Chapter Text
Rightfully Yours
Chapter Twelve- Back to You
Lan was on his way downstairs after working all day. The new normal was working himself into a tired stupor. It took the edge off and it was definitely more constructive than drinking. Things were okay considering the shitshow that had become his life. Moiraine had gotten her license renewed two months prior, he and Nynaeve had settled into a co-parenting routine and work was good. Still, there was a dull ache somewhere inside of him making him feel like he wasn't doing enough. No mystery as to why that was. He had told Moiraine they needed time but how much time was enough? When would it ever be a good time to go to the one person he knew would make it all better?
Looking down at his buzzing phone, he was shocked to see Nynaeve calling. It was her night with Joseph. She usually didn’t call him unless it was his turn to pick up Joseph and it was not.
“Hello,”
“Lan I’m at hospital.”
“Tell me what happened?”
“It’s Joseph he’s running really hot. I checked his temperature-“
He didn’t hear much after that. “I’m on my way. I’m coming to you right now.”
His heart had not stopped thumping since he got off the phone with Nynaeve. He jumped in his car and zipped through traffic as fast as the speed limit would allow. Nothing else mattered in that moment. The only thing ringing in his head, he couldn’t lose another child.
Lan rushed through the doors of the emergency room, chest tightening when he ran up to Nynaeve. She didn’t look any better than he. Her eyes were red and puffy, dried tears caked her cheeks.
“Is he okay?”
“I don’t know. They haven’t told me anything yet. They’re trying to get his fever down.” She sobbed and he pulled her into his arms. She shook in his embrace, he wished there was more he could do for her.
“I’m okay, I’m okay. It’s probably just the flu or something.”
He didn’t know who she was trying to convince.
“Tell me what happened.”
She ran her hands through her hair. “He started coughing earlier tonight. He had a slight fever. I thought it was a cold coming on. I was monitoring him. Gave him cold medication after his bath. I checked his fever again before I put him to bed.” Lan smoothed a hand down her shoulder. Unsure if he made the right choice by touching her, he was about to pull back when she leaned into his arm. It was comforting to know that he could still comfort her. It didn’t have to be romantic or sexual and he wondered how soon after Moiraine came did things shift for him. It was like holding a friend rather than somebody he used to share a bed with.
“I was getting some reading done, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up when I heard him crying. His crying turned to wheezing, he was so hot and he was having trouble breathing. I grabbed him and got him here as fast as possible.”
“You did everything you could as a mother and as a nurse.”
Leaning off him, she straightened and nodded. “Thanks for coming.”
“Of course. You don’t have to thank me. He’s mine too.”
“I know, yes. I just didn’t know what I was interrupting. You and Moiraine just got back together—“
He opened his mouth to correct her when a nurse approached them and he forgot the thought altogether. Only Joseph mattered now.
“Joseph Mandragoran?”
“Yes, we’re his parents.” Nynaeve said.
“How’s he doing?”
“His fever broke. It seems he’s come down with a respiratory infection. They’re quite common in children. He may have some muscles aches and a runny nose over the next few days, the doctor will give you a prescription. With some medicine he'll be fine in a few days time.”
Nynaeve sagged with relief next to him. The hold on his own heart loosened.
“You can see him now, the doctors would like him to stay overnight just to make sure his fever doesn’t spike again. You can take him home in the morning if you’d like.”
They entered the room quietly. Joseph was in bed batting his eyes to try and fight drowsiness. His face was blotchy and red but he looked comfortable at least.
“Mummy, daddy.” His arms were lifted towards them. They stood on either side of him and his smiled returned.
“Hey buddy.”
“I’m sick daddy,”
“Yes you are but the doctor and the nice nurse said you’ll be just fine after you take some medicine.” Lan said. The young yawned and rubbed at his eyes, barely having heard his father.
“Time to go to sleep now buddy. We’ll be right outside.” Nynaeve said. “I’ll stay with you till you fall asleep.”
Joseph didn’t have much of a choice with the drowsy medication kicking in. He watched as Nynaeve lulled him to sleep. His heart burst with affection. She was such an incredible mother. Regret gripped him, how he wished things would have turned out differently for her. Nynaeve was young though, it did console him a little that she might still find someone to love her completely and totally the way she deserved, the way he couldn’t. She may not have him as a lover but he would try to be the best father for their son. When his eyes closed and his breathing evened out, they tiptoed out his room.
“You can go on home. I’ll stay with him.” Lan said.
She flashed him a look he knew he would get. Over her dead body.
“I’ll get the coffee,” he said.
“Mhm. Thanks.”
A few minutes later they were caffeinated and tucked into the pediatric waiting room’s uncomfortable chairs. It was only after ten pm so they had a long night ahead.
“This reminds of me when he had that ear infection.” she said.
