Chapter Text
Aziraphale trekked up to the small hill, his senses already being filled with the presence of the demon close by. It made him tense up a bit. There was nothing he could do to reverse the damage that had been done over the past six thousand years. Even in recent years, he had always dismissed the many signs of distress. Even when they quickly swapped out their bodies before Heaven and Hell kidnapped them. After the whole ordeal, Crowley was rather overly protective what with gifting Aziraphale plenty of fire extinguishers. He never quite understood why Crowley insisted on giving him so many and so often. Maybe one day they would discuss the topic, Azirpaphale hoped.
Now reaching up to the cottage, he approached the door and felt his mind spin. Would Crowley be cross with him, maybe even fight him? What if he tried to usher him away? Aziraphale wouldn’t hold it against him to react in such a manner. He absolutely deserved it. No matter the excuses, it would never make what he has and had done in the past alright again. And that fact, as truthful as it stood, hurt like a dagger being thrown into his chest.
Suddenly, the angel’s ears picked up a soft sound on the other side of the cottage exterior. It sounded a lot like humming to Aziraphale, although he wasn’t quite sure. He headed toward the noise which echoed past the stone fence. A gate stood in the middle, a lock stiffly in place to prevent anything from entering. Aziraphale stood there, his hands on the top of the gate bars before looking around. He could see the garden a lot clearer now and it practically took his breath away.
There was a stone path that started at the gate and went all the way to the back of the cottage. Several beds of hydrangeas in all shapes and sizes lay on the far left of the garden next to some petunias, coral bells, and stonecrops. On the far right were caladiums, armerias, and several monstera plants all around the edge of the stone fence. Some bushes were placed on the far corners of the garden as the angel let his eyes wander more in awe. There were some empty spots towards the upper part of the garden which held a rather large oak tree that slightly dipped down to provide its shade. A large green patch of grass enveloped it in an oval shape. It looked like the best spot for a picnic or a glorious afternoon nap.
The soft humming was a lot louder now, and turning to the direction of the noise, Aziraphale could see its source.
Crouching down next to the coral bells and hydrangeas was Crowley, who wore a black sun hat that had a wide brim that stretched to the back of his head. His red hair was now much longer than before as it curled and stopped at the middle of his back. He wore a pair of black overalls that stretched to his matching black boots and a dark red tank top. A pair of beige gloves held a pair of sheers as he hummed and stopped before whispering something to the plants. They swayed slightly in response as the others shivered in hesitance.
Aziraphale’s breath was caught in his throat. Not out of fear, no, but out of what felt like tenderness. He had always known that Crowley was beautiful no matter the form, no matter if he was still an angel or not. It never truly mattered. Each form always made the angel freeze to look at him up and down from afar. He never admitted it to Crowley, not even to himself, how he presented in their countless run-ins together. If he had, who knows how Heaven would have reacted in response to such a thing? The thought made him shiver, but then he relaxed his suddenly tensed-up muscles before thinking, No . They do not have their wretched chains on me. Not anymore. I’m free.
Suddenly, the demon’s humming stopped as he flinched, freezing in place. Was it out of fear? Anger?
Aziraphale took a shaky breath before softly greeting him, “Hello, Crowley.”
Placing the sheers into one of the pockets of his overalls, Crowley stood up, his head tilting backward as he looked at the sky. He stayed that way for a few seconds before letting his head rest back down as he headed towards the door of the cottage. Not a single sound, not a grumble escaped his lips as he headed towards the doorway. It almost seemed as if the demon was trying to flee from the situation due to how fast he walked across the stone pathway. He had almost reached the door’s handle to open it when suddenly a soft cry sounded out, shaking the plants and flowers around the property in almost astonishment.
“I am sorry. I am oh-so sorry, Crowley.” Aziraphale paused as he felt his breath tremble more by the second, his eyes began to gloss as he swallowed thickly. A broken sound escaped his lips as he tried his best to continue and maintain his composure. “I take full accountability for the endless amount of things I have said and done to you. Trying to force you to do something you clearly did not want was unfair and made me just as bad, if not, worse as Heaven. My mind became unstable at that moment. When the Metatron gave me an opportunity to become the next Supreme Archangel, to have you reinstated, I did not once at that moment think to ask what you had wanted. In fact, I am still uncertain what you truly want.”
A tear rolled down his plush cheek as he shook his head. “I left you for Heaven, thinking that I could fix something that could never be fixed no matter how hard I tried. I left Earth, my bookshop, and the poor angel that the Metatron practically abandoned here. I was so terribly wrong, selfish, and cruel to you. Over the past millennia and even after the events of not-Armageddon, I never expressed my true feelings to the one creature I could trust. I was afraid. Even after temporarily cutting ties with Heaven, I still felt their grasp on me. But that is no excuse for what I have done. You did not deserve to be disregarded. You meant and will always mean so much to me. And I know I cannot reverse the pain and damage I have caused you, nor will an endless amount of apologies. But you deserve to know the truth and that I will always be sorry, Crowley. I am so terribly sorry.”
Crowley did not respond, his head moving ever so slightly as he stood in front of the door, listening to the angel’s every word.
Grasping onto the gate of the stone fence, facing away from the cottage, away from Crowley, he felt another start tear stream down. Aziraphale then softly said, “I will do anything, Crowley. Even if it means that I leave and never see you again, then I will. I will not hold it against you, Crowley. You are within your every right to do so if so be it. You have my word.”
The sound of footsteps grew closer to the angel as he began to turn to say something before the gate clicked open and a pair of arms wrapped around his form tightly. Almost instantly, Aziraphale let out a strangled sob, letting his tears finally flow down like a raging river as he embraced Crowley, his whole body shaking in relief. All of his emotions sounded out as he could hear the soft sniffles and hitches of the demon. It pained him so much to hear Crowley’s pain aloud, his heart breaking into a million shattered pieces within his chest. But as they held onto each other, Aziraphale’s legs began to quake in place, making the two of them sink down onto the ground. Crowley sank deeper into the warmth of the angel. A wave of relief washed over the pair.
