Chapter Text
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
Sent a photo.
i found a home for the plant on the windowsill :)
thanks again
how should I pay you?
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
Don’t worry about it
It’s a gift from me
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
please
there’s literally no occasion
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
Hmm
To commemorate the start of our partnership
Good enough occasion for you? :D
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
i don’t know
can i buy you a coffee?
like when we meet for exam review tomorrow
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
Thanks but I’ll pass on the coffee
I don’t like to consume caffeine so late
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
they have italian sodas and stuff at the library cafe too
would that work?
there are also pastries
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
Fine
If it makes you happy, I’ll find a way to spend your money
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
nice :) see you tomorrow!
-
Just as they agreed upon, Doyoung is waiting in the library atrium, in front of the gigantic crystal abstract statue of which Jaehyun can neither describe shape nor form. He’s wearing the university merch sweatshirt in navy blue. It’s a color that he wears often, Jaehyun observes, and it suits him very well.
“Let’s hit the cafe first?” Doyoung says, calm as always.
They walk to the small, student-staffed cafe that’s also located on the first floor. There’s a line; there’s always a line. Jaehyun gets in line since he’s paying, while Doyoung politely stands to the side and studies the menu. Two seconds later, he declares that he will have whatever Jaehyun gets him and heads outside.
“One iced coffee, black, and one iced lavender tea latte, decaf please,” Jaehyun orders and taps his student card to pay. His balance is so low that he can’t afford another drink until he tops it up again, so he makes a mental note to do just that, then ducks to the side to wait. The barista hands him the drinks with a smile, her dangly earrings brightening up her face. Either he’s paranoid, or the next guy in line is blatantly glaring at him. He quickly takes his leave and hopes that his choice of drink won’t disappoint Doyoung.
Doyoung is standing next to a table talking to two people he doesn’t recognize. Jaehyun isn’t sure whether to give them some space, but one of the guys at the table spots him and alerts Doyoung, so he walks over. Doyoung looks a little flustered, and Jaehyun wonders what they are just talking about.
“Doyoung ditched us tonight for you, but I’m sure you’re very worth it,” the same pink-haired guy says to him. His teasing smile seems to be directed at Doyoung instead. Maybe the two are Doyoung’s friends, though they look a little younger.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Jaemin,” Doyoung scoffs. He accepts his drink with a smile, which turns into a scowl as soon as he addresses the two again. “You’re not the one with a midterm this week. You’ll live. Plus you know how to reach me if you could be bothered to ask your questions.”
They leave and take the elevator up to the sixth floor. Jaehyun doesn’t ask about the conversation Doyoung was having. It’s not until they’re settled at their usual booth that Doyoung finally explains, “Those two are taking Calc II and I’m their TA. I usually hold evening help hours on Wednesday, but I’m rescheduling this week. It’s awkward that I ran into them just now because now Jaemin thinks we’re…” He trails off.
Jaehyun waits patiently for the rest of the sentence.
“He thinks I rescheduled just to hang out with you. As in, we’re seeing each other,” Doyoung is still looking away, and there’s a miserable look in his eyes. It makes sense why he’s embarrassed about being misunderstood.
“That’s what they were teasing you about? I should have told Jaemin that you’re helping me out,” Jaehyun purses his lips, feeling guilty. “And of course, you’re not taking time off work just for me. You need time to study for yourself too. Sorry if I gave them the wrong impression by buying you a drink.”
“Don’t even apologize. They’re just being stupid,” Doyoung shrugs, and Jaehyun watches as he turns the cup over in his hands. “Thanks for getting this for me. This tastes better than anything I’ve ever ordered there.”
“I can get it for you again. I go there all the time anyway,” Jaehyun says lightly. He could just tell Doyoung the order, but he doesn’t want to give it away.
He half-expected Doyoung to decline out of politeness, but Doyoung just laughs and it comes out a little forced. “What, as part of your deal with the barista?”
