Chapter Text
Chapter 15
So Much More Than A Dream
Lan Wangji paused in surprise. He peered down. What disclosed was a hand piercing his chest, stained red by his gushing blood.
He felt heat, heat that mixed with cold as it penetrated deep into him.
Too deep.
Wen Ning pulled out the hand that he used to pierce through Lan Wangji's chest. Blood spattered from the wound.
The wound was not severe.
His face twitched in pain, who was he fooling?
No, he was still able to stand...
It was unreasonable even for Lan Wangji.
...However, his legs eventually gave out as he knelt on the ground, heavily collapsing afterward.
A voice so dear to him rings out in his ears, 'Lan Zhan!'
Wei Ying...
He can almost see her lips curl into a bright smile, from the sound of her voice alone. 'I finished writing the lyrics to the song you made especially for me and little A-Yuan!'
His A-Ying...
'I'll show it to you on A-Yuan's Third Birthday Celebration! Tell me what you think, then.'
The pain was agonizing, and the cold grew alongside the puddle of his own blood.
A voice warmed Lan Wangji's eyes, the voice was as tiny and delicate as a dandelion seed in the breeze, 'A-Yuan wants to play qin with Baba...'
A-Yuan...
'...will Baba allow him?'
His erzi, so young but already so perceptive son.
His vision blurred, whether from his tears -- he was not sure.
'I will.' He had replied to them before.
Lan Wangji has yet to return, and Wei Ying and A-Yuan are still waiting.
Waiting for him to go back to Cloud Recesses and celebrate A-Yuan's third birthday.
But now...
'Lan-er-gege!'
'Baba!'
...he no longer can, given that he had already lost too much blood. More than anything, his internal organs were gone.
He had no chance of survival.
Someone yelled in the distance, or close by? Lan Wangji could not say.
He can hear muffled sounds, possibly running or panicked dragging, but nothing else.
There is nothing but pain, all-encompassing pain that erupts in crashing waves, threatening to drown Lan Wangji with each breath.
His lungs feel extremely dry, almost too dr--
He had stopped breathing.
An incomparable ache pervades every inch of his now vulnerable body.
Cutting his damp skin.
Burning his worn out muscles.
And splitting his entire body apart.
Much like a collapsing tree, what slowly dispersed into the air was his consciousness.
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
There had been a series of knocks at his door asking for his attention.
Opening it, "Wangji." Lan Wangji was not surprised to see Xiongzhang standing there.
"What happened?"
Xiongzhang looked at the bruise on his left cheek with concern. It was Jiang Wanyin's trail after he had a disagreement with him about... Wei Ying.
A blow fell upon him as Jiang Wanyin screamed at him. Cursing his name. And yelling:
'You don't deserve someone as special as her!'
He was a storm of rage. Resentment. Vengeance. And his retaliatory blow was a thunderbolt directed at Lan Wangji.
'I'll fucking punch you to death!'
His forehead ribbon pressed against his head, feeling tighter and heavier than he had felt before, squeezing his mind as if to further imprint the rules he had always adhered obediently.
Do not say one thing and mean another.
Do not take advantage of your position to oppress others.
Do not insult people.
Be careful with your words.
Shufu was upset and enraged, 'Wangji is to be disciplined for breaking the rules.'
Lan Wangji saluted Shufu and proceeded to the Cloud Recesses to receive his punishment, kneeling in silence for a day.
Afterward, he shut himself away in his Jingshi, forcing himself to do handstands and copying the rules repeatedly.
"I had stepped out of the line." was Lan Wangji's response, his eyes downcast, guilty of what had transpired.
Lan Wangji is certain Xiongzhang was already aware of the situation. He was simply asking to hear the situation from his own brother's point of view, as it was still different when the person involved (in the commotion) spoke.
'Wei Ying, you know what? You are a real nuisance.'
Lan Wangji went on to say, "My actions will never be justified."
The punch he had received from Jiang Wanyin was an eye-opener to him. Of how awfully he had treated Wei Ying. Even when she was just trying to be friendly and approach him.
Even if everyone said Lan Wangji was flawless, respectful, and dignified, they would be afraid of him and keep their distance.
But then there was Wei Ying...
She was radiantly beautiful, glowing with such zeal that she embodied the frivolous peach blossoms that flowed away down the river.
'Wangji-xiong!' She waves her hand, enthusiastically.
This cheerful girl who did the opposite -- he never left Lan Wangji alone.
'Lan Zhan, let's be friends, yeah?'
Not until now.
She teased him relentlessly, as Lan Wangji's Muqin used to do.
'I'm always very loyal to my friends -- any freshly procured erotica, I will assuredly show to you first... hey, come back! It's nothing if you don't want to look.'
She irritated him.
She made him angry.
She made him 'feel'.
Xiongzhang said, gently patting his shoulder. "Wangji was also just a teenage boy grappling with his feelings."
Lan Wangji averted his gaze.
'Lan Zhan, let's launch a lantern and pray together for the sake of our shared life and death!'
Wei Ying was someone who went against what he was taught was 'good'. And, not to mention, he assumed Wei Ying did not like him like that, so he acted dismissively.
Which... he regretted deeply.
"I know you wanted to apologize to Wei-guniang."
"..."
He read him so effortlessly.
"As a token of apology, why not you go all the way to Caiyi to buy loquats for her?"
"Loquats?" He wondered aloud.
Xiongzhang nods, reassuringly, "It is a good apology gift. And Wangji knew Wei-guniang would like it."
'Jiejie, how much for half a kilo of loquats?'
Wei Ying was calm and easygoing, casting flirtatious glances to both sides of the shore.
'Li'l lassie, no need for ya to pay.' A woman beamed while tipping her bamboo hat. 'How's about I give it to ya free?'
Wei Ying cupped her hands in courtesy. 'Of course I'd want them if they're a gift from Jiejie!'
The woman reached into her basket. Out flew a marvelously round, golden loquat. 'No need for that kinda courtesy, it's for that beautiful face a' yours!'
The boats sped up. They swept past each other when they met. Wei Ying laughed as she spun around and caught the fruit without fail. 'Jiejie is the more beautiful one!'
Lan Wangji would strongly disagree.
No one can compare to Wei Ying's beauty.
Lan Wangji could not help but glare forward as Wei Ying boasted and flirted on the side, trying hard not to see her through his peripheral vision 'again'.
Had Lan Wangji not been so dignified, he would have rolled his eyes.
All of a sudden, Wei Ying pointed at Lan Wangji. 'Jiejie, do you think he's handsome?'
