Chapter Text
Right where you left me.
He realizes someone is following after he changes the bus he had been riding for the third time, it is a man, tall with a cap on, Kim feels shaky from the whole idea of the pig trying to take him back to finish what he couldn’t do but Vegas ended it for him, Kim knows his cousin did a massacre in there, still is not unusual for a family member or a weird lover to get revenge, Kim is not high enough to be an easy target.
It takes him the double of time to reach the part of the city where Styx might be but he loses the man, it is already dark and past the usual time he hides himself to sleep when he reaches Khaosan, the party is all over the place, foreigners are everywhere giving him some nice smiles, there are touches on his shoulder and waist from both, men and female people that walk by but he ignores them, he has a place in mind, he prays for the first time in a while to actually be lucky, when he spots the club he has been looking Kim goes to the back door, he is not stupid like the usual population to go in the front where someone can recognize him, he is still a Theerapanyakul after all and Vegas said it, his father hasn’t stop the search he has been doing since he ran away.
"I'm looking for Styx". Kim mumbles once he gets to the right door, he knew the man was inside, or at least that’s what he heard.
"Who the fuck are you?". The man on the back door growls not looking at him but at the girl who is too damn drunk to actually consent.
"She is drunk". He says feeling protective of the almost unconscious girl, he can't let her pass what he did, what he almost had to endure.
"Yeah, that is the point, kid". Finally, the man looks at him and his eyebrow raises, he smiles letting the girl drop to the ground, Kim immediately goes to her patting her cheek lightly.
"Hey, can I call someone? What's your name?". He says, the girl opens her eyes laughing at him. "Hey, I want to help".
"Who are looking for, kid?" The man asks, there is a hand on his hair and he looks up angry, he has learned to hate that kind of touches, those mean danger, pain, Kim being hurt after. "I could help the girl and you for something... more".
"Let my boy alone, Max". A voice, such a sweet voice that makes tears come to Kim's eyes say, he looks and there next to the other man is the one he has been looking for.
"Styx". He whispers feeling his throat close up, there is a small voice in his head, it is really resembling to his mother, saying that this isn't going to end up well, that this... obsession, this need to see the same man who gave him drugs won't end up well but he is too far gone, he needs something, someone to cling to.
"Hey there, pretty thing, Max, take that girl to a room, let her sleep while I talk to my pretty boy here". Styx gives him his hand, Kim takes it smiling, finally, he got what he was looking for.
He goes inside clinging to Styx hand who smiles at him too, they walk getting on the second floor with a slow pace, he doesn't react badly to the man grabbing his waist, he kisses back with as much passion and energy as the other guy, he gets inside a hidden room willing, Kim doesn’t think, he just feels.
Kim loses his virginity there.
Kim finally understands why Kinn loves sex so much.
He should be used to crash against the floor by now.
He isn't.
｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
When he wakes up the next morning or what he thinks it is, he is sore all over, he groans happily at the way his body aches, he spent the whole night with Styx, he let the man kiss him, take him in a way no one else had, he gave everything he had to him and it made him happy, it made him feel... loved.
"Hmm, good morning pretty boy". There are fingers on his back, caresses that put goosebumps on his whole being.
"Styx". He says turning around, the guy has pink hair now, he had it blue the first time he saw him, the tender smile and the coffee on his hands make Kim squirm, is this what Kinn felt with Tawan? Is this what his mother felt toward his father? Did he really find the one?
"Coffee?" Kim nods smiling, he tries to sit down but a piercing pain goes all the way from his back, he goes back to lay down, the sheet is barely covering his hips. "Oh, it seems I was too rough with you, baby". The man laughs and he tries not to blush, he really likes the ways Styx laughs, it is so, so pretty.
“I have been looking for you”. He says once the other sits down next to him, there, the caresses on his naked chest keep going, damn, Kim had read about this, he heard the way Kinn loved to be on a closed room with Tawan, how he started to call the men to keep him company at night but he didn’t understand the sick need for it, not till now.
“That’s what I heard, I was kind of worried till one of my girls told me the guy that had been asking is a pretty precious boy with the most stunning eyes, I knew it was you, pretty”. He smiles before bending on the bed to shut him up with a kiss on his lips.
