Chapter Text
Chapter 41.
AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF!!!!! I bet u proly odnt no hu aron baret is ur proly al normiez and pozers!!!!!!!!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in ogost and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG eliot iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new hashtag content!!!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by aarron barett lol he hsud replace elliot. if u flame ill doa big cry!!!!!!!!11 eddie u rok boi hav fun in amerika.
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When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif xXBosstoneBitchesXx!!!!!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse’s office but it looked difrent!! On da wall wuz a pik of Goldfinger!!!1111 (just imagin dat they r an 80s ska band 2 ok koz they r more old den we da onion or RBF) der wuz also a blak n wite ska femed Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said ‘1980.’
“OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111” I screamed loudly. Suddenly Coolguy(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!11
“OMFG Tim r u ok.” He asked skalishusly.
“Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation.” I snapped sexily. “OMG am I dedd???” koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Nerdcubed’s gun. I also rememberd cing Elliot eating a jus fuk it wif Sammy!!!!111
I guessed dat when I had eat a stake I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.
“No ur not dead.” Coolguy reassured cooly as he smokd a weed bunt sexily and smoke came all over his face. “Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Chris’s dad is doing.”
I noo dat da real reason I didn’t die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. “WTF!!!! Dan almust shot [REDACETED]!!!” I said indigoally. I knew that Nerdcubed had really ben possezzed, but I didn’t want him2 know I knew.
“Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress.” Coolguy reasoned evilly.
“I guess that’s ok.” I said because Dan hadn’t really shot [REDARCTED]. Also I noo that [REDARCTED] wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Coolguy. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi skolishos bi guy!!!!!11 He had short dork hair wiv no streaks and he wuz wearing no blak iliner, a blak suit, blak fancy shoes and black suit pants. He diidnt mov. “....” He sed all silently and unspeaking.
“Who da fuck is that?” I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.
“Dis is…Matthew Perry!!!!!!!!!11 da Cardboard Kutout!!!!!!!!!!!!!11” Sed Volximort. “He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.
“Hey Matthew.” I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.
“...” He answered but then he fell ovr bcos ther was wind. He was silint
“Bye.” I sed all sexily.
“Dat was Matthew Perry the Cordbord Kutout. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up.” Coolguy said sadly, luking at his blak nails.
“OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!” I said fingering something I didn’t know wuz in my pocket- a silvr gerenik cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem??? dey kik azz!!!!).
“Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Maffew. Im going 2 show u something grate!!!!1” I led them to da Great Hall. “Cum on u guys.”
[REDARCTED], Nerdcubed, Jerma and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. [REDARCTED] woudnt talk wiv Nerdcubed because he had tried 2 shoot him.
“Go fuk urself you fukking douche!” he shouted at him. “Elliot is never gong 2 b frends with Crabstickz now!!1”
“Yah go fuck urself Nerdcubed!” Sammy Paul agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt NErdcubed had almost shot [REDARCTED].
“B quiet u guys.” I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Crabstickz’s dad wood never die and “OK Coolguy and Mathew Pery, u guys can start making out.” I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.
“Kool.” said Jerma as Voldemort and Mathew Perie started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Nerdcubed, Jerma, Xammy and [REDARCTED] all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Sammy Paul was bi.
“...!” screamed Matthew as his cordbord touched Voldemort’s.
But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame………………Bong and Mr. Bertie Gilbert!!!!111111111111
Chapter 42. da blak parade
AN: omg da new bideo iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!!!1111. I fink dat sommy will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both kewl so dat will explain y he kild ning and he hated chris!!!!!1111 nd den chris wil have 2 die so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111 omg I hope Elliot nd Chris get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?? If dey don’t den JKR is hamophobic [meta moment - actual authors note. kinda based take ur so right bestie JRK sucks]!!!!!111111 tysm 4 da help wiv facts, peashy u rok!!!111
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I sat depressedly in Bung’s office wiv Mathew Perie, Coolguy, Nerdcubed, Jerma, Sammy and [REDARCTED]. Bing was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.
“What da hell is this anyway??” he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn’t find out dat I was frum another time.
“Whatever u do don’t blame Rom, u jerk.” Coolguy said.
