Chapter Text
The adults on the room 204 don’t sleep well that night.
Hinata-san sleeps a couple of hours before being awakened by Kageyama’s voice. He’s muttering something, but she can’t hear it well. Not being sure if he’s awake or not, she let him be.
After that though, her mind doesn’t surrender to the tiredness of her body; a million of thoughts about her son appear to stay on it. The only things keeping part of the sadness away are the words Kageyama said before falling asleep, ‘until someone tells me he’s dead, I’m not going to believe it’. A tiny part of her insists that having hope will only brought more sadness at the end, but the honesty on Kageyama’s speech surpass that annoying voice.
Kageyama, on the other hand, sleeps almost all the night. His constant muttering is part of a dream, a silly and eventless dream about Hinata.
After running with Shouyou for endless streets he’s sure he has seen before, they stop in a park. There're blooming Sakura Trees until the eye can see.
Weird, he had never seen that kind of tree over here.
A single one, which is just green, calls his attention. He approaches it, but before he can think in an explanation for this weird tree, Shouyou appears with a long stick and starts hitting the air.
“What are you doing?” He says.
“I want the apple over there.” Shouyou jumps trying to hit the fruit with his stick.
Tobio sees the work of his boyfriend. He misses 8 of the 10 times he swings the stick. Impatient, he takes the stick from Shouyou’s hand and with one strike he hits the apple, and it falls… right on his head with a tud before hitting the ground.
Shouyou starts laughing so hard, that he falls to the ground too.
“What are you laughing at?! Dumbass!!” Tobio yells and rubs his head.
“Sorry, sorry.” Shouyou stands up and takes the apple. Strangely, he splits it in two like it’s made from modeling clay. “You can have half of it,” He smiles taking a bite from his half and offering the other half to him.
“You’re an idiot,” Tobio tells him taking the apple.
“Look who said it,” Shouyou grins despite what Tobio just said.
Tobio stares at him. There’s this words that he wants to tell, they’re on the tip of his tongue even but he can’t remember them.
Shouyou looks at him back. “What?”
Just looking his eyes the words form on his mouth, they even feel like something natural. “I lo-”
The buzz of a big plane taking off awakes him. Little by little he starts being conscious of his body, forgetting all about the dream, except for the dying words in his mouth. Kageyama doesn’t open his eyes, his body begs him more sleep, and he ponders the possibility of falling asleep again.
He notices the absent of the constant heat at his side. Without processing his actions he rolls, and gropes around with one hand. Insecure of why he can’t feel the mattress or find what he’s looking for, Kageyama inclines his body.
The void welcomes him, and he opens his eyes to see the floor milliseconds before he flatly lands on it. The surprise of a fall makes his brain function properly.
Kageyama sits on the floor, trying to recognize the place he’s in. He looks the couch, and immediately remembers the entire struggle from yesterday. He feels something on his chest twist.
Damn, how could I forget that? He thinks rubbing his nose. It hurts a bit, but the pain at the top of his head awakes curiosity on him. Perhaps he hit with the couch last night.
Kageyama looks to the bed and his gaze meets Hinata-san’s