Chapter Text
At the house, you took the main bathroom while Ellie was in a guest room. You were almost tempted to stay under the hot water for hours, finally feeling clean and refreshing. Finally able to not have your hair tied back and knotty, finally shave your legs and have a moment to feel human again. Now clean, you could see bruising from your escapades and sleeping on rocks but it was nice to not feel grimy and smelly. You got changed into the clothes Maria left out for you and headed downstairs, finding Ellie standing in the living room.
"Hey, I knew there was a girl somewhere under that dirt." You teased as she glanced at you, she gave a little smile before glancing back at the chimney breast. Your eyes followed her eyeline and saw the little memory board for Sarah and who you assumed was Maria's son. You opened your mouth when you heard Maria come back into the house.
"I traded to get you both new coats. They might be a little big but, they're good." She handed them over, Ellie moaning about the colour as you nudged her and thanked Maria. Ellie was still on guard with the woman as she tried to make small talk, eventually convincing Ellie to let Maria cut her hair while you excused yourself to go for a walk, promising Ellie you'd be back soon. You just wanted to see the place for yourself and be in your own company for a moment. You shivered a little, your hair still damp but it was nice to feel clean. As you walked through town, a few people passing said hello like you'd always been there. In the middle of town, you found a crowd of people around a Christmas tree that had been recently put up and covered in décor clearly made by everyone and their children. You smiled softly when movement to your left caught your attention. Joel came storming out of the bar, pausing by a streetlamp and leaning on it as a hand clutched his chest. The same as the other morning outside of the cabin. You headed straight over to him as he stood up, his eyes distant as he watched someone.
"Joel?" You said his name softly as you placed a hand on his back, he jumped a little and looked at you. A soft look on his face as he glanced back where he'd been looking. Turning you saw her. A young lady who looked the spitting image of Sarah, except obviously older. You looked back at Joel and recognised the look on his face and the shine of unshed tears in his eyes. You reached up to cup his face in one hand, gently rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb. He leaned into your touch as you wordlessly stood together and comforted him. You stepped closer and pulled him against you, hugging him. He resisted at first but just melted into your embrace, resting his cheek against your head as he took a few breaths.
"You smell nice." He teased lightly as you smiled and looked up. There was a hint of a smile on his face and you melted how it looked on his face, resisting the intrusive thought of kissing him right there.
"Finally showered. A miracle, right?" Joel shook his head a little as he finally let go of you and stood up straight. "I'm heading back to Maria's to get Ellie if you want to come? You could shower too, it feels so nice to be warm and clean." You said softly, Joel shaking his head.
"I gotta do somethin' and I just need a moment alone. I'll come by later." You frowned softly and brushed a hand through his hair.
"Don't get lost in that head of yours Joel. I'm here with you, okay?" Joel nodded a little, stepping back and turning to head through town. Your eyes glued to him as he left. You shook your head and turned to go back to Maria's. You bumped into her and Ellie at the front door.
"There's a movie showing in the town hall in about ten minutes, you two wanna come?" Maria offered, you smiled softly.
"Sounds fun."
---
As you walked through town, Maria pointed out the house you'd be staying in and handed you the keys, explaining Tommy would show Joel where it was once they were done. You thanked her and slid your arm around Ellies shoulders as you walked, the girl still tense and frustrated but she let you be physically affectionate with her. The town hall was packed with people, Ellie squeezing into one of the last empty seats as a movie played on a projector from the back. You hung to the side with Maria, smiling softly as The Goodbye Girl played out in front of you.
"This was one of my mom's favourite movies. I've seen it too many times to count." You whispered to Maria who smiled softly and nodded.
"Mine too. That's why I suggested it for tonight's movie night. It would have been my mom's birthday in a few days." You smiled at her, wrapping your arms around yourself as you turned your attention back to the screen. Once the movie ended, people hung around chatting and getting their kids ready to head home. You realised Ellie wasn't in her seat, panic gripped you as you frantically scanned the room and called her name a few times. You squeezed through the crowd to do a lap but still couldn't find her. You cursed under your breath and headed out the front door, checking every person you passed until you found her sat on a bench.
"Ellie. You scared the shit out of me then." You exhaled, moving to stand in front of her.
"Sorry." She muttered. "I went for a walk." You frowned and crouched in front of her, your forearms resting gently on her knees.
"What's wrong?" She shook her head, wrinkling her nose a little.
"Can we just go to the house now? I'm tired." You nodded and stood up, Ellie joining you as you walked in silence towards the house Maria had pointed out. Something was bothering the girl but you knew better than to push. She really was just like Joel.