“Yah, siriusly he was trying to get Coolguy and Kordbord Matthew Perry back together.” Jerma said deviantly.
“Be quiet you Satanists.” Bing cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Akazaban!!! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.” He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n’Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Bing didn’t notece.
“You fucking poser.” I muttoned.
“I bet you’ve never herd of Mad Caddies.” Nerdcubed said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly’s tim machine!!!!!11
“Shut up NErd!!!” [REDACTED] shouted.
“Yeah shut up!!!!” Samyy said preppily.
“No u shut up Ging!!!!!!!!1111” said Tom.
“I’ve had enough of u Satanists in my school!!!!” shouted Bing spuriously.
Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. “Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8!!! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was……..Coolguy.
“You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111” screamed Bing wisely as we went.
I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Coolguy. I was wearing denim jorts with hotdog sox, a sexy blak RBF shirt and blak vans with green weeds on dem. My earrings were nonexistent and my brown hair was spikkey.
“Hey kool where iz dis?” he asked in an emo voice.
“Dis is da future. Bing’s iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine.” I told him.
“Kool what’s an ipatch?” he whimpered.
“It’s somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music.” I yakked.
“OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice.
“Um I guezz sand????” I laid confuesdly.
“Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled.
Suddenly some of my friends walked in.
“OMG you’re fucking alive!” said Zoella wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a kool Catch 22 shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.
“Konichiwa, bitch.” said Bandit. He was wearing a red t-shirt showing off nothing with bimeo gays characters on it. With it he waz wearing a loos jeens, dad shoos, no foundation, no eyeliner, no eyeshadow, and no lipstick.
“Hey, motherfucker.” Said Wonchop with his red hair. He waz wearing a black I voted 4 kodose t-shit and blak baggy pants.
“Hey whose that, Eom?” B'Loody Matt questioned as he walked in wearing a black t-shit with avencer tyme caracters, blak skinny jeens, and black converz.
“Oh its Coolguy.” I told him and he nodded knowing da truth.
Suddenly Coolguy started to cry.
“Are you okay Coolguy?” we asked concernedly.
“OMFG ur from da future!!1! What if u don’t like m anymore koz were from difrent times?????” he asked.
“No I still like you.” I said sexily to him.
“Ok.” He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Wher Hav U Ben by RBF on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Wonchop a signal to keep Coolguy occupied. Coolguy fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor DeuceDeuce ran in!!!!!!!1111 He was wearing a plane gray t-shirt, blak swetpanz, and red converse shoes. He was wearing NO blak iliner.
“Oh my fucking god, where’s Elliot!!!!111 How did Samey get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan.” I asked sadly.
“Tom I was so worried abott u but I know you can’t fucking die because you’re a vrompire. Sammy Paul came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student.” Stacey said reassuredly.
“That bitch!!!!!!!11 Did she also free Dan Layton and Mike Trooman?” I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.
“Yes they are on the loose at this school. Bing is back Bros Jonson is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!!!!!!” Stacey said worriedly.
“OK. But where’s Ellyot???? How cum he was eatign with Sanny Pill?????”
“I dunno why but I know he almost tried dide after he saw u almost dye.” she said.
“OMG dat’s terrible!!!!!!!!” I gasped. Coolguy was still asleep, so he couldn’t tell what was going on. Then I said “Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!!!!!!!!!” wiv dat I ran out.
“Good luck Tim!!!!!!!11” everyone cried.
I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking normies Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.
“You fucking bitch!!!!!111” I shouted angrily.
“No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!” she laughed.
“Crucious!!!!!!!!!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.
“No!!!!!!1 Help me!!!!!!1 Please!!!!!!!!1” Britney screamed terrifiedly.
I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Sammy Paul and Trooman had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Kordbord onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Crabstickz Kendall. “OMG Crabsticks!!!!111” I yielded.
We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky brown hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a big d an da kids tabul concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Aaron from RBF than ever. (did u hear der song she haz a gf now it rox!!!1)“I wus so worried you died!” moaned Crabstickz.
“I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me.”
“Where’s Elliot?” I asked spuriously.
“Elliot? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?” Crabstixcks snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.
“I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM.” I SED SMARTY.
“I’ll do it den.” Chris said angstily.