Lan Wangji had never expected he would be dragged into this.
'...'
Was she that bored?
That she would use Lan Wangji to amuse herself?
Just as he was at a loss for how to respond, the women on the river all shouted in unison: 'Very handsome!'
There was even snickering from men mixed in.
Wei Ying asked, 'Who will gift him one too, then?'
'...'
'If you only give me one and not him, I'm afraid he'll turn into a big ol' sourpuss about it when we get back!'
Lan Wangji perceived heat creep up his ear.
She...
His hands were clenched around the fabric of his robes.
She is too shameless!
Chirping laughter rang out across the river. 'Okay, okay, okay, we'll gift ya two.' Another woman came poling over. 'Take mine. Catch, li'l lassie!'
With a second loquat captured in hand, 'Jiejie is both beautiful and kind.' Wei Ying exclaims, carving a grin that unveils her pearly white teeth. 'I'll buy an entire basket the next time I'm here!'
The woman's tone was clear and sonorous, and she was more courageous than the previous. 'Tell him to come, too.' She motioned a finger at Lan Wangji. 'Come buy the loquats together!'
Wei Ying brought the loquat to the level of Lan Wangji's eyes.
Lan Wangji continued to stare squarely at the boat's bow. 'Take it away.'
Pouting, Wei Ying took it away.
'I knew you wouldn't want it. So, I wasn't gonna give it to you in the first place...'
She was upset.
Immediately, Lan Wangji opened his mouth. 'Wei--'
Just as when Lan Wangji had changed mind, Wei Ying hollered:
'Jiang Cheng! Catch!'
Jiang Wanyin happened to be speeding by on another small boat, and he catches the loquat with only one hand. A smile surfaced on his lips, but he quickly humphed.
'Were you strutting around, flirting with everyone and everything?'
Wei Ying preened. 'Get out of here!'
Then, she pivoted her head at a male disciple on a different sampan, 'By the way, you're from Gusu -- you know how to speak the dialect, right? Please teach this one, how do you tell someone off in the Gusu Dialect?'
Lan Wangji threw them a single glance, he thought it was frivolous.
The disciple answered, to which Wei Ying used such an answer to Jiang Wanyin, the latter rolled his eyes in response. Then, she asks, 'How about 'Gege'? How do you say 'Gege' in the Gusu Dialect?'
The disciple answers, curtly, 'Dada.'
She saluted, grateful, 'Thanks!'
'Lan Zhan, I have a question!' She raised an arm in an attempt to attract his attention.
You have him already.
'Is 'Gege' in Gusu Dialect called 'Dada'? You must have called someone that when you were young!'
He had, in fact, called Xiongzhang 'Dada' when he was younger.
But why would he tell her that?
She grinned, 'Dada?'
When he heard this, his heart thumped the hardest.
She...
Lan Wangji thought, (almost) admittedly:
She is adorable.
Wei Ying stumbled over the word: 'Da-da.'
She giggled, her giggle was a stone bouncing across a gleaming river, causing ripples of mirth where none had previously existed.
'You must have said it once! Let me hear it!' She insisted.
Lan Wanji denied it, pulling down the escaping small curve in his lips, 'I did not.'
Lying is prohibited.
'Dada?
Da-da?
Dada!
Lan-er-dada.'
'...'
That utterance was all gold, it sparkled so.
'How's that? Am I saying it right?'
Her words burst forth like a million petals in the warm sunlight.
'You are wrong, it is...' Lan Wangji swept his sleeve, he turns around in denial. 'Humph, boring.'
Ultimately, he declared something that took Wei Ying by surprise.
'Pathetic.' He said it in Gusu Dialect, before boarding a different boat.
She was silent.
'...'
He glanced back.
From behind him, Wei Ying's silver irises were lustrous. Her cheeks flushed, and she smiled widely...
She dramatized, very much satiated with that single word by itself, 'The Gusu Dialect was supple and soft, refreshing and sweet. Melodic sentiment trilled from the speaker's lips, while honey filled the listener's ears.'
...Her reaction in Caiyi Town was closely similar to how she was now.
Eyes shining.
Cheeks blushing.
Smile growing.
Most notably, she was taken aback.
Wei Ying stuttered, "F-For me..." staring at the basket of loquats.
She did not even pose it as a question. It was a statement.
He confessed, "I am sorry."
The bruise Jiang Wanyin inflicted on him had already been healed, thanks to his strong core. But he could still feel the phantom throb of his fist which pounded on his face, and hear the reverberations of his indignation.
"Ah, there's no need, there's no need! You just told me the truth--"
"I am sorry." He repeated, in all seriousness.
"..."
"No, I'm sorry." Wei Ying replies on the contrary, "I'm annoying. I don't think anything you said was wrong in the least."
Wei Ying shook her head, her smile clearly strained now.
"All I did was come to your Cloud Recesses, break the rules, which is an insult to the host, and show such pornography books.
If I were in your shoes, I would've been much harsher. To be honest, I really think you've been very kind with words."
The smile broke this time, falling completely, before Wei Ying immediately picked it up again.
"Thank you for the loquats! You didn't have to go this far."
For Wei Ying...
'You didn't have to go this far.'
...he would make all sacrifices.
Talking to Wei Ying and asking of her for forgiveness was not without difficulty.
Every time he tried, Jiang-guniang would catch him and block his attempts unquestionably.
When he was walking towards their group (once, twice, thrice... many times), Jiang-guniang would always make an excuse to divert Wei Ying's attention. And so, each time, they took the other direction.
Jiang-guniang clung to Wei Ying like that of a shadow. Wei Ying was never alone.
Just like right now.
Lan Wangji offered, "You can also share these with them."
And by 'them', he meant, Nie-gongzi, Jin-gongzi, and Jiang-guniang, all were standing three meters away from Lan Wangji and Wei Ying.
"Oh, thank you, Lan-er-gongzi, you're so thoughtful." Jiang-guniang says, but her appearance belied her sentence.
Her pupils shone an ominous glint, her smile was anything but kind.
Lan Wangji was fortunate today, as Jiang-guniang allowed him to speak with Wei Ying.
Or that, Wei Ying had took notice of his attempts to approach her. Thus, she asked Jiang-guniang if she and Lan Wangji could talk (at least for a minute or two), but her request was also denied.
Perhaps Jiang-guniang caved in due to Wei Ying's persistence, or perhaps she felt pity for Lan Wangji, and just granted the request.
Lan Wangji's assumptions were just that.
He was not sure when (when, exactly?), but his eyes always looked for Wei Ying.
