Chapter Text
The second time Namjoon felt his world crumble comes weeks later when the two mates are busy enjoying TV.
Jungkook's favorite show was on, a comedy-style family-friendly program they both enjoyed and usually watched together on most nights. There had been an idol promoting his most recent comeback on a stage; a song about lust, love, and temptation blasting through the speakers as Omegas and Betas swarmed and danced around the Alpha seductively.
Singing along as he fidgeted in his seat, Jungkook watched entranced as he kept his gaze trained on the performance; his eyes glued to the screen as the camera did god's work in zooming in on the scantily clad Omegas currently dancing on screen.
Besides him, his eyes following the movements carefully as he fought the sleep pulling at his eyelids, Namjoon hummed along as he listened to the melody; the lyrics making him chuckle softly as he thought of ways to improve the wordplay.
Moving along with the rhythm as he paid the omega no mind, Jungkook whistled as the dancers on the screen suddenly pulled off an intricate move; the idol onstage now circled by the women as they pulled and touched the Alpha every which way as they moved to the beat of the song.
Brows furrowing as he was pulled from his trance, Namjoon turned to gaze at his mate curiously; his confusion quite apparent as he shuffled awkwardly in his seat to see what had impressed Jungkook so easily.
“What?” he asked softly as he felt his brows furrow but Jungkook did not spare him a single glance; the Alpha's main focus seemingly glued to the screen as he shuffled closer to the edge of his seat in order to get a better view.
“Man, look at his Omega dancers Joonie. Their form is insane! They're probably built bigger than me or you….hell, they even look prettier too.” he teased playfully as he chuckled softly, a smirk pulling at the alpha’s lips as he watched the dancers twist and turn onstage.
And really, Namjoon knows the comment isn't about him.
Knows it's just Jungkook being Jungkook when he says it.
And yet somehow, the omega feels the words cut him open just the same.
Watching the dancers move around flawlessly on stage, their smooth unblemished skin shining under the overhead lights, Namjoon soon found himself wondering how he could have gotten so off track in such a short amount of time.
Of course, the omega had once looked like the Omegas on the screen….knew he once moved like them as they waltzed around without a single care as music had flowed through him flawlessly and the lights had made him glow with an unearthly beauty.
But now? Sitting on his couch in old, baggy clothes too stained with baby food and other unmentionables?
Namjoon was beginning to realize he would never be the same again.
Feeling his eyes start to prickle as his thoughts grow harsher and harsher, Namjoon willed himself to crack a smile as he unfurled his limbs from where they rested tensely on the couch. Voice sounding small and out of place as he felt every bone in his body suddenly realign, Namjoon moved as he turned to look towards where the Alpha was sitting.
Chest almost bursting at the seams as it grew tight with emotion, Namjoon cleared his throat as the omega tried his best to nonchalantly let his mate know he was finally heading off to bed.
“Kook, I'm going to turn in…kinda tired,” he hummed softly as he waited for Jungkook to wish him goodnight. Only the alpha hardly seemed to notice him; the Alpha’s gaze glued to the screen as Namjoon felt his smile immediately fall flat and his restraint start to disappear.
And oh.
Oh, how the pain was almost impossible for him to bear.
Still, Namjoon made sure to hide it well; his features growing pinched as he inhaled sharply and stood abruptly from his seat. Looming over the enraptured alpha, Namjoon does his best to keep his scent from growing bitter. Limbs working for him as he balled his hands into fists by his side, Namjoon moved quietly as he slowly left the living room.
Behind him, humming mindlessly as he barely bid his mate goodbye, Jungkook lets Namjoon know he’ll turn in later when he feels more tired.
Head hanging low as he nodded, Namjoon tried hard not to burst into tears when he hears the performance replayed on the giant screen.
So much for having a nice night in, he grumbled.
But of course, his night was far from over.
Later as he lay in bed with his baby and mate laying sound asleep next to him, Namjoon finds himself awake and slowly sliding out of bed. Feet making no sound as they touched the ground, the omega moved slowly as he began to quietly tiptoe over the smooth tiled floors. Legs moving aimlessly without direction, Namjoon walked until he came to an abrupt stop in the middle of his now-empty living room.
Brows growing furrowed as he lost track of time, Namjoon stood there until his feet began to ache; the evening's conversation replaying on an endless loop in his mind as he watched the world buzz and move outside his window. Sighing once he’d had enough of his self-inflicted torture, Namjoon moved slowly as he turned to begin shuffling mindlessly around his quiet home; his feet soon moving towards his old workroom as he walked silently past every twist and turn.