“OK.” I argreed. Suddenly……….all da lights in da room went out. And den…….da Dork Mark appeared.
“Oh my fucking satan!!!!!” Chris shouted.
“I fink Voldimort has arrivd.” I sed anxiously. “Fuck, I have to find Elliot!!1 I guess we shood separate.”
“Ok.” Crabstickz sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.
Chapter 43.
AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. tysm 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!!!!!!!!!111111 if u flam den fukk u!!!111
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I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Elliot was there!! He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 420 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had ben crine!!!!!111 I felt mad at him for having foodwith Sammy Paul but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Aaron Barrett with his red eyes and his pale white face.
“Elliot are you okay????” I asked.
“I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly. I thought of a rrandom RBF song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.
“Oh Elliot why did you do it with that fucking bastard Sammy Paul?” I asked teardully.
“I-” Elliot began to say but suddenly Mik Trooman and Mr. Bertie Gilbert appearated in2 da room!! They didn’t see us.
“Im so glad we me and Sammy Paul were freed.” said Mike Trooman.
“Dam, this job would be great if it wasn’t 4 da fukking students!” Mr. Bertie Gilbert argreed.
“Pop addelum!!!!!111” I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.
“Noooooooo!!!!1” Muke Trioman shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Bertie Gilbert ran away.
“You fukking meany.” I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. “Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I’m gong 2 torture u!!!!”
“I don’t now where he is!!!!1111” said Mike Trooman. Suddenly Coolguy and Crabstickz ran in2 da room. Crabstikzx didn’t know who Coolguy was really.
“Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1” Crabstickz said. I looked sexily at Elliot with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 420 on it and pale skin like Aroon Barrett, Crabstickz with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Chris Demakes and Coolguy who looked jist like Chuck Robertson then.
I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Elliot sexily. Mike Trooman gasped. Elliot began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Crabstickz took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my hawaiian shirt, my jorts and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im scared of guns lol. “Oh mi satan!! Elliot!!!!” I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Chris. I began making out wiv Coolguy and he joined in. “OMS!!!111” cried Crabstickz. “Oh Crabstickz! Crabstickz!!!” I screamed screamed. “Oh Coolguy!!!!!” yelled Chris in pleasore. Mike Trooman watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly……………………………..
………….a big blak car that said 420 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Sannie Paul wuz in it!!!!!!!11
Chapter 44.
AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 crhris kendall is so hot lol i hop Chris wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.
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“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Elliot angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz………….Sammy Paul!!!!!
“I shall free you Mike Trooman but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Tom Rud’boy Checkers Kalnoky Ska must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”
“You fucking normie!!!” yelled Elliot. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u, Tom. Sammy Paul made me eat with him. I waznt rly hungry but he was mean!!!!”
We all put our clothes on quickly except Coolguy. We were so scarred!!!!1 But Coolguy didn’t change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemont!!!!!!!111
“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room.
“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Crabstickz. Suddenly Bandit, B'Loody Matt, Wonchop, Zoella, Hazey, Dan and Phil, Dan Layton, Chloe Dungate, Bong, Jerma and [REDARCTED] all ran in.
“What is da meaning of dis?” Bung asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos Bink is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.
“Oh my goth!” Neil Cieicierega gosped. (ther is no joke)
“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Sammy Paul ejaculated menacingly.
“You fucking preppy meanies!” Jerma shouted angrily.
“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” screamed Chris but da sparks from his wand only hit Elliot’s car. It fell down Sammny Paul quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.
“Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me eatin a jus fuk it, the video of me kissign Elliot and the video of a silly dog wuz on it
“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” He laughed meanly.
“No!” I scremed. “FYI I hav da picter of u eatign with Mike Trooman!!!!11”
“Whats she talking abott??????” Mik Trooman slurped as he sat in chains.
“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Chris shouted angrily.
“Shut up!!!111’” Frueman roared.
“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”
“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Chris yelled and then he and Wonchop and Hazey both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.
“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly.
“Acco Hazey’s wand!!!11” cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Hazey’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Tom u will die!!!!!!!!11111”
He maid lighting come all over da place.
“Save us Tom!” Bung cried.
I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and hav grupe terapy with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Elliot but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.
“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted.