Chapter Text
Never before had Seokjin felt as if he was in trouble with Bang PD. Well, of course, they had been in trouble when they had done something stupid, but this felt different. This felt as if the older man was one sigh away from saying, "I am not angry, I am just disappointed."
The worst part was that Seokjin had no idea what they could possibly have done to disappoint this man so much that he was now looking at all of them with that specific look in his eyes. Well, that was when he actually looked at them; he was going between reading some papers, making notes, and then looking back up at them.
Six of them had gathered in the small room that Bang PD used as his office. It was fascinating that, even after achieving so much success, the older man preferred the comfortable small office over the big fancy one he sometimes used for meetings.
Namjoon was missing, something that all of them were very aware of. They hadn't seen him for more than a day, and not a single message was delivered by Namjoon himself. Their management seemed to be giving them the cold shoulder as well.
"Are we waiting for Namjoon?" It was Jungkook's hesitant voice that broke the standstill they were in.
Without looking up, Bang PD answered in a steadfast voice, "No, we are not."
"Oh," was the only answer that Jungkook could seemingly manage as silence once again fell over them. And once again, it felt like an oppressive blanket hanging over their heads; all they could hear was the scratching of paper as the pen flew over it.
Never before had a pen been so loud.
Seokjin yearned to scream, to create any form of noise, even the faintest sound.
He wanted to know where Namjoon was, what the hell was going on, and where was Namjoon?
Still, he stayed quiet.
Somehow, he knew that it wouldn't be good if they broke the silence. That this oppressive feeling served as more of a test than anything else.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Bang PD set down the pen and, looking at them, his eyes gliding from one person to another, said, "Now, who would like to tell me what the hell is going on?"
This was not what Seokjin had anticipated, and in all honesty, he had no idea how he was even meant to answer that. Instead, he awkwardly looked from the older man to the rest of his group, hoping that maybe one of them knew what they were meant to say here.
Nothing.
All of them seemed equally confused and unsure about what the hell was being talked about. It was Yoongi who spoke up, "I don't think anything is going on outside of this meeting being weird. Is Namjoon okay?"
It seemed that Seokjin himself was not the only one with Joon on the brain.
It earned them a sigh from Bang PD, who seemed even more disappointed in them. "So, I heard that you two," his eyes slid from Yoongi to Seokjin and back, "are to be the new leaders of BTS, since you have been unhappy with your current leadership. Is there something about that you would like to explain, then?"
Now, that was not what any of them had expected.
They all just stared for a moment as the words that had been said started to sink into their apparently very tiny brains. Then, all hell broke loose as they all sprung from their seats, all speaking at the same time with no rhyme or reason.
Seokjin knew that since he could hear what the fuck they were saying, just loud indiscriminate shouts of the words "Namjoon," "What the fuck?," "No?!" and various other noises, they were showing their disapproval. They had no idea what the hell Bang PD thought was happening.
Bang PD didn't say anything. He just looked at them, head lightly tilted to the side, with a thoughtful expression in his eyes. He let them yell themselves hoarse, demanding answers, until they all remembered that this was not how they communicated. Bang PD had always made it very clear that this was not how they talked to each other.
That had been one of the earliest and most important lessons he had imparted to them beyond music: yelling and screaming like barely in control children was never going to get anyone anywhere. He refused to talk to them like they were children instead of the grown adults they actually were.
"Is everyone prepared to have a mature conversation at this moment? Because I am very disappointed in all of you." All of them nodded, hanging their heads. The emotions were clearly still running high in all of them, but none of them had anything to add as Bang PD's words sank in.
Seokjin was unsure of how he should react, but everything that had happened since they had gotten together and talked about what to do to help Namjoon was suddenly seen in a different light. Perhaps they hadn't been performing as well as they had believed.
"Did Namjoon tell you he wanted to step down?" Jimin's voice was almost shaking, as if he was trying to hold in barely contained tears or, more likely, a panic attack.