“God, that was a ringer. He cried so much.” It was the first big scare they'd had with Joseph. And now Lan knew there would be more. Kids got sick, but he would never not be scared.
“He’s a tough kid now. He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?” Nynaeve said.
“Of course. I’m sure they’re keeping him overnight just for observation.”
“I mean with everything. With us. Do you think he’ll be okay?”
He sighed, giving pause. “I don’t know. I sure hope so. He’s so young. He doesn’t really know what’s going on.”
“After Isaac, I just wanted to give him a stable, happy home you know.”
“Nynaeve. I’m going to do everything in my power to provide that for him. He’s going to be so loved, so taken care of it won’t matter that we’re not—“
“I know, Lan I know. You’re the best thing that happened to us. And I know it was the right thing to let you go. We’ll figure something out. For Joseph.”
“For Joseph.”
He sipped the terrible cafeteria coffee and just hoped he could live up to his promises.
“It’s getting late, don’t you want to call her?”
“Her? Nynaeve, Moiraine and I are not together. We’re still figuring things out.”
“Figuring things out?” She was fuming and he didn’t understand why she was upset. He assumed she would be pleased he was respecting what they had.
“I broke up my family for you to figure things out? The whole point was to put you out of your misery. I didn’t sacrifice everything for you to torture yourself over it some more Lan. Don’t use me as an excuse to…don’t torture yourself in the name of being fair to me. Because by staying away from her you’re making my sacrifice meaningless and in vain.”
“How could I go to her when it’s hurting you.”
“It is. But it won’t forever. God, Lan it’s not like you cheated on me with some floozy. This was your wife. The woman you almost threw yourself off a bridge because you didn’t want to live without her. You’ve been a shell of yourself since she came back. Half of—empty. I want you to be happy and I know it’s not with me anymore.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it work. I let you down. I let Joseph now.”
“No. Joseph is going to have us both in his life. Nothing will ever change that. What you did for me, for us. I can never repay you for it. I didn’t know what love was before I met you. All the manipulation and abuse I faced…you showed me something different so that I could be my best self for Joseph. I wouldn't have made it through the nursing school if not for you. You invested in me. The least I could do is release you from the obligations of –”
“Nynaeve,”
“Let me finish. If it’s guilt you’re feeling, then I forgive you.” His heart stopped. “I forgive you Lan. How could you know that she would come back? It’s nobody’s fault. I know that now. You have a chance to be happy again please don’t squander it on my behalf.”
He didn't know what else to say. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she wiped at her eyes. “We probably look like trainwrecks.” She chuckled.
“I do miss talking to you. A lot has happened at the hospital. Nurse Bailey was caught with Doctor Ferdinand in the abandoned wing. Quite the Greys Anatomy scandal.”
He laughed. “You never did get me to watch that show.”
“Not for lack of trying either.”
“Tell me more, how many of you won the bet?”
They talked all night. Catching up and even planning some family outings, just three of them. Because she was still his family. Impending divorce or not. He would still love and protect her. As each hour rolled by, he felt lighter and lighter. Sometime between ten pm and six am he had forgiven himself too.
Moiraine stacked two boxes on top of the others in the corner of the living room. The kitchen was officially packed up. The barren walls matched her own internal fresh start. The short stint she spent in the apartment was tainted with memories of her lowest and darkest times since her resurrection. She found that she couldn’t think of anything else when she stared at the walls. There was no time to waste so she contacted a realtor almost immediately. Nothing was really keeping her here besides a lease that she easily got out of by throwing some money at it. It took an extensive search but she’d found a small cottage styled home on the outskirts of the city that was much more suited to her mental state lately.
Debating whether or not she wanted to start on the bedroom or simply curl up on the couch with a glass of red wine, her mental tug-of-war was interrupted by a knocking on her door. It was late evening, going to seven pm and she had not been expecting company. Thom was out of the country and Alanna was no doubt hosting a sex party somewhere.
Lan stood on the other side of the door. Eyes rimmed red, looking like he had just beaten death. On instinct, she held her breath. What melodrama was going to enter her home and life now? Nerves were buzzing under her skin when she swung the door open for him.
“Lan, you look awful.”
He smirked. “I always admired that crass tongue of yours. It’s good to see you.”
“It is good to see you. But you still look like terrible. What’s wrong?”
He squeezed his eyes shut before rubbing them gently. When he opened them again they held hers in an intense gaze. Having no idea what he was thinking made her terribly nervous.
“It’s nothing. I just didn’t get any sleep last night. Joseph was in hospital.”
She gasped. “Is he okay?”
He smiled at her, walking further into the apartment.
“He’s okay. Just a respiratory infection. I’ve been with them all day. Nynaeve finally kicked me out to get some sleep.”
