Chapter Text
Next time did happen, but not until two months later. It was a gloomy November morning. The pouring rain and the temperature uncomfortably close to zero effectively discouraged people from leaving the warm bed. Out of pity, Zhongli offered to give me a ride, and I accepted his offer with a kiss on the hand, happy to avoid getting soaked to the skin at least one way. I tried not to think about what the return trip was going to be like.
As I sat back in the passenger seat, I realized that my “father” might have had a reason other than pity or concern for my comfort. Discouraged by the lack of progress on my quest to get to know Lumine better, I allowed myself to miss the first few lessons a couple of times. There was nothing unusual about that, especially since he knew that I slept poorly and that it was getting colder and less pleasant outside. But Zhongli couldn't afford that modicum of empathy, so I had to go to great lengths to keep him from finding out what I was allowing myself to do. What the eyes can't see...
Zhongli didn't say a word to me the whole trip, which was fine with me. He never had anything interesting to say, and I didn't like talking about the weather. We pulled into the school parking lot, which was, as I had a feeling, extremely overcrowded. Most students and teachers chose a car to escape the storm that day. I shuddered, knowing I was about to leave my comfortable seat. I did it to myself, against his urgings, by choosing this shitty school. With a heavy sigh, I opened the car door.
“Thanks for dropping me off. See you later.” I told Zhongli on the way out. A shadow of some incomprehensible feeling appeared on his face.
“Do you have anything to eat? You have classes till late tonight, won't you be hungry?”
Surprised, for a moment I didn't know what to say. I usually didn't eat anything at school, somehow I didn't feel the need to. But something told me that he'd be hysterical if I told him the truth.
“Probably… some sandwiches. Don't worry.” I lied, but he didn't seem to believe me. At least not one hundred percent, because he took out an umbrella and some juice from his backpack. He pressed them into my hand, and I stepped out into the icy rain, my fingers clutching them tightly. I awkwardly waved good-bye to Zhongli and quickly ran to the entrance. When I turned around, he was still sitting in the turned off car, staring at me. Now I couldn't tell if it was out of concern, pity or control.
Probably some strange mixture of all three.
School, as expected, was horribly boring — to be honest, I actually slept through most of my lessons, except for history. The teacher decided to give us an unannounced quiz, which, of course, I knew nothing about. Still, I was terribly nervous and my mood deteriorated even more. Especially since I didn't even have a chance to cheat because I was sitting alone. Seeing my classmates working together made me feel acutely lonely. I've been at this school for almost three months now, and I still haven't made any friends — until now I've considered it a waste of time. But it might actually be nice to have someone to talk to. Complain about a too difficult quiz. Go out somewhere after class. For the first time, I realized how much I didn't belong here. It was a shame that today was the day Zhongli decided to keep a close eye on my presence at school. I'd rather be at home where my loneliness wasn't so obvious.
***
When the final bell finally rang after a long ordeal, I quickly gathered my things and shot for the door. Thanking god that Zhongli gave me his umbrella in a fit of altruism, I went out to meet the weather apocalypse. It must have been even worse than in the morning — the flooded sidewalk was almost impossible to walk on, and it was already getting dark. For a moment I considered calling Zhongli, but I had a feeling I shouldn't abuse his kindness.
I had only walked a few hundred meters when I noticed a familiar figure at the bus stop. Lumine.
She was completely soaked. Her unruly hair, usually slightly wavy, curled in the rain, and her full lips quivered with cold. I liked it that way too — I didn't know how it was possible to still look so amazing in these terrible conditions. I felt like a wet dog, which probably wasn't too far from the truth. Fortunately, I wasn't that soaked — so far the only casualties of the rain were denim pants that clung uncomfortably to my calves. Lumine noticed me and smiled faintly (I hoped it was because of the weather, not because of my presence).
“Something wrong?” I asked, stopping in front of the bus stop.
“I wanted to take the bus home, because there's no way I'm going to be walking in this rain, but the next one is in a half an hour”. She rolled her eyes. The girl looked sweet when she was so annoyed. But sweeter was the news she brought me, half an hour alone. My long awaited chance.
“Can I wait with you?” I asked. I mean, it was not like she could forbid me. “This bus is going towards my neighborhood. I would have spared myself the dubious pleasure of walking in those conditions.”
I smiled widely, hoping she won’t ask me to spare her a “dubious pleasure” of my company. Luckily, she didn't protest and even returned the smile.
“What area do you live in, actually?” she asked. Shit. I answered truthfully, because I had not prepared any excuse. The girl's eyes lit up at the name of one of the wealthier districts, but later doubt appeared on her face.
