Chapter Text
I slowly sneak upstairs, hoping not to be seen by my Father. I don't need his voice and loud mouth ruining this day for me.
I laid down in my bed, holding River’s jacket in the air and examining it, I held it close to me and rolled around in my bed. I began to think to myself, I can’t believe it, my first friend finally. Who knows, maybe something more.
I sat up and threw the jacket aside, who am I kidding, yes a friend but he would never want to be with someone so…weak.
I get out of my bed and head to my bathroom and just look in the mirror. I pushed my hair behind my ear exposing my piercings all around my ear.
I remember feeling River doing the same thing when I was laying down, or was that a dream?
I examine my piercings on my right ear, I have a piercing on my left but I never wear my earring for it but I leave the five on my right. Should I even uncover my ears and show off my piercings? Maybe I should be more like River.. Strong, Independent, outgoing, happy.. I thought of all the things that could happen if I tried to speak more, Maybe be the person dad wanted me to be, the old me. No, the person who paid for these piercings are fake, they were never real just someone my dad wanted me to be. I let my hair fall back down to cover my ears once again, I look back at the mirror, almost feeling disgusted about my appearance. My light freckles and the bags under my eyes, I hated my face to feminine not even a hint of masculinity. Not like River.. I lowered my head as my hand began to tense and close into a fist.
The next thing I knew my hand was bleeding and the once full mirror hanging on my wall in the bathroom, was shattered and laying on the ground. I took the broken pieces of glass into my hand. I look up to see some of the pieces of glass still attached to the frame. I look at myself and slowly begin to cry, I grip the glass in my hand as it slowly enters into my palm.
Gripping onto the sink, I grind my teeth together as I stare into the broken glass on the wall. Before I could wipe my tears someone barged into the bathroom.
“What's all that damn noise!?” My Father yelled before looking down at me holding glass into my hand then looking up at the mirror.
“Are you insane, child!” He grabs my hand, ripping the glass out and pushes me away. He looks at me with anger in his eyes.
“Stop that pathetic crying, you're a man, start acting like one.” He throws the glass I was holding into the sink as he glares at me.
“Are you going to say something boy!?” Mira entire body started to freeze up I looked down at the glass and back up at my father’s face I had no words just fear as I felt my knees almost give out.
My father grabs on to the collar of my shirt pitting me against the wall his hand slowly rises up before quickly coming down slapping me across my face.
“HOW CAN YOU BE SO PATHETIC, YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU THAT MIRROR AND YOUR DUMBASS HAD TO GO AND BREAK IT!”
He throws me onto the floor as I just become numb to the pain it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. He paces out of my bathroom for a minute of silence and then comes back in he simply glares at me while I still sit on the floor.
“Right, your not “talking” anymore, good I feel like if you did.. it’d make me want to kill you.”
With that said he’s just walked out slamming the door behind him, all I could do was simply sit there as the tears starting the build up,
I look at the glass on the floor I felt like I had no other choice I take a piece of glass and stab it into my thigh feeling the warm metallic blood fall down my leg and hit the floor, it was the best adrenaline I have ever felt I never knew I could feel such relief I felt like I wanted to just do more but with him still in the house it was impossible.
I cleaned out whatever I could washing away the blood I had let fallen to the floor, I kept some glass in a box “just in case”.
I laid on my bed with River’s jacket close to me, I didn’t know what to do, I rubbed my fingertips on the gash in my thigh a part of my body shivered at the touch it was a mixture of fear and delight I hated that I felt this way I hated that I enjoyed it but now a part of me knows why my father enjoys beating me just the same way that I enjoy hurting myself.
Before I know it my phone starts to ring.
“Hello.?”
“Mono hey!!” Rivers voice was so loud I had to move the phone away from my ear.
“So your more talkative on the phone? I might have to call you more often!”
I laughed at his stupidity, a part of me didn’t even realize I talked, I guess I really am that comfortable.
“I-Is there something y-you needed?” I internally slapped myself with my pathetic stuttering.
“Nope!” He said with such confidence that I just sat there dumbfounded.
“Then why.?”
“I missed you and I’m bored.” His tone was so plain it was practically a stab to the heart But I still laughed.
Me and River talked the rest of the afternoon till there was nothing to talk about.