Jaehyun blinks at him, confused, then follows his eyes to his iced coffee cup. It’s hard to see what’s scribbled on there in black marker ink against the dark color of the drink. He missed it before, but now that he’s looking closely he can make out what it says. “Come back W-F nights for a chat and a free drink xx,” he reads, and the instant mortification makes blood rush straight to his ears. Damn it. That’s why he was getting a dirty look from the guy in line. It’s always awkward to receive something like this in public, but it’s even worse in front of Doyoung.
He’s not sure why the atmosphere between them is suddenly tense. Doyoung has an odd look on his face like this is just as embarrassing for him as it is for Jaehyun. Not that there’s anything wrong with being flirted with, Jaehyun just doesn’t want Doyoung to get the wrong idea. “I’m not interested,” he clarifies awkwardly. “I didn’t even see it, I swear.”
“You don’t have to explain. Sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you. It’s none of my business,” Doyoung says gently. “How about we start studying?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Jaehyun deadpans and Doyoung laughs, and that takes away most of the tension at least.
The thing about this class and the professor’s teaching style is that Jaehyun would take notes in lecture and find that they make sense enough, but when he later returns to them he feels like he doesn’t actually know anything. The definitions aren’t explicitly stated in class in favor of more casual and visual explanations of the concepts. It’s more digestible to listen to, yet whenever he works on the assignments, he has to rifle through the textbook to read up on all the terms to even understand the questions. He’s been assuming that he just doesn’t pay enough attention, so it’s surprising that Doyoung has the same problem.
“This is why I don’t like applied math as much,” Doyoung mutters mostly to himself, then to Jaehyun, “I think there wasn’t a lot of emphasis on definitions because the material so far has been very intuition-based, but we have to know the definitions well for the exam. The professor said he’d ask us to state a few definitions and give examples. No proofs, but there can also be less straightforward true-false questions.”
“I hate those. They tweak a word or two and you have to spend ten minutes trying to decide if it still means the same thing,” Jaehyun shudders.
“Agreed, they’re the bane of my existence, so I made a little study guide. Some places are still fuzzy, but it’s a start. I think the most important things are polyhedra and convex sets, standard form linear program, and everything related to the simplex algorithm.”
Jaehyun leans in to copy down some of the definitions. He skips the linear algebra terms as he knows them fairly well, having just taken it last semester, and focuses on the more recent topics. He hasn’t even thought of making a study guide but seeing Doyoung’s makes him want to start doing it for his future exams. Doyoung is such a good influence on him academically. There’s just something so inspiring about how organized and hard-working he is. If only Jaehyun got to study with Doyoung more often, he could feel this motivated all the time. Would it be a strange thing to ask? He decides to bring it up later. He already feels like he’s freeloading as it is, studying from the notes compiled by Doyoung’s hard work.
“There’s going to be a lot of graphing on the exam too. Since it’s closed notes we won’t have access to the online solvers we’ve been using, so the linear programs are meant to be solved graphically,” Doyoung continues.
“I’m fine with graphs,” Jaehyun says. “It’s all I ever do in my other classes, it feels like.”
“Then you’re good. Just have the definitions memorized and skim through the textbook tonight, and you’ll be fine.”
They go over the weekly assignments for practice questions, comparing their answers and approaches. Jaehyun is glad that he at least got a lot of things right despite several minor, careless mistakes. It’s reassuring for him to see Doyoung’s work and realize that Doyoung makes mistakes and gets things wrong occasionally, too. He must be under a lot of pressure, all that expectation to be perfect just because he comes so close. Jaehyun knows a lot of brilliant people, like his classmate Taeil who is nothing short of an engineering genius, but he doesn’t want to understand them the way he does with Doyoung. Maybe he’s just surprised that Doyoung is so warm and friendly, nothing like the reputation that precedes him.
