Chapter Text
Today was finally the very first game of the season.
Chuuya could feel the electricity running in the air, his thoughts slowly drowning in between his teammates' voices. Everything felt far far away, almost like underwater. He should be excited, completely over the moon. This was the day he could finally prove what he was made of, maybe even show off a little, but he wasn’t really there. At least, not mentally.
He shakes his head lightly, desperately trying to get his head in the game. Needs to focus, today more than any other day. When he finally opens his locker to change into his uniform, the name on the back of his jersey immediately catches his eye.
Nakahara.
It should feel right, it was his goddamn name for fuck’s sake! Wasn’t that exactly what he wanted? What he specifically ask for? But then, why did it feel like something was missing?
Ugh. He will deal with -whatever this was, later. He had more important things to do right now, like winning a match.
Once he’s completely geared up and ready to go, Chuuya quickly follows his teammates to the field, the lights blinding him for a second as he looks up. Only to confirm what he feared the most. All of his friends are there more than eager to cheer him on, all of them except for one person.
No, he would never.
Chuuya can still remember his reaction when his best friend showed up at his very first game.
“What do we have here?” Chuuya walked towards the bleachers with a little skip in his step, hoping his smile would hide how nervous he was actually feeling. If seeing the brunet sitting there helped pacify his anxiety no one needed to know. “What do I owe the pleasure?”
He swears he can see a faint dust of pink on his best friend’s cheeks, but maybe it was just the weather. Yeah, definitely.
“My my, aren’t you in a good mood, Chibi.” Dazai gets closer, resting his face on the rail separating them, his stupid pretty smile never leaving his face. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
Of course he is, they both know this, but he won’t say. “It’s not exactly your kind of setting.”
“Ah, you’re correct! That’s exactly why you are going to skip class with me next friday to go to the torture instruments museum.”
“So you came here only to bribe me to spend time with you?” Chuuya could already feel himself smiling. He couldn’t control it. Lately, it was getting difficult to do so when he was with Dazai. He hated it. “That’s not very nice.”
He can hear someone in the distance calling his name, he has a hard time trying to register who exactly was it, his entire attention completely focused on his best friend.
“Come on now, you better hurry!” Dazai said to him with an amount of excitement it was so rare to see on him, not that the redhead minded, it was quite refreshing if you asked him. Exactly what he needed. Leaning even closer to him before whispering to him as if he were telling a secret, for Chuuya only and no one else to hear. “You have a match to win.”
And oh, if he didn’t do just that.
He clearly remembers his friends tackling him the second the game was over, almost smothering him to death, but he didn’t care, he had way too much adrenaline still flowing through his whole body to feel any pain. Or to feel anything if he was honest.
Chuuya stayed at Dazai’s that night. He was a blink away from falling asleep when his mind decided to take over his tongue. Something that seemed to happen only around the brunet for some reason. He should get that checked.
“You can say that you care, you know? It doesn’t make you any less cool or anything.”
“What do you mean?” The brunet slurred his words, obviously at the edge of falling asleep too.
“Dazai, why did you actually go to the game?” It wasn’t exactly a complaint, more of a reassurance if anything. He wanted Dazai to know he wouldn’t think any less of him for just being human for once.
“I thought it was obvious.” Nothing with Dazai ever was, but he was too scared to break whatever bubble they were in now to say so. “I went because it's important to Chuuya.”
Whatever trace of mischief that’s always lacing his best friend’s tongue completely gone, words honest and almost sweet. He could get used to this side of him every now and then.
“Thank you.” Chuuya lets himself smile as he looks at the stars stuck to the ceiling, glad his best friend won’t be able to see his reaction in the current darkness of the room. Finally closing his eyes shut, face warm and heart full. “It means a lot.”
The room stays quiet for a bit, making him believe the brunet already passed out. Wrong.
“So, are we still going to the museum or..?”
“God, you’re a menace.”
Dazai has never missed a game. Ever. Till now that was.
“Alright, that’s it.”
Suddenly Chuuya is walking back towards the changing rooms, a little faster than usual, enough to already feel the slight strain on the muscles of his legs. He really needs to warm up before seriously regretting it but there was something he needed to do first.
—
“Can’t believe you’re actually gonna miss the first game of the season.” Chuuya’s voice echoes loudly inside the small council’s office, hating how broken and small he already sounds to his own ears but secretly hoping for his best friend to pick up on it too.
Despite ironically standing once again with his back facing Chuuya, the redhead can see the exact moment his words reach Dazai, the president’s shoulders quickly stiffening underneath his shirt. His hand gripping the whiteboard eraser for dear life, hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. A couple of seconds passing as he kept moving his arm in lazy circles even tho there was nothing left on the board, completely ignoring him.
He was trying to buy himself time. The slimy bastard.
The redhead can hear him click his tongue, a tic he learned a while ago was something the brunet did when he was anxious and his cool easy breezy persona was starting to slip up before losing control. Sometimes he believes not even Dazai realizes he was doing it, but he’s not gonna point it out now, they have more important things to discuss.
“I didn’t think Chuuya wanted me there.” The redhead can feel his breathing getting heavier and his heart slowly crumpling, trying his best to ignore it and remain calm and unaffected.
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
They were fighting, of course, but did his best friend really think that after all this time Chuuya wouldn’t want one of the people that helped him the most to get on the team at probably the biggest night of his short life yet, cheering him on and telling him he did great? Not only that, but he was okay with it to the point where he accepted it and just decided to sit this one out?
“Besides, isn’t Tachihara going to be there?”
Wait. What? What did Tachi ever have to do with anything?
Unless- could it be?
“Dazai,” The redhead tastes his name slowly in his mouth, taking a doubtful step closer. “Tachi is dating Gin.”
“What?” Dazai finally turns around and it just hits him now how much he really missed his stupid face.
Chuuya decides to finally drop the bait. It was now or never.
“Actually, they are running a bet on how much it would take your slimy ass to admit you were jealous.” The redhead offers with a small giggle and a lazy shrug of his shoulder, obsessed with the way he finally had his best friend’s eyes on him and on him only. On every single move he made. How it was supposed to be.
“I wasn’t-“ Chuuya can see Dazai’s gaze darkening. So up close and so so beautiful. The brunet harshly looking away and clearing his throat before attempting to correct himself. “I am definitely not-“
The president already took the decoy, all he had to do was wait, but Nakahara Chuuya has always been famous for his soccer skills and somewhat ungodly ability to ace a karaoke solo while holding an impressive amount of alcohol -don’t tell his sister, not for his outstanding patience.
He has been waiting for this moment for over a week now. Or maybe for years and he’s only realizing now. Either way he kind of can’t wait anymore. He doesn’t want to.
“Osamu?” Chuuya steps closer to take hold of one of his best friend’s trembling hands, gently intertwining their fingers together. He tries to ignore the frantic beat of his own heart to not go completely insane at the newfound yet somewhat familiar closeness, smiling shyly when he looks down.
The perfect fit, they always have been. Nothing would ever change that.
Dazai’s world seems to visibly come to a stop, face immediately softening at the sound of his name rolling off sweetly off Chuuyas’s tongue. No one says his name like Chuuya does, or so he likes to think so. So what if the redhead takes pride in that? Sue him.
“If there’s anything you want to tell me about these last few days, now will be a great time.”
It was out now. All he had to do was wait.
Silence.
Right. This is what he gets for expecting. Serves him right.
Swallowing the pathetic sob that threatens to leave his throat, he lets go of Dazai’s hand. His fingers twitching in need to feel him again, lowering his head in shame before turning around to start walking towards the door. The tears weighing down his lashes only serving him as nothing but a reminder of the last time he was in this same room.
He’s not going through that again. He just can’t.
Suddenly a shaky hand wraps around his wrist, immediately steadying him in place. “Chuuya, wait.”
Chuuya can only recall seeing Dazai truly cry once in the whole time they have been friends, it was truly a sight he never wished to see again, a sight he was scared to find once he looked back, given the unrecognizable broken tone of his voice as he spoke.
The redhead slowly turns around, the grip on his arm loosing up enough to allow the movement, as if he were scared he would float away if he let go.
The room becomes silent once again, but this time he waits. This time he stays.
“Please.” Chuuya is only human.
—
“Please.”
What an interesting turn of events.
For the very first time in his miserable seventeen years of life, the great Dazai Osamu didn’t actually have a backup plan. He didn’t even believe he needed one but ah, let it to his Chibi to always surprise him.
The brunet could without a doubt feel Chuuya’s eyes without even having to look at him, this was what spending so much time with someone did to you, both a blessing or a curse depending on the situation. If he was being honest, he wasn’t quite sure which one was the case right now, his brain wasn’t properly wired up to tell.
