Chapter Text
Sometimes when Jaehyun wakes up and the sky is blue without any clouds like in a kid’s draw he feels a little more alive. A little more motivated to throw his tote bag on his shoulder, and go to the market close to his house to buy some fruits and vegetables, because suddenly he wants to be healthy and live a little more than fifty years.
The strawberries are big and without any wounds on his basket, kiwis are on sale so he picks some too, ‘The Aces’ play on his wired headphones and a smile grow on his lips as a baby smiles at him from his mom’s arms, Jaehyun waves at him and with his little hands the baby tries to wave back.
It’s still 9 in the morning when he gets back home. Jaehyun stops at the mailbox to grab the boxes which arrived from his midnight online shopping. Some things are silly like the cute lego snoopy-shaped, others are useful like the apple watch he bought after deciding he wants to start running, and maybe do a marathon at the end of the year.
Jaehyun is collecting his things when a letter falls from the middle of the boxes, he frowns but grabs it from the floor and puts it on the top of his boxes to head to his apartment. He search on his memory if he didn’t set up an automatic debit for some of the house bills and goes up stairs trying to balance his boxes while reading what is written on the letter, a Japanese stamp catches his attention and his eyes widen when he reads the name written on the back of it, making him stops on his tracks or he would stumble on some steps.
It comes to him like a big wave, the memory of that Sunday, when they arrived in Seoul after finishing recording in Geoje. When he ran up stairs and picked up that letter and postcard that stayed stuck inside his drawer for too long, and handed it to Yuta before he come back to Japan once again, when his hopes were high, when like today he felt a little more motivated to live more than fifty years, if Yuta was at his side.
Jaehyun huffs a laugh, couldn't be that, he thought and thought again, until he opened his door and placed it on the table along with his boxes, he could deal with it later, after a big mug of his favorite coffee.
He opens the curtains and the windows, pour some coffee on his mug and sits on the balcony with the book he is currently reading, maybe Jaehyun is a little obsessed with Murakami books but who would judge him, he has had a lot of free time since “My First Love” recordings were over, and enjoying reading a little more that he would before, however today, he opens that letter instead of his book.
Jaehyun smiles to himself when he rips the envelope and citrus hits him, he imagines Yuta splashing perfume on the letter like people in the past would do to their potential lovers and chuckles, but brings the paper close to his nose to smell the citrus of Yuta’s favorite cologne, he sighs like an old lover missing his partner. He puts on his speeches and even knowing he’s about to cry, because of course he is — Yuta wrote him a letter — he smiles, especially at the sight of Yuta’s handwriting when he reads the first words.
Dear, J.
...
A month after recordings are finished, and the release date is set, the release party arrives. Jaehyun feels excited, a little anxious, but excited to promote the drama and see his co-stars again.
The party is going to be at a hotel at the end of Seoul, where they offered rooms for the artists and staff as well, and where Jaehyun gets ready before going down to the hall. He fixes his tie once again as the makeup artist puts some lipstick on his lips, she talks something with his manager but Jaehyun doesn't hear as his calm playlist plays on his headphones, trying to shut his thoughts about meeting Yuta after the exchange letters.
I waited for the day you would stop looking at me with those eyes, but also prayed for this day to never come, I’m too selfish, right, Jaehyun-ah?
I wished you were too.
Balloons and flowers decorated the saloon and the principal entrance, the drama’s official OST played in the background as Jaehyun waited for the other actors to take pictures before it was his turn.
Jaehyun poses for some cameras, and soon Yuta arrives, and like in a movie Jaehyun watches Yuta walking to him in slow motion, honestly, he admires the way the black corset is wrapped and tight around his small waist, the way the first buttons of his white shirt are open and revealing sun kissed skin, a simple but sexy look that fits him so well, he has pretty eyeshadow over his eyelids, his lips shine with gloss. Is it cherry gloss? Jaehyun wonders to himself.
"It is, wanna taste?" Yuta asks with a mischievous smile, and just at this moment Jaehyun realizes he said it out loud, he hopes not too loud.
"Don't want to mess up your pretty look, what about the rest of the night?" Jaehyun complains, a tease smile growing on his lips too and making Yuta giggles, shaking against his body when they greet with a warm hug.
The photographers call them and they finally move away from the embrace. Jaehyun’s arm finds a place on Yuta’s waist and there it stays, until they are finished posing to the cameras. When they separate, that is the last time in the night they find themselves together, since their managers pull them to talk with other people and make connections. Jaehyun wonders if it’s professional to make connections under a glass of champagne and some canapes, but he was never that interested in corporate things, he’s glad his manager did it for him.
