Chapter Text
“but he knew well enough what was wrong with him: he was ashamed of himself and afraid of them - afraid of the society he so despised.” - akutagawa ryuunosuke
life wasn’t always kind to ryuunosuke. in fact, it tended to be rather cruel. he’d shed enough tears in his lifetime to create his own ocean, and he was in his mid-twenties now. a few years have passed, and as he sips tea on his balcony, he reflects on how much his life has changed.
finally he lost contact with dazai. it took many years of crying and screaming about it on the kitchen floor, though eventually, the pain felt less like a fresh wound, until one day he woke up with his emotions feeling more like a fading scar. what truly helped ryuunosuke was meeting the best person that could ever walk into his life. not too tall, sharp eyes, tattooed and incredibly well-built. he was the first person to touch ryuunosuke with loving fingers. when ryuunosuke would break down sobbing, his boyfriend would rush to his side. ryuunosuke heard for the first time he was beautiful, and heard from someone outside of the mafia that dazai was wrong.
“don’t cry, my love,” ryuunosuke would hear as a thumb wiped over his tear-soaked face, before a firm hand lifted his chin up, so he could make direct eye contact with his boyfriend. “the only one who should make you cry is me - and it won’t be because you’re upset.”
it’s been a lovely few years, ryuunosuke decides as he swirls his favorite chamomile tea in his rare emerald china teacup. as he lifts the cup to his lips to take another sip, he feels soft hands gently hovering down his arms as he’s hugged from behind his chair. he sets his teacup down on the saucer and smiles, leaning back in the chair and smiling. trustfully, he closes his eyes and inhales his favorite flowery honey scent. “hello, my darling.” he whispered.
“hello, my light.” gentle kisses trailed down from ryuunosuke’s earlobe to his neck, making him giggle and squeeze one of the hands touching him. “are you enjoying the tea i made you?”
“why, yes, i am.” ryuunosuke sighs blissfully. “you did a wonderful job, as usual. you’re better at making my morning tea than i am. perhaps i’ll be out of commission soon.”
he feels another kiss on his cheek. “gin is coming over with their son. did you want to come downstairs to see them?”
“hm? oh, yes, i will, darling. just let me know when they’re here. or, gin knows where to find me.” exchanging ‘i love you’s, ryuunosuke listens to his boyfriend’s footsteps wandering back inside before contently shaking his head, still smiling.
it’s been only a few months since gin had a baby. they’d been married a little less than a year when their son was born, and finally made ryuunosuke an uncle. they hated every moment of being pregnant, and spent the entire second and third trimesters complaining about it. no, not just complaining; whining, bitching, groaning, moaning, swearing, mumbling, and crying in ryuunosuke’s ear about it. he went through his own pregnancy pains just witnessing gin screaming for the eighty-seventh time that week about who knew what now. one of the emotions he’d felt when he got the call the baby came was relief.
because gin would shut up about it.
the baby was chubby and adorable, with fuzzy black hair and what was now referred to in the family as the “akutagawa eyes.” wide, sharp silver eyes, surrounded by long thick eyelashes. the rest of the baby’s face shape resembled his father, but ryuunosuke took great pride that the baby also resembled his mother.
it took some adjusting to get used to gin being married, and ryuunosuke would be lying if he said the guy was his first choice. he was a bit lazy and a little too flirty for his liking, but at the end of the day, as long as the man treated gin with respect, ryuunosuke couldn’t say anything. though, he slept at night knowing gin would cut the guy up long before it’d hit ryuunosuke’s ears. gin’s husband was tall - enough to dwarf gin in his hugs - with dyed hair and dark eyes. he enjoyed working out, and was prideful about his career and ability to support his family. as a result, ryuunosuke… tolerated him.
as he finished his tea, ryuunosuke sighed sadly as he wondered when it’d be his turn for a family. he wanted to marry his boyfriend, he’d been contemplating a perfect proposal for months. i want it to be just right. it has to be, or he’ll say no. he spent a long time building a perfect life just the way he wanted it; no dazai. minimal contact with atsushi. a tall, gothic victorian house with a foreboding presence, more resemblant of a lone castle, in a hill not nestled within suburbs but still close enough to the city. more bookshelves than he can manage, intricate fireplaces, black and silver chandeliers, ryuunosuke has it all. except the one thing he truly wants right now, and that’s a ring on that particular spot on his hand.
he stares silently at his left ring ringer. on gin’s hands, that spot is occupied. he’ll give gin’s husband credit, the ring is beautiful. the band is white gold, a perfect fit and just what gin likes. coming up to the center are tiny diamonds, which build up to four larger sapphires that surround the largest diamond in the middle. even chuuya wolf-whistled when he sat it. proposing to a mafiosa like that really wasn’t too bad. maybe a brownie point for that. and the wedding was a nice getaway, rustic theming with neutral colors and filled to the brim with tradition. ryuunosuke wouldn’t dare say no to gin’s request to be their man of honor. it was just another opportunity to let mister new guy know he’ll always be watching, even now.
“my dear,” ryuunosuke was jolted out of his trance by his boyfriend’s soft voice. standing, he turned to see his love peeking from the door, wind softly blowing his dark hair. “gin is here.”
smiling, ryuu approached with soft steps to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek. “i’ll be right inside.”