Once inside the house, the two of you had a quick look around before you found a bedroom for Ellie to stay in. A comfortable looking single bed and clothes from a young previous resident. You hugged her tightly and bid her good night. Ellie just quietly repeating it before closing the door after you left. You padded around the house, feeling a little strange at being in a house after the desolate apartments of the city or sleeping in caves. It was sparsely furnished with a brown couch in the center of the living room, a bookshelf on one side had a couple of well worn books on it - some of the titles barely visible from years of being handled or sunbleached. It was warm, cosy. You'd be happy to stay forever, you found yourself wondering if you could convince Joel and Ellie to stay a little while before continuing, maybe even come back here after the Fireflies did what they needed to. You made yourself a coffee, tipping the last of your whisky into it to help yourself sleep. You changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt you'd found in the main bedroom and got comfortable on the sofa with a blanket draped over you. At some point you dozed off, waking up when you heard the front door. You froze, listening before you realised it was Joel. You sank back into the pillows again and closed your eyes, his footsteps got closer before he paused. Then the blanket got pulled up over you properly before his footsteps disappeared upstairs. You smiled to yourself and settled comfortably, listening as you could hear the soft noise of him talking to Ellie. You almost drifted off again when you heard them get louder suddenly. Arguing. You got up and headed upstairs, pausing by the door as you heard them.
"So don't tell me I'd be safer with someone else cause the truth is I'd just be more scared." Ellie said, your heart dropping as you wondered what was going on with them. The silence was deafening for a moment.
"You're right. You're not my daughter and I sure as hell aint your dad. Now come dawn. We go our separate ways." The door opened and Joel walked out, slamming it behind him. He never saw you stood at the top of the stairs as he stalked through to the bedroom. You bit your lower lip and waited before knocking on Ellie's door.
"Fuck off." She answered, muffled. You sighed softly.
"Ellie it's me. Can I come in?" When she didn't answer, you pushed the door open and found her sat on the window seat, forehead against the window as she cried. You headed over and sat beside her, quiet. You offered your hand and she responded by throwing herself into your arms, burying her face against your chest. You gently ran your fingers through her hair as you let her cry it out. You couldn't understand what had happened and you wanted her to tell you when she felt comfortable. After a few moments she sat back, her eyes filled with anger and hurt.
"He's palming me off to Tommy. Saying I'd be safer with him. I don't get it. We came all this way, been through so much and he still thinks of me as just a package?" She sighed. You shook your head, reaching out to pull Ellie against you, her back against your chest as you held onto her.
"Joel… avoids attachments. He's lost a lot of people and he just thinks he can protect himself by pushing everyone away. But he just hurts himself and everyone else instead." You muttered softly as Ellie's breathing eventually slowed from her hysterics.
"When I went for a walk during the movie, I overheard him talking with Tommy. He told him everything. Saying he can't do it." You sighed quietly as you hugged her.
"Despite what he just said, Joel does care about you. And that's what scares him the most. Because if he cares and something happens to you, he'll never forgive himself."
"But I'm not Sarah. And we've made it this far, why give up now? It just doesn't make sense." You frowned softly.
"How did you know about Sarah?"
"Maria let it slip when you went out. She didn't tell me much but tried to use it to make me not trust Joel." You hummed quietly.
"Sarah died on outbreak day while Joel and Tommy were trying to escape. From what Joel told me, she died in his arms after getting shot by an asshole from FEDRA. He may have just said you aren't his daughter, but I can see how he looks at you, talks to you and treats you. He cares about you so much that I think it reminds him of Sarah and that's why he can be an asshole. Because he's scared to let you close and lose you." Ellie huffed out a sigh, leaning her head back to look up at you.
"But I'm not her. He can't assume the worst in everything." You smiled softly, brushing your fingers through her hair.
"We know that. Joel has a lot of emotional scars and he hides behind them. But now and then I see the man I met all those years ago, and I know he's in there. We just need to be patient." Ellie shrugged a little.
"No time left if he's making me go with Tommy." She muttered.
"I'll talk to him. Okay?" She shrugged a little, leaning against you again. You sat with Ellie for a little while, until you could feel her relaxing and eventually dozing off. You scooped her up and carefully put her into bed, tucking her in before you headed out. You took a moment before heading to the bedroom, you knocked gently before pushing the door open. Joel sat on the edge of the bed, eyes staring out of the window as he got lost in his thoughts. You moved to sit beside him quietly, his eyes flickering to you before back out of the window.
"You okay?" You ask tentatively, Joel just glanced at you again before sighing.
"I can't do it. I'll get her killed." He finally said after a few beats of silence.
"What? Joel you made it here without getting her killed. Why would it suddenly change now?" Joel sighed, running a hand through his messy curls.
"Because I'm strugglin'. Outside the cabin, it wasn't the cold. It was a panic attack. I felt like my heart was goin' to explode and my body felt like it was vibratin' on high alert. It happened again when you found me in the town square. I'm gettin' too old for this, I can't protect her. She already had to protect me. That damn dog coulda ripped her to pieces and I just couldn't move or do anythin'." You tilted your head slightly as you listened to him, you reached a hand up to gently turn his head so he would look at you.
"You're just scared Joel. You found your brother and he's building a new life. You see Sarah in Ellie and I can tell because I've seen it too. You try to protect yourself by pushing people away but it's not the answer anymore. She needs you." Joel sighed again, he's not frowning anymore. He looked tired and scared. "I know you. You're dealing with a lot of loss and things you don't want to think or talk about. But Ellie is different. She adores you and you adore her. When I see you two together, it takes me back to the restaurant and seeing you and Sarah at that same table you had every time. It's nice. Don't shut yourself off to love because of fear, okay?" You smiled at him and he nodded slightly, exhaling slowly as his shoulders slumped slightly.
