Chapter Text
Jeno sits on the black couch in his changing room, he waits for five minutes... and then ten minutes... and after fifteen minutes... He only lets out a breath and looks down disappointedly at his shoes. He's absolutely sure Karina wouldn't come. He shouldn't wait anymore. She doesn't trust him and doesn't want to talk to him anymore and it's all over now...
"Sorry to keep you waiting," the door opens suddenly and the girl he was waiting for appears.
Jeno jerks up from the couch at the sound, surprised. His heart is beating wildly. "Oh...it's fine."
"It's just... i made sure to tell Winter first so she won't wait for me." She explains carefully.
"It's ok. You're here now." He nods his head repeatedly to make sure that this is real. "I thought...you didn't want to come."
Karina seems hesitant to answer that, so he chooses to talk about anything else. Maybe she did not want to come here. He's not sure. "Come sit down here?" He sits back down and taps the empty spot beside him. After a few seconds she does just that, sitting beside him, with 60-70cm gap between them.
"So." Jeno starts, facing her.
"So." Karina replies.
"You cut your hair short." He looks at her closely and tilts his head.
"Oh. This..." She touches her low, short ponytail soon after he acknowledges it. "Yeah. it's been a while, though. Now it's shorter than Winter's."
"You also dyed your hair blonde." He offers a small smile.
"Yeah. it was..." She seems to think about it. "The company wanted something different for our comeback. At first i didn't like it but I've seen so many people said that they liked it, so..."
His hands feel the itch, the sudden urge to touch her hair. To tell her that she'll look beautiful in any kind of hairstyles and colour in the whole world. He makes a fist instead to avoid doing something she doesn't want him to.
"I wonder why it didn't last that long. I liked it too." He runs his fingers through his own blonde hair.
"My blonde hair?" Karina asks, her cheeks blushing lightly. He nods. "Well. We had a schedule for big event in Paris and then the company wanted something else. But to be honest i really wanted the dark hair back too. I feel like i never want to dye my hair blonde again. Maybe in 5 years or something..."
"The Cannes event?" Jeno asks.
"You knew about that?"
He frowns. Does the girl in front of him seriously think he doesn't care about her at all?
"Of course i do. It was all over the news and i..." He swallows. "I always try to catch up if it's about you. You looked amazing there, by the way."
The blush is deeper on her cheeks now. "Oh."
He shakes his head disappointedly. "Why do you look so surprised about this? I told you before that i..."
But Karina cuts his sentence off in an instant. "So what did you want to talk about...here?"
He purses his lips. If only she let him to finish his words, she would've known the answer to that. Unless she doesn't want to? Unless She didn't really want to come here to talk but she pitied him anyway?
He chooses his words carefully. "I want to say thank you. For coming here. I really appreciate it." He was hoping, for sure. He didn't hear the news about aespa will watch their concert at all. Not from the managers. Not from his fellow members. Not from her fellow members. And certainly it was just radio silence from her. He did all his best to perform but kept looking at vip seats. He wished with his heart that she would come. And then it was confirmed by the staffs... He felt like flying. He couldn't stop smiling on stage. It was a personal concert mood booster for sure.
"Of course we would come and see your Seoul concert. We couldn't come last year because of our schedule, but today..."
"I couldn't come to your first Seoul concert in February." He watches for her reaction. Is she angry about this?
But Karina shrugs. "it's fine. I knew that you were in Milan Fashion week."
"I'm so sorry anyway," He gazes into her eyes, His dark ones meet hers. He feels the electrifying shivers all through his body.
But she looks down few seconds later. "It's okay," she says in a low voice. "You don't have to keep saying sorry about it. You already said that a lot in your chat messages..."
"Aha, so you did see them!!" Jeno almost yelled, in a relieved way, and she looks surprised. "All these months... my chat messages... my texts... It didn't get lost in the network or something?"
"I..." Karina bites her lower lip. Seems like she's regretting her words now. "Yes, i did read them. You sent it, so yes, i did read it."
"And you were just ignoring all of them since the beginning of February? Before your concert?"
"I didn't ignore it," She huffs. She looks so freaking cute. "I don't know. I just chose not to reply it."
"That's the same thing, Karina." He rolls his eyes. "You didn't answer my calls either." He points out another important thing.
She covers her eyes with both of her hands. "Yeah."
"Why? We had been close, chat and called each other almost daily after our SM collab last year... Why didn't you reply my messages anymore?"
"We don't have to talk about this now," Karina replies.
Jeno shakes his head. "I think we do. This is what i wanted to talk about, actually."
"You're tired and hungry, after your concert today. You should join your members to eat samgyeopsal. Or go home." She tries to convince him.
"Don't do that. I'm not that tired, and i prefer to talk to you here and now than eating samgyeopsal with them right now. I mean, no offense, i love my members and samgyeopsal so much, but i want to do this now." He raises his brow, waiting for her to come up with another excuse.
Karina sighs. "Well..."
"Are you angry at me about something i didn't remember?" He offers.
"No."
"Did you hate that i called and messaged you a lot around that time?" Maybe it was too much. But he couldn't help it. He was just... too attracted to her and wanted to hear about her day. Wanted to tell her about his.
"No."
So she wants to do short answer like that, Jeno thinks.
"Karina, look at me." He says in a gentle tone. And she does that, looking back at him worriedly. "Is this about what i said before... That i liked you and wanted to be closer to you?"
She bites her lower lip again. She looks really nervous.