And every time he looked at her, she would return his gaze, willingly (or not). They would stay that way for a while, staring without pause, until he felt Jiang-guniang's stabbing, sharp glare on his back. Consequently, he would reroute his sight upfront.
Lan Wangji knew Jiang-guniang had taken a dislike to him, Jiang Wanyin even more so. However, he would go out of his way to be on their good side.
He hoped so.
His ribbon fluttered loose, white blinded his vision.
He was in a trance.
"Lan..."
Lan Wangji tightens his grip on his longbow as he stands as still as a statue. He felt splinters in his hand, soon after. Wei Ying stood rooted behind him, startled and seemingly confused, the forehead ribbon still in her hold.
"Zhan...?"
Concentrating on the air that was rushing down his throat, he reminded himself to breathe. His heart pounded relentlessly against his ribcage, to the point of almost hurting. His blood erupted through his veins, consuming him from within.
Wei Ying's lips were moving, she was still talking to him, but his ears felt like they were full of cotton.
He could not understand everything she said, as his focus was drawn elsewhere.
She is a whole lot of beauty, with a fair face and a lively side to her demeanor.
She wore a red round-collar robe with sleeves that had tight openings, and a belt of nine golden rings -- all the juniors who attended the Qishan Discussion Conference wore this as their standard outfit. On her, it looked exceptionally exquisite.
The lines that defined her waist and back were seamless. Truly, she is beautiful, possessing a certain dash of verve and ardor.
His line of sight shifted, unintentionally.
He tried not to think about how pink her lips were despite being chapped.
He...
His mouth was parched.
Then something unpleasant churned in his stomach. He recalls the lecherous smirk distorting Wen Chao's face, filthy eyes roaming over Wei Ying's form.
'The beauty of Jiang-zongzhu's ward surprised me. How could he permit such a magnificent flower as you to compete among men?'
Lan Wangji grabbed his forehead ribbon, mistakenly pulling it roughly from her grasp.
He needed to get out of the range before he did something he would later regret.
He stormed off, without saying a word.
"Lan-er-gongzi."
Wei Ying slowed down her steps until she was beside Lan Wangji.
"What happened to your leg?"
The smell of suffocating smoke. Panicked outbursts, and battle clashes, layered over by a dreadful constant of crackling aflame wood.
'Wangji!'
Slam!
Sword in hand, Shufu emerged on the other side of his Jingshi's door, his white robes gray from ash and debris. Xiongzhang stood behind him...
He was disoriented.
His eyes wide.
Sooted face.
Charred robes.
Blood trickling down his sword.
'We must leave.' Shufu demanded. 'Hurry!'
He handed him a qiankun pouch, thrusting it into his shell-shocked hands.
Lan Wangji questions, gasping, 'What is happening?' frantically putting on his outer robe.
The Wens.
They attacked Cloud Recesses.
They have gotten past the barrier, and now...
Lan Wangji's heart decelerates to an abrupt stop, his veins becoming cold.
The Library Pavilion.
"Nothing." Lan Wangji looked straight ahead, trying valiantly to appear unbothered by his leg injury.
Despair and anguish come too soon.
Flames, grief, a broken home.
Sorrow and pain has grown.
Wei Ying was persistent. "Is your leg really fine?"
Lan Wangji responded, lips thin but determined. "Yes."
Wei Ying was completely unconvinced. "Don't force yourself if it's not fine. Is your leg hurt or broken? When did it happen?" She swerved around and walked backwards. She seemed to want to find Lan Wangji's eyes.
Do not look at him in that tone of voice.
She offered, a kind person that she is: "How about I carry you on my back?"
Do not speak to him.
"Besides, we're good friends, aren't we?"
Leave him alone.
He shrugged her off.
"Do you treat everyone with such levity?"
Lan Wangji 'cannot' show weakness.
"How impudent."
Lan Wangji needed to be tough. Strong. To survive.
'Fuqin is dying... Xiongzhang has been missing...'
He must exert control over all negative emotions, as they are counterproductive and waste time.
"Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan!"
It was a pleasant voice. It was warm, with a rounded feel, identical to a blanket wrapping him or covering him.
He wishes it were not so far away.
"Don't sleep!"
A visage sculpted from the Heavens hovered in front of his eyes, strong hands grabbing hold of his stiff shoulders.
In her lap, there laid his head.
Although he was drenched in fatigue and had excruciating body, and headaches, seeing her when he awoke...
Was worth it.
They did it.
They succeeded.
The three of them battled the foe with swings and strings to prevail.
And they survived, despite all.
She remarked, brushing away the damp hair strands that were hanging to his forehead. "I'm so bored. Lan Zhan, let's chat. You can start."
She was trying to keep him from falling asleep. She did not want him to sleep... yet. She 'cannot' let him sleep, Lan Wangji observed.
No, not at this time.
"Chat with Jiang Wanyin."
He regretted the words the second they left his lips, the statement that was never meant to be said.
Jiang Wanyin and Wei Ying are... in any case, closer. Jiang Wanyin was the one with whom she preferred to converse, given with the exchanges they had earlier.
Lan Wangji convinces himself he does not care (they are only sworn siblings, there are no romantic feelings, he tells himself).
He seemed so bitter, however -- why?
No, not at all. Because Lan Wangji came off as 'petty'.
At once, he dismissed the thoughts...
In a weak and petulant conduct, Wei Ying griped. "I made attempts, guess what? He kicked me several times. Lan Zhan, let's talk."
...And were replaced with another:
It feels quiet.
Lan Wangji has always been composed and centered. Not until he met such a rowdy woman. However, when she is around, he has felt a stronger sense of security. And he had never before felt as though his life was lacking something.
Wei Ying.
'I like her.'
At this very moment, Lan Wangji thought she is his 'compass', his direction through life.
Wei Ying...
With her, he feels like he is always home, regardless of where he happens to be.
"Lan Zhan! Wake up!"
...She is his soulmate.
"Then you..." He blinked, tiredly, "play me a song to keep me awake."
"..."
After a brief period of silence, a sweet, soothing voice could be heard echoing throughout the enormous Xuanwu Cave.
Wei Ying was humming.
Regardless of the damp garments clinging to his skin, warmth radiated from within him.
Hearing such a song provided him hope, even though he might have been in delirium due to a fever, or from accidentally drinking water polluted with monster blood.
"What is the name of that song?"
"'Baby'."
He soaked in her majestic features, before being drained into an unconscious oblivion.
With the recent fall of Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji was preoccupied with the rebuild. Piece by piece, he worked to pull the clan back together.