"I was pretty harsh with her earlier." You nodded and dropped your hand to squeeze his gently.
"She was really upset. But you two can talk it out in the morning. Take her yourself, she'll appreciate that." Joel's jaw tensed slightly as he thought it over, curling his fingers gently around yours as he did.
"Thank you." He said softly, lifting his gaze to yours as you gave a small smile.
"Any time. Oh and also, you're not too old for shit. You're only in your fifties." You nudged him with a smile, Joel snorting softly and shaking his head.
You sat talking for a while with him, making a plan for how the next part of the journey would go. He wanted you to stay here, keep an eye on things and it would give them more of a reason to come back. Something in his eyes told you he meant more for himself than Ellie but you didn't comment on it. You argued for a bit but eventually gave in and agreed to stay, telling him he'd have to explain to Ellie why. He agreed and seemed to relax a bit more. At some point you must have fallen asleep because the next thing you knew it, there was sunlight streaming across your face and waking you up. You shifted slightly, realising you were laid on the bed but more importantly there was a weight on your waist. Joel had an arm draped over you, you could feel the gentle puff of his breath against the back of your beck and the warmth coming from him. You smiled to yourself and allowed yourself a few moments to indulge in this. You reached to gently pry his arm from around you so you could get up, but he seemingly noticed and tightened his grip on you, pulling you closer. You smiled to yourself, moving your hand to gently run your fingers over his forearm. Joel stirred, a mumble under his breath but his eyes remained closed as his fingers flexed under your touch. It seemed out of character but also reminded you of the old Joel. Every time you met up there'd be little shows of physical affection, hand holding or prolonged hugs. You had a feeling he enjoyed it as much as you did. Once his grip relaxed again, you carefully extracted yourself from his hold and silently slipped out of the room. You paused by the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. It felt so good to have the domestic necessities like running water and heating. There was something so comforting about the sound of heating turning on and the radiators humming. You were stood in the kitchen making coffee and some food for Joel and Ellie to take when you heard footsteps coming downstairs. Joel appeared in the doorway, already dressed and ready to go.
"I made supplies and coffee." You said softly as you poured the coffee into Joel's thermos. You almost didn't want to look at him and accept they were already going.
"I'm gon' head out early and tack a horse up ready. If she decides she still hates me, I'll just go for a ride to look around the area then come back. Tommy's comin' for her in about an hour." You nodded as you listened, taking Joel's bag from him and putting his food and thermos into it.
"I'll make sure she's ready. Although I thought I heard movement earlier so she may be up." Joel nodded a little, pulling his bag onto his back.
"Thank you for talkin' to me last night, I really appreciate it." You smiled warmly at him, nodding your head.
"Of course Joel, I care about you. I didn't want you doing something you'd regret later down the line." Joel regarded you for a moment before a small smile pulled over his lips.
"I'll see you at the stables?" You nodded, putting the lid on the box you'd packed Ellie's food into.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Once Joel left, you took a moment to see how the silence of the house felt. Wondering if you should have said something about how you felt or if it would have made things awkward. You shook it off as you got dressed for the day, going back downstairs as there was a knock at the door. Tommy gave a little smile as you greeted him.
"I made food for you both." Tommy chuckled a little.
"Domesticated already." He teased, glancing towards the stairs. "She up?" You nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself.
"Yeah but I think she keeps hoping Joel will come to get her so she hasn't left her room." Tommy sighed, pushing a hand through his hair.
"I'll go get her." He said softly, disappearing upstairs. You could hear the muffled noise of him talking to her before they both came back down. You told Ellie about the food, packing it into her bag as well as some bottles of water. She looked sad as she took the bag back and pulled it onto her shoulders.
"Come with us?" You shook your head a little.
"I'm gonna hold down the fort here Ellie. Make sure you have a nice warm home to come back to, I'll even decorate your room for you and make it more Ellie and less Barbie." Ellie opened her mouth to argue but just sighed and accepted it. You watched her before reaching into your pocket, fishing out the bracelet Sarah had made you. You gently took Ellie's hand and slid the bracelet onto her wrist.
"This is a promise you'll come home and I'll be waiting here for you. If you ever feel scared or lost, just remember I'm still here. Okay?" Ellie nodded, running her fingers over the faded plastic beads. She took a moment before wrapping her arms crushingly tight around you, you cuddled her close.
"Go save the world kiddo." You whispered, squeezing her before stepping back. Ellie glanced at Tommy then back to you.
"Come with us as far as the gates at least?" Tommy nodded.
"That'd be nice." He added, Ellie watching you with big hopeful eyes. You agreed and fought to not say anything as those eyes turned to the stairs like she hoped Joel would come down. You pulled your coat on and headed out with her, following Tommy quietly towards the stables. Ellie dragged her feet a little, eyes watching Tommy's footprints in the snow. You wanted to tell her Joel's plan but you didn't want to get her riled up.