“I was just scared. It’s an excuse, I know, but that’s how I felt.” Dazai sighs looking away, face flushed hot in a disgusting mix of anger and shame. Anxiety bubbling deep in his gut as his fingers twitch around his best friend’s skin. He’s breathing so hard right now he’s sure Chuuya can hear every inhale he takes and it’s driving him insane.
Being this transparent and vulnerable to his best friend was completely out of his usual comfort zone, far far away from his prestigious and self-centered throne, made him feel awfully sick.
Ugh. Oda was wrong, feeling your feelings was the worst. Did not recommend.
“I’m actually just realizing how bad I am about feelings, to be honest.” The mere realization hits him way harder than what he’s willing to admit out loud. The brunet chuckles under his breath in hopes of some way lighting up the situation, whatever he could do to gain back control.
He was Dazai Osamu for God’s sake, he was supposed to be a mastermind at everything.
“Scared of what?” His best friend’s strained voice brings him back to present time like a whiplash.
It only took one good look into those blue eyes of his for the president to not think twice before spilling his guts. Not quite literally, or well, so he hopes. Having human feelings was already embarrassing enough, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to make it out alive of this one if he were to throw up right now.
Fingers crossed the universe didn’t feel like teaching him another lesson. Please, he will do anything. He’s still coming out black and bruised from the last one.
“Of someone stealing you away.” It’s finally out now, what has been annoyingly itching at the back of his throat since all of this started. It feels revolting enough to let the thought come out of his mouth, but it’s nothing but the truth. So he dares himself to keep going. Now while he still has Chuuya’s full attention on him. “God, have you ever realized how amazing you are?”
Dazai has the suspicion that his best friend actually doesn’t, that he’s already too used to be in the light to see how beautifully bright he actually shines. So he makes it his personal mission to tell him, as someone who has basked into the glow of him for the last seven years, soaking gently into the warmth.
He starts describing every single thing he likes about Chuuya in extreme detail before he realizes it.
Going from his annoyingly blind kindness when it came to others to his die hard unquestionable loyalty to his stupid and somewhat clever sense of humor. Not to mention those big blue eyes and how shit they were at hiding the redhead’s emotions. Or the way he bites into the very tip of his tongue smiling when he’s excited about something. Or how he keeps mumbling songs under his breath because he doesn’t believe he’s that much of a good singer when he actually has a beautiful voice.
He keeps going, and for some unknown to mankind reason, Chuuya lets him. Dazai quick to register how much of a significant part of his existence moved around his best friend. How he constantly appeared in every single one of his thoughts.
“Like, who wouldn’t want you? Chibi, you could have literally anyone you want,” The president sighs, defeated, deeply enough to empty the air in his lungs. He licks his lips, feeling them ridiculously dry, this is probably the most he has ever spoken since the last time the two of them were in this same room. “all you gotta do is ask.”
Oda and Ango’s words from a few days ago come back to him. Perfect timing if you ask him.
Apparently, everyone around them was painfully aware of his crush on Chuuya, everyone but him. He didn’t quite see it back then, said he would think about it later, but once he finally did it was kind of impossible not to. Needless to say he didn’t get that much sleep that night, not that he was actually getting any of course but, you know.
Suddenly, it was all so crystal clear it was almost hysterical. Keyword, almost. He kind of wanted to smack himself when he first realized it.
I’m sorry that I almost messed up your scholarship. No, before that.
I’m sorry that I changed the name on your new jersey. No, before that.
I’m sorry that I overreacted when I saw you and Tachihara together, I was jealous.
The puzzle was finally solved.
“I can’t keep you to myself, it’s selfish and stupid and immature. I know that now and I’m so sorry.” Dazai feels his pride abandoning every fiber of his body and while it should feel rewarding he kind of feels naked right now. He hates it. He also constantly reminds himself that Chuuya is the one and only reason why he’s doing this.
He would find a way of holding every single star in the universe in the palm of his hand if it meant to have the other boy back in his life.
How the hell did he not notice he had a crush on him? Honestly.
“Let’s make one thing clear here.” Chuuya backs away from him, carefully freeing his hand from Dazai’s grip and the brunet feels like screaming. Absolutely terrified he fucked things up for real this time. He’s a breakdown away from picturing his life without the redhead when he pokes at the president’s chest. “I can be with whoever I want.”