At once there began a flash mob of rain, tap-dancing upon roofs and concrete paths the same.
The air was a tense swirl of drips, wind-freed from gravity.
"Wangji."
Lan Wangji was lighting a candle stump held by a hatch hanger when he heard his name from a respectable figure inside Ancestral Hall.
He showed courtesy by cupping his hands, bowing. "Shugong."
On the other side of the hall, a wizened visage peered out. His long hair, and goatee were white. His eyes were so deeply lidded and burdened down with wrinkled folds that it seemed almost as if he were speaking to someone asleep, yet he was quite alert. His delivery was robust, and clearly, upper-class.
"I heard that you have sent disciples to Yunmeng and Meishan days ago to search for late Jiang Clan Leader's orphans, and senior disciple."
Lan Wangji confirmed with a nod, "I did."
"Wangji, this time Qishan Wen Clan took brutal measures to exterminate Yunmeng Jiang Clan overnight. They even put bounties on the heads of the three remaining junior members right away, sparing no effort to root them out. Do you understand why?" Shugong's forehead creased, it told of worries present.
Lan Wangji knew this.
He understood.
"I do."
Though his heart was in silent trepidation.
"If you understand, then why did you send help to Yunmeng and drew fire upon ourselves? The reason that Qishan Wen Clan put on a massive show of force is to assert its indisputable position as the head of the Cultivation World."
Those who comply will thrive, and those who defy will perish.
"The other cultivation clans have kept their distances so far. Our Gusu Lan Clan, having already taken a serious blow, should in particular keep a low profile and build our strength."
"Shugong." Lan Wangji held his chin high, "Cultivation Clans are interdependent. If one falls, the others will be in danger. It is, especially in such a time, that we should unite and resist."
"Resist? Qishan Wen Clan is so overpowering that it cannot be easily challenged. Whoever takes the lead will bear the brunt of Wen Ruohan's retribution. The Cloud Recesses is the legacy that our ancestors have built with hundreds of years of efforts. How could it be destroyed on our watch?"
Lan Wangji stood firm with his ground, "In a great disaster, no one can escape unscathed. Someone has to take the lead."
"You are such a stubborn child!" His faded light, wrinkled skin crumpled into a frown.
His gaze relocated when noticing someone else's presence, then, "Qiren, you came at a good timing. Quick. Talk some sense into Wangji."
With hands clasped, Shufu bent his upper body for a slight bow, "Shufu, I believe that Wangji had said nothing wrong."
Having been taking Lan Wangji's side, Shugong raised his voice in disappointment, "You!"
"In a great disaster, no one can escape unscathed." Shufu reiterated Lan Wangji's prior assertion, "In this calamity, all cultivation clans should join forces and tide over the hard times together. I will set out for Qinghe tomorrow."
A sigh.
"You...!"
A shake of a head before Shugong left.
Lan Wangji saluted, the action held great gravity.
Shufu states as he stroked his goatee, "Your Shugong is just worried about our clan's inheritance and safety."
Lan Wangji replied, in his tone was understanding, "I understand."
"Is there any news about Xichen?"
He shakes his head.
"No news is good news. Xichen is resourceful. He will definitely avert perils."
Lan Wangji agreed.
He has faith in Xiongzhang.
"What about the kids of Yunmeng Jiang Clan?"
Lan Wangji inhaled deeply.
"Our men searched for them everywhere, but failed to find them."
They are still missing.
Riji Entry 001:
'It hurt. Shit. It really hurt.
Blood continuously poured from my mouth, and I was dizzy enough to vomit. I kept struggling to breathe.
My ribs were broken. My meridians burned. My core screamed.
And -- 'it' disappeared. My golden core was my treasure, I value it so, so much, but there isn't any time for me to grieve its loss.
I have no time to 'grieve' for 'myself'.
My vision blurred. But I kept myself conscious. I had to. We have to escape. Or we'll be added to the pile of corpses.
My shidis... my shimeis...
I'm sorry.
Yu-furen... Jiang-shushu...
I'm sorry.
Jiang Cheng... Shijie...
I'm sorry.
You didn't deserve all this.
Yu-furen was right... everything is my fault! I brought the Jiang Clan to ruins!
I was a fool.
Idiot.
Stupid.
Careless!
All I've done is bring trouble to myself. And caused the people around me to suffer.
Because. Of. Me!
Me!
In the end, I failed horribly! The only person at fault is me!
It's all on me, and only me...
I couldn't help but always whisper...
'I'm sorry.''
Lan Wangji took a long breath in and did so inaudibly. Behind his eyes, a wet sensation began to burn. He tightened the hand he held on Wei Ying's notebook.
He could almost picture Wei Ying writing this particular entry -- tears streaming down her face and into the page, blurring the words that covered it.
He wanted to comfort her. To brush his thumbs against Wei Ying's cheeks, and tell her it was not her fault...
Lan Wangji wrote down, below Wei Ying's wild, cursive texts:
'Wei Ying, you never intended for that to happen. I know. You did your best.'
Lan Wangji thought that her spiritual powers were somehow impaired.
But to think this was the truth...
Lan Wangji felt his lips curl back over his teeth.
Wei Ying carried and used Suibian no more. Not because of any young hubris, as some people believe. Not because she was rude or unruly, either.
It was because carrying it would be pointless. It was only because... there would undoubtedly be requests for duels if she brought her sword to those banquets and Night Hunts for any reason. And she, devoid of golden core, was deprived of spiritual energy. If she wielded her sword, she would not be able to endure long at all!
The burning behind Lan Wangji's eyes was becoming...
Unbearable.
Riji Entry 008:
'Why did Jiang Cheng have to be the one sacrificing...?
Why had it to be Shijie in agony...?
Why must they go through this?
Why must 'I' go through this?! To see my siblings in such a sorry state.
Shijie hadn't eaten or slept. Jiang Cheng behaved the same. It's like being dead but still conscious.
Alive or... just breathing?
I realized today that I had stopped living my life. I'm honestly just... 'trying' to get to the next day, 'live' in the thought of tomorrow.
I'm not 'living'.
I'm 'waiting'.
And the problem is that, I'm not sure, exactly, what I'm waiting for. I'm a little... afraid of what it could be.
Night arrived, and I could say it was one of the 'worst nights' of my life.
I don't like this.
Hell, I hate the damned idea!
But Jiang Cheng said it was the only way. There are no other options. It's either this or nothing.
It's painful...
I'm not the one who'd be going through the Golden Core Transfer. But I know how it felt to have your core...
Core...
It's... it's just... too painful.