“It's in another town! Why did you choose this school?”
I shrugged, because what else was I supposed to do? To tell her it was so I could keep her in my life? She had to settle for an incomplete answer, which was a bit irritating. The truth would have upset her more, though.
Lumine gave me an annoyed look, but didn't go on. For a moment we stood in silence. It didn't bother me, the mere presence of the girl was enough entertainment for me.
“Do you know which club you're joining?” she asked, a note of curiosity in her voice.
“Club?” I didn't remember anything about any club. Lumine frowned.
“Didn't you listen to the teachers? We all need to join the club, we have until the Christmas break to decide”, she explained.
I finally recalled the situation. True, there were various club posters hanging in the corridor, but none of them stuck in my mind. The best thing would be to join the same club as Lumine and spend more time with her — but I had to do it so as not to arouse suspicion.
“I haven't thought about that yet,” I said truthfully. “And what about you?”
“I've already signed up,” she admitted, obviously excited, “for the STEM Club. I even went to the first meeting and at the moment I'm the only girl. Can you believe it?”
“Unfortunately, I can imagine that.” I admitted, and the girl gave me an offended look. On the one hand, I felt a painful stab because there was no way I was going to join this club, not even for her. On the other hand, I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face — after all, it was her thing. Her ambition made it harder for me to follow in her footsteps, but it was also one of the reasons I was so infatuated with her.
“Perhaps I can help you decide!” the girl offered. “I've been through all the brochures, so I'm up to date. What are you interested in?”
You.
“Um…” I mused, trying to find something that interested me, but my mind was blank. “I think I like watching movies and TV series.”
Lumine looked like she was trying really hard not to judge me. Fantastic. Now I've definitely impressed her. After a moment, her face lit up.
“Maybe a movie club?” she proposed. I nodded, glad she didn’t say anything mean. “I suppose you could join the drama club, but for the boys…”
“That's a pretty good idea too,” I admitted. She was right that there were no boys in drama club. I mean, it wasn’t common for straight guys to join this kind of activities — they were too afraid it would make them less masculine. I have always felt comfortable on stage. “I'd probably attract some attention, though.”
The girl burst out laughing.
“If that's what you like…”, she said.
“I mean, I'm not afraid of being called gay, if that's what you meant,” I said, and she gave me an odd look. “My ego isn't that fragile. But to say that I would like it… You must think I'm a masochist. I just don’t mind it.”
Her gaze got even weirder, but I wasn't sure if that was wrong kind of weird. I told her the truth, so that was still a success in my opinion — we were one step closer to knowing our true selves. I was also hoping that maybe being honest would give me an advantage over Alberich, who cared so much about popularity that he pretended to be someone he was not.
“I didn’t expect you to have these kind of views.”, said Lumine. “Maybe you would actually make a good artist.”
My cheeks flushed and I turned away. All I could manage was to choke out:
“You didn’t expect me to have basic human decency? That hurts my feelings, you know?”
We burst out laughing. It was a magical feeling to see her laugh at my joke — I have never felt this close to her. Glancing at my watch, I realized half an hour had already passed. If I hadn't seen her tremble, I might have stood with her for twice as long.
“What time was the bus supposed to be here?” I asked, showing Lumine my wrist. She swore softly under her breath. “I guess you're out of luck.”
“Looks like he won't come,” she said resignedly. Then, a brilliant idea came to my mind.
“You can take my umbrella if you want.” I suggested. She took it from me with gratitude written on her face.
“Are you serious?”, she asked. “Thanks, but what about you?”
“My dad's about to finish work, I'll call him,” I lied, and to sound more believable, I added, “Don't worry, you can give it back tomorrow.”
The girl opened her umbrella and stepped out from under the shelter into the rain.
“Thank you. You're amazing.” She didn't mean it seriously, but it made me feel awfully nice anyway. “If your mother can't make it, or if something's happened, call me. I will then come back for you...”
“Go,” I cut her off, the corner of my mouth turning up into an involuntary smile.
“I'm serious!” she swore, but walked towards her house.
I waited a moment, watching her walk away - I couldn't and didn't want to take my eyes off her. When she finally disappeared around the corner of a tenement house, I summoned up all my willpower. I knew I did the right thing, and the gratitude on Lumine's face gave me courage. Proud of myself, I set off on a breakneck journey home.