Again, silence as Bang PD took them in, before speaking up in a slow, measured fashion. "He is under the impression that all of you are wishing for him to step down." He held his hand out to stop them from the flurry of words that all of them were getting ready to let out. "Observing your current expressions leads me to believe that there has been some form of misunderstanding. Namjoon was very clear in his idea that this is what you all want, and he wants what is best for all of you. So somebody should really start explaining to me how we have gotten to this point."
It was clear that Bang PD was protective of Namjoon. Perhaps they should all feel offended that he evidently prioritized Namjoon's well-being in that moment, but honestly, it seemed fair enough. They had seemingly made more mistakes than they had ever imagined, and really... Namjoon deserved someone to look out for him. They seemingly couldn't be trusted to do so.
Seokjin looked at the rest of his members. All of them in different phases of grief and denial as they tried to take in what was happening. He had hoped that one of them would take over, that one of them would be able to answer the questions that he himself had no answer to.
That hope seemed far-fetched. Yoongi was sitting with his face hidden in his hands, unable to deal with the world around him, and Hoseok had a hand on his back, gently moving his thumb in a pattern to keep him calm. None of the members of the maknae line seemed capable of comprehending what they were meant to say, let alone appropriate reactions.
So the responsibility fell on Seokjin.
"None of us would ever want anybody other than Namjoon as our leader. There has to be some form of misunderstanding. All we have done is trying to take some of the load off him. You must have noticed it too! He is overworked, we just wanted to help. None of us would ever try to take the job from him! None of us would even want it, nor want to be part of the group if Namjoon weren't our leader! We love him!" That last part was very much not meant to come out, but Seokjin really hoped that Bang PD saw it as a more... platonic love, although Seokjin himself knew it wasn't platonic.
Well, perhaps it was the case for some of the members of BTS. They had all more or less decided not to speak about it, but for Seokjin, it was romantic.
He loved Namjoon more than anyone or anything else. He needed Namjoon like he needed air and water. No, that was really not the thing he needed to think about in that moment. That was something to deal with when the creator of their group and the owner of their company wasn't staring at him with judgmental eyes.
He couldn't bring himself to meet the gaze of the older man. They had never wanted to hurt Namjoon, but seemingly it was what they had done, so what did their intentions even matter?
Again, silence spread as Bang PD took his time to just observe them. His eyes calculating as they slid from person to person. "And if I may guess," the words were slow and drawn out, "you did this without informing him? You just started taking over part of his work that he has done for years, without telling him, without informing him of just what exactly you were doing." They all nodded, and if it was possible, attempted to sink further into their seats. Seokjin wished the earth would just open up and swallow him whole, just engulf him right there, because they had clearly messed up.
Bang PD sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Why are all of you so bad at communicating? You would think that I had taught you better at this point. That all of you understood the value and importance of communication, but instead, you do this. Namjoon is just as bad as you guys." He rubbed his face, pushing up his glasses as if just talking to them was exhausting him.
Seokjin wasn't even sure if he could blame him; he was exhausted from dealing with them. Hell, he was exhausted from just the little bit of leader work he had taken over for Namjoon, which was barely a fraction. How the hell was one man meant to do this?
"He thinks that you guys are showing him that you aren't happy with his work," he sounded so exhausted, as if they had aged him the 20 years he had always playfully teased them about. "He thinks that you want to get rid of him. He seems to desperately cling onto the idea that at least you aren't asking him to leave the group." Once again, they were on the verge of leaping from their seats in disagreement. The mere thought of BTS without Namjoon caused Seokjin's chest to ache. There was no BTS without Namjoon; that would never be. Once again, they were quieted down by a barely raised hand, as Bang PD was not yet done speaking. "He is with TXT and their producers right now. They genuinely need a hand, so I didn't lie to him about it. But he also needs a break... from you guys."
That hurt... it was true, but it still hurt. It was terrifying to think that the six of them had almost destroyed one of the best things they had in their lives just because they wanted to help, and talking was too hard, so they just... did stuff.
Why were they so foolish?
This is precisely why they couldn't function without Namjoon. He was 90% of their brainpower, and without him to veto things, it was left to Yoongi and Seokjin with the rest of their functional brainpower, which completely stopped working whenever either of them had to deal with anything related to Namjoon.
