt Akito has in his chest. They could only stand and watch him slowly crumble away.
An clenched her jaw and her fists tightened with how useless she and the other two were beginning to feel. She knows they did their part, they really did, but it still wasn't enough to help her friend who's almost slipping away from their grasp. It's a pitiful sight.
If there were any gods at all… At least just one god listening to her prayers, then she'll ask for more strength to help Akito. Inside her mind, she knows that Vivid Bad Squad will amount to nothing if one of them is gone.
They could only watch their friend slowly slip away from his dreams just because of something holding onto him in a tight grip.
When Akito didn't receive any more words from his friends, not An, not Touya, not Kohane nor from the virtual singers, he felt his heart beat against his chest in fear and self-loathing. He held his breath and looked up at his friends, to meet their unreadable expressions.
His breath hitched, thinking that he'll be tossed away like everyone did to him… He'll be tossed aside . Then… If that was the case, everyone were right… Everyone who belittled him, his parents and everyone else who knows him and their group, Vivid Bad Squad were right.
Someone who's too caught up with something that was already done is not fit to sing in front of a crowd. Someone who can't handle even the "smallest" hate, criticisms is not fit to stand on stage. Everyone was right… He's just wasting his time. He's just trying to get himself attention… Maybe he was just faking all of these?
"Don't mind him… He's just trying to get himself attention…"
"It's sad that he flopped that performance…"
"Ngl… He simply wasted his time practicing for this…"
"I'd feel bad for people who sticks around him…"
"A performer? Then why is he so afraid to stand in front?"
"He's just faking his anxiety,"
"It's just a phase, Akito,"
Akito once again covers his face with his palms and screams in anger, self-doubt, guilt, sadness and realization. His throat hurt, but he also couldn't hold it in, his chest hurt the most.
The frustration hitting him like a baseball bat that was swung around and he just wants to pretend that all these never even happened. He wished that right now, he had even the smallest confidence to scream at the world and at himself.
"Everyone… Every single one of them were right… Maybe I was just faking… Maybe it really is just a phase… I probably just was seeking for attention…" Akito mumbled with his eyes wide that are full of confusion as he started to scratch his arm that was thankfully covered by his jacket.
The other three were in a daze, they didn't know what to do. The fact that their friend has come to this point of mumbling to himself was becoming more worrisome. They didn't know what to do.
When they hear a not so loud slam is when they were brought back to reality. Their friend was basically "slamming" his head against the desk and they can see the stress, confusion and anxiety swirling in his green eyes.
"F*ck- Akito- stop doing that," An scolded softly, slowly approaching her friend that was close to losing his sanity. He didn't stop mumbling to himself and he started biting his thumb with his brows brought together.
Maybe they should call Ena? They glance at their phones and see that the virtual singers already left, maybe to leave the situation for them to deal with. Great job, thanks for helping.
Wait… No, stop thinking. They should just focus on giving Akito the help he needs, instead of thinking about other things.
"They're maybe right… Maybe I should… Maybe I should just quit… Maybe I should just find something suited for me…"
After he said those words, it was like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over their heads… Quit? Quit? They told him sh*t to the point they made him think of quitting the thing he loves to do the most???
"Shinonome-kun… Who… Who told you that?" Kohane asked, her voice faltering. Touya cursed under his breath, "No doubt it was the people around him themselves," they've heard plenty about his parents and about his past friends and current criticisms from Akito's sister and a few gossips around them.
But… To the point it was beginning to drive him insane? Well maybe they should just commit arson- wait no, that's illegal. But … It is for a "valid" reason, right? So no harm in doing so, right?
"I'm not cut out for this… I'm not… I'm not… I'm not and never will be," Akito muttered, falling deeper into his own imagination and slowly letting the words of the people get into his head.
Placing both her hands on the ginger's shoulders, ignoring how he backed away a bit, An says firmly but softly, "Akito… Whoever told you that. They're wrong… They're just trying to get to you, Akito… Even if what others say matters, I… I think that it shouldn't be a reason for you to stop singing with us…"
"But everything… Everything they've said about me was right …" the other said in almost a whisper and his voice cracking, swallowing thickly, he says, "Who am I supposed to believe then? My parents? MEIKO-san? Len? Miku? The students in this school? You three? Who?"
It was saddening to see his once determined, strong persona fade completely, turning into what he used to be back then. It's not right, nothing about these is right. No one… No one deserves to be treated like they're worth nothing.
Akito looks at his friends with mixed emotions, "Don't you see…? I'm a coward… I'm nothing but a coward… For turning away from what is right in front of me and just letting myself live in a delusion… A world that I created…"
"I… I chose to listen to the negative words and let them take me down instead of making myself strive to become better…"
"If I'm… If I'm not meant to be a performer… Then what am I?"
An, Touya and Kohane must admit… Their friend is stupid… Stupid for making his life evolve around music, making it a "definition" of himself. Stupid for not realizing that what he's saying and hearing from others are wrong.
"You're… You…" Touya said, making the shorter boy confused. "You're stupid, honestly… You're saying… You're saying all these like you "know they're right"... You're simply letting yourself believe something that you know isn't true," the dual haired boy sighed.
"It's not like you can control anxiety… It's not like you can just wake up one day and realize that you're perfectly fine… It's not like people are who and what makes you a person… It's not like music is meant for a single person…" Touya inhaled, catching his breath. "What are you trying to say…?"
The three mentally face palmed.
"Shinonome-kun… What he's trying to say is that, there are things that are out of your control and people need to understand that… I will admit it again, but in front of you… We… We were wrong for getting mad at you… We were wrong because we haven't looked into your perspective and we deserved all the scoldings from your sister," Kohane says. And if Akito were to be honest, he doesn't understand where this is going… They're talking about things he can't control and the other is talking about something else.