She closed the door that was still open. Processing the information as fast as she could. Joseph was okay. That was good. He’d spent all day with them meaning Nynaeve. Did he come to tell her that they were getting back together? Nothing quite bonded parents like something happening to the child. She knew from work, not personal experience. The thought stabbed her in the stomach before she pushed it down.
“Shouldn’t you be at home sleeping then?”
H
e smirked again, he was definitely up to something but at least the knot forming in her stomach stopped.
“I—’ His eyes fell on the boxes stacked against the wall. His smirk fell. “You’re leaving?” He squeezed at his eyes again.
“For Christ sake Lan, you’re not twenty-five anymore.” She moved to her bathroom, rifling through cabinet and the drawers. She was sure she had a bottle of eyedrops somewhere. She began using them because of Lan. If he insisted on staying awake to talk to her at least the eyedrops would moisten his too dry eyes.
She felt him before she saw him. He stood a powerful force behind her. Their eyes locked in the mirror.
They had never been so close from each other with nothing between them. No baggage, no wives, no guilt. For the first time since she returned, they were just two people who loved each other. Who wanted each…who desperately needed each other.
“I know I've caused you more pain than I could ever imagine. I know that there’s nothing I could do to go back in time and change the way things played. I know I can’t save our child but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. Just please don’t leave me. I belong to you and you can do whatever you want with me. As long as you do it near to me.” She froze. She had not been expecting that. How she had longed to hear those words from him but now that she had, she didn't know what to do with the splinter of emotions or where to put them
“I am leaving Lan. This apartment. I bought a house.” He released a breath over shoulder, tickling her ear. Goosebumps prickled along her back.
“But what’s this about you belonging to me?”
He smirked, wrapping his arm around her waist. She melted against him, feeling like she would combust before she could enjoy the warmth of his touch.
“If you’ll have me. Will you?”
Their gazes locked in the mirror, Moiraine wasn’t ready to turn around just yet.
“Will I what?” She challenged. His eyes darkened with arousal in the mirror, his grip around her waist tightened making sure that even if she said no, there would be no escaping him.
“Will you have me?” He peeled dark hair away from her shoulder and replaced it with warm kisses that made her breath catch in her throat.
“I was under the assumption that you never stopped being mine.” He spun her around to face him before she was finished with her sentence. She became pliable in his arms, malleable to do whatever he wanted to. Need built with in her until it was painful not to have him. Her lips parted for him as his descended on hers. The moment their lips met, her whole world exploded. Pleasure spread through every limb, every nerve as she drank him in quick enough to choke. His tongue met hers, tasting her, reaffirming what he already knew about her.
Lan couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop. He had to have her, entirely and completely. Body, mind, soul and everything in between. His tongue slipped in and out of her mouth teasing her, driving her to the brink of madness, just as he liked her. He felt her tremble beneath him as he swallowed the soft sounds she made in the back of her throat. He pinned her between his body and the counter. A growl vibrated his core as her small hands began a frantic exploration of him. She pawed and scratched every patch of skin she could get her hands on. He needed her too urgently, he had gone too long without her. There would be time for slow next time. But if he didn’t get inside her of her soon he was worried what would become of them. She answered his urgency giving more to him as his grip on her became bruising. Her small hands fumbled with the buttons on his pants while he swept the shift dress she’d been wearing around her waist.
Moiraine was dripping for him by the time she got his buttons undone. He hoisted her to the edge of the counter, lining up his throbbing shaft with her slick entrance. She gasped, bit her lip clearly having forgotten how thick he was as he impaled her. She clung tight to him as set a bruising pace, pounding into her. Each stroke stringing out her pleasure more and more. Her mind was scrambled and fried filled only to be filled with one thing. The feel of him inside her. The punishing grip he had in her hair, the other around her waist, ensuring she didn’t move a muscle. She lost herself in him, in the music they made. The moaning, the growling the sound of her cosmetics falling off the counter with each hard stroke.
Her muscles gripped, her hips moved on their own meeting his pounding hips. She had forgotten to breathe at one point, short gasps escaped her lips as her pleasure built. Her head fell back, eyes closed, she was so damn close.
He yanked her head back up with a fistful of her hair. “Look at me,” he demanded and she dared not disobey. His member stroked over her ultrasensitive nerve endings as he grinded deep between her thighs. Heat sizzled through her but she held his gaze as he ground himself deeper and deeper. She cried out. Her nails dug into his back, probably breaking skin, she didn’t care. She felt the waves of her climax gathering in her womb. With a punishing, powerful stroke he took her straight over the edge. Fireworks exploded behind her eyes and she went wild as she rode the waves of her climax. Lan kept up his pace, tumbling into his own climax moments after she let go.
Both panting for air, they stayed locked into each other with him still inside her. He released the grip he had in her hair. Smoothing his hand down her back making her shiver.