"What do we do now?" Jungkook sounded like he was in physical pain, which, when it came to Namjoon, he might actually be.
"We can't do this without him as a leader. We don't want to. You can't let him," Yoongi's voice emerged as the other man finally raised his head from where he was hiding it in his hands.
"I don't think I can decide what Namjoon wants to do. Right now, my deal with him is that it will take me some time to figure everything out. But let's say you managed to convince him that this is not what you wanted, and being the leader is the best for him and everybody else, then I would be easily able to cancel our deal. But I am not going to lie to him. This has to be his choice. You all pushed him to this, and I am not going to take the choice away from him." It was not what Seokjin had hoped to hear. He wasn't proud of it, but he had hoped that Bang PD would somehow rectify their mistakes.
Of course, he had expected to be lectured, but he had hoped that their mistakes would still be fixed. He had hoped that Bang PD could assist them in supporting Namjoon because clearly, none of them understood how to do it.
"How do we even start to do that?" Hoseok's voice sounded so distraught, almost as if he was giving up beforehand. He had seemingly, like Seokjin, hoped that Bang PD would take care of it, that somebody else would fix their mistakes.
Somehow, they managed to elicit an even more disappointed look from Bang PD, who rested his head on his hands and sighed, "You could start with an apology and then the truth. It seems that it is something all of you have desperately been missing. You are adults, and I have always worked hard to give you as much freedom as possible while still being idols. That now requires you to sit down as grown-ass men and talk about this. Then we can figure out how to help Namjoon be less stressed. For that, I do find myself guilty, just like the rest of you. I should have seen that it was too much for him earlier. For that, I will apologize to all of you and to Namjoon when he is ready." His words were much kinder this time, softer, as if he was guiding them, and he seemed genuinely sorry that he had put them under this much stress. "I wish that some of you had talked with each other or with me about it, and we could have worked it out. But the bed is made now; we must lie in it."
Even though they were being lectured and he was disappointed in them, maybe even a bit upset, Bang PD genuinely wanted the best for them, not just as artists but as people too. Seokjin knew how fortunate they were. He had enough idol friends to know that a good company owner was one who didn't mistreat you. Bang PD was an amazing owner and they were very lucky.
As they gathered themselves to leave, making their way to the door with their minds in various states, Bang PD called out after them with one last statement, "And when I say honesty... I do mean honesty. All of it, even that part you all pretend you aren't a part of. I think we have played this denial game long enough, don't you think so too?"
Seokjin had never experienced every ounce of blood in his body rushing to his face like a head-on collision with a ripe tomato. Being speechless was not something he often encountered. He opened his mouth, closed it again, attempted to speak a second time, only to find that his mouth was no longer functioning as such, as the blood that should have powered his brain had instead found a home in his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
All six of them were doing high-class tomato impressions as they hurriedly left, having been called out on something most of them were either in denial about or at least under the assumption that nobody else knew, least of all Bang PD. This also weirdly felt like they were receiving some form of approval from Namjoon's pseudo dad, who was also their own pseudo dad, and Seokjin really needed to stop thinking about this because it was getting dangerously close to 'Stepbrother, I am stuck in the spoollemachine,' and he did not want to entertain that thought at all.
They had to talk with each other first, although none of them wanted to. They all wanted to put on blinders and just wing it, believing they could have the conversation without any preparation, but they all knew that wasn't an option anymore. They had messed it up once already, and Namjoon deserved better.
This time, they were going to do it right, for Namjoon. Even if it required Seokjin to actually... talk... about those feelings he had in his chest and figure out how the hell to... explain them.
Namjoon was worth it. He always had been, and always would be.
(LINEBREAK) Namjoon had received a group message from Bang PD, informing him that all of them were taking a much-needed two-week break. He assumed that the reason was that he would need more time to help teach someone how to be the leader.
He assumed that the rest of BTS were either busy training to take on the role or just relaxing, so he thought it would be fine for him to stop by the dorm and grab some of the stuff he had left there. He assumed nobody else would be there.
Never in his life had he been more wrong as he arrived back at the dorm. He fiddled with his keys while humming along to the beat of the song he had been working on. It was stuck in his head, and he could feel the itch to create crawling under his skin.