Now, that was one way to rub salt in the wound. The brunet can only nod as an answer, tongue tragically tied. Still, he somehow manages to get the words out. No matter how painful they are. “Of course, even if it’s not with me.”
“Tough luck though,” The president tilts his head to the side, looking at his best friend in utter confusion. “I kinda really want it to be you.”
Dazai desperately needs subtitles because there’s no way Chuuya just said that.
“Chuuya, I-“ Whatever attempt at speech immediately dying in Dazai’s tongue the second his best friend gets a hold of his tie, pulling him forward to bring their mouths together.
Chuuya is kissing him. He’s kissing Chuuya. They’re kissing. Oh my God.
The brunet feels his brain shut down and literally nothing else in the entire whole wide world matters anymore. His body not wasting a second to kick into overdrive to make up for it and kissing him back, arms wrapped around the other boy’s slim waist like muscle memory, pulling him infinitely close.
To exist around Chuuya was close to a second nature to him. Easy as breathing, maybe even easier.
It’s not till he’s pressed flush against the redhead, sighing dreamily into the air between his lips, that suddenly every song, film and poem about love finally made sense to Dazai. In a way, he’s glad they exist, given there’s no way he will be able to put into words everything he’s feeling right now.
Chuuya smiles into the kiss and he’s easily a goner. He could stay there forever. To know that this could have happened earlier if they only got their shit together was enough to make his head spin.
A flash goes off behind them and it’s only then they notice of course the rest of the party followed the redhead to witness the clusterfuck on the first row. Their friends lived out of gossip and thrived in the drama after all.
A smirk creeping up Sigma’s face as he lowers his camera, the rest of them looking over his shoulder and into the screen.
“Oh, this one will go right on the cover.” Yeah, maybe they needed to get new friends.
Dazai is furiously blushing now, he’s aware, he can feel the warmth traveling under his now pink skin.
So he hides his face on the crook Chuuya’s shoulder, smiling blissfully when he feels the redhead’s fingers playing with his hair. He’s about to lean in for a peck when Tanizaki barges into the room, reminding everyone the game is about to start and that the coach is looking for the captain.
Right. The game. Chuuya’s game.
Oh my God, Chuuya’s game!
As if on cue, everyone -Dazai included, starts rushing towards the door, only to be held back by a hand holding onto his wrist. The president turning to find the other boy already looking at him. “What’s wrong, Chibi?”
“Oh, I have just the uniform for you.”
—
“Come on now, Osamu. We are waiting!” Chibi should definitely stop throwing around his name so casually, made his insides feel sickly warm. It wasn’t fair if you asked him. It was also getting awfully hard to breathe, but that might have something to do with his current clothing.
“I literally can’t breathe! It’s too tight.”
“Yeah, well, you should have thought this through.” Really, when does the suffering end? Ugh. The things you do for love.
Dazai takes a deep deep breath before finally walking out of the changing rooms, embracing the upcoming shitshow. He had no shame left to lose after all. The shirt he had requested for his silly little prank now painfully clinging to his body. He’s actually hurting in places he never thought he could hurt.
It takes nothing but a fraction of a second for Sigma to snap another picture. Ranpo and Yosano whistling loudly because of course they would. They really really need new friends. “Looking good, president!”
“Shut up!” The brunet attempting to cover himself up before turning to Chuuya, cheeks pink with embarrassment. “Happy?”
The captain suddenly a little too distracted walking his fingers up one of Dazai’s arms to answer, lazily squeezing the slight muscle there. His thoughts immediately turning into complete mush when the skin prickles under his touch. “You have no idea.”
Yosano quick to cover Atsushi’s ears. “There are children here.”
Dazai can only blush to a new and darker shade of pink, Chuuya on the other hand, doesn’t seem to care. Clapping his hands together and walking towards the exit without even looking back in his direction, as if waiting for him to blindly follow.
“Come on! We have a game to play!”
The brunet’s eyes open dramatically wide, just as if he just had been called next in the line for execution. Actually, if you really think about it, going out dressed like that in public was pretty damn close. He has a reputation to maintain! “What? Are you really making me go out like this?”
“Of course,” The redhead slowly walks up to him, nihilistic smile on his face. “why would I miss the chance to show off my boyfriend?”
And okay Dazai is a weak, weak man. “B-boyfriend?”
“Yeah, boyfriend.”
The president not thinking twice before taking Chuuya’s hand in his, looking at his friends over his shoulder on his way out. “Alright everyone, let’s go! My boyfriend has a match to win!”