He takes a deep breath. "Because, just so you know, I'm a big guy... if you don't like me back that way... or hate that kind of stupid, annoying attention from me, you can say it directly and i can take it, i will stop. You didn't have to ignore all my messages and calls. You can...you can say it right now. Just tell me." He kind of feels that this is the answer. He can take it. It will hurt him deeply, but if this will make her feel better, it's okay, Jeno tries to convince himself. He already knew that this lovely, amazing girl is way too good for him anyway.
"Jeno-nim..." She shakes her head. "You don't want to do this."
Then it's true. He can feel his heart drops to floor in a million pieces.
He forces a small smile. "It's okay, really. Just tell me."
"You know it's not like that..."
"I don't know, actually." This time he's the one who sighs. "Do i really...not have the chance, Karina?"
"A chance at what?" She asks and looks at him seriously.
"You know. At this. At liking you. A chance to be closer to you. Just say it if i don't. It's fine." He looks down, avoiding her beautiful eyes. His heart feel heavy. She should've just said it all before. Months ago. Maybe she is too kind and nice and didn't want to break his heart. She did it in tiny though, by ignoring him completely.
"You look sad now," A finger touches his brow softly. Her finger. Jeno looks up again. "Don't be. I don't want you to. You know i like you," She strokes his jaw affectionately now. It feels like a dream. Jeno doesn't want to wake up from this dream.
"You do? Like me?" He repeats, he can't trust his own ears.
She nods. "A lot, a lot. I like you that way. You know it." She's touching the tip of his nose. He shivers and leans into her touch. "I used to reply your messages right away and answered your call happily. Isn't that obvious?"
"Then why..."
She closes her eyes. "I wanted it too much. Us, together. Holding hands out in the open. Our dates in a mall or amusement park or zoo... I wanted it."
His voice comes out as a hopeful whisper. "Yeah? You wanted all of that?"
"Yeah," Karina nods without hesitating. "But it can't happen. We won't be able to do all that. Dispatch paparazzi, and your fans... God, your fans will send me a huge amount of death wish just because of me sitting next to you like this."
"Your fans will do the same to me, don't you think?" Suddenly he feels quite bold after her confession, he takes her hand and squeezes it gently. "For this?"
"That makes my point. It can't happen. This. Us." She looks at their touching hands regretfully, but she doesn't pull away. Jeno counts that as a win.
Jeno thinks another way of reasoning. "Do you really want to have a date in a zoo? Can't we have an Animal Planet binge-watching date instead? We could watch those Dinosaur documentaries you love so much. It could be at my dorm. Or yours. Or i don't know, i'll rent a fucking apartment so we can have a date." He adds, "And if you really like amusement park, maybe we could go after dark. In a disguise. And If you want to see a movie together, i could rent a whole theatre. And if..."
"All of that sound expensive, Jeno-Nim." Her brows are furrowed.
"Worth it." He squeezes her hand again and gives her his signature eye smile.
"It still won't work," she says sadly. "We're both way too busy. We won't even be able to do those dates. Months ago, you and other dream members were in airport for your world tour. At the same minutes, my members and i were at the same airport, going to Thailand for a concert festival. I saw you guys from above, surrounded by people and cameras." She adds. "During our comeback last month, i only get a 3-4 hours sleep a day. Now your world tour ended, but you guys are preparing your comeback, and i'm preparing for world tour soon. It just won't work, Jeno-Nim. We're both young but you are exhausted, I'm exhausted, we won't even be able to do those dates. And these..." She touches his bicep carefully with her other hand, not the one he's holding. There were some bruises and a muscle tape he put on there. "Are you ok?" Her face looks so worried and Jeno is too stunned now. Turns out She really cares about him.
"I'm fine. It will be better in a few days."
"Go to a Doctor and check them out, i saw some bruises on your knee and neck as well. Take some long good rest before starting your comeback dance practice."
"Hmm. You said it like we can take rest and breaks as long as we want." He smiles.
"Exactly." She smiles back, regretfully. "We can't."
"So that's it then? We're super exhausted and need some sleep and we shouldn't be together?" He presses.
"What i'm saying is, Both of us don't have time, we aren't supposed to be together out in the public, and then what if we grow to hate each other, break up, and can't even see each other in the eyes during company events?" Karina explains, her eyes almost teary when she said the last sentence.
Jeno groans. "What is this now? You're already breaking us up when we haven't even started yet? I'm pretty sure you will be the one dumping me, because i don't see myself doing it."
Karina grits her teeth. "You don't know that. You could be the one dumping me, maybe because i won't be able to be the perfect girlfriend you wanted, because i will be too busy."
"I don't think so. You don't have to be that perfect girlfriend, I already think that you're perfect anyway." He interlocks his fingers with hers.
"I'm not perfect." She states firmly.
"You care a lot about your family and group members, you even cared about my stupid, small bruises just now. You are a talented and hard worker, always want to do the best for your fans, you don't do things by halves. You are cool and charming on stage but actually warm and full of energy even to people you barely know. You are embarrassed when you need to act cute but you are naturally cute. You love anime and dinosaurs, weirdly. Karina... I think you are perfect in your own way. And i do like these things about you." Jeno doesn't look at her when he said it, only looks at their joining fingers. He can hear that Karina gasps lowly at his speech.
"Jeno-Nim, i... Thank you, for thinking that way about me." sounds like she doesn't know what to say.
"I wish you'd just call me Jeno, you know? I told you to, months ago."
"No, you don't understand..." She hesitates. "It will just make it harder than it is. You know i was right about everything i said."
"You are right," He agrees.
"You think so?" She seems surprised that he agrees right away.
....
to be continued....