Chapter Text
“Good gods, I’m exhausted!” – throwing her fur cloak aside, Anna, as she was, in her dress and shoes, fell face down into the bed with a groan.
“Yeah, the last dance was definitely worth skipping... Or the last five,” Elsa (still in the guise of Einar) fell into the chair closest to the door, happily stretching out her legs that were buzzing with fatigue.
It was already beginning to get light outside, but the festive party below still was hardly over. The most prudent of the guests had long since gone home, wishing the newlyweds all the best, but a significant number remained to celebrate all night long. Alas, this meant that the Queen and her husband were also forced to attend almost continuously, moving from one group to another, so as, God forbid, not to offend any of the invited foreign ambassadors.
Feeling that she was starting to fall asleep sitting up, Elsa shook herself sharply and again found her sister with her eyes.
“Anna? Are you already asleep? Shall I help you undress?”
The girl let out an unintelligible hum, which Elsa took as an affirmative answer.
“Okay, let's take these shoes off of you...”
Lethargic and already half asleep, Anna allowed herself to be undressed, item by item, until she was left in only her underwear.
“Do you want to change into a nightgown?”
“Mh-rr...”
For a second, Elsa's fingers hovered over the waistband of her sister's pantaloons, not daring to take them off.
It was stupid. They had seen each other naked many times already. Shared a bed many times. However, today everything was different and not only because of the body Elsa was in now.
“We are married now. Anna is my wife.”
It’s strange how this thought could simultaneously inspire and add awkwardness to what was happening.
Looking at her beloved, sleepily stretched out on the sheets in the position of a starfish, Elsa could not help but feel a nagging feeling of tenderness and a desire to take care of this woman, whom she adored with all her being.
However, that was not all she wanted. Even with her hair tangled and her mouth slightly open, with a thin thread of saliva dripping onto the pillow, Anna was beautiful and desirable to Elsa like no one else in this world. Her small funny nose, freckled cheekbones and soft pink lips, everything of these beckoned to itself, attracting Elsa's gaze, demanding her caresses, her kisses.
Elsa was always rightfully proud of how well she knew how to suppress emotions and impulses. After all, for a long time this was her main life mantra, stuffed into her subcortex from an early age.
But she was also a living person of flesh and blood. And the more feelings she allowed herself, the more she wanted more and more.
So she wanted Anna. Her sister. Her lover. She wanted to be with her as much as she could, in all available ways, without exception. Sometimes this urge to take Anna, to have her for herself and never let her go became so strong and unbearable that it began to frighten.
Unable to resist, she leaned over and pressed her lips to Anna's soft cheek.
“M-hmm...”
They were both exhausted to the extreme, but Elsa knew that if she insisted, Anna would not refuse her, because she craved her in return just as passionately. A small selfish part of her wanted to take advantage of the moment when her sister was so pliable and delightful in her detachment, but Elsa easily suppressed this impulse.
Today was their wedding night, but they didn't need to rush at all. On the contrary, now they have all the nights and days in the world to be close, and so on for the rest of their lives.
“I love you.”
Recognition came easily, as always. They had said this to each other hundreds of times since childhood, but only recently had these words taken on a special meaning between them.
“I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
Anna's brow furrowed as she tried her best to listen through the haze of sleep, but was losing this battle hopelessly.
What Elsa was about to confess next was a little harder to say out loud.
“It seems to me that at some corner of my consciousness I always guessed that I loved you a little differently than I’m “supposed to”. I tried not to think about it because you are my little sister and I already hurt you so much once...”
Elsa's voice trembled when her worst waking nightmare appeared before her eyes again, as if alive: she waves her hands, and Anna falls, knocked down by the aggressive icy stream of her magic. Anna’s unconscious. Anna’s lifeless, breathless. Anna, transformed by Elsa's terrible power into an ice statue.
What happened to both of them never really went away. They could pretend that everything was fine. Sometimes it even began to seem to them that this was so. While the sun was shining brightly in the sky and thousands of urgent matters required their attention, it was so easy to forget... The night with its silence and shadows in the corners, time after time, reminded of demons that were not so easy to drive away with willpower alone.
The only thing that helped Elsa at such moments was the feeling of Anna's warm, living body, which she could cuddle close to her in bed. When it became especially difficult, she would lay her head on Anna's chest and listen to the measured beating of her heart, until she finally fell into her own restless sleep.
And sometimes it was Anna herself, jumping up at night screaming, when she again dreamed of Elsa abandoning her, closing another door between them: pushing her away, avoiding her, masking her cowardice with words about the duty and safety of her younger sister... On such nights their roles changed, and Elsa hugged Anna, allowing her to curl up on her chest and lie there, clinging tightly until dawn, until fatigue took its toll and they both fell asleep, absolutely exhausted.
“Oh, Anna... I can’t imagine what I would do if you turned your back on me. So... thank you. Thank you for staying in my life. Thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for loving me back. I could never accept if you suffered because of me... I always wanted you to be safe and happy. I hope...”
Elsa paused, swallowing a hard lump that threatened to turn into a full-blown sob.
“I hope you will truly be happy with me.”
Turning away, Elsa allowed a couple of tears to roll down her cheeks and immediately brushed them away, not wanting to turn this evening into another painful delving into the past.
Today is her and Anna’s first night as legal spouses. Even though Elsa couldn't marry her the way she wanted, in her true form, it was still the happiest event of her life. She had never been so grateful for her magic, because it allowed her and Anna to be together without hiding. Finally, they could be the family they dreamed of, without regard to the opinion of the world.
The underlying fear of her own powers, still living inside Elsa, always receded when she saw Anna’s eyes, full of delight and adoration, directed at her. Her sister was never afraid of Elsa's magic; she was the only person on the planet who understood and accepted Elsa with all her many problems and in all her forms.
“I love you, my darling, my precious, beautiful girl… I love you so much!”
After finishing changing Anna's clothes, Elsa waved her hand towards the door, creating a strong ice door lock. With a second swipe, she returned to her usual appearance and conjured herself a flowing nightgown.
The coolness of the sheets became a welcome relief after a whole day of running and worrying. Although not all of this was unpleasant... In the end, every second was worth the effort because it led them to this moment.
“Good night, my love... My wife.”
With a feeling of unprecedented lightness, Elsa allowed a stupid, happy smile to spread across her lips. Pulling Anna towards her, she immediately buried her face in her hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her beloved.
A few minutes later she was breathing steadily, deep in a dreamless sleep.