Even worse, when Jiang Cheng was debating giving his golden core, he even gave me some thought.
And it's just plain stupid. Absurd! Why should he? It's self-evident that he should give it to Shijie! Shijie's in desperate need of it. She will be the leader of our Jiang Clan. For that reason, he'd better pick her!
My heart was aching even more.
Even more so when I found out that Jiang Cheng had to... 'stay awake' for his operation.
I was, I was hoping Wen Qing would find a solution.
But... no.
He has to be awake, Wen Qing said. He had to watch as the golden core that was linked to his spiritual passageways was ripped away from his body.
He had to experience the slow repression, sedation, and settlement of his once-surging spiritual powers, all the way 'til they became a pool of lifeless water.
Never to rise again.
Two nights and one day.
He had to be 'constantly' awake.
And the odds are... about half.
This is when I finally understood why Jiang Cheng would always display intense rage toward some things I did (before this). Why he'd always say I had a 'Hero Complex'. Why he'd always look like he wants to beat me up.
Seeing others accept responsibility no matter what, insist on enduring all the ugly repercussions, and be unable to be stopped at all -- it was the utmost despicable feeling!
Why did it have to be my shidi?!
Why did he have to experience such things?!
Why... why... why...!
Why should it have to be my siblings...?'
Lan Wangji swallowed the lump in his throat.
It was as if he were watching all of this. He was standing there, powerless to intervene.
All in a whisper, sending a prayer, 'I wish I was there with you.'
Every word, every paragraph of her Riji Entry stabbed him to the bone. And it gets worse, each entry more heart-wrenching than the last. In those, Lan Wangji had left notes.
'I wish I could be there with you to wash your wounds with my tears.'
'I wish I could be there with you to make your worries wrapped in my arms.'
'I wish I could be there just to let you know I will stay, regardless of time, distance, or differences.'
Lan Wangji had picked up this notebook by chance at one of Koi Tower's Discussion Conferences.
It was night then, when the banquet ended. The Discussion Forum would formally start the following morning. Slowly, the crowd exited the hall in groups of two and three, headed toward the guest chambers directed by the Jin Disciples.
"San-ge," A person threw himself over Jin Guangyao, wailing, "San-ge!"
Jin Guangyao nearly stepped back from the force. With one hand, he hurriedly adjusted his cap. "Huaisang, what's wrong? Let's calm down first."
Walking down the corridor, one of the guests began to chatter. "Such an unbecoming sect heir could only be the Qinghe Nie Clan's Head Shaker. And, of course, the drunk Head Shaker was even more unbecoming."
That guest was downright ignored, his opinion was deemed 'unimportant'.
With a ruddy complexion, Nie-gongzi lamented, refusing to let go, "Oh, San-ge! What do I do?!"
From one of his sleeves fell a well-used red notebook, landing in proximity to Lan Wangji.
Lan Wangji glanced at it, as did Jin Guangyao (the man seemed uninterested, it most certainly happened several times, and what hid in the notebook were Nie-gongzi's art compilations), but Nie-gongzi drew their attention back. "Can you help me again?"
Jin Guangyao apprised, "Huaisang, your notebook fell--"
Nie-gongzi promised, almost hysterically, "I swear that this is the last time!"
Jin Guangyao asks, patiently, "Wasn't last time's situation dealt with by the people I found you?"
The notebook lay on the floor, pitifully disregarded. And so, Lan Wangji took it, intending to return it to Nie-gongzi, but the latter exclaimed once more: "Last time's situation was done, but this time, there's a new situation!"
Nie-gongzi completely ignored Lan Wangji's act of service...
"San-ge, what should I do?! I don't want to live anymore!"
...It felt like, it was 'not' done so fortuitously.
Looking at how it seemed like something few words could not explain, Jin Guangyao could only turn to Lan Wangji, "Hanguang-jun, thank you for picking up Huaisang's notebook, I will return it to him once he is sober--"
"Notebook?" Nie-gongzi interposed himself between their conversation. "Oh, I was supposed to throw that away! I'm not happy with my sketches there. I don't need it anymore! Hanguang-jun, could you please throw it away for me? Thank you very much!"
Then, he gazed toward Jin Guangyao, he whines. "San-ge!"
"Huaisang, let's find a place to sit. There's no need to rush..."
He began walking outside, with Nie-gongzi leaning against him. When Xiongzhang arrived to see what was going on, he was pulled along by the drunken Nie-gongzi.
Suddenly, Mianmian approached Lan Wangji.
She greeted him. "Hanguang-jun."
Lan Wangji reciprocated the gesture.
"I will get straight to the point. I hope Hanguang-jun will read the contents of the notebook as soon as possible. Otherwise, Wei-guniang will notice something is... amiss."
In response, Lan Wangji's brows furrowed, "Wei Ying?"
She spoke softly, her gaze pulled to the object in Lan Wangji's hand, "That is Wei-guniang's diary. We took it without her knowledge--"
Lan Wangji found this very improper.
"That is a wrongful conduct."
His brows furrowed even more.
"A violation of--"
"Privacy." Mianmian cut in, her countenance conveyed obvious remorse, "I know. I am also guilty. Nie-gongzi, too. But we're doing this for Wei-guniang's happy ending. Sure, she'll flare up in fury. However--"
She bowed with utmost respect, "Please read it, and I request that Hanguang-jun will keep this a secret."
Riji Entry 126:
'I've always dreamed that my life could be like a Fairy Tale, a perfect fantasy. Every day a new adventure on some undiscovered shore, was it nothing more than a dream?
Then, one magic night, with a single dance, I found more than just a storybook romance. And for once, my life was perfect as we glided across the roof, and it was so much more... so much more than a dream.
I could say it never happened, just a dream from the start, but then I'd live my life... with a broken heart.
I love Lan Zhan.
I love him more than words could describe.
He loves me, too.
So why wouldn't we be together?
But... if being together would only stain his name, why would I still pursue him?
My reputation couldn't be any worse.
Arrogant.
Lacking discipline.
Just because I don't bring Suibian wherever I go.
Troublemaker -- he knew I was no good, yet he still... had to 'love' me.
Do I deserve him?
His love... his light...
Do I deserve them?'
"I'm anxious... I'm such a mess... I'm an 'anxious mess' all the time."
Lan Wangji hugged Wei Ying even more closely, listening to her troubles intently.
She let out a choked sob as she wept into Lan Wangji. "In my head, there's a constant dialogue that never stops reminding me of all my mistakes, all the things I still need to do, and all the things I'm not doing... well enough."