Coming to a stop outside the door he rarely visits nowadays, Namjoon felt a small smile bloom on his face as he reached for the handle and slowly pushed open the door. Holding his breath as he peeked his head inside for a better view, the omega felt his nerves grow once he was met with a series of stacked books piled high against the walls of the nicely decorated room. Chest growing tight as he was flooded with nostalgia, Namjoon eyed the scattered and worn hardcover spines pointing his way as they greeted him like an old friend as he quietly made his way inside.
But of course, the books weren't the only things making the Omega grow fond.
Lips pulling into a tight line as he shuffled deeper into the room, Namjoon turned as he glanced towards the far back wall; his eyes growing narrowed as he struggled to see the items hidden by the dark and shadows clinging around him. He could almost make them out, the velvet hangers standing out in the darkened room as Namjoon came to a stop a few feet away and reached out a hand to grasp at the long-forgotten material.
And there, leaning against the wall as if completely forgotten, Namjoon felt his mouth go dry as his gaze landed on the metal rack filled to the brim with unused outfits; the clothes he’d styled and worn to countless media events and used for appearances on the covers of high-end magazines still looking brand new even after all these years left untouched.
Namjoon thinks that tends to happen when the clothes he called his own no longer fit due to the changes in his body and the weight now settling heavily around his hips and waist after his pup's birth.
And suddenly, as the omega stood there and felt his eyes start to burn, Namjoon flinched as Jungkook's words came rushing back to hit him full force.
“Man, look at his Omega dancers Joonie. Their form is insane,”
Lips pulling into a frown, Namjoon thought back to the look in his mate's eyes as he’d watched the Omegas on-screen dance and move to the music, his awestruck expression almost burned into the back of the omega's mind as he gulped loudly and reached out to grasp one of the deep suede coats hanging loosely on a worn velvet hanger.
“....They even look prettier too.” his alpha had said and somehow, the world was set on making Namjoon never forget it.
Standing in the room with the shadows dancing around him, Namjoon took a deep breath and wondered if this was what his life would be like from now on.
A series of unfortunate evenings spent with his mate as he grew into someone he didn't recognize while his alpha spent his time with the most beautiful people in the world.
Hand quickly forming into a fist as clutched the fabric in his grasp tightly, Namjoon decided no, he wasn't about to let that happen.
Not if he could do anything to stop it.
And so, Namjoon comes up with a plan. One he knew was foolproof and impossible to fail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later in the morning when the sun begins to settle high in the sky as the city below quickly comes to life, Namjoon decides to finally set his new plan into motion.
Standing in the middle of his workroom with a robe secured tightly around him as rays of sunlight seeped lazily through his window, Namjoon furrowed his brows as he stared at the collection of designer fabric laid out before him.
Reaching into the rack for what felt like the hundredth time, Namjoon huffed as he shoved through each hanger frantically; the omega fidgeting restlessly as he struggled to choose what to wear. Eyes running over the clothes hurriedly, Namjoon chewed his bottom lip nervously as it began to feel almost impossible to choose a single thing from the packed rack.
Leave it to him to panic down to the last minute, Namjoon groaned lowly.
“Jesus Namjoon, pick something dammit,” he cursed as a scoff slipped past his lips.
It was currently seven in the morning and soon Jungkook would be waking up to eat the breakfast his mate had so lovingly prepared for him like he did every morning. Worry starting to grow in the pit of his stomach, Namjoon knew he had to choose something and fast. The last thing he wanted to do was to walk out and greet his mate naked in order to get his point across.
Scoffing loudly as he rolled his eyes, Namjoon was sure Jungkook would be the last person to have an issue with that actually.
Shaking his head as he stifled a fond smile, Namjoon sighed as he moved to push aside a handful of heavy hangers; the coats and sweaters moving slowly across the metal rod as Namjoon grew more and more unsure of his plan as the clothes made their way slowly across the silver bar.
Patience starting to wear thin the longer he looked and found nothing, Namjoon began to worry as he felt his muscles tense and his gut fill with trepidation. Wondering briefly if he should call it quits and come up with something else to do, Namjoon rummaged through the clothes as his thoughts and emotions raged; his mind running a thousand miles a minute before it could even process a signal thought.
And there, in the midst of his own chaos as he shoved some hangers aside, Namjoon sees exactly what he needs.