He keeps the smile on all day long while Styx makes him do all kind of things he never thought about, he learns how to use not only his hands but him mouth and whole body to place the older man, he is almost unconscious from it all at the end of the day, he is more than sore, his body hurts in a way he didn’t know it was possible, he is sticky and there are so many fluids on his skin that it must be disgusting but he is too happy, he might have taken something from the other man when he was on the middle of the fourth or sixth round, his head is fuzzy and he feels like floating, he doesn’t see the way his bubble is about to explode.
“It was really fun, pretty thing, if you need more you can ask around again for me, I let more than necessary for the actually awesome time we had, I’ll see you soon”. Styx says as he comes back completely dress up, the pink hair is done, his fingers are adorned with several rings and he is smoking, he leaves a bag with more than necessary on the nightstand.
“Wait!”. Kim screams trying to get up from the bed, his trembling legs drop him on the ground, what is going on? He didn’t look for Styx for the other to give him drugs, he really wanted to have him, to be with him, to belong to someone, was the whole day a mistake?
“What is it, pretty? I am a busy man, don’t worry you can take as long as you need to compose yourself before leaving, this room is mine”. Kim sees as the man walks out of the room dropping some dollars as the door closes.
Styx didn’t love him.
Anyone loved Kim.
If a soul inside that bar heard him scream and cry his heart out in that room there wasn’t a single complain.
Kim dies a little more that day.
The voice on his head resembling his mother just whispers:
I told you so.
｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
Kim didn’t know where he is, how he got here, he is just done, he had enough.
The wind on his hair is so strong that it makes him shake like a leaf.
Just one step, just to let the railing go and it will be done.
Kim will be done.
He closes his eyes ignoring the voice on his head telling him to stop, to think about it, he is about to let himself fall, he can feel the wind on his whole body and is expecting the way he crashes into the ground before going to his mother, to end it all.
The only thing he feels are strong arms around his waist.
“Oh my god, Kim!” Kim lets the man take him far away from the balcony, he is like a lifeless body, a doll. “Kim! What were you thinking?!”
He doesn’t answer, he feels like crying but his tears had dried, his heart is just beating without a porpoise, he doesn’t want to keep going, Kim really, really wants to die.
“Kim, please my boy, look at me”. He doesn’t do it, he has his eyes lost on the sky, is mama up there?
“Bring the car, I have a place where we can take care of him”. He hears the man saying to other person, he doesn’t move or react when he is lifted off the ground.
“I thought we had to take him to…”
“No, he is not in a good place right now, he will kill himself if we take him there”. The one carrying him is right, he might do it now, he wants to be dead, he needs to rest, to have some kind of peace.
“But… the orders…”
“That is not important right now, Anon, Kim safety is”.
Hearing the name of the man who has guarded him for some time now makes something clicks inside Kim’s mind, he looks at the man following them and realizes that it is indeed his former bodyguard, Anon is so worried that he is pale, so much paler than Kim. He turns his attention to the man carrying his body, Kim is about to cry again but he is tired and he took too much, he mixed the drugs that Styx left him… his whole body is shutting down but not before he moves his hand grabbing the cheek of the man.
“Chan…”
｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
“He had an overdose, we need to keep him under strict supervision and he really needs rehabilitation, this kind of addiction is not good for someone so young”.
Overdose? Kim wants to groan, he wanted to end it all and he can’t even do that.
“What did he take?”.
Anon… Kim really has the worst luck on the whole world.
“It was a complicated cocktail, cocaine, LDH, opioids, a lot”.
A groan, something close to a whimper, a hand on his hair, he finally has to see, is this Kinn? Khun? Are his brothers here with him? Do they care?
There is not Kinn or Khun beside him, he has Anon stood right next to the bed, he looks tired, he is a completely disaster; when his eyes turn to the one with his hand still on his hair he sees the
fatherly look from Chan, the man has a similar tired face as Anon but he is more composed, he has the air of authority all of them had seen since the man became a bodyguard.
“You are awake, Kimmy”. The man whispers and Kim feels his throat closing up.
“Khun Kim, Kim, you scared me dumb boy!” Anon growls at the other side of the bed, already climbing on it to hug him, Kim has an IV on his hand, his body feels completely dumb, is this how an overdose is supposed to feel or is it the remaining of his mind, he has been broken for so long.
“I will come back tomorrow night, sir, keep him on check, the drug used to reverse the overdose might make him drossy, he might throw up or being too lethargic, it is expected, call me if he can’t wake up of his breathing gets bad like when you brought him, good night”. The man that Kim believes is the doctor leaves, he notices he is inside a pretty room, it is similar to the room on Vegas’ apartment.