To say Ellie was surprised to see Joel in a stable would be an understatement. She threw a biting comment at him before he could explain. Yet, he barely finished giving her his explanation and options before she tossed her bag at him and climbed up onto the horse. Tommy just smiled, proud of his big brother and relieved he didn't have to leave the compound. Joel led the horse out as Tommy gave him directions and an idea of the quickest way to the hospital. You made sure Ellie was comfortable on the horse and had everything while the men talked. You then turned to Joel, his eyes studying your face quietly before he wrapped his arms around you. He'd never hugged you in front of others before and it caused Tommy to raise an eyebrow of curiousity. Especially when Joel pressed a subtle kiss to the side of your head with a whispered promise of coming back soon. He then turned and embraced Tommy tightly. You smiled, arms instinctively wrapping around yourself as you tried to not get upset.
"Look after her. We'll be back soon."
"Yessir." Tommy chuckled, hugging Joel again. There didn't need to be too many words exchanged. This was the scariest part of their journey and it was back to just the two of them. Joel asked to borrow the rifle slung over Tommy's shoulder, the younger immediately handing it over without argument. Joel stayed walking as he lead the horse to the gates, you and Tommy walking beside them. No one really knew what to say as the gates opened and Joel climbed up to sit in front of Ellie. You waved and watched as they went through the opening, Ellie twisting back to keep waving until the gates closed behind them.
"C'mon. Maria made breakfast for us." You blinked at Tommy, frowning curiously. "I had a feelin' he wouldn't let her go."
---
At first it felt strange being alone. You'd been on the road with Joel and Ellie for a couple of months and before that had split your time between Kathleen or Sam and Henry. It was rare you were completely alone. You spent most of your time fixing up the house, decorating it and making it into your dream house you'd always imagined. Granted it was a little difficult with very limited resources but you'd traded a few items here and there to get paint or home decor. You painted Ellie's room a very light grey colour, making a collage of comic book pages on one wall and even found a Marvel blanket tucked away in the general store in town. It had taken four washes to get it looking anything close to new and get rid of the musty smell but now it looked like the perfect finishing touch as you draped it over the bottom of Ellie's bed. You found some other blankets to put on the couch, some books that were still readable and soon the house felt like a real home. Warm and cosy. You spent time with Maria, helping her out with work around the compound. You met a handful of new people, found a sort of routine as you worked to keep your place within Jackson. Tommy took you on a couple of scouting trips or patrols. He was impressed with how well you handled a gun, always able to help with hunting or clearing out any stray infected from nearby areas. Every now and then you'd find little things that you took home for Joel and Ellie for when they returned.
Christmas day crept up on you before you really noticed. You hadn't celebrated in many, many years. But Maria insisted on you coming to hers and Tommys for dinner. She even managed to convince you to go to the small gathering at the Town Hall. It was nice to pretend to be back in the times before the apocalypse happened, have a glass of mulled wine and watch as the kids had a snowball fight tournament. You just wished Joel and Ellie were here with you to see it all. You knew Maria still didn't think very highly of Joel but she never said anything to your face, which you were grateful for. On one of your rides, Tommy had broached the subject of whether there was still something between you and Joel while you stopped for lunch. You shrugged a little, picking at your sandwich.
"I don't know? Sometimes it seems like it used to be but then he disappears back behind his emotional walls again." Tommy shook his head a little.
"Joel never was good with this stuff. Hell, look how long it took me an' Sarah to convince him to ask you out." You snorted, a smile on your face.
"Who knows what'll happen when he comes back, maybe being away will make him think about it. I know Ellie thinks there's something, she's kinda poked at the subject with me but she's closer to Joel and would definitely be a little rougher with him about it." You laughed, leaning back against the tree you were sitting under. Tommy just smiled at you, watching you for a moment.
"I saw it before he left. Didn't wanna say anythin' before but I saw it. The way he used to look at you in the restaurant is exactly how he was lookin' at you in the Jackson restaurant. Then the day they left, saw it again. He's just a stubborn ass an' won't say anythin' out of his own insecurities." You shrugged, finishing your food.
"Well we'll see what happens when he comes home." You packed your things away as Tommy changed the subject to the upcoming New Year's plans. You admitted you were probably just going to stay home, Tommy said Maria wouldn't allow her newest friend to sit alone on New Year's Eve. You just shrugged a little, saying you'd speak to her about it at some point. Even before everything went down, you'd never seen the big deal with big New Year's parties or anything. It just seemed like an excuse for people to drink a lot and grab someone to kiss at midnight. On the ride back, Tommy started talking about the baby and how it would be born soon, how he was excited to be a father. He spoke about how he met Maria and had taken so long to pluck up the courage to ask her out, her response had been 'about damn time' which made you laugh. Tommy and Maria seemed like such a good match. Their energy bounced off of each other and they just aligned perfectly together. It was nice to see love could work in such a fucked up world.
Months passed by and there was still no sign of Joel and Ellie. You couldn't help but get antsy, nervous something happened to them. You kept yourself distracted as best as possible, not dwelling on what if's and worst case scenarios. As the snow melted away and it got a little warmer, you couldn't help but find yourself trying to stop obsessing over their return only to be disappointed every day. You spent the day at Maria's helping her put the baby's crib together, she was stubborn even if she could no longer see her feet and had to take regular breaks. So you'd had to just assist and do the heavy lifting. She packed you some cake she'd been gifted before you left, promising to come by and see you the next morning. You headed out, a hum in your throat as you waved to the neighbour when they passed you on the street. You'd been accepted so easily into the community, never any questions or people digging into your past which you appreciated. It was like a fresh start really, the safe haven you'd always dreamed of tucked away here in Jackson.
---
The sun was setting as you let yourself into the house with a muffled yawn, pausing to pull your shoes off. You walked through to the kitchen to cut yourself some of the cake when something catches your eye. You freeze. A jacket tossed onto the table. Too small to be yours.
"Ellie." You breathed out, dropping everything onto the counter and turning back to rush through the house, scanning the living room for her before racing upstairs - your heart in your throat. There was no sounds, you couldn't help but suddenly worry someone had broken in. You paused outside of her room, slowly pushing the door open as you peered in. There she was. Sat on the edge of the bed, running her fingers over the blanket. Ellie. You smiled and stepped into the room, the girl looking up as a floorboard creaked. You stared at each other for a moment before you rushed over and gathered her up into your arms. Ellie let out a choked sob as she clung onto you. You didn't dare to think what had happened out beyond the walls with the way she clung onto you.
"You're home." You leaned back, wiping her cheeks as she nodded, lifting her wrist to show the bracelet still there.
"I had to bring it back, remember?" You laughed and hugged her again, she felt a little thinner but taller. Like she'd had a bit of a growth spurt on the journey.
"I missed you." You said, sitting beside her as you brushed your fingers through her hair. She smiled a little.
"I missed you too. It's… been rough." She replied softly, her eyes on the blanket again. "It didn't work. They stopped looking for a cure apparently." She mumbled, wrinkling her nose. "We went through hell to get there, they put me under and everything but when I woke up, I was in the back of a car and Joel told me it didn't work. We should have just stayed here." She sniffled a little, you watched her.
"You wanna talk about it?" She shook her head, moving to lay back on the bed.
"I just want to sleep for a while." You understood, saying as such as you stood up.
"I'll be downstairs if you need me, okay?" She nodded and pulled the blanket over herself. You paused, desperate to ask her where Joel was, why was she alone, why was the journey so bad but she looked tired. You headed towards her door, pausing for a moment before stepping out.
"Joel's at the infirmary. He got injured while we were out there and I had to stitch him up so he's getting it checked out. He said he'll be home after he sees Tommy." You smiled softly, Ellie knew you too well. You thanked her and stepped out, pulling the door almost closed.
You went back downstairs and cut the cake into three. A little celebration once everyone was home and awake. You chewed on your thumbnail as you paced the living room a few times, glancing at the clock now and then. Ellie was fast asleep and the only noise was your footsteps and the ticking of the wall clock. You couldn't settle, anxiety bubbling away in your chest. After a couple of hours, you walked through to the kitchen to make yourself some tea in the hopes it would calm your nerves. As the water boiled, you heard the familiar sound of the front door opening and closing. Your heart stopped as you hear footsteps slowly make their way towards the kitchen, stopping by the doorway. You turned and your eyes fell on Joel. His hair peppered with a few more grey streaks, he looked exhausted and a little pale.
"Welcome home." You said softly, watching him as his eyes met yours and a weak smile worked over his face. You were desperate to just run to him and hold onto him but you didn't want to freak him out.
"It's good to be home." He answered, making his way around the table towards you. He winced a little but once he was close enough, he reached out a hand to you. You bit your lower lip as you took his hand. He was really there. He gently pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. Immediately, you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his middle. He winced again and you adjusted where you held him. You just stood there like that, your head against his shoulder as you closed your eyes. Finally they were home. Your house felt whole again.
Eventually you pulled back to look up at him, lifting your hands to gently cup his face.
"I'll make you both some dinner. You both look like you need a good meal." You teased gently, Joel nodding and let go of you as you slowly pulled away to turn and rummage through the cupboards to make food. You set to making something as Joel eased himself down into one of the chairs at the table. He was quiet as you worked, and once everything was cooking you handed him a mug of coffee and sat down across from him.
"Everything okay?" You asked softly. "Ellie said you went straight to the infirmary to get checked out?" Joel swallowed as he nodded.
"We got jumped as we got into the University grounds. I grabbed a guy to defend us and he stabbed me with his broken wooden bat. I don't remember much between that and waking up to having to fight for my life and Ellie's. She took care of me, stitched me up and apparently traded a deer for penicillin. I found her in an abandoned ski lodge place, she…" He paused, taking a breath. "She didn't want to talk about what happened to her. But I can take a damn good guess given her reaction when I found her." He paused again, his jaw clenching slightly as his fingers tightened around his mug. You watched him, he didn't need to say anything else on that subject. You got it. "I tried to keep her spirits up, encouragin' her to tell those puns, told her some more about me, told her about Sarah's cupcake plan with you and a few other things. We had an amazing moment as we found some giraffes. Ellie fed them and she seemed to perk up." He smiled a little, going on to explain other parts of their journey until the Fireflies captured them. You blinked, Ellie hadn't mentioned that. Joel explained Marlene had been there, she'd just set the wheel's in motion and had just expected Joel to walk away and leave Ellie in the hospital. You blinked as you watched him, jumping up when a pan boiled over. You grabbed it and checked nothing had burnt, straining out the pasta before checking the sauce you'd been making as well. You dropped some crudely made homemade meatballs in and let it all simmer before sitting down.
"What happened Joel?" You asked, Joel frowning a little as he paused and glanced towards the stairs. Hearing nothing he turned back to you and lowered his voice to barely above a whisper.
"They were goin' to kill her. She had no say in it. All this time we thought it was her blood but… it's her brain." He replied, your eyes going wide as you sank back in your chair. "I couldn't let 'em do it. I couldn't lose another daughter. I just saw red… I don't wanna think how many Fireflies I shot that day. But I was not leavin' there without Ellie. Selfish, I know. I'm a terrible person. Givin' up all of humanities chance of a cure to save one girl. But I couldn't do it." He watched you closely as he spoke, like he expected you to jump up and yell or get angry or something. But you didn't.
"I would have been more angry if you'd have left her there." Was your reply, Joel looking relieved as you said it. "Ellie said it didn't work. They stopped looking for a cure?" Joel shook his head.
"I told her that so she wouldn't hate me if I told her the truth. She was crushed but… at least she's alive." You nodded a little, chewing your lower lip as you thought about it all. Everything he was admitting, everything they'd been through. You understood completely. You reached out across the table and took one of Joel's hands in yours, his eyes never leaving your face.
"You aren't a terrible person. If you are then so am I because I'd have done the exact same thing. It wasn't fair she didn't know what would happen to her, that she didn't have a say in whether she went through with it or not. She'll be fine, she'll be upset for a few days but she'll be back to herself eventually. I'm sure of it." You nodded, Joel giving a non-commital noise in response, his eyes dropping to your hands as he laced his fingers with yours. You both fell quiet, your mind taking you back to the first time you'd sat like this in a café. Holding hands, sharing a slice of cake and talking for hours. You looked up and found Joel looking at you. He opened his mouth to speak when Ellie's voice from the doorway broke the moment.
"Something smells fucking amazing." She mumbled, rubbing at her eyes as she shuffled in. You smiled warmly, reluctantly letting go of Joel's hand to stand up and check everything.
"How do you have the perfect timing? It's all ready!" You smiled again, moving to plate everything up. Ellie asked Joel how he was and he asked her the same. What they'd been through had bonded them, something made them stronger than ever and you had a feeling it wasn't just the night in the hospital.
After dinner, Joel excused himself to take a shower and Ellie stayed to help you clean up. You washed while she dried everything.
"He told me about you two." She suddenly said as you handed her the last pan. You blinked and watched her, Ellie glancing up at you before shaking her head. "About Sarah's cupcake plan, your little coffee dates and how the night it all went down was his birthday and you'd promised to make him breakfast but the world went to shit. He definitely still cares about you like that but he's too chicken to tell you. And you're too chicken to tell him." She shook her head again. "Adults are weird man, you act like kids when it comes to stuff like this!" She handed you the pan back once it was dry. You laughed and moved to put the pan into the cupboard.
"Because there's more important things going on at the moment Ellie. It seems trivial in the grand scheme of things to be like 'hey by the way, I still like you' while we're setting up home here." Ellie rolled her eyes.
"Nothing is trivial." She suddenly sounded much older as she watched you. "Don't tell him I told you this but… He almost killed himself before he was tasked with looking after me. He basically said you and me, we keep him going. So I think the 'hey I still like you' might be a good conversation to have. If he spoke to me about it openly then it means something to him, clearly you too, and that means it isn't trivial." She nodded, watching you closely. "Don't ever repeat this but I love you both and it makes sense. Stop being babies." She grinned, waving her damp towel at you. "Just don't be gross around me, I might barf." You stared at her wide-eyed, suddenly feeling like the roles were reversed and she was the adult talking to teenage you about relationships. Ellie grinned a little, changing the subject to the cake she'd spotted sat on the counter. Your head was spinning from the whole conversation as you plated up a slice of cake for her and handed it over.
"I'm glad to be home." She said after taking it from you, smiling softly as she handed over your bracelet as well. You took it, your fingers gently playing with the beads before you remember the one you'd made her at one of the craft sessions in the town hall Maria had dragged you to.
"Wait here." You grinned, heading out to where your backpack hung in the hallway and rummaging in one of the pockets. You fished out the braided bracelet and went back, asking for Ellie's hand. Once she held it out, you tied the bracelet around her wrist. She lifted her arm to look at it with a soft smile. In the middle were two beads, each one had your initials on.