An hour later Doyoung finally suggests a break, and Jaehyun is all too glad for one. His brain has been working at full capacity all evening and it’s slowly turning into mush. He leans back in his chair and checks his phone. No new messages. There’s a calendar reminder about the in-class midterm tomorrow, and he won’t be off the hook for the rest of the week with an engineering assignment due on Saturday, but at least there’s a football game Friday night that he’s looking forward to watching. People say junior year is the busiest and full of changes. Jaehyun hasn’t really felt that until now, and it has him worried about all the big things to come, whether he’s ready to handle all of it well. He’s taking two core classes for his engineering major requirements on which he has to focus, but this Optimization project is another one of his top priorities. They have a progress report due at the end of next week, and he’s already promised not to give Doyoung any reason to hate him by the time they’re finished.
“Why’d you skip class that Thursday?” Doyoung suddenly asks, shaking him from his thoughts. “I thought you were leaving early for break, but you weren’t going anywhere.”
Jaehyun blinks, too touched for a moment to say anything.
“Yeah, no, I was here. I was feeling pretty down that day and the weather was awful, so I gave up on class and slept in,” he explains, hoping Doyoung wouldn’t think less of him for it. If he had come to class, he wouldn’t have to bother Doyoung to review with him right now. “I’m not the best student, I know.”
“Everyone skips class from time to time. It’s not wrong to take some time for yourself.”
“You never skip class. You wouldn’t make excuses like this for yourself,” Jaehyun points out. He can tell Doyoung is being lenient toward him, and he doesn’t know why he’s pushing it.
Doyoung just shrugs. “You’re different.”
“Don’t you ever feel like skipping? Maybe you had a bad day, or you want to sleep in, or the weather sucks, and it would just be so much easier to not go?”
“I just don’t see it as an option. It helps when you have a reputation for being the teacher’s pet, like, everyone is expecting you to be there on the front row,” Doyoung says, and there’s the slightest hint of bitterness in his cool voice. “Besides, growing up, my parents and my brother always made sure I was serious about school. I resented that until I figured out that I’m not doing this just for them, but for myself. Even when I’m having a bad day, I know it will always make my life easier to just go.”
Jaehyun pictures Doyoung’s attentive parents and nurturing childhood—even Doyoung’s family sounds perfect—is this why he grew up to be so self-assured, so put together?
“So you’re saying… when things get tough, going to class is a coping mechanism for you, instead of skipping?”
Doyoung does his signature half-snort, half-laugh. “I guess so.”
“I wish I was built like that,” Jaehyun admits. “Like most people, I just stop caring to cope. I know it’s good to go to class, but sometimes I really can’t be bothered to do the good thing. Like, who cares if I skipped one class? I don’t know how to convince myself it’s worth it.”
“The professor cares, and… so do I, I mean, I notice when you’re not there,” Doyoung says, but he’s busy smoothing out the pages of his notebook rather than looking at Jaehyun. “Just… text me next time if you have a hard time deciding whether to come. I’ll try to convince you.”
Jaehyun could have sworn that it sounded like Doyoung cared about him. He knows it’s preposterous. Doyoung only notices because they’re partners, and a partner worth their salt shouldn’t be clueless about class material.
So he changes the subject. “I just realized I never asked, did you have a good time in Boston with your brother?”
“We had a fight, actually,” Doyoung sighs, “about academic stuff. I left a day early, and we haven’t talked since. We have always been similar as kids, but right now I think we’ve grown to be quite different.”
Jaehyun has no idea what Doyoung’s brother could fight him about academics-wise. Maybe it was about getting Doyoung to study less. “I don’t have siblings so I don’t know what it’s like to fight with them, but it must be hard to fight with someone you’re so close with. If you ever want to talk about it...”
The offer sounds alien coming out of his mouth, but he means it.
There’s a look in Doyoung’s eyes like he’s considering it for a moment. Then he says, “Thank you, but I don’t know. It’s just hard to explain. I’d tell you if it was about literally anything else.”
Of course. Classmates don’t confide in each other. Jaehyun hopes Doyoung thinks he was offering just to be polite.