Jaehyun spends the night laughing at unfunny jokes, smiling at strangers, and looking for Yuta every time people weren't paying too much attention to him. His eyes catch Yuta’s some times along the night and they share secretive smiles, like in the old days.
In the middle of the night when everyone is already gone, tired and some probably drunk, Yuta walks to him. Jaehyun is surprised when he sees him alone, he arches his eyebrow at him as Yuta lightly taps his shoulder, a smile adorning his lips when he drops a card on Jaehyun’s hands. Jaehyun looks at his manager sitting on the opposite side of the table, exchanging business cards with some woman and gets up from his chair to follow Yuta, with the excuse that he’s getting more champagne.
Jaehyun follows him from afar until they enter an empty hallway. He watches Yuta enter the room, and sighs, he turns the glass of champagne down his throat and unlocks the room, locking it behind him right after.
A suitcase lay open on the floor, the bed is made but the dresser is a mess, the curtains flutter from the wind that comes from the open balcony door, where Yuta is leaning, his hair blowing over his shoulder, already long after just a month apart.
Yuta turns his face when he listens to the sound of Jaehyun walking to him. He smiles wide, little wrinkles grow in the end of his eyes, illuminated just by the full moon.
Jaehyun smiles back at him, leaning in against the balcony door and admiring the moon or just Yuta, like that cliche about the moon is beautiful, but Jaehyun didn’t say it, even if he feels the urge to say Yuta is so pretty in every opportunity. He hopes he gets another chance tonight.
“It’s really cherry?” Jaehyun asks instead, because they already talked too much about feelings.
Yuta laughs, “Yeah, want to taste it?” He offers again, getting closer and placing his hand on the door Jaehyun is leaning on.
Jaehyun smiles, “That’s tempting because I really want to.”
Yuta leans in, "Yeah?" He breathes hot against Jaehyun's cheek because of the closeness.
“Yeah.” Jaehyun gulps, his eyes trapped in a spell where he can’t stop looking at Yuta’s red plump lips.
"So kiss me?" Yuta asks in a whisper as Jaehyun places his hands on his waist and makes their bodies touch. He pulls Yuta with him as he brings them inside the room, tripping on his steps, but stronger holding Yuta against him, who throws his arms over Jaehyun's shoulders and brings him even close, if that was possible, "Please." He pleads against the shell of Jaehyun's lips.
Jaehyun curses under his breath, "Why so eager?" He blushes his lips against Yuta's, teasing, before Yuta loses his patience and kisses him hard.
It never comes today, not today, when Yuta is practically melting against Jaehyun, in a different way he's used to, like he wants Jaehyun to have him completely, body and soul, like he wants Jaehyun to make him his.
"Just kiss me, please." Yuta's voice drops an octave, it's dripping desire and burning against Jaehyun's skin. It makes him so lost, so fucked, he dreamed about Yuta’s lips countless times to it to be health. Jaehyun is afraid it will become an obsession after the first touch, but he does it anyway, he finally catches Yuta’s lips on a gentle kiss, as if he had all night long.
Yuta is pleasant, taking, taking and taking whatever Jaehyun gives him, his lips, his hands, the warmth of his body rocking against Yuta's.
His fingers play with the laces of Yuta's corset until it is loose and falling down to his hips, making Yuta smile against his lips, "Look who is eager." He teases, and God, Jaehyun holds a moan coming from the back of his throat because he loves the way Yuta teases, the way today he can taste it with his tongue after years of just talking, or just burn inside his limbs.
"I'm." Jaehyun confesses and feels Yuta giggling against his lips.
"So take me to bed, yeah." He says, already pushing Jaehyun until the back of his knees are hitting the bed and he's falling, and Yuta is making his way to his lap, where Jaehyun humbly thinks he belongs.
Yuta kisses like he wants to devour Jaehyun. He moves his body like he wants to blow Jaehyun's mind. He whispers sweet nothings against his ear like he wants to make Jaehyun even more in love, if that was even possible.
They run other people for each other even more. Not only in silly parts like a person to talk or hang out, like they already did before, but a person to kiss, hug, touch, feel, as no one else will be able to do anymore without the taste of each other's lips coming to their tongues.
Jaehyun never did any of this but it's like he knows how to drive Yuta insane, with every kiss across his skin, as his fingers dive inside him slowly, almost tortuous, as he whispers how pretty Yuta is against every spot of his body, along with wet kisses on his soft skin, finally getting his waited chance to worship Yuta as he deserves.
Each kiss makes Yuta louder, his moans turning Jaehyun mad, a little obsessed and even closer to release. His moans also get louder and husky against Yuta's shoulder. He links his finger with Yuta's and put then over his head as he get faster as Yuta beautiful begged, and who is Jaehyun to deny him anything, especially when he begs for Jaehyun kisses as he comes against his belly and Jaehyun's, making Jaehyun collapse against him as he come right after.