“Home.” he whispered in her ear. She kissed his shoulder, hoping that was enough to tell him she felt the same way. She couldn’t trust her voice just yet. They basked in each other for a few more moments until Lan finally pulled back and slipped out of her. He stepped back a little from the counter and took her in. He definitely left marks on her.
“I’m sorry if I was too rough.” he said. She wobbled off the counter on shaky legs then got on her tip toes to nip at his bottom lip. She dressed back with a big grin.
Yeah, he thought so.
“Let’s get you too bed.” she said.
“I’m not done with you.”
“We have about seven years to catch up on I agree but you’re no good to me on no sleep.”
He protested the entire way to the bedroom but he fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. With Lan fast asleep she washed up in a warm shower hoping to ease some of the aches she would surely wake up with.
Once dried and moisturized she slipped on a white night gown and slipped into bed next Lan. Her Lan. Warmth pooled in her stomach. He didn’t stir one bit, exhaustion held him in its clutches. She snuggled to his side and toyed with his dark hair until the depths of sleep pulled her under too.
While she woke a little before five am, he slept for ten hours straight. Didn’t stir when she woke up, made coffee and packed up her closet. Intermittently, she had to check to make sure he was alive. He finally woke around seven am. By then she was about to start cup of coffee number two while she scanned case files on her iPad. She was supposed to jump back into work but there was a definite hesitancy. The strategy was to find a simple case to ease back into it but none had been presented so far. Because she was so engrossed in her case files she didn’t notice his eyes were opened. He studied her for a minute or too before his hunger stirred again.
The sheets twisted beneath him as he stretched out his muscles, gaining her attention.
“I remember you being a lighter sleeper.” she said, barely resisting the urge to run her hands through his dark hair.
“There’s a lot we have to rediscover about each other.”
“I would love nothing more than to fall in love with you all over again. Hungry?”
“Famished.” He pounced on her, making her squirm beneath him half-heartedly. She had barely stopped her cup of coffee from spilling. She oblisged him and placed the coffee and table on the nightstand. Giving him her full attention.
“I meant for food.” Her voice was partly muffled as he showered her neck with kisses and love bites.
“Food can wait.” he rasped in her ear. His fingers danced up her legs, to behind her knee and then to her thigh. She shivered, her breath becoming shallower with his every move. Still not believing this was real and he was actually here with her. She cupped his jaw with her hand and crushed his lips in a mind numbing kiss just because she could. Because he was hers and no one else's.
The only thing separating him from her milky, white skin was a very thin piece of silk masquerading as a night gown. He was always fond of what she wore to bed, it was always easy to take off. He kissed the thin strap off her shoulder, covering the marks he left last night with new ones. She rewarded his touch with a sensual sigh beneath him. She was so beautiful to him. Hair splayed out on the pillow. One strap of her nigh gown hanging off her shoulder. She was temptation incarnate. Two fingers slipped into her wet, swollen folds. She arched off the bed to meet them, to take them deeper. Her breathy moan sent blood straight to his cock. He humped his fingers into her at little, just to stir her crazy before he was ready for her. When he pulled them out the cutest pout pucker her lips making him claim them sloppy, unhinged kiss. He plunged his tongue in and out of her mouth.
"I need you," she mumbled against his lips.
He felt whole again, touching his forehead to hers.
“Say it,” she said. He didn’t have to ask. So when he slipped inside of her, filling her completely. Her long legs wrapped around his waist but her eyes stayed locked into his.
“I love you.” he finally said. He heard her quiet gasp as he began to move slowly inside her. He worshipped her, taking his time. Etching his love all of her body. She fisted the cool white sheets in her hands as she took him deeper, baring her entire soul to him. It was so scary knowing that no one could make her feel like this.
She was close to tears when they finished, laying tangled in each other. They spent the morning feeding the gnawing hunger but it never felt like enough. They couldn’t get through breakfast without him bending her over the kitchen counter and pounding into her from behind. It still wasn’t enough, she couldn’t seem to get filled. They made love again on the couch, and again in the pressed against the wall in the shower. Each time as passionate and volatile as before.
Moiraine tumbled onto the bed fresh from her shower and dressed in a terry cloth robe. Her body was spent. Though she wanted more with her heart, her body needed a break. There were bruises on her arms and thighs, marks all over her neck. Lan's back looked like he'd been in a fight with a mountain lion. She was raw and sore but in the best way possible. His warm lips kissed her forehead.
“Did I break you?”
“Fuck you.’ she said though it meant I love you. His lips quirked, gathering her in his arms and pulling her to him.
“I have to go check in with work and then with Joseph.”
Her eyes opened. “And then you’ll come back?”
“Yes, then I’ll come. I’ll always come back.” She sighed contently, eyelids heavy with sleep. He waited until she dozed off before he left. He missed her the moment he closed the door. But there was a comfort in knowing that he would be back with her in a few hours. And she would be waiting for him. She would always be waiting for him.