"It's kinda childish but… I wanted to make one for us as well." You smiled, rolling up your sleeve to show the matching one. Ellie grinned at it before trying to keep her cool composure.
"Totally childish. But I love it." She grabbed her cake and started eating it. Again the subject changing to how long it had been since she'd had cake, telling you some stories from when she was at the Fedra and her one attempt at baking. You'd almost forgotten how Ellie could make your head spin with her constant topic changing. But you were just glad to have her home again, her cheesy puns and laughter making the house instantly feel lighter.
"I'm glad I know sign language." She started, leaning back in her chair to pause for dramatic effect, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to grin as the punchline formed on the tip of her tongue.
"I bet that's become real handy." Came Joel's voice from the doorway, Ellie slammed her hands on the table as she laughed.
"You dick! That's the second time you've done that to me!" She was still laughing as Joel came in, finally in clean and comfortable clothing. He smiled at her, ruffling her hair as he passed her.
"Couldn't resist." You laughed at them both, Ellie puffing her cheeks out in frustration as she not-so-discreetly thumbed through the book on her lap for another one to hit him with.
"You wanna hear a joke about pizza?" She grinned before continuing. "Nevermind, it's too cheesy." You snorted, Joel shaking his head as he made himself another coffee.
"I coulda sworn we left that book with the giraffes." Ellie just grinned again as she pointed at you.
"Someone got me a new one and left it in my room." Joel looked at you, deadpan.
"Gee. Thanks." You just looked up at him, giving a grin.
"You're welcome." You winked at him and turned back to Ellie. She flicked through the book, glad to see pages her other book had been missing were there. The cover itself was battered but the pages themselves were all there and still legible.
After a couple more puns, Ellie eventually headed upstairs to take a bath. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you dug out a bottle of whiskey Tommy and Maria had gifted you for Christmas. You grabbed two glasses and went through to the living room where Joel sat on the couch.
"I don't know if the doc gave you any medicine, but I can guarantee this will help any aches and pains." You held up the bottle as Joel looked up. A smile worked over his face.
"You wonderful, wonderful woman." You chuckled and moved to sit beside him, pouring you both a drink before handing a glass over.
"To being reunited. Again." You smiled warmly, holding up your glass in a salute. Joel nodded, gently clinking his glass against yours.
"To bein' re-reunited." A hum left your throat as you took a sip and leaned back in your seat, folding your legs underneath yourself as you went over what Ellie said earlier and whether to mention it to Joel or not.
"What's goin' on in that head of yours?" Joel's voice brought you back to the present, you looked over at him for a moment before you shrugged a little, pushing a hand through your hair.
"Just something Ellie said earlier." Joel tilted his head slightly, clearly curious and maybe a little nervous given what they'd been through. You paused, pursing your lips a little. "Nothing is trivial. Is what she said… sometimes that girl is wise beyond her years I swear." You chuckled, Joel nodding in agreement.
"She's had to grow up real fast."
"Seems a shame she never really had time to just be a kid. Do the dumb things we did as kids and just… grow up playing outside and going to a real school."
"She seems happy, for the most part." Joel added. "Aside from some of the shit she's dealt with this past year. But why'd she say that nothin' is trivial?" You wrinkled your nose a little, your eyes lowering to the glass in your hands.
"She, uh, was telling me about some of the things you two spoke of. How you told her how you and I met, the cupcake scandal and our coffee dates. She was talking about how we should talk about it and I said in the grand scheme of everything lately, it might seem trivial to suddenly bring up our past. But she insisted that if you'd spoken about it, then it wasn't. And that nothing is trivial really. I didn't even know she knew what that word meant till then." You laughed nervously, licking your lips as Joel stayed quiet. You suddenly regretted being so open as the silence weighed heavy on your shoulders. You took a sip of the whiskey, not daring to look up at Joel now. "I think she was just emptying her thoughts, considering it's been a few months since we were all together." You added, your voice quiet as you took Joel's silence as a quiet rejection of the topic. You almost jumped when he cleared his throat before speaking.
"Do you still think about it? Our past?" He asked softly, you took a breath before nodding.
"From time to time. There's moments where I'll catch myself reminiscing. Like earlier when you let me hold your hand over the table while we talked. It reminded me of that tiny coffee shop we found down one of the side-streets back home."
"I remember that one. The barista looked offended I only wanted a black coffee after he bragged about the flavoured syrups for ten minutes." You laughed and nodded.
"Yeah, he was definitely trying the hard sell that day." A quiet fell over you both again, your eyes still on your glass as you bit back the urge to ask the main question on your mind, trying to work out what he might say or what options you had if he didn't still feel the same. He was so guarded now, not as easy to read. There was no awkward shyness, no attempts at his lame but adorable flirting or anything. You heard him say your name, your muscles tensing subtly as you prepared for the blow. He repeated your name again and you realised he wanted you to look at him. Slowly you lifted your gaze and looked over at Joel. His gaze soft, his face relaxed and as open as you'd ever seen it with a hint of the nervousness you'd seen glimpses of in passing.