I've never run this route so fast, if it wasn't for shortness of breath, I would run all the time. Nevertheless, by the time I finally got there, I was completely soaked. On top of that, I was horribly hot, but I put it down to the adrenaline rush. I quickly changed into dry clothes, towel-dried my hair and went to bed.
***
In the morning, to my disappointment, it turned out that it was not the excess of emotions that was the cause of my burning, but only a common cold. My head was pounding with pain and I had a fever, so I decided to stay at home. Exceptionally, when I really wanted to go to school, I finally found a real reason not to.
My routine on days when I was sick consisted of the two most important elements: sleeping and watching TV series. Usually I was a bit sorry that I couldn't find a hobby, but that day I had no energy for anything. I've seen so many productions of dubious quality that I almost resented my mind for having absorbed. As frustrating as they were, I was still devouring them out of boredom. Worst of all, I didn't even have anyone to talk to about the horrors I had experienced.
In fact, in my room I had nothing else to do — although it didn't look as dull as the rest of the house, it still had nothing interesting about it, just a normal teenager's bedroom. In an attempt to liven up the space I lived in, I painted the walls a muted green and plastered them with posters of the various bands I listened to.
I glued a LED strip to the ceiling and added black curtains to the window. I really felt at ease here, but aside from admiring my sense of decor, all I had left to do was pass the time with my ancient laptop. I looked all over the Internet, but I couldn't find anything new — to be honest, it was a little scary. How much time have I wasted? During this time, I could do something useful, maybe find something that would make me interesting, a hobby? Maybe it would give me confidence. Maybe it would keep my weary mind occupied. Maybe it would make her remember me.
But not today — I turned on the TV, hoping that I would find something interesting. As luck would have it, they were playing some old show I'd never even heard of. I wasn't used to the pace of the action and the unusual play with light. However, very quickly I was captivated by the subtle humor and intelligent dialogues. They aired only a few episodes, as a memory of the actor playing the lead role on the third anniversary of his death. Yes, the show was that old.
I've never seen anything like this before. The plot was literally the perfect mix of laughter, emotion and tension — the main character, a guitarist in a local band, was offered to play in one of the most popular groups in the world. His life is about to change, but in a car accident he suffers an injury that makes him gradually lose control of his body. In the meantime, he meets various beautiful girls, hides his illness from some of them, some support him despite everything, one of them dies tragically, some of them cheat on him, one even with his own father. In the meantime, he manages to father a son, but neglects him a bit. Then, towards the end, there's a terribly touching scene of him playing his last concert and completely losing all feeling in his left hand, but he doesn't give up completely, like a boss. Unfortunately, at the end he has to quit music, but apparently his son also has a good knack and the old man is happy as a mentor. To my dissapointment, the series only had three seasons, because back then they wouldn’t make so many unnecessary episodes. I did manage to find a sequel with this son as the main character, but it was not the same.
I watched the whole thing in one day and was obsessed. I looked all over the internet, but they didn't make any t-shirts or posters from the show anymore — all I found was some used garbage, which I immediately ordered. Nevertheless, my hunger for merch was not fully satisfied. I kind of wanted a tattoo, but it would be too much work to hide it, at least for now. And then it finally hit me — I could be a guitarist too.
I was looking at the same second-hand ads and saw someone selling a guitar in the town I lived in. Electroacoustic, whatever that meant. Fanstastic. Almost the same as he had in the first season. I was about to call, but stopped. It wasn't very expensive, but it's still a lot of money for an impulsive decision. I had to wait a while, like an adult.
Overwhelmed by illness, I stayed in bed for four more days. Lumine wrote me an apology SMS and offered to send me notes. She wrote to me, first.
On the fifth day, as soon as I got up, instead of going to school, I went straight to get that damn guitar. The owner even tricked me into buying an amplifier - supposedly it was of very good quality. Completely euphoric, I went home and immediately started playing.
At first I was hopeless — I couldn't reproduce any chords correctly. Very quickly, much faster than I expected, I started having painful calluses on my fingers. However, I spend a lot of cash on this guitar and I really wanted to prove to myself that I was responsible and did not spend money impulsively.
In the mornings I was going to school — but as soon as I got home, I was practicing all the time. Watching TV series, I was constantly perfecting my hand position, my fingers slowly got used to the pain. Finally, using an online tutorial, I managed to play the few begginer-friendly songs. Then some more difficult ones.
I've never felt such satisfaction before — I learned something on my own, from scratch, and it finally started to work for me. It turned out that I did have willpower, ambition, willingness. Everything I've been missing all my life. What's more, I finally had something to do — I was constantly finding something to improve, something to learn.
I felt that it was just the beginning.