“Kim, how are you feeling son?” Chan sits next to his bed not stopping the touches on his hair, Kim just looks at him, he has tried so many times to escape, to find something for himself and he couldn’t do it, he gives up, there is nothing good for him. “Kim?”
Kim closes his eyes; how much more does he have to endure for the Gods or whatever deity or high power takes mercy on him and he can die? He won’t fight anymore, his remaining strength left him with Styx, the man was his last hope, his last chance and look how that ended up.
“I don’t know what is going on inside that pretty head of you, son, but I need you to remember that I am here, Anon and I are here for you, we will take care of you till your condition gets better”. Chan whispers, he feels Anon hugging him close to his body, a traitor tear falls form his eye, he lets himself drifted away.
｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
Kim stays on the apartment under the strict supervision of Chan and Anon for a while, he doesn’t know if it is two weeks, a month or a year, the symptoms of withdrawal syndrome are the worst thing that Kim had ever imagined, the tremors, how he couldn’t take too much for or water before throwing up and of course, the craving, he really was losing his mind for a little of white powder, he wanted to lose himself on the bubble of numbness that shit gave him but no, Anon and Chan were clear, no more drugs, no more hurting his health and soul.
“Take another sip, Kim, please”. Anon begs for the million time, Kim stopped talking, both men didn’t hear his voice since the day he tried to jump off a balcony.
“Kim, you need to eat, you need to gain force and weight, please”. Anon tries again, he moves his head to the right, he doesn’t want to, the only reason he hasn’t tried once again to finish this shit is because they don’t leave him alone, not even an hour, he can’t even go to the bathroom alone.
“We are going for a walk, son, so get ready, Anon will help you change”. Kim is surprised by the sudden appearance of Chan but doesn’t say a word, he is lifted and taken care of, all by Anon, he is not entirely sure what is going on or where he is being taken but he doesn’t complain, if he has to go back to the compound then so be it, if he has to die after the beating his father will give him then he can endure it.
“We are going to drive around Bangkok, give you some fresh air, that might be what you need”. Chan says on the driver place, Anon is on the back with him careful of him not opening the door to jump or something stupid as that.
They do exactly that, drive around, stop for a little of food, ice-cream, see the sky and some random performers on a park, Kim knows they are trying to make him talk, to make him see how much he has been missing, that there is something to fight for, something to do, he feels calmer when the night goes down, it is the first time since he is out on the night without being cold, without a drug on his system or the fear on his bones.
“Can we have dinner on there?”. He whispers pointing a restaurant out of nowhere, he felt hungry for the first time since he started consuming.
“Sure, Kimmy, whatever you want”. Chan is the one to talk, they take him there with a smile on their faces.
It is the first smile he sees on both older men, Kim has to say it was a really good day, it was all he had missed for so long, he didn’t get what he really wanted, for it to be Kinn or Khun at his side but he had his friend Anon and the man he has called father for a long, long time. They eat and enjoy the sudden presentation of an unknown singer, he smiles, a shy almost imperceptible smile when he hears the guy being brave enough to sing, to do as he has always wanted, when the guy asks for a companion on the middle of his presentation, it makes something on his chest to turn on again; Kim gets up to sing with him, he is too shy and his voice is out of tune but he enjoys it so much, the restaurant gives them a small ovation and he goes back to his table with a change on his mind, he has felt something Kim thought he had lost, his friends seem to notice it but doesn’t say much, they stay there for a very long time till one of the waitress tells them is time to close, the small group get up and are about to leave when a young, pretty girl comes to them.
“Hi! I’m sorry this might sound so crazy but, I want to give you this”. She says as a small business card is right in front of his face.
“What?” He asks perplex, what is this? Is this a sick joke?
“I just… My name is Mia and I work on an entertainment agency, I saw you since you got here and well, call it craziness but I saw how you sang in there and I believe you can become a successful artist, a singer that could get a whole arena full to see you, so yeah! If you want to follow that dream, call me, it will be a pleasure to make your dreams come true!”.
Just like she got here she runs away leaving him perplex with the card on his hand, he looks at Chan and Anon who smile at him, he smiles too taking the card close to his chest, maybe he can do something more, he can try one more time, he won’t be done by Styx…
He won’t stay right there where he left him.