Lan Wangji rubbed circles on her back.
"I, I've reached a point where I don't recognize myself anymore, and I'm always... always... on the verge of collapsing. I think I'm going insane! And if my mind is an ocean, my thoughts are a tidal wave.
I'm having trouble sleeping.
I'm having difficulty concentrating.
I can't even think clearly!
I'm coming apart at the seams and, and, it scares me."
Wei Ying has been through a lot. Alone. This time, Lan Wangji will never make her 'feel alone', especially when he is by her side.
"I can only imagine your pain and grief, Wei Ying. I wish I was there..."
She sobbed heartbreakingly, her shoulders trembling with the force of her emotions.
"I will help you with everything now, Wei Ying."
He broke the embrace to link their gaze, "You do not have to be alone because you have me."
He kissed her forehead, hoping it would somewhat relieve her anguish. "I will make anything happen for you."
Lan Wangji feels and thinks much as you do, cares about many of the same things you do, although most people do not care about them.
Wei Ying, you are not alone.
Lan Wangji is here.
"Lan Zhan."
Her tears fell like a steady stream, leaving wet trails down her cheeks.
"Mn."
He wiped them away with his thumbs.
"You've read my entry about my 'dream', right?"
"Yes."
"I'll insert another passage, but this time I'll tell it to you directly."
Wei Ying filled the spaces between his fingers, her fingers precisely fitting his.
"In your arms, I've found a love I can't deny. If there's any chance to set things right, I've simply got to try.
So, I'll trust my heart, what else can I do?
I can't live in dreams if my dreams are to come true.
There's a better life that's waiting, past the mountains I must climb.
I will take a chance on love to get my once upon a time."
Two pairs of eyes... one pair of amber, and one pair of silver, glinting with reflected afternoon sunlight. A heartbeat away from thin lips.
No distance at all.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Her face inched to his in slow motion, akin to a dream... it blurred, it disappeared... as he perceived her hot mouth over his.
In her kiss is the promise of years, and holds the tenderness of longing for true love.
"Oh, I want so much more... so much more than a dream."
Lan Wangji married Wei Ying in front of her family and the Lan Clan Elders.
They were dressed in crimson wedding robes, with each golden thread symbolizing the joy of the occasion.
The crowd smiled as Lan Wangji and Wei Ying bowed to Heaven and Earth, to their deceased parents's tablets, and then to one another.
Their wrists were bound in crimson silk, uniting them as a fated and loving couple.
'Do you truly love her?' Shufu asked.
It was an unexpected question, but Lan Wangji answered right away:
'I do.'
They had this talk once he returned home from defeating the Xuanwu of Slaughter.
Shufu sighed.
'Fate is rarely kind to love. Guard your heart well, Wangji. You have already given it to Wei Ying. Keep it intact -- if it breaks, your regrets will cut her just as deeply as its fragments.'
Applause.
Applause.
Applause.
"I married the man I love. And felt what it's like to be married..." Wei Ying said through the veil, just loud enough for the two of them to hear, "and now, I'm excited to know how it feels to start a family with him."
Wei Ying's agonizing cries reverberated throughout the Birthing Room.
His heart wrenched with each cry he heard, Wei Ying's pain tore Lan Wangji to his very core.
Here was the person he loved most in the world, undergoing this horrendous pain and distress, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to alleviate it for her.
Wei Ying's face alternated between bright red and bone white from one moment to the next. Her grip on Lan Wangji's hand is so strong that he can actually feel his bones shifting beneath his flesh, but he bears the crushing pain.
Because this pain pales in comparison to Wei Ying's.
Using a clean cloth, he wipes the sweat from her brow with his free hand, attempting to provide as much comfort as he can.
The Healer speaks up, then. "The little one is almost here, Lan-er-furen, just a little bit more."
Once more, Wei Ying yelled through gritted teeth, her forehead dripping with (never-ending) sweat and her cheeks flushed scarlet.
Lan Wangji is so focused wiping the sweat from her brow, so concerned with attempting to comfort her, that he misses Wei Ying's body relaxing minutely until a baby's cries shatter the abrupt stillness.
Lan Wangji turns toward the Healer, who is cradling a baby boy in her arms, naked and soiled from birth.
Tears welled up in his eyes.
"Lan Zhan..."
Lan Wangji relocated his sight from the bawling child and toward Wei Ying.
Her eyes were tight shut. Her skin was pallid. Clammy. And the bedsheets had a deep red stain. Between Wei Ying's spread knees stood the Healer (at the edge of the bed), obscuring her bottom half from view. However, the smell of blood gushing from her body was perceivable to Lan Wangji.
His heart began to race, suddenly.
"She's bleeding more than is customary. The labor was hard on her body." The Healer explained, "I need space to work. Lan-er-gongzi, you must leave!"
Taking his infant son with him, "Wei Ying..." Lan Wangji muttered, hesitantly. "will she be alright?"
Solemnly, the Healer replied, "If I can't stop her bleeding, she'll die."
"Wei Ying."
His voice wavered ever so slightly.
"Lan Zhan."
Leaning against the headboard, Wei Ying sat up. She was clad in a single layer of clean white sleeping robes, the material being thin and embroidered with delicate blue lacing. Her hair flowed wild down her back. The strands cascade over her shoulders as she moved her attention downwards to the tiny bundle nestled in Lan Wangji's arms, enveloped in soft blankets woven with Gusu Lan Clouds.
Wei Ying extended out her hands, and took her son from Lan Wangji, holding him close to her bosom.
She hums, her eyes half-lidded from sleep. "Lan Yuan."
Honest.
Hope.
Desire.
A half-smile dawned on her visage. "It's really a beautiful name, Lan Zhan."
The child had fluffy black hair and wide amber eyes that matched Lan Wangji's distinctive tint.
In the eyes of the newborn is all of Lan Wangji, the person he was born as before culture had its say. The gaze, love, given and received, all of them have purity. And he understands in that instant, without a word said inwardly or from his lips, that he loves this baby and every other.
It is natural.
And if someone came to harm his son, he would protect him with his life if necessary. And that, right there, in those infant eyes and every other, is his truth.
A-Yuan mewls softly, without warning.
"A-Yuan, you're hungry, aren't you?" Wei Ying soothes. "Don't worry, A-Niang will now feed you." She relayed as she breastfed him.
In the days Wei Ying was asleep, Lan Wangji had been supplementing A-Yuan with animal milk, as another Healer had instructed, but it was insufficient for a newborn.
Wei Ying awoke just in time.
"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji sat next to her, "we were afraid you would not wake up."
