Chapter Text
“Oh Felix….honey.”
“Stop. That tone. I don’t like that tone. Don’t you dare pity me.”
“I am not pitying you. Don’t just conclude that.” Minho snapped back, intolerable to the fact that Felix raised his voice at him. Felix never shouted at anybody and it irked him that Felix shouted at him of all people.
“...Sorry.”
“Felix- hyung… I- We love you. What are you even talking about?”
“Of course…I’m obviously being irrational for saying something like this. My boyfriends definitely try their best to spend time with me and try their best to allocate time for me when I ask to take them out on dates and never bail or cancel on the plans last minute and always feel bad about it if it ever happens and try their best to compensate within the next few days. They also always include me in group events and never make a laughing stock out of me especially when I’m already sad and clearly not doing okay. Yeah,, obviously I am misunderstanding things here-”
“-Felix, what’s happening, why are you shouting?”
Chan asked as he walked into the room, along with the rest of Felix’s boyfriends. Felix kept mum, he already felt embarrassed about his outburst and he was not going to elaborate on the situation.
“Nothing hyung, Just got frustrated and started screaming” Felix said walking back to his bed, “I am really tired though, so if you all could leave right now, it would be amazing.”
Chan and the others started moving towards the door when Minho snapped his head towards him,
“Do not take one step further. Turn back and come sit here. Felix, make space, we are not leaving until we talk this through. Stop being childish, be mature and communicate.”
“What do you mean, communicate? You think I didn’t try? I literally went up to Chan and asked him if we could talk. Him rejecting me the first time when he was busy is not my problem, but outright refusing to talk to me each time I went up to him, claiming to be too busy to deal with me can become too much at one point, I went up to him nine times just this week. And honestly, I get it, he had a lot of work, everyone else had a lot of work, I was being selfish for expecting that much time from him and all of you, but two minutes, you all could have spared two minutes to just let me atleast hug my worries out. Hell, I could have hugged all seven of you within those two minutes. But all of you ignored me, belittled me, rejected all of my advances, did not try to participate in any of the plans I made and didn’t try to make any plans yourself. I am so so upset. I am in this relationship too but none of you seem to be behaving as if I belong here. I really should have just died back then. You could have been rid of me and would not have had to deal with my whiny ass. Isn’t that what you all wish? Wouldn’t you prefer me being gone?”
Felix said, his chest heaving.
“..you think we want you dead.” Minho whispered.
“Yes.” Felix replied ruthlessly, “That is exactly what is going through my head right now. None of you seem to be the boyfriends for whom I fought for my life. I am so miserable right now. I have barely slept with how many nightmares I have had. I needed some comfort to get rid of it but then everything which happened only started feeding my insecurities which believe it or not, were at the point of disappearance because of how amazing all of you were to me. But then within the span of a month, they’ve not only resurfaced but are more intense than they ever were. So yeah, I do think that you’d rather I wasn’t around anymore.”
Seven boys stared right at Felix.
Unmoving.
Felix could notice the slight tremor in Chan’s hands, he could see Jeongin’s eyes nervously dart around the room but always staying on him the longest, could see Hyunjin lift his hands to reach out to him but drop back, Changbin’s rage through the clench in his jaw, Seungmin’s eyes were so blank as if he was dissociating himself from the situation and finally Minho, strong, passive, blunt Minho’s eyes were tearing up and Felix could only stand where he was, horror-struck because of what he said.
His boyfriends may have ignored him or made him feel terrible for the past weeks but they did not deserve this at all. He was a demon, an absolute asshole for saying all of that to them because he knew they weren’t being themselves, but he was so fucking hurt and miserable. Though, it was still not his place to say something like that. He should not have opened his mouth, he should have let Minho, Jisung and Jeongin badger him and should have made up some excuse or some other reason for how detached he seemed. He-
“That was really rude of me, I apologise for my words.” Felix said out loud, interrupting his own thoughts. This was the right move.
“Y-you- how dare you.” Changbin said, his voice low.
“Excuse me?”
“How dare you even suggest something like that? We fought tooth and nail to make sure you’d live.”
“I know.”
“Felix! Felix, we love you.”
“I hope so.”
“We love you so much.”
“Are you sure? I don’t think you’re sure but I can’t tell.”
“We are absolutely head over heels for you.”
“I genuinely don’t think so. That has not what experience has indicated so far.”
“Felix” Chan called out before Changbin could argue back. “Lix, my baby, we love you so much, I don’t think any of us could be without you.”
“Then why did you treat me so badly all these days, what did I do?”
“You.. you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Did you need space from me? Is that what that was? You could have just told me you needed space, I would have stepped back.”
“No, we- I- I don’t think we needed space”
“Then, why”
“I DON’T KNOW” Chan shouted. “I don’t know why any of this happened to you and I am so, so sorry for that. I didn’t know that anything like this was happening, I didn’t even realise. Felix, please forgive us.”
“I do forgive you.”
“What?” Minho asked, open mouthed. “You shouldn’t forgive us!! Felix, what the hell? Not this easily.”
“No, I do forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me too. I have been shitty to all of you as well.”
“No you weren’t. You have done nothing wrong.” Jisung said. “But we forgive you, I’m speaking on behalf of all of us, when we say we forgive you, but only to give you peace of mind, because you haven’t done anything to apologise for.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you.. Going to break up with us?” Jeongin asked, his voice small.
“Are you going to break up with me?”
“NO WAY.” Hyunjin and Jeongin cried out simultaneously.
“We could never let you go Lix.” Hyunjin said, sniffling slightly, slowly walking towards the younger boy. “Never ever.”
Hyunjin crossed the distance between the two of them quickly, pulling Felix into a hug, hugging him so tightly that Felix had to gasp for air. Hyunjin let him go but not before placing a quick kiss on his forehead, his nose and then a quicker peck on his lips, “You’re stuck with us forever angel.”
“You’re all sure right? Please don’t leave me behind or ignore me like that again. Tell me if you need space but don’t do that please.”
“We are sure. Are you sure you want to be with us?” Seungmin asked as he slowly joined Hyunjin and Felix, pulling both of them into a hug.
“Yeah, yeah, I still want to be with you all. I love you too much.” Felix said, his voice muffled, his face pressed into Seungmin’s sweater.
The other five boys approached the hug too, piling on top of one another, sneaking their arms into the hug making sure atleast one way or the other they were in contact with Felix.
“Forgive us Lix. We really do love you.”
“I forgive you, and I love you too”