“Oh, please say something , Crowley. Anything ,” Aziraphale managed to say through a soft, strained cry.
A few minutes of pure silence passed. The sound of birds chittering in the distance along with the rustle of the leaves as they careened gracefully in the gentle breeze. Near the door, the Bentley rolled down its windows before quietly playing “Love of My Life” by Queen on its radio. It was almost as if the world, the entire universe, was waiting for this exact moment to finally come to life. As eventful and even saddening as it was, it also felt joyful.
Eventually, the pair’s cries died down into soft sniffles here and there, their embrace slightly becoming less of desperation and more of a gesture of care and reassurance. Aziraphale’s head was suddenly brought down to Crowley’s chest as it moved up and down slowly. He let himself relax and closed his eyes as they stayed there, finally allowing themselves to show their true emotions to one another. There was no judgment spread, no hate or malice. Just pure comfort in each other’s warmth.
Crowley began to caress Aziraphale’s back gently, his eyes closing. He began to speak. “No, I don’t want to you leave, angel. Not again. I thought I had lost you, lost what we had built together. Of course, I was upset for the first few weeks. Drank myself silly a few times and even considered asking for some… Things.” His eyes opened as he shook his head. “But I never hated you. Don’t think it’s even possible when it comes to you in particular. Sure, you do get on my nerves sometimes and you can be quite gullible, but never did I once hate you. I knew Heaven was manipulating you, and I also knew you weren’t ready to move on from them. It was only natural. When I introduced you to what this world had to offer, and the lies the Archangels said to you, I understood. I’d always known. There were so many times I tried to tell you to be your own being, and do what you felt was right in the moment. But I also knew that there was nothing more I could have done other than be there for you along the way and wait.
“What I want isn’t Heaven or Hell, Aziraphale,” he continued. “All I truly wanted, and still want, is you. You were all I ever wanted ever since the time Before the Beginning. You showed me that I was more than just an evil thing. As irritable as it was to hear, you told me what I needed so many times. That I was kind, a bit of a good person, and more. I felt cared for and cherished far more than what Heaven ever could have provided me before the Fall. I felt it the first moment I met you and again on that wall. You’re so good and pure of life, angel. Not because of what you are, but because that’s who you are and who you’ll always be to me. And no amount of terrible magic tricks, poorly written plays, or balls will ever change the way I feel about you.” Crowley glanced down, watching as the angel moved away from his chest to look up at him. “Aziraphale, do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
Aziraphale nodded, looking deep into the demon’s now gentle dilated golden eyes sending waves of comfort into his mind. His heart skipped a beat, making him grab his own chest suddenly before nodding. A soft blush spread across his face as he fully processed what Crowley had confessed. He knew it while traveling on the bus to Selborne. Even before thinking about it then, he had always known but was always too afraid to think about it or say it aloud. He had felt the same way for so long but only hid his feelings away due to Heaven’s disapproval if they had ever figured out his intentions. And who knew if the demon felt the same way he had then? But now, there was no need to hide his love from Crowley anymore. He can finally say what he had always needed to.
Looking down at Crowley’s chest now, he tilted his head a bit. His eyebrows furrowed in sudden confusion. He could feel his eyes start to swell up again with tears as he spoke. “I believe I do, Crowley. But-” he took a deep breath, “But how can you possibly still feel this strongly for me? After everything I have done, and even making you wait for me for oh-so long. I don’t deserve you- your…”
Crowley cupped Aziraphale’s cheek, gently wiping away his tears as they looked at each other. Without hesitation, he then said, “Because I forgive you, Aziraphale. I have for quite a while now. And I know you don’t think you deserve to be or even believe to be forgivable, but you’ll catch up. Until you do, I’m not going anywhere.” He moved his head to the side and sighed a bit, looking up at the sky, “But, uh, that isn’t the only reason why. I also, well, I still… Y’know-” He swallowed while struggling to say the words. He grumbled a bit at himself.
Aziraphale giggled a bit as he pressed his forehead to Crowley’s wrapping his arms around his neck gently, his eyes fluttering closed as their chests touched. “I know, my lovely serpent. No need to rush.”
“Right, well-” Crowley felt his face get hot as he pressed into Aziraphale a bit more before letting his own eyes close. “Y’know, my offer still stands, if you want to, that is.” He sighed softly, “Be an us?”
“If you’ll have me, of course.”
Aziraphale moved away from Crowley’s forehead, their eyes locking into each other for a moment. He watched as the demon nodded his head, a small smile planted on his lips now. In the past, he would give just about anything to see Crowley smile like that again. But now, he didn’t need to. He gave him what he had wanted all this time. And it filled Aziraphale with both glee and relief.
Reaching his hands, Aziraphale smiled brightly before feeling as if his head was moving on its own, tilting it slightly. He hesitated before Crowley moved closer to him as well, almost as if to say that this was okay, to come closer. Taking this signal, the angel closed the gap between them as their lips touched once more, his heart swelling and exploding like a newborn star within himself. It was soft and gentle, yet filled with so much emotion and love. His mind cleared away any negative emotion within. It was almost as if Crowley took away his pain and sorrow in a single second.
A few heartbeats later, they moved back, smiling fondly at each other as their foreheads touched again. No matter what was to come their way, they would always have each other. They were stronger together, and their love for each other and their home on the planet Earth only made them much more powerful. No longer did they need to hide away how they truly felt. No more lies needed to be told, feelings buried and oppressed like they were a burden.
They could finally just be their us.
And that’s all they needed.