His tone was tinged with despair, recalling that particular 'day'.
A-Yuan came into their life.
He is a blessing.
But Wei Ying almost 'died'.
That thought hurt him with such profundity.
"You lost too much blood during the delivery and without a golden core to help you heal. I do not know what I would do if I could not keep you with us."
'What would I do without you, when I am who I am because of you?'
"Aiya, Lan Zhan, of course I'll wake up! I've carried A-Yuan for nine months..."
Wei Ying watched A-Yuan.
A-Yuan was firmly cradled in her left arm, his mouth latching onto Wei Ying's exposed chest as he consumed his breakfast.
Wei Ying groaned, possibly from discomfort from the unfamiliar feeling of their son's suckling, which was something she was not yet accustomed to.
"...I'd be mad at myself if I hadn't seen my son after all that suffering -- oh, of course, when I don't see my Big Cabbage Lan Zhan, too!"
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji promised, sincerely, "I will not let you go through that pain again. A-Yuan is enough."
"Hmm," Wei Ying riveted her eyes on him, as though she was looking for something. "are you sure?"
He was very much certain.
"Mn."
"If it's you, I could bear anything, Lan Zhan." She offered in earnest. "You know, I have a high pain tolerance--"
"Wei Ying. You have been out for three days. Those days were too painful for us. For me..."
At this time, A-Yuan was full and had finished breastfeeding, Wei Ying adjusted her robe, and sat A-Yuan on her lap, supporting his chin and chest with one hand, while gently rubbing his little back with her other hand.
Wei Ying said as she did: "Aiyo, Lan Zhan's so serious."
Lan Wangji diverted his sight, tears prickling his eyes.
"Lan Zhan~!" Wei Ying whined, saying, "Look at me."
He complied with reluctance.
She pecked his lips, he was caught off-guard.
"Okay, okay! A-Yuan is enough. Don't frown! Don't sulk in the corner! You're more beautiful when smiling. Now, now, how about you bestow your wife a smile?"
"..."
"Smile, Lan Zhan!"
"..."
"Smile, A-Zhan!"
"..."
"Smile, Lan-er-gege!"
It was hard not to stop the corners of his lips from blooming into a smile.
She grinned...
"Yes, good boy~!
You're so beautiful.
So damn beautiful.
Nothing in this world is more beautiful!"
...and imparted:
"I love you, Husband."
Lan Wangji loves Wei Ying, too.
So, so much.
"My A-Yuan is also beautiful."
"Mn."
Just like his mother.
Days...
Weeks...
It made such a quick turn.
A-Yuan was growing so fast.
His Full-Month Celebration came.
Wei Ying wanted to invite Jiang Wanyin.
Lan Wangji agreed with it. He acknowledged it, but his family was opposed to the notion.
Shufu was outraged, yet, at the end of the day, they accepted after much persuasion from Lan Wangji.
And so, Lan Wangji sent Jiang Wanyin a formal invitation letter.
However, Jiang Wanyin declined (much to his elders's merriment, Wei Ying was melancholic, on the other hand).
Jiang Wanyin's reason for this... was not known.
But, Lan Wangji and Wei Ying already have a rough idea of why Jiang Wanyin had rejected the invitation.
They knew.
They were well-aware.
But still, Wei Ying wanted to invite him, as did Lan Wangji (he will do this to make his wife happy).
A-Yuan's first birthday arrived.
And his second birthday following that year.
Every time, Wei Ying tried inviting Jiang Wanyin. But the latter rejected them.
"A-Yuan, happy birthday!" Wei Ying bombarded him with kisses, earning her a fit of giggles. "How old is A-Yuan?"
Sitting on their large, spacious bed, A-Yuan answers, enthusiastic, "Two!" but his fingers showed 'three'.
Wei Ying tittered, "A-Yuan, this is two..." she folded one of his fingers, for correction.
A-Yuan oh-ed, somewhat shyly. Under the candlelight, he was quite the bashful beauty.
"Come on, A-Yuan, ask us! What is our gift?" Wei Ying prods, lying on the bed in her stomach.
"What is A-Niang's and Baba's gift?" He asked in curiosity, amber irises glowing vividly.
"Lan Zhan!"
"Mn."
From his qiankun sleeve, Lan Wangji pulled out a book.
"It's a storybook!" Wei Ying clapped, appearing to be more excited than A-Yuan.
Lan Wangji opened it to the front page.
A-Yuan exclaims. "Story about rabbits!"
He stared with awe, attracted to the illustration.
"A-Niang, Baba, and A-Yuan love rabbits!"
It portrayed a pair of rabbits.
One black, with a red ribbon tied on left ear.
And one white, with a cloud-patterned ribbon fastened on its forehead.
The two were standing next to each other, their expressions pleasant and loving. Seeing such a sight brings one solace. The image used light, soft brushstrokes and vibrant shades.
Though simple, it was refined and artful.
Wei Ying's lips spread wide, looking very pleased. "Yes, A-Yuan! We prepared this gift especially for you! A-Niang wrote the story. Baba illustrated it! Come, come, sit at Baba's lap."
Lan Wangji felt A-Yuan's weight on his lap. The book was upfront, enough for A-Yuan to marvel at the neat texts and good visuals.
Wei Ying signals, "Please start, Husband."
Lan Wangji mn-ed, and narrated:
"Once upon a time,
There are two adorable rabbits.
Each having their own spiritual gifts.
One was black and hilarious,
While the other was white and serious."
He had hardly begun when Lan Wangji caught Wei Ying's tantalizing gaze. She winked. Lan Wangji responds with a huff.
He loves it on the inside.
"Everyone feared the white rabbit for his serious expression,
But the black rabbit noticed that, he was actually feeling forlorn.
The white rabbit was crafted from ice,
Thus, other rabbits thought he was not very nice.
On the other hand, the black rabbit was constantly prodding at the ice.
Hoping to break it and make the white rabbit smile.
She wished to see the white rabbit smile,
She believed that, if he was charming while unhappy,
He would be even more so when cheery."
He found Wei Ying's stare once more. She winked, again. Lan Wangji felt heat crawling up his ears.
"But then one day, a horde of wolves arrived,
They set fire to their homes with all cruel might.
The white rabbit was not smiling still,
The black rabbit was not smiling as well.
What occurred broke her heart,
It left a significant mark.
And so, the white rabbit went to her aid.
He used his ice to ease her heartbreak, which caused the ice to melt in the process.
Now, his heart was warm, and hers was whole.
In every storm, there is a rainbow.
