Chapter Text
The morning Sizhui turns 15, the two hangs out at the rabbit burrows with one feeding the rabbits and the other one is... talking to them? Sizhui keep feeding the animals, listening in to Jingyi's rambling full of various topic. It doesn't bother him, well, not like it ever does. He loves hearing the younger's voice, sometimes storytelling, more often than not complaining. After some long words, a question Jingyi asked caught Sizhui off-guard. "Sizhui, you ever think of having a cultivation partner?"
Sizhui stop in his track but get ahold of himself not even two seconds after. He took one rabbit and put it on his lap, patting the soft furs. "Why the sudden question?" He ask back, unintentionally avoiding to answer. "Well, our previous sect leader have one, but that old- I mean Qiren-laozu didn't, and Hanguang-jun is Hanguang-jun, Zongzhu maybe will have one so I'm just thinking, what do you think?" Sizhui let out a few chuckles as he listen to Jingyi, his hand still patting the rabbit with his eyes stuck to it. "Well, what about Jingyi? What do you think of it?" He looks up to the other, soft smile adorning his lips. Jingyi think for a few second before answering. "Well, I think it's great! You'll have someone to cultivate with, go night-hunting with, and it won't be so quiet, you know!" He answer excitedly, his eyes sparkling holding contact with Sizhui. Sizhui smile.
"Oh, does Jingyi have anyone in mind?"
"If anyone, I want it to be you! We have known each other for so long! We will be the greatest cultivation partner ever!"
Sizhui freeze for a whole minute this time. His cheeks blush so hard he is sure it's as red as tomato. He clear his throat, trying his bet to maintain himself. "Ah... Urm... Jingyi, you do know cultivation partner doesn't just mean cultivation... right?" He ask just to make sure. Jingyi nods, "Yeah, they get married like my ma and ba." Sizhui feel like he is at loss for words, "Yeah, exactly, like that, so you want to marry me?" Sizhui ask, his voice is desperate for a 'no, that's gross' or 'I didn't mean in that way' but when Jingyi voice come, well, if tomato is red, then his face is redder. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?" Jingyi have answered but just a second after that, he gasps, "You don't want me?" The question sound so foreign out of context and Sizhui is so desperate to go faraway from earth. Jingyi will be the death of him. "Let's go, I think we fed them enough." He manage to let out and quickly left a pouting Jingyi who soon enough followed.
The next morning, when they went for breakfast, Jingyi was yet to let go of the question. Sizhui choked on congee when a random "You really don't want me as your cultivation partner?" was whispered to him. He continue to fill his mouth and quickly exit the hall after. Yet, Jingyi isn't one to give up without a definite answer. He asked again before class, after class (it's a blessing he didn't ask during class, considering it's Jingyi), at lunch, after lunch when he ran after Sizhui, before sword practice, during sword practice, after sword practice, and when Hanguang-jun call Sizhui and told him to go to Jìngshì for guqin practice, he ask, in front of the last person Sizhui would want to hear the question, Jingyi ask, "You reaaaaaaally don't want me? I am a good cultivation partner, I mean, I can be! We get along well since forever!" Sizhui thought he saw a glimpse of an unfamiliar feeling in his bàba's eyes. Sizhui, somehow still able to keep calm, turn to Jingyi. "No, Jingyi, you will find someone more suitable than me, like your ma and ba." He hopes Jingyi understand what he means. He hopes Jingyi get his fear of misunderstanding and being misunderstood. He hopes Jingyi get it. The next day, Jingyi woke up to Sizhui copying the rules, handstanding.
Sizhui feels sick. After much convincing - and a smiling Wei Wuxian saying he will take matter to his hand if they still don't talk by tonight -, Sizhui promised his diē to try to talk with Jingyi. Although he would never admit it, Sizhui is thankful for his ā diē. He knows he need that pressure to gather the bit of courage he has left to talk to Jingyi, and he loves his father for doing just that but right now, he feels his nervousness meter goes up by each second and as the class nearing it's end, Sizhui can't help it. He is feeling so so so so sick to his stomach.
The class end with the disciples standing up and bowing their thanks. He saw the boy beside him is turning to leave and he panickly make up his mind. 'This is it!' Sizhui thought as he grab the end of Jingyi's arm sleeve. "Can we... talk? Please?" He ask, voice a mix of hesitation and fear. Jingyi didn't answer but instead sit back down. Sizhui follows, sighing a breathe of relief. He keep his eyes on the still open book, waiting for the hallway to be fully empty before he begins. He doesn't know if Jingyi think the same, but he's grateful enough that he agree to talk, or to listen, he doesn't know, but either way, he's just grateful. The wait didn't lost long, however, considering it's lunchtime and all the disciples should be in dining hall.
"Jingyi, I... I'm sorry if I did something wrong. If-if it's because of what I say that night then-"
"Stop apologizing, no one says anything about your fault." The words, surprisingly, didn't come out harshly as Sizhui expected it to be. In fact, Jingyi's voice is quiet, unstable, so low it's probably the lowest volume Sizhui ever heard of Jingyi in his entire life. It's like he's trying to hold himself back, Sizhui thinks. The older reach out to Jingyi's hand slowly, only starts to pat after Jingyi shows no sign of refusal. Sizhui only continue to tap the younger's hand, not speaking just in case Jingyi want to continue. He knew there's something left unsaid and he'd be more than glad to wait until Jingyi feels comfortable enough to tell.
After a few moment, Jingyi pull away his hand, making Sizhui draw back his hand to his lap. Sizhui throw a glance, hesitant as to talk or not. Lucky for him, Jingyi choose to do the talking. He hear Jingyi sigh deeply, making him turn to the other, taking in the sight of Jingyi whose eyes somewhere between Sizhui's shoulder and chest, avoiding his gaze.
"Its, it's not your fault. I just- I don't- You- I mean-" Another sigh, "I just don't know. It's just a fuc- a little compliment but it, it feels damn good. It... It makes me have my hopes up." Another sigh, deeper than before, "I just don't want to get my hopes up." Sizhui hears Jingyi's voice break and he sees it. He see the tears glistening in his brown eyes as Jingyi finally look up to him. "A-yi..." Sizhui calls out ever so gently, hugging the teary-eyed boy. Jingyi shows no sign of struggle, instead burying his face on the crook of Sizhui's neck. "Lan Jingyi, we both are fools in this." Sizhui say with a soft chuckles, his hands drawing circle on Jingyi's back to soothe him. Lan Wangji's lips almost curls up to a smile, gaze soften as he stand behind the door, a memory of teenage A-yuan getting flustered over Jingyi 'courting' him plays in mind. A-Yuan deserve at least that much of a love in his life after all, he is happy for him.