He had to go through the living room to find his own room where his notebook for writing poems and lyrics was hidden. He regretted not bringing it with him when he went to help, but it was finally calling to him.
He didn't expect anyone to be in the living room. He wasn't even really looking at the living room, instead, he was focused on his phone as he looked through his work emails to see if anything interesting had happened or if he needed to respond to something.
He had walked through the living area so many times that he thought he could do it even in his sleep. That's why he almost tripped over his own legs when he found one of the chairs, which was normally around the coffee table, pulled further into his room, right in front of the free walk space.
He swore like a sailor as his foot made contact with the chair. While wearing shoes inside was frowned upon, maybe this was why Americans did it, so when they bumped their feet, they wouldn’t be in danger of losing their damn feet.
He was so focused on swearing that it took someone clearing their throat twice before Namjoon noticed and failed to raise his eyes. He saw the rest of BTS sitting in the living room, staring at him as he stopped swearing.
Somehow, all seven of them looked like deer caught in headlights, as if none of them had expected the others to be there. Which was silly for all of them since it was, after all, their shared living space.
"Uhm...hello," Namjoon had hoped that he would have at least a little more time to prepare himself before he saw them. Were Seokjin and Yoongi already their leaders? Was he still the leader?
There were so many questions, and Namjoon was not ready to deal with any of them.
He was not ready for this.
He glanced over at the door he had just entered from and seriously considered running away. It wouldn’t be the bravest thing he had ever done, but then the people who mattered the most to him wouldn’t have to see him having a breakdown, something he was almost completely sure was about to happen.
"Joonie..." it was Seokjin who spoke in a soft voice. Every part of Namjoon longed to go sit down next to the older man. Maybe if he was lucky, he could rest his head in Seokjin's lap, and maybe if he was even luckier, the other man would pet his hair like he used to.
It was one of Namjoon’s favourite places to be, and it never failed to make him feel calm and relaxed like nothing else ever did.
"We missed you, we were worried about you," Taehyung’s voice was soft in a way that it normally never was when speaking to Namjoon. It was as if he was speaking to a spooked animal, which was exactly how Namjoon felt at that time.
As if, if they raised their voices, he might run away. Fuck, he might run away anyway. How was he meant to do this? How... then the words hit his brain.
"You... missed me? I was... helping TXT." The stuttering sentences were not charming, or even really him. Truly, what was Namjoon becoming? If he didn’t have his words, the one thing he was always so good at, what was the point?
He wasn’t a good leader anymore; he wasn’t a good speaker. He was nothing.
"We always miss you, even if you're only gone for a short moment," it was Yoongi speaking up, his voice serious and slow, as if he was carefully considering every word. "Don't ever doubt that, and I don’t just speak for myself. All of us feel the same way. There is no 'us' without you. Of course, we miss you. I can barely even breathe when you're not there."
These were words that Namjoon had never heard from Yoongi before. As much as the other rapper could pour his heart out in music, he was... not as expressive when it came to just talking. Yoongi kept his emotions hidden, inside his sleeve where only he could feel them, and he guarded them like a cat protecting its favourite toy from humans.
So Namjoon had to do a double take, actually take in what was being said. Unable to look at Yoongi's genuine care and deep emotions that Namjoon couldn’t even start to put into words, let alone dare to try expressing them. It seemed that Yoongi himself wasn’t even sure what he was feeling or how to express it. The words were said with deep care, surprising even the speaker.
He expected the rest of BTS to disagree or react to Yoongi’s words. He expected something, but instead, he just saw them nodding as if they agreed with Yoongi's declaration of... something.
He didn’t know what he was supposed to think. "I..." Once again, his words failed him as he took a step backwards. The idea of fleeing from this conversation was once again at the forefront of his mind.
Running away from BTS, from these men who meant so much to him, was not something Namjoon would ever have considered, but he wasn't sure he liked the way they were looking at him.
It was a mixture of emotions—a blend of pity, guilt, fear, and uncertainty—that Namjoon could spot and identify. There were even more emotions flickering across their faces that he couldn't quite decipher. He wasn't sure how to interpret all of this, and it made him even more uncomfortable and unsure of himself. He started to fear what exactly was going on.