The perfect outfit for the perfect plan hanging on a miniature hanger practically hidden away from the omega's sight.
Only then does Namjoon know his plan will be a success.
Eyes growing wide as his lips parted in surprise, Namjoon rushed forward to grasp the hanger and pull it right off the rack; Namjoon's eyes roaming wildly over the outfit as he took a few steps back to see the material closer under the rays of early morning sun. Colored a soft shade of periwinkle with a cotton white hem, Namjoon gasped louder once he pulled the dress against his frame; his hands ghosting over the material as he moved to step out of the light and stand in front of the only mirror in the room.
It's then Namjoon's mind is made up. The silk material making him buzz with excitement as he noticed the way the fabric complimented his shape and tone exactly.
‘Yes,’ he hummed. This would be perfect.
Namjoon was sure once Jungkook caught a glimpse of him in this, the alpha would be impossible to fight off; his prime objective surely set on getting his mate into bed as quickly as possible. Feeling goosebumps bloom over his skin at the thought, Namjoon giggled softly as he felt his insides suddenly grow warm; the excitement getting the best of him as he moved to undress and quickly let his robe pool in a pile at his feet.
Only try as he might, the excitement doesn't really last him long.
Once an ecstatic smile now pulled into a tight grimace, Namjoon found himself cursing as the fabric soon proved to be tight and unforgiving; Namjoon’s skin quickly growing flushed as he tried and failed to force the dress closed.
Cursing louder under his breath as he sucked in his middle, Namjoon exhaled sharply as he pulled tightly on the fabric, a groan slipping past his lips once the zipper jolted upward and finally snapped into place. Gasping as his waist stayed cinched to the gods, Namjoon took a minute to catch his breath; his reflection staring back at him wildly as the dress was finally secured in place.
And just like that, the omega was ready. It’d been a hassle but Namjoon had never been prouder.
Standing before his gold-adorned full-length mirror, Namjoon thought the outfit looked a little worse for wear but the omega found he absolutely did not care. Not when he realized it didn't look half as bad as he thought it would have in the first place.
And sure, maybe some of the dress's fabric was stretched around his hips and yes maybe the top hugged his chest a little too tight but what was the harm? Why did he have to worry about such minuscule things like this?
He felt good and looked good too; a glimpse of his old self rushing back to him as he smiled at his reflection for what felt like the first time since giving birth.
Standing before the mirror as he eyed the fabric clinging to his skin, Namjoon knew this was all he needed and nothing more.
And so, with a bounce in his step as he grew content with his reflection, Namjoon turned on his heel and headed out towards the hall; his plan finally in motion as he moved with purpose across his sunbathed living room and what lay beyond it.
A few moments later, Namjoon finds himself humming softly as he sets the kitchen table with plates full of his Alpha’s favorite food; the fabric of his dress rustling softly around him the only sound heard as he moved every which way.
Scent of coffee being brewed filling his senses as he walked around cautiously, Namjoon moved slowly as he reached for his favorite mug sitting empty on the counter. Humming softly once his coffee machine signaled it was time to be poured, Namjoon prepared his drink quietly as his excitement grew larger by the second.
Shifting nervously from foot to foot, the omega grew anxious as he wondered when his mate would wake up, his senses suddenly on edge as he caught on to a familiar scent now slowly filling the room.
Eyes growing wide as he suddenly caught onto Jungkook's strong scent, Namjoon jumped as he felt his hands freeze around his mug; his cheeks quickly blooming a small pinkish hue as he finally noticed the tell-tale signs of his Alpha finally being up and about.
Quickly growing giddy as he set his cup aside, Namjoon wasted no time as he moved to fix his appearance; his dress tugged back into place as he waited for his mate to finally join him.
Smile sitting wide on his lips, Namjoon watched excitedly as finally, a sleep-riddled alpha slowly made his way into the kitchen. Smile never wavering as Jungkook grunted a barely audible ‘hello’ his way, the omega waited patiently as Jungkook moved to slowly sit at the table.
It's not until the singer is finally sat that Namjoon feels his legs suddenly spring forward, his hands quick to busy themselves as he pushed the alpha’s plate towards him and hurried to offer his mate a cup of coffee.
“Oh Alpha, Good Morning! Hope I wasn't too loud, I wanted to get this ready for you before work today!” Namjoon spits out as his lips move before he can think clearly, his words echoing in the room as Namjoon watched Jungkook reach for his food.