-
Jaehyun is washing his hands at the sink when he hears the parting of shower curtains. He looks up at the mirror and catches the reflection of Yuta emerging from one of the stalls behind him, wearing nothing but a pair of track pants and leaving on display a toned, slim torso with a butterfly tattoo sitting at the navel. Just a week ago he was in a dream where he had his hands all over that body, and the memory makes him flinch. Yuta is busy towel-drying his shoulder-length hair, so he turns off the tap and decides to skip drying his hands altogether just so he can slip out unnoticed.
But no such luck. “Oh hey, Jaehyun. Football in the common room at eight? You can’t miss this one.”
He wants to say no, but it doesn’t quite roll off his tongue. He’s planning on watching the game anyway and it’s always better to watch it on the big screen with company, so to be fair, he doesn’t want to say no. He just feels like he should avoid Yuta for the time being while the dream he had still feels fresh in his mind.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” he ends up saying after a second. Yuta’s reflection grins at him, then goes back to drying his hair.
Jaehyun walks back to his room and plops himself down on his unmade bed. He needs to think. He consulted Johnny earlier in the week about his dream, and Johnny essentially told him that he needed to get laid. Jaehyun knows it’s been a hot minute since he last slept with someone, but he’s not desperate for that. He’s desperate for something much more elementary, something like a date, someone to spend time with doing fun activities. Someone he feels comfortable around.
He knows the campus is teeming with people down to hang out, and he knows where to find the barista who flirted with him a couple of days ago, but it’s not other people that’s the problem, it’s him. He always freezes up before he can give himself a chance with anyone. When someone shows interest and goes out of their way to be nice to him, he receives it first with delight, then skepticism. The campus therapist that he’s talked to a couple of times told him once that it’s the interplay between self-esteem and trust issues that makes it hard for him to accept love and affirmation, while desperately craving validation from anyone who enters his life. Knowing that he finds it a smarter move to close himself off from potential connections rather than opening himself up to be swooped into that cycle of simultaneously chasing after affection and running away from it.
All of this has nothing to do with Yuta. They’re just soccer buddies who live on the same floor. He likes Yuta, but not like that, so there’s no reason for him to avoid Yuta and miss out on a very fun game. In his dream, Yuta was, for lack of a better word, just a stand-in for a romantic interest, of which there is none in real life. His mind had to fill in the blanks.
Having cleared his mind a bit, Jaehyun scrolls idly on his phone to look for something entertaining to watch to kill the half hour before the game starts. He deserves a night off after the intense workout he’s been putting his brain through all week. The study session with Doyoung might have been exhausting, but he knows he wouldn’t have done nearly as well on the exam yesterday without it. Thinking of Doyoung, he opens Instagram to send a quick text.
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
i couldnt stick around after the exam yesterday
but i think it went well
so thank you for reviewing with me!
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
My pleasure :)
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
we should get back to work on the project now huh
do you still want to send out a student survey? to gather some real data
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
Yes of course
But let’s not worry about it until Sunday, we can discuss it then
I’m sure you have better things to do on a Friday night
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
do you?
have better things to do tonight?
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
I’m about to watch the Dear M premiere
Should be fun
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
what’s that?
i’ve never heard of it
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
It’s a kdrama!
The kdrama club booked the student conference hall for this LOL
We take it very seriously
How about you?
JH (｡◠‿◠｡)
i’m just gonna watch football in the common room with a friend
Doyoung (ᓀ‸ᓂ)
Have fun with your friend!
See you Sunday, same time?
Yuta is already on the couch, though he’s joined by some other people from their dorm, the typical sports enthusiasts ensemble. Jaehyun sits down on the floor, feeling quite relieved that he doesn’t have to be alone with Yuta in the very scene that occurred in his dream. It’s just… uncanny, that’s all.
It’s easy enough to relax once the game starts, and he doesn’t even jolt when Yuta claps his shoulder in celebration. It’s a pleasant surprise that their small liberal arts college team manages to cinch a win against their opponent, a large public research university in the next state over. It’s always more fun to cheer for the underdog. One of the freshmen, Chenle, offers to buy everyone a round of drinks at the campus pub: beer for those old enough to consume it, smoothies otherwise. After deciding to meet up downstairs in half an hour, the little group begins to disperse.