Was this going to be an "It's not you, it's us" situation? Were they about to kick him out? About to tell him that they would still care for him as a friend, but they would be better off without him?
In his current state of mind, Namjoon couldn't entirely disagree with that feeling. Maybe they would be better off without him. Even though he wanted nothing more than to be with them, the mere thought of not being with them broke his heart. He would still do it if that's what they asked for. What they wanted mattered more to him than what he wanted. He would always ensure that they got what they wanted and needed before he cared for himself.
That's why he gave up the position of leader. There wasn't a thing on this Earth that he would not do for them, even if it meant leaving. It would hurt, and he wasn't sure he would ever recover from it, but he would do it.
"I..." Even his second attempt at words was no more successful than the first. His vocal cords seemed to have committed an act of treason as they refused to work in protest.
"Please sit down, we brought some snacks and everything. We need to talk." That sounded even more dreadful, but Hoseok looked so hopeful that Namjoon couldn't deny him anything. All he could do was nod and slowly take a seat on the couch they had made room for him.
It was his favourite spot—the pillows were soft, and the back provided strong support, always helping him stretch his spine instead of slumping, reducing the pain he would feel from sitting for an extended period.
However, that wasn't why it was his favourite spot. It wasn't because it was soft, comfortable, or felt safe. It was because whenever he sat down, someone would always come over and lean against him, cuddling up to him, making him feel at home. That's what made this his favourite couch—it was his safe and happy place, where he felt like he belonged, like he would always belong.
Now, sitting there alone with all of them around him, looking at him with pitying expressions, he no longer felt that way about the couch.
There were indeed snacks all over the table, and it was a testament to how well they knew him that they had managed to get all of his favourites. As Namjoon reached for one of the open bags of chips with shaking hands, he couldn't help but pray that they didn't notice.
As Namjoon chewed on the small piece of potato, it didn't explode with flavor, triggering the happy little endorphins that reminded him of their late nights when they were younger, still desperate for success and unable to afford anything else. Instead, it tasted like ashes, serving as a reminder that they might have achieved success, but at what cost?
Six pairs of eyes were fixed on him intensely, with a fire in their gaze that Namjoon had surely never seen directed at him before. He felt uncomfortable in his seat, shifting slightly from side to side in an attempt to find comfort, bracing himself for the worst.
It seemed as if none of them really knew what they were meant to say, let alone how to say it. Was it truly so bad that they feared how he would respond? Had he truly lost them to such an extent that they didn't know how to communicate with him?
"So...?" Was that truly his voice? It sounded like that of a scared child, trembling with a slight shake as he spoke. The tremors revealed more about his state of mind than the actual words he uttered. "Is everything okay?"
He didn't know what he had expected. It wasn't the word vomit that Jungkook apparently could no longer hold back. His words were tumbling out so quickly that Namjoon was honestly shocked by his speed of speech. Perhaps they could still mold the younger man into a rapper. "We're sorry! We're all sorry! We didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel unappreciated! You've been so busy, and you look tired and sad, so we thought we could help you! We just wanted to help you the way you help us. Over the years, we've realized that you're always there for us, but we're not always there for you! And that's not fair! You're our leader, and we've been failing you and letting you down every single day, and half of us didn't even realize it, and the other half didn't know how to help! So, we decided to take action! But we didn't know how to tell you that we wanted to help, and we were also a little scared that you wouldn't accept our help! So, we decided to just start helping!" Jungkook's words began to accelerate, and Namjoon found it increasingly difficult to fully comprehend what was being said. The words blurred together, with each new one coming out before he could even finish processing the previous one. Jungkook's face turned red as if air had become a precious resource. "But we didn't help! We only made you feel worse! We made you think that we didn't want you, that there was any part of us capable of functioning without you as our leader, as if we wanted someone else, and that couldn't be further from the truth! There is no BTS without you as our leader! There is no 'us' without you! We love you! We are in love with you!" The last words caused Namjoon's mind to black out. There was no way he could have misheard what he just heard.
Jungkook had said many things, but the words ‘in love with you' where all Namjoon could focus on. It wasn't something he could have misunderstood or misinterpreted. It wasn't something Jungkook could have meant in just a friendly, brotherly way.
He said ‘ in love .’
He said that all of them were in love. He hadn't spoken only for himself but for all of them.
Namjoon's eyes darted rapidly between all of them. It was clear that Jungkook hadn't meant to say what he did. It seemed that he had become lost in his speech, causing the words to spill out unintentionally.
"I... what?" Namjoon truly felt lost as those were the only words he could muster.
His eyes grew more desperate as they frantically shifted between the others. He expected one of them to speak up, to say something. He anticipated disagreement or an argument claiming that Jungkook spoke only for himself. Perhaps they would suggest that Jungkook had been temporarily afflicted with a serious form of amnesia, causing him to utter things he didn't mean.
However, none of them acted as though they wanted Jungkook to retract his words. While they may not have expected it, they stood behind him. Their faces displayed worry, yet still held a glimmer of hope as they allowed Namjoon to process the spoken words.
"But you didn't want me as the leader anymore," he said. He would have to address the aspect of love later, as he couldn't even begin to understand what it meant. Alternatively, denial would be preferable.
Many of the members appeared to be in physical pain upon hearing his words. The tone in Seokjin's voice was softer than anything Namjoon had ever heard before. "It was a misunderstanding. Jungkook was right. We only wanted to help you, but we weren't very good at it. It turns out we really need you, not just in situations like this, but in general. We're sorry, Joonie. We can't apologize enough, and we can't fully explain just how much we messed up. We don't expect immediate forgiveness, and we understand if you can't forgive us, but we hope that one day you will be able to. Forgive us for making you feel as though you weren't the most important thing to us. For making you think that there could ever be a world of BTS without you as our leader."
Seokjin lowered his head slightly, almost like a bow, which created a strange and uncomfortable sensation in Namjoon's gut. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to unfold. "But he said..." Namjoon didn't manage to finish his sentence before Hoseok interrupted.
Speaking with the softest voice possible, Hoseok said, "We love you. We are in love with you. We don't know what that means or how to navigate it, but that is the truth. All of us... love you. You don't have to love us back. We can pretend we never said it if you prefer. We won't push it on you. But you need to know that we love you. You need to understand that we are in love with you. You need to know that we can't do this without you. We don't want to do this without you. You are our leader, our Namjoon, and we wouldn't have it any other way."
Taehyung added at the last moment, "We simply want to help you as much as you help us every day. It's not fair that you give everything for us while we give nothing in return."
Namjoon didn't know what he was supposed to say in response. This was everything he had ever dreamed of, but good things didn't happen to him, not like this. Their hopeful faces stared at him, as if expecting something. It was as if they knew what resided in Namjoon's heart, what he so desperately wished for.
"Is this a joke?" The words were barely above a whisper, but Namjoon couldn't stop himself. Part of him couldn't escape the fear that this was all a prank. Finally, exhaustion gave way to anger. It was easier for him to believe it was a joke than to trust that it was the truth. Moreover, it was even harder for him to believe that he was worthy of the emotions being displayed.
"It is, isn't it? First, you didn't want me as the leader, and I tried so hard to give you what you wanted. I tried my best to step down without showing how much it hurt. I tried to just accept it, to do what was right for everybody, always giving my best. And now you want to mock me for it? This is just cruel!" Namjoon wasn't yelling, although he wanted to. He longed for some form of outlet for the emotions trapped in his chest that he struggled to control. Instead, he spoke slowly, with a lower tone, ensuring that each of his words was understood.
He didn't know what he expected when he called them out. Maybe he anticipated their agreement, their laughter as if he had caught onto the joke, and for them to move on as if nothing had happened. But that was not what occurred.
For a brief moment, there was a pregnant pause before words exploded into the silence that Namjoon's anger had left behind.
Multiple members spoke simultaneously, seemingly desperate to ensure that Namjoon wasn't trapped in that mindset. They wanted to assure him that he was loved.
Seokjin's words of "Joonie, no! Never."