Or maybe he's just too stupid to connect the dots??? He wants to say something… But he can't… He doesn't know what to say to them… He knows he should respond, but he doesn't have anything in mind.
"Ena… Yelled at you?"
"Don't even try to change the subject, Akito," An sighed and Akito sighed lowly, looking down at the ground. He wants to run… Run away and never look back. But his head tells him to stop avoiding the issue and stand up for himself.
"Akito… Are you… Are you really okay with staying this way? Are you okay with no longer singing? Are you really… Fine with how things are?" Touya questioned, the atmosphere was heavy, but it was… Somehow, becoming lighter, painfully slow.
They give him time to think. He's blinking, looking at the ground like someone who's guilty of murder, he's shifting here and there and he's also thinking hard . It was like he's talking to another him inside his head.
"Are you okay with how you are right now?"
No… He's not… He didn't want to be like this forever… But he didn't want to be surrounded by unnecessary hate too… "Just a reminder, there are people who don't think like others…"
Ah yes… The cliche saying that he's not alone… That someone will be with him… But that means, they'll suffer with him… And… And they'll soon get sick of him… Hate him… Humiliate him…
"If we have to suffer consequences together for making stupid decisions, then so be it… That's how things are," An says and he looks at them with a surprised expression. Good lord… Why can't they just let him live inside his own nonexistent world…
Akito inhaled shakily, looking at the ground again like it was a pretty thing. He wants to sing. He wants to dance. He wants to surpass a dream with his friends. He wants to be there to support Ena and his friends. He wants this feeling to fade away like it never even existed. He wants to accept the way he is. He wants to laugh and cry with the people he cares for.
Kohane, An and Touya's eyes widen when their friend's body shook and looked at them with a scared, doubtful but slightly hopeful eyes, a smile that had emotions mixed together, "I really want to try all over again… But… Will it really be worth the try?"
Will it?
Later having to face his parents and facing others who look down on him. Is he really ready for that?
"I don't know… I don't even want to say anything about that… But we want to help you back on your feet, those who didn't acknowledge you may still be the same… And I think… You should just let them be and show them how wrong they were about you," Touya said.
Akito mentally cringed at how corny their situation is right now (LMAO help me- 💀) and how fast the atmosphere kinda changed. He fiddled with his fingers, still nervous, but things were kinda settled with his friends.
"Wrong? But they're right … They're right about everything so far, about dragging everyone down. About… About being a waste of space… About-"
An covered her ears, "LALALALA I can't hear you!" Touya sighed and Kohane's jaw dropped a little, she really had the audacity to do that in a time like this… Akito folded his arms, shooting him a slightly annoyed gaze, "Will you stop? I'm not done talking,"
"No way! Nu-uh! Not until you stop saying crap about yourself," An defended, turning away from him with her palms pressed against her ears. "Then what… What do you want me to do? Talk sh*t against my parents? Against the people like them?"
"Exactly!"
"They're going to kill me, An… Worse, they'll blame Ena for my "odd" behavior,"
"Then you kick them out your house before they do,"
"No way… I can't do that,"
Touya massaged his temples, "You guys…" he sighed anyway, nudging An to stop who huffed, "She just means that like what you just did, yelling at us… Uh… Talking back against us, do that… Maybe it'll help you pull yourself together,"
Akito still seems doubtful, Kohane hums, before saying softly, "Don't you want to try? Then do exactly that… Your dad and your mom don't deserve even the tiniest amount of respect for killing your confidence… Your schoolmates and even so-called friends don't as well… After everything, I think it's understandable… Reasonable for you to talk back to them,"
The two take a mental note to compliment Kohane for suggesting that she usually doesn't agree with talking back against someone older.
"You still sing?" Akito nods, swallowing the anxiety… It can wait… He ignores his poor shaking hands that lays on his lap. His parents sighed, "You're just wasting your time… Look at what happened yesterday on that event they let you join. Wasn't that enough to prove that you aren't cut out for that-"
The teen inhales, hands forming a fist to ground himself. "You're wrong… I know you're wrong… Sure it was a flop," it hurt to say that, but he should might as well get over that, "But it doesn't mean I'll keep trying to surpass RAD WEEKEND… It doesn't mean I'll stop singing with my friends…"
"Mistakes… Or the term you like to use against me, humiliation happens and that cannot be avoided… What happened is already done… I can't sulk about it every time. What happened few years ago can't be undone… I need to move forward,"
His parents have this complicated expression on their faces, looking at him straight in the eyes that was enough to send chills down his spine and make his his stomach turn anxiously. He's done for…
"Okay, Akito… Do what you want… You do you and don't blame us for your failures because we've warned you already," the couple stood up and walked away, closing the door behind them. Akito sighed in relief, patting his chest and a small proud smile plastered on his face.
It still was hurtful to hear words like that from his parents… But some people just really don't change, and his parents are one of them. An arm slings around his shoulder, "Good job, Akito! I'm so proud of you! Nee-san's proud of you!" Ena suddenly appeared, he pushes her face away and made a disgusted expression, "Please don't say that again… That was weird,"
The short haired teen ruffled his hair, "Yeah yeah, admit it. You sometimes call me that when I'm not around," Akito gives up at this point and simply sighs. What the hell happened to his sister. Whatever… At least it's better than being screamed at and scratched over dumb reasons.
Her expression changes from a proud to a serious one, both her hands on his shoulders, "But if anything happens… I just want you to know that I'm always here…" she pats his head, a smile forming on her face, "You're my younger brother after all… And it's my job as your older sister to defend you,"
"Yeah…"
"Good,"
"Just make sure you… Don't murder my friends again please,"
"... How'd you know about that?"
"They told me…"
"Those lil' sh*ts-"