"Do… do you have any of those feelin's anymore?" He asked, holding your gaze and you knew you couldn't lie. You nodded a little, feeling your cheeks flush slightly. He hummed quietly, lifting a hand to rub it against his stubble as he thought for a moment. "I've done some real shitty things to survive in this world. I shut everyone out when I lost Sarah. I didn't believe anythin' good could happen in this world anymore. Ellie reopened my heart to that paternal love, showin' me it was okay to care for someone else. Then somehow I walked into that house in Kansas City and found my past starin' at me from the dark. I couldn't fuckin' believe it." He paused to take a drink. "I ain't a good man. Not the same man who sat with you by Lake Travis." You sighed softly.
"But you are Joel. I see him in how you watch Ellie so closely, I see him in the moments your ninety foot tall barriers slip, I see him when you instinctively reach out for my hand when you're overwhelmed. You're still him, just a little older and more guarded with your heart. I see you and your scars and my heart still races like it did the first time you spoke to me. I get ridiculously nervous sometimes around you but not out of being afraid of you, but being afraid that I'll open my mouth and everything will just come tumbling out before I can stop it… kinda like now." Joel fell quiet, you could tell he was processing it and trying to see things from your perspective. You moved to top up both of your glasses, placing the bottle on the small coffee table before sinking back in your seat. "Look. I'm not expecting anything or asking for everything to pick up where we left it off twenty years ago. I just … wanted to be honest and if it's not something you want or feel anymore then, I can accept that." Your voice was soft, trying to not get too emotional as you opted to take another drink to stop yourself saying more.
"Fuck that. I almost died three months ago, and I realised I'd die not bein' honest with you, Ellie, Tommy or myself. So after that, I was more open with her. Told her how much she meant to me. I've apologised to Tommy and said how I actually am happy for him. And now I'm tellin' you that you absolutely do make me feel the same way you did back in 2013." You blinked, looking up at him, a smile playing over Joel's lips. He put his glass down, took yours and placed it with his then held his hands out to you. You took a breath and slid your hands into his, feeling his fingers curl around yours. "It won't be easy. I'm still tryin' to open up and not think about just me and my survival. But if you can be patient with me, I'd be more than happy to pick up where we left off." Your eyes went wide as you stared up at him, feeling Joel's thumbs trace idle patterns over the backs of your hands.
"Joel…I…Only if you're sure." Joel chuckled a little, lifting your hands to brush a kiss to your knuckles - the same way he always used to do and suddenly you were thirty years old again, shyly standing outside of the restaurant as Joel picked you up after your shift to spend his lunch break with you.
"The only thing I've ever been more sure of was gettin' Ellie outta that hospital." You smiled softly, Joel resting his cheek against your fingers.
"I'll only believe you on one condition." Joel blinked, confusion flickering across his face.
"What's that?" You smiled, glancing down briefly before looking back at him.
"You give me the kiss I've waited over twenty years for." Joel paused before a laugh bubbled in his throat. There he was, your relaxed and comfortable Joel from 2013.
"It'd be my pleasure." He replied as he tugged your hands gently so you could rest them on his shoulders, encouraging you closer as he leaned in and met you halfway. Finally, finally his lips met yours in the sweetest kiss you'd ever had. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you slid your arms around his shoulders properly and pressed close, the kiss deepening and your senses were flooded with Joel in the best way.
When you eventually broke the kiss, Joel rest his forehead against yours.
"Worth the wait." He muttered, brushing a final kiss to your lips. You smiled and moved to cuddle close to him, nuzzling your face against his neck.
"Definitely worth the wait." You repeated, melting into his embrace with a content sigh.
"I almost did it that mornin' we left for the University but I chickened out. I didn't wanna give you mixed messages and I wasn't too sure if you still felt the same." You snorted softly and leaned back to look at him.
"Joel, we literally shared a bed for the first time and we were actually cuddled up when I woke up. Although I can guarantee if you'd kissed me that morning, there'd have been no way I was staying here alone after that." He huffed out a laugh, lifting a hand to brush his fingers through your hair.
"Fair points." He nodded, he finally looked completely relaxed, that sparkle back in his dark eyes and a smile on his lips. You finished your drinks, Joel keeping one arm around you so you could stay cuddled up against his side, and eventually headed to bed. You felt a little nervous suddenly but Joel insisted it was fine to share the bed again once you offered to take the couch. Joking he'd be offended if you suddenly slept on the couch. You both got ready for bed and once under the covers, immediately found each other again; Joel cuddling you against his chest. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat and finally felt happy.
Your bubble of bliss was loudly burst the next morning by Ellie wandering in, looking for you. Only for her to yell "fucking finally!!" at seeing the two of you cuddled up together. Joel grumbled something and tossed one of the pillows at the door to close it again; immediately cuddling you close again and pressing sleepy kisses to your shoulder.
"She needs to learn to knock." He muttered, squeezing you gently as you hummed in agreement and slid your hand along his arm to lace your fingers with his. Welcoming the warm comfort of sleep pulling you back in mixed with the wonderful feeling in the pit of your stomach as Joel nuzzled against your shoulder and held you tightly. Domestic bliss amongst a world gone to shit.