Fidgeting as Jungkook nodded as he quickly dug into his breakfast, Namjoon waited as the alpha reached for his phone; his most recent notifications flashing on the screen taking most of his attention as the omega stood idle.
Growing impatient as he cleared his throat, Namjoon inched closer to the table; his scent growing rich and sweet as he clasped his hands nervously before him. Anxiety eating him alive, Namjoon inched forward as he cleared his throat to break the silence, his knees like jelly as he took a small step forward.
“So…notice anything new?” he mumbled as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for Jungkook to answer him. Eyes blinking slowly as he glanced upward to meet Namjoon’s waiting gaze, Jungkook frowned as he shook his head.
“.....Did you…retouch your hair?” he muttered groggily as he frowned, his words a little muffled and his eyes slightly closed as he slowly chewed his food. Smile falling as he felt his excitement fizzle, Namjoon whined as he gestured towards his frame; his scent tinged with a hint of exasperation as Jungkook stared ahead.
“What?? Noooo, Kook….Come on, look closer. I promise you won’t miss it,” Namjoon whined as his lips pulled into a pout, the omega quickly rejoicing once his alpha moved to put his sole focus back on him.
Eye furrowed as he scrunched his nose in deep thought, Jungkook sighed as he glanced to look Namjoon over; his arms coming to cross over his chest as he eyed the omega closely. Minutes seemingly crawling by, Namjoon stood stiff as his alpha took his time; jungkooks deep brown eyes swimming with mild interest as he looked at what Namjoon was wearing.
Holding his breath for some unknown reason, Namjoon willed his scent to stay calm, his heart thudding loudly in his ears with every second that passed. Thankfully, recognition blooms behind his mate's eyes before Namjoon can start to freak out.
“Oh..are those the clothes you got from the promotions you did back in Paris a few years ago?” Jungkook asked once he realized the change, his lips pulled at the corner as Namjoon felt his own smile widen.
“Yes, it is! See, I told you if you looked hard enough you’d see how good your omega looks today,” Namjoon exclaimed as he giggled loudly, his hands flying down to smooth out the skirt of his dress currently hugging his hips.
Jumping in place as he was filled with excitement, Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief as he waited for Jungkook to join him.
Only Jungkook doesn't act the way he’d pictured it in his mind; a quirked brow and frowned lips meeting him instead of the knowing smirk he’d expected to see. That and the words Jungkook says next are the last things Namjoon expected to be greeted with.
“Joonie,..don't you think it's a bit too much?” Jungkook mutters after a pause and Namjoon stops as the world comes to a screeching halt around him.
Smile immediately whipped clean from his lips, Namjoon stiffened as the air is knocked out of him; the little semblance of confidence he’d felt that morning was wholly gone in an instant. Staring at his mate as if he misheard him, Namjoon blinked slowly as he stuttered over his words.
“You don't….You don’t like it?” he asked as he gulped dryly, his lips moving as his ears filled with static as he spoke with growing hesitation. Brows furrowing together as he quickly watched Namjoon deflate, Jungkook shook his head in a hurry as he adjusted awkwardly in his seat; his phone long forgotten as he set the device face down beside him.
“Well, no...I mean I wouldn't say that. I do like it Joonie, I do. But…y’know what I mean…,” Jungkook stuttered as he gestured awkwardly before him, his tone growing strained as he avoided the one thing he didn't want to say.
Face growing hot as he felt the last inch of excitement leave him, Namjoon stood frozen as he swallowed around the growing lump in his throat. A part of him now growing self-conscious as he brought his arms forward to cross carefully over his middle.
“No Jungkook…I-I dont get what you mean. What's wrong with what I'm wearing?” he spits out with great difficulty, his heart now thudding in his ears for a different reason entirely. Sitting before him now fully awake, Jungkook paled as he rushed to salvage the situation.
Safe to say he handles the issue a bit poorly if the growing look on Namjoon's face is anything to go by.
“Baby, nothing's wrong with what you're wearing… It's just….It's not you.” Jungkook huffs once he pauses to find the right words, his chair now skidding loudly against the tile as he moved to rise from his seat. Sensing his intentions, Namjoon shakes his head as he takes a few steps back; his arm outstretched before him as he stopped the alpha from coming any closer.
“It's not…me? What do you mean by that?” Namjoon spits out once he manages to come to a stop, his mouth suddenly dry as he watched the alpha bring a hand to rub the back of his neck slowly.