Jaehyun is in the middle of tidying up the couch cushions when Yuta asks, “Do you have plans next Friday?”
He glances around the common room and realizes everyone has left. “Not yet, why?”
“JCC is hosting an event, and it’d be cool if you could come. Japanese Culture Club,” Yuta explains when he sees the clueless look on Jaehyun’s face, and yes, Jaehyun feels bad that he forgets Yuta is Japanese sometimes. “I was promoted to co-chair this semester, so I finally get to host cool events. We’re doing a chill game night at the Saria House. There will be Nintendo games, J-rock, and some imported Japanese beer for sampling. Bring your ID if you want to taste some beer.”
That sounds like a lot of fun. Jaehyun knows he can kill it at a game of Mario Kart, and it’s not every day that he gets a sanctioned free beer sampling on campus grounds. It’s also a chance to mingle and maybe meet someone new. Jaehyun wouldn’t bet on it like that, but it’s about time he stopped letting his emotional yearning bleed into his dreams.
“Tell your friends, or bring a date,” Yuta continues, bending over to pick up a cushion that’s fallen to the floor. “I invited this guy I kind of have a crush on. You remember Sicheng at the front desk of the gym?”
Jaehyun barely remembers the person, only the way Yuta always takes forever to check in at the sports complex. That tracks. He stands there awkwardly in the space between the couch and the coffee table now that everything is tidied up. In his dream last week, he was cuddling with Yuta in this very room, while in reality, Yuta is bringing his campus crush to an event he’s hosting next week, and Jaehyun has no one he can think of to invite. Just Johnny and Mark, but he has a feeling they might be bringing dates of their own. Johnny has been hooking up with Ten, an exchange student from Bangkok, and while he claims it’s purely physical to let off steam, Jaehyun doesn’t buy it. Not with the way Johnny has been browsing for cheap plane tickets for a summer trip abroad.
“So… think you can make it?”
Jaehyun almost forgets that Yuta has been waiting for a reply while he’s been spacing out. “Of course, I’ll be there. Do I have to sign up or anything?”
“It’s technically an RSVP-only event, but you don’t have to since you’re friends with the host,” Yuta winks.
-
Doyoung rounds the corner to Jaehyun’s usual spot in the library. Mark is on his laptop with headphones on, so only Johnny looks up to greet him with a pleasant smile. Before Doyoung can say hi and ask about Jaehyun’s whereabouts, Johnny tilts his chin in the direction of the couch behind them. Doyoung can make out a sleeping figure and his eyes trail along the length of the couch until they reach a pair of Air Force Ones. The fact that he has Jaehyun’s shoe collection memorized is beside the point. The point is that Jaehyun is blissfully asleep and Doyoung would be heartless to even think of waking him.
He turns to Johnny pleadingly. “What am I supposed to do? How long has he been asleep?”
“Around an hour, I think. He totally passed out. Just wake him, Doyoung.”
“He’s your best friend, shouldn’t you be waking him up?”
Johnny bites back a grin. “You’re the one who needs him awake to work on your project. Why should I wake him up?”
Doyoung swallows—he would have glared at Johnny for making him do this if he knew Johnny any better—and walks over to the couch. Jaehyun is indeed dead to the world, his face buried in the couch cushions (gross), his chest rising and falling at regular intervals, and his hair a total mess. He looks so peaceful. Doyoung sincerely regrets having to wake him as he squats down and places a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder, giving in to the urge to curl his fingers into the soft and warm fabric. He feels like he’s about to cross a line here. This feels a little too domestic, and the affection he feels is tearing him from the inside out.
He gives Jaehyun’s shoulder a little shake. “Jaehyun. It’s me. Wake up.”
Jaehyun rises from the couch and faces Doyoung with his large, tired eyes. Doyoung retracts his hand as fast as his reflexes would allow him and takes a whole step back. “Sorry,” he says apologetically. “It’s past seven and Johnny told me I should wake you, but if you’re tired—”
“Damn it,” Jaehyun curses and blinks a few more times before standing up, his dazed expression softening at Doyoung. “Thanks. I need to have a word with Johnny first, so I’ll meet you at the booth. I have something to show you.”
Doyoung does as instructed, and Jaehyun appears a few minutes later. He looks like he just washed his face and wiped it on the sleeve of his hoodie. His face pinks easily, Doyoung notices, a fact he has absolutely no idea what to do with.
Jaehyun yawns into his damp sleeve and runs a hand through his hair, which is still ruffled on one side and flat on the other from the way he was sleeping. “Sorry about that,” he mumbles, “I didn’t want to set an alarm because it’s obnoxious for everyone when it goes off. Johnny was supposed to wake me before seven but he didn’t. Just to mess with me, I guess.”
No, he’s messing with me, Doyoung thinks, because it’s devastating how adorable you are when you just woke up.
“It’s okay. What did you want to show me?”
Jaehyun pushes his laptop over to show him a Google Forms page among a dozen other open tabs. Doyoung can’t help but notice the other tabs are the titles of the papers that he sent Jaehyun the other day for reference. He wasn’t expecting Jaehyun to read them yet. He also wasn’t expecting Jaehyun to already make progress on the form, which is shown to be last edited at 3:19 a.m. He must have been up until almost morning to work on all this. That’s the most dedication any of his partners have shown to the project. To him.
“I know you said we’d work on it today, but I thought it’d be nice if I could get a headstart,” Jaehyun smiles shyly, with just a hint of dimples on his cheeks. “I hope you don’t mind that I stepped up a little. You’ve already done a lot of research into this, I didn’t want you to feel like you have to be the one who puts in most of the work.”
Doyoung’s been in too many group projects to count where people would slack off and assume he would be there to pick up the pieces. They weren’t wrong. He absolutely would do that for Jaehyun too, if Jaehyun was any less considerate and stellar. Jaehyun just knows exactly which strings to pull to get Doyoung to fall for him, doesn’t he?
“No, I appreciate it. I only mind that you stayed up so late.”
“Well, the fall course schedule just came out last night and I had to take a look. It’s nice to have actual data to work with, but we won’t know how students will register and it’s unrealistic to poll the entire campus. So I was thinking, we could just send out a general survey to learn about student’s opinions on the current registration system, and their priorities and decision-making process as they come up with their course list for a given semester. Just to inform the goals of our project.”
Doyoung hums and reads through the survey. The questions are well written, with ample room for students to type out their responses. Doyoung can already imagine the volume of responses they will get when this finally goes live. They can post the link online, and tape posters with QR codes inside elevators, on bulletin boards, and even on bathroom stall doors. Their course registration system has been terribly inefficient for a college of a relatively small size, and the student body deserves an avenue to voice their frustrations and make suggestions for improvement.
Even if they don’t get to test their program on real data, they will have an idea of what needs to be optimized so they can provide a theoretical framework for improving course assignments. That would be a valuable contribution in itself, but then an idea occurs to him.
“Actually, we might be able to poll students for their preferences if we narrow down our scope and optimize for just one or two departments instead of the entire campus. I feel like departments currently struggling to assign students might be open to working with us. My friend Jungwoo was just telling me that computer science is going to be short-staffed and students will be fighting to get into the classes they want. We can ask the department to share registration data with us, and in return, we solve their matching problem with our optimization project. They can use our results as a reference to make their decision, and we can verify how well we do compared to the final placements in the fall.”
Jaehyun nods slowly. “Shoot. That’s an awesome idea. Do you think we can pull it off?”
“It’s a little ambitious. We should make an office hour appointment next week to check with the professor. But I’m sure he doesn’t expect us to have the answers to everything by the end of the semester, as long as we make a considerable effort and meaningful progress. I think we can manage that.”
Jaehyun props up his chin with his elbow on the table. “Progress?” he asks. From this angle, Jaehyun’s gaze is all lashes, long and gorgeous. Doyoung doesn’t know how he can ever get over someone so beautiful.
Doyoung licks his lips. “Yeah, progress.”