Jaehyun is dizzy, coming back from his high but he wraps his arms around Yuta and brings him to lay down together, even if they are stinky and a mess, and Yuta grumbles when he drops his head against Jaehyun's sweat chest — Jaehyun knows he likes it dirty.
He smirks, his fingers run through Yuta's messed hair as they fall in a comfortable silence, just heartbeats and the sound of the party, that is still there, but lower over the night sounds and Yuta humming to a song that makes Jaehyun smile instantly.
"What's this?" He asks, even if he knows "Horizon" melodies from kilometers away.
"I listen to your album, Jaehyun, you're so talented, baby." Yuta whispers. A kiss is placed against his chest and Jaehyun smiles, he feels happy, so much happy he feel like dreaming, but he isn't, Yuta is right here, he runs his hands along Yuta's naked back and confirm, he's right here with Yuta on the bed, tangles legs and bodies, soft kisses and sweet words.
"Yuta," He calls.
"Hm?"
"Are you going to stay with me this time? I need you to stay." Jaehyun whispers, sincere and vulnerable, a little selfish if he overthinks it, but he asks, since he feels like he should.
Yuta gets up from his place against Jaehyun's chest, he leans on his elbow against the bed to look at Jaehyun, his chest is shining with sweat but he looks amazing even so.
"If you want me to, I will." It's sincere, a little vulnerable too.
Jaehyun grins, dimples popping on his cheek as if he can't hold it back, "I want, I always wanted. I waited for you my whole life, Yuta."
Yuta pokes his dimples and Jaehyun watches him smiling, wide and sweet, back at him. He leans in and places a kiss against Jaehyun's lips, as if he can't hold it back too, "Did you read my letter, Jae?" He asks.
"Of course I did, baby, I love when you're romantic." Jaehyun teases making Yuta giggles and slap his arm. Jaehyun smiles, leaning in and pecking Yuta's lips too.
"I love you, Yuta." He says against Yuta's lips, for the first time not only with words on a paper.
Yuta's makeup is smudged against his eyes and lips, but he looks the most pretty man in the world, he's not barefaced but bare hearted as his fingers caress Jaehyun's face with the prettiest smile on his face.
Jaehyun never thought that letter was Yuta being vulnerable but now he realizes, and he hopes Yuta knows that every little bit of Yuta is precious to him. Like that letter that now stays in his drawer, this time not stuck, but placed like a souvenir, a limited version, kept on his drawer to remind him what love really looks like.
He places his hand on top of Yuta and closes his eyes, leaning in the touch he will crave for everyday for the rest of his life, which by Yuta's letter he is willing to give too.
"I love you too, Jae." It's enough for Jaehyun to be sure his heart chose the right man.
...
Osaka, October 18
Dear J.
I read your letter, I cried so much the woman beside me on the airplane asked me if I’m okay.
How can I explain to her I’m not, because one of my best friends just confessed he’s in love with me for God’s know how many years and I can’t kiss him right in the mouth because it’s been weeks since I just realized too.
Jaehyun you don’t know the power you have over me, how couldn’t I not miss you so much too, how could I ever stop think about you when I accepted the role just because I miss you, not only because I want to kiss you just one more time, but because I need to see you and confirm you don’t make me feel things anymore. Of course I was wrong.
I see you with my eyes after years and watching you smile again broke me. I felt like when I was just young boy on his twenties who realizes he feels weird around his friend because he can’t think another thing besides kissing his red lips and cute dimples when they are hanging out, and it was so hard for me to get over it Jaehyun, you’re just too nice, too gentle, too lovely, too good for me to me pretend I don’t like you more than I should.
More than a hyung should. I get scolded by your hyungs too many times for making you sad when I wasn’t aware of your feelings even if your eyes always told me a little about it.
I waited for the day you would stop looking at me with those eyes, but also prayed for this day to never come, I’m too selfish, right, Jaehyun-ah?
I wished you were too.
I wished you asked me for that last kiss, for that last night.
I wish I could have been drinking with you, smoking with you even though I quit years ago, I wish I could go shopping with you, have a coffee with you, kiss you, hug you.
Jaehyun, I've loved you for so long that I'd forgotten how it feels, but during these last months I got a taste and now just that isn’t enough, so I hope you didn’t get over me as selfish as it is and I hope to kiss you and feels your arms around me once again in a couple of days, if you still want to love me like I want to love you.
Ps. Perhaps we stop being that ridiculous at the end of this letter.
From Forever Only,
Y.