“you go on ahead, i’ll put all of that in the sink.” as the conversation went on, the two of them locked eyes, and ryuunosuke blushed, feeling like he was being flirted with by gaze alone.
“why, nonsense. ” he said, smiling bashfully. “i can do it.” instead of agreeing, ryuunosuke felt his lover press a quick kiss to his lips. he stood there, frozen and stunned, and the teacup and saucer were gone by the time he snapped out of it. “no fair, darling,” he called out into the house as he stepped inside from the balcony. “now i just want more.”
from the kitchenette, he heard his boyfriend reply, “we can have plenty of that later when i make you dinner.”
letting out an involuntary ‘ooh!’, ryuunosuke smiles excitedly before making his way downstairs. he loved these damn stairs. there was nothing more satisfying than running down the stairs in long coats and living out his victorian prince dreams. today, though, he had class as he slowly made his way down. he had a reputation, after all! and no husband of gin’s was about to see ryuunosuke akutagawa be anything less than absolutely perfect.
well… nobody except gin could see that anymore.
“my little darling!” ryuunosuke cooed his greeting as he saw gin standing by the front door, baby swaddled in a nice blanket. he extended his arms for a gentle hug, which was received, before giving gin a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“hi, ry.” gin returned the smile that must’ve still been on his face. “you look happy today.”
“i would certainly hope i am happy every day i spend with the sinful delight i have upstairs.” ryuunosuke giggles gleefully. as he looks down to the baby, he softens his tone as he brushes hair away from the angelic little face. “and how’s my little doll of a nephew?”
“annoying.” gin snorts. “won’t let his mama fuckin’ sleep.”
“you be good to your mama, now, child.” ryuunosuke shakes his head, putting his hand on his hip as the baby makes content noises. “appreciate your good mama.”
the two stay silent as they reflect on their own mother, ryuunosuke biting his lip as he’s still not sure what to say after all this time. “yeah.” gin breaks the silence. “you stop being a little stinker and put respect on your mama.”
the baby’s moonlight silver eyes sparkle, as he stares at the above chandelier. “you have delightful taste, little one.” as ryuunosuke speaks, he extends an index finger to the baby. as he expected, a tiny hand curls around it.
“this house costs more than his daddy’s whole life, and his daddy’s side of the family.” gin retorts.
“he married rich.”
“damn right, he did. he knew what he was doing.”
the two of them snicker and giggle as they used to when they lived together. no - they’ve always done this, even when they couldn’t speak any words, their tight bond always resulted in their shared understanding for each other. when ryuunosuke was cutting off his bangs, suffering from trichotillomania, almost dying in hospital rooms, being thrown around like dazai’s personal little ragdoll, those were times he didn’t know himself. there was never a time he didn’t know gin like the inside of his eyelids. what to purchase as a gift or a snack, what movie to put on, what color dress they’d like, none of that was ever a question. it was almost by instinct. ryuunosuke could be blindfolded and still not disappoint gin.
he’d rather die than do that, anyway.
“i wanted to invite you to dinner at our house sometime.” gin’s voice lulls ryuunosuke’s eyes back to their face. “you know how my big bear is, he wants you to be his friend still. so he wants to make something for you and that fella of yours.”
“oh~ my big lunk .” ryuunosuke smirks as gin rolls their eyes. “tonight won’t work, darling. but do call me so we can arrange a night we’re all free. i couldn’t say no to a kind offer.”
“i told him almost word-for-word that you’d say that.” gin bounces the baby a little as he begins to whimper. “do i know you, or do i know you?”
ryuunosuke chuckles to himself. “i suppose i am a little predictable.”
“a little ?” gin repeats, with a deadpan face, as they tend to do. “well, paint me blue and call me a damn smurf, then-”
“you really are one of chuuya’s girls.” he lifts a pale hand to pat gin’s head.
gin groans. “it’s verlaine’s girls, you idiot.”
“no, you’re a lot like chuuya.” he winces a little as the baby begins to cry. ugh, that’s no fair, though. he wants a cute, fat, round little infant. he watches carefully as gin changes how they’re holding the baby and shushes him until he’s calm again. “look at you, little mx. talented.”
“i need my husband to come home right now so i can sleep.” gin hisses through gritted teeth.
ryuunosuke lifts his arms. “let me take the tiny little darling. my love and i can watch him while you take a nap, alright?”
gin barely took a moment to think before surrendering the baby over into ryuunosuke’s arms. the little one barely seemed to weigh much, but he assumed that was because of how delicate babies were. “i need that, i think.” gin lets out an exhausted sigh. they move long hair out of their face, frowning. “thanks, ry.”
ryuunosuke wants to caress his sister’s cheek, but he’s holding the baby. “any time, imouto. you remember where the guest bedroom is, do you?”
“mhm.” gin affirms with a tired smile. “come get me in twenty?”
smiling reassuringly, he nods. maybe twenty five. as he watches gin go upstairs, he thinks he’s never felt prouder. then, when he glances down to the healthy child in his arms, he wondered if he could really be a parent. society and life himself wasn’t always good to him - but maybe a little one of his own would have better luck.