They hopped side by side through the same meadow,
To help other wounded rabbits from the mean wolves.
They vowed this, forever, to uphold.
The two rabbits lived happily ever after.
The end."
A-Yuan listened intently and never once interrupted Lan Wangji's monotonous discourse. Before asking questions (and giving his personal comments), he waited for Lan Wangji to complete reading the story. Lan Wangji and Wei Ying both responded to his inquiries (about the new terms he was unfamiliar with).
"I love rabbits!" A-Yuan declared, for the nth time.
"Surely you do, my Little Cabbage!" Wei Ying pinched his cherubic cheek, fondly.
Lan Wangji kisses the crown of A-Yuan's head.
You are loved. Cherished. Treasured.
For the little boy you are.
The man you will grow into.
And the most precious son you will always be.
"Thank you, A-Niang! Thank you, Baba!"
Afterward, Wei Ying and Lan Wangji, with A-Yuan propped on his right hip, went to the Back Mountain to have fun with the horde of rabbits.
In the verdant patch of grass, all the rabbits hopped towards Lan Wangji, their long ears quivering noticeably. Fluffs of black, and white at his immaculate boots, they rushed around him again and again, whatever they were excited about.
A-Yuan was delighted. "So many rabbits!"
One by one, the rabbits clung to Lan Wangji's leg as they stood on their hind legs on the ground. Stooping down, Lan Wangji picked one up and held it within his left arm.
A-Yuan caressed it lightly with keenness. The white rabbit's long ears shook at the gesture. It turned around and closed its ruby eyes into two slits, as if it was enjoying the stroking so very much.
Wei Ying reached out to caress it as well, but it backed away. "It hates me... it only loves their master Er-gege, and A-Yuan, even after meeting for the first time." She remarked while protruding her lips.
Lan Wangji casts her a glance before placing the rabbit in her arms. Wei Ying took over with a grin on her countenance.
The rabbit twisted and turned in her grasp, attempting to escape. "You don't like me?" Wei Ying tugged on its ears. "You hate me? Then run away. You can't run away, no matter how badly you want to. Instead, why don't you be obedient and like me?"
They sat down, the dozens of round black, and white rabbits circled around them, snuggling.
A-Yuan thoroughly appreciated his new family. "Cute, cuddly, and soft! You want to play?"
"Er-gege, I can't believe you're liked so much by these little things." Wei Ying shared her observation, her fingers on her chin. "When you raised them up, you must've been quite gentle with them. That's something I'd never be able to do."
Lan Wangji replies, "No?"
Wei Ying said, "Yeah! All of them, whether they fly, walk, or swim, turns around and flees the moment they notice me."
Lan Wangji shook his head.
What she meant was self-evident: it had to have been Wei Ying who had first teased them that she had never been liked by them.
Days...
Weeks...
They all flew by again.
A-Yuan's third birthday is rapidly approaching...
And this time, Jiang Wanyin accepted Lan Wangji's invitation.
Wei Ying was overjoyed. And Lan Wangji loved her pleased look (it makes him feel better every time he sees Wei Ying happy, because her happiness is also his happiness).
The banquet preparations were completed.
Decorations.
Food and drink.
Entertainment.
However, not everything went as planned.
"Hanguang-jun!"
Lan Wangji had been informed of the situation on the Qiongqi Path, and was on his way to investigate when...
Thud!
'How could I ever make up for all the mistakes that I have done?'
"Emperor's Smile! I'll share you a jar!"
"Alcohol is prohibited."
"Collect your punishment!"
"Sure!"
'You reveal yourself in a time that I did not expect. I was surprised.'
"I know she's annoying, a total troublemaker, and untamed. However, she isn't just an annoying person."
"She's gifted -- skilled with her sword, a great artist, eloquent with her words!"
"Brilliant, intelligent and inventive! She has the best of ideas!"
"Expert in deductive reasoning. She makes sound decisions!"
'In the blink of an eye, you changed it all. I cannot hide and pretend anymore.'
"I 'love' you... I do not love you because you love me. I love you because I love you. Because that is what 'you' deserve."
"I, Lan Wangji of Gusu Lan, wishes to formally offer courtship with the intention of marriage to Wei Ying, Yunmeng Jiang's best disciple."
'You are my compass whenever I am lost.'
"Wei Ying. I promise to walk a thousand miles with you... just promise you will walk back with me."
"I promise, Lan Zhan. I will also promise to reciprocate all the promises you made."
'The sky was so blue when you shine the most. In every storm I face in my life, you are my Peace, my Refuge, and Guide.'
"I married the man I love. And felt what it's like to be married..."
"And now, I'm excited to know how it feels to start a family with him."
'Though there are times I cannot see, your love has saved me, I believe.'
"Don't frown! Don't sulk in the corner! You're more beautiful when smiling. Now, now, how about you bestow your wife a smile?"
"Smile, Lan-er-gege!"
"Yes, good boy~!"
"I love you, Husband."
'You are my End and Beginning, my Destiny.'
"I love rabbits!"
"Surely you do, my Little Cabbage!"
"Thank you, A-Niang!"
"Thank you, Baba!"
If Lan Wangji could turn back the time, he would do everything all over again.
This time, never would he reject Wei Ying over anything.
Wei Ying was sleeping soundly, in a sitting position. It appeared to be quite uncomfortable.
Her elbow rested on the wooden table, her left hand on her left cheek. In her right fingers held a brush loosely, its black ink smearing the paper above the rules she had written monotonously.
Wei Ying is still Wei Ying.
She has always been thus.
She was punished once more. For being caught giving Nie-gongzi answers during an exam.
Lan Wangji 'wished' she could stay for longer. Perhaps for another year, he reasoned. She should, as she still needs discipline and correction in her behavior.
It was, however, a 'lie'. In Cloud Recesses, lying was 'strictly' prohibited.
Except, Wei Ying taught him that lying is sometimes acceptable. She taught Lan Wangji many things that he would have preferred not to learn in the past -- things that, he would rather not even think about.
Lan Wangji shuts the 'Standard Etiquette' book close. Quietly, he situated it down on the table.
He leaned in.
Howbeit, he stopped mid-way.
He was hesitant.
'Wei Ying...'
Slowly, as though he were approaching a fragile flower, he pressed a kiss on her forehead.
The touch was brief, but it lingered on his lips.
His heart was rapid.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
It felt like he could not breathe with his heart ramming against his ribcage.
Wei Ying, his heartbeat maintains a steady rhythm until he thinks of you, at some point it accelerates into an entirely new class.
"I like you."
The story continues in "Even When the Night Changes".