Mixed so perfectly with Jungkook's loud "But we love you!"
"Softer words spoken by Jimin," they reassured.
Hoseok and Taehyung's words, much softer and well-contained, were overshadowed by the three others who were nearly yelling. Only Yoongi remained silent as he looked at Namjoon with a sad expression in his eyes. Without saying anything, he got up from his chair and sat down next to Namjoon, placing his hand with the palm up between them.
This was something they used to do when they had just started as a group. Neither Yoongi nor Namjoon were skilled at expressing their feelings, so they would place their hands palm up, allowing them to accidentally hold hands without explicitly asking. Namjoon couldn't remember when they had last done it, nor why they had stopped.
The anger left him as quickly as it had entered. Yoongi's body heat warmed him as they sat next to each other. Slowly, still afraid that Yoongi would pull away, Namjoon placed his hand on top of the other man's, intertwining their fingers slowly.
Yoongi's voice was soft as he leaned more of his weight against Namjoon's shoulder. "We're sorry that it has come to a point where you can no longer trust our words. We'll do everything we can to earn that trust back." Namjoon opened his mouth to respond, but a gentle push of Yoongi's head against his shoulder kept him quiet. "You don't have to say anything. We messed up, and we'll make it better. I promise. We'll earn your trust again."
The rest of BTS gathered around him, coming as close as possible. Some sat on the ground, leaning against his leg, while others sat on the other side of him. Nobody said anything. There was nothing more to be said. They leaned against Namjoon, their faces filled with regret and guilt.
Things changed after that. Namjoon woke up on the floor, surrounded by mattresses pushed together and a combination of all the blankets in the dorm. Limbs were scattered around him as if none of them could bear the thought of not touching him. It was nice to wake up like that. It had been so long since they had done something similar, and Namjoon couldn't resist giving in to his body's desire. He closed his eyes again, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep while feeling warm and safe.
For the first time in a long while, he was able to sleep peacefully, free from nightmares or haunting thoughts.
It felt good.
And it only got better.
Namjoon hadn't expected anything to change. He thought it would be one good evening, and that's it. He didn't anticipate any real change, as things had become like this in the first place. There was no reason for him to believe he was lucky enough for things to change. That wasn't the kind of life he lived.
But he was wrong. Things did change, and they got better. The members were always quick to offer their help. Namjoon was never left alone to deal with things, but they no longer assumed responsibilities without talking to him. Instead, they made sure it was a group effort.
They would sit with Namjoon, even if it was just to sit with him. They would ask about his day, never in a judgmental way. They would give him hugs and hold his hand. Some of the bolder ones would even kiss his cheeks.
It made it difficult to ignore the feeling that had resided in Namjoon's chest for years. The word "love" never left his mind, not really.
He still wasn't sure if he could trust their words or the feelings behind them. However, it made it harder to ignore the feelings he had kept inside. It was easier to tell himself that they were childish dreams when he could convincingly believe that his own emotions were not reciprocated.
But those thoughts and feelings refused to leave Namjoon's mind. They spun around in his brain, buzzing like angry bees while his stomach fluttered like little butterflies.
Months passed, and nobody brought up the word "love" again, just as they promised. But it never faded. They didn't let Namjoon forget or believe it was a slip of the tongue. They always made it clear through their actions that they still felt it, that it was something they believed in. However, they wouldn't force it on Namjoon. They were content with him knowing that they loved him.
It was a form of unconditional love that Namjoon genuinely wasn't sure how to handle. It was something he had never experienced before, something he wasn't even sure he deserved.
But he wanted it.
These were feelings he had tried so hard to keep in. He had always thought those feelings were foolish. Maybe now, maybe... maybe it would be okay.
Namjoon still wasn’t sure how all of it would have to work, and they would probably have to talk about it, was this... a seven-way thing? Or seven individual relationships? How would that work? He had no idea, it was a question he had no answers to, and maybe that was okay. Just... maybe.
So he took a chance, gave into feelings that he wasn’t sure how to react to, and the next time one of them went to kiss his cheek, Jungkook this time, Namjoon pouted and asked in a soft voice “Why not kiss my lips instead?”