At the sight of the alphas' nervous tell, Namjoon immediately figures he doesn't want to know anymore. But Jungkook is already speaking; the words falling from his lips echoing loudly in the room around them.
“What I meant was…It’s just something I see more on…Idols y’know?” he sighs and just like that, Namjoon has his answer.
Like a punch to the gut, Namjoon winces as Jungkook’s words wash over him; A mixture of pain and embarrassment swirling deep inside him making him almost sick to his stomach the longer he stood frozen in place.
Taking a deep breath as he shook his head slowly, Namjoon realized with a jolt that really….he should have known.
Should have known just what a horrible idea this all had been.
A shame he hadn't figured it out sooner.
“....So in other words, it’s for the pretty idols you hang out with and not me.” Namjoon spits out when the embarrassment grows larger inside him, the alarmed look on the alpha's face suddenly too much for Namjoon to handle.
Room threatening to spin as he felt the air grow too hot too soon, Namjoon chuckled humorlessly as he watched Jungkook spring forward; the alpha’s arms outstretched as if trying to reach him.
“No Joon, you know that's not what I meant-,” he tried but Namjoon was already moving, his vision starting to blur as he whipped his frame around to head down the hall sitting empty behind him.
“I’ll-I’ll be right back.” he managed to spit out as he began to walk away, Jungkook's voice calling his name making him walk all the much faster as he headed towards the nearest place he could hide in.
Thank the gods he reaches the bathroom in record time, the bitterness quickly filling his scent soon trailing behind him as he made his way inside.
“Namjoon!”
Throwing open the bathroom door as he ignored Jungkook's calls, Namjoon dove into the room and turned to make sure the door was closed shut behind him. Taking a deep breath as his vision was now completely blurred, Namjoon inched slowly toward the bathroom counter; his hesitation at an all-time high as he struggled to glance at his reflection in the mirror.
Wiping his eyes as he willed himself to calm down, Namjoon blinked slowly as he moved to meet his own gaze.
Only when he manages to glance at his reflection does the omega immediately regret it; the sight of his outstretched clothes sitting snug around his hips making his stomach lurch even more as he ripped his gaze away from the mirror before him.
And all at once, the omega bushes with blatant embarrassment; his failed attempt to look nice for his mate making his skin crawl as his skin burned with shame.
Because really, how had he ever expected to look any good in the first place?
How had he ever expected to look like the omegas he’d seen on TV?
It's a question that echoes in his head until he loses track of time; his tears hot as they roll quietly down his face. He doesn't know how long he stands there nor does he remember when Jungkook finally stops calling his name.
But It's not until the front door bangs shut that Namjoon budges from where he stands, the echoing sound of Jungkook's departure breaking him out of the trance he’d found himself stuck in. Wiping his face clean as he blinked against his tears, Namjoon took a deep breath as he realized the Alpha was probably on his way to another long work day.
Trying hard not to dwell on the fact the alpha doesn't choose to stay, Namjoon springs forward as the alarm he’d set to get Jungha ready for the day blares off in the distance; the omega wasting no time as he turned to dig through a hamper of old clothes he had forgotten to wash the day before.
Minutes later as he stepped out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, Namjoon ignores the way the pair of gray sweatpants he’d thrown on hang loosely around his frame. Moving as if stuck in a fog, Namjoon worked fast to clear the now empty table, his movements not slowing until he turned to take hold of his long-forgotten cup of now stale and cold coffee.
Edges of his eyes starting to burn all over again, Namjoon whimpers softly as he turned to pour the drink slowly down the drain.
He’d long lost his appetite.
And with it, so much more.
Sighing deeply once the kitchen was finally clear, Namjoon turned to exit the room; The sight of something white quickly catching his attention as he came to a stop near the kitchen counter.
Set neatly on the marble counter with his name etched in drying black ink, Namjoon reached out to slowly take a folded piece of paper in his grasp. Eyes scanning the page as he brought it up to his line of sight, Namjoon inhaled sharply once he skimmed over the only sentence written hastily on the folded page.
‘I love you for you, Joonie. You know I do.” it read, Jungkook’s writing making his heart squeeze tightly as his vision loomed over the page. Lips pulling into a deep frown as he read the words over and over again, Namjoon couldn't help but wonder.
“Do you really?”
And once again, the omega tries hard not to dwell on how long his question goes unanswered.
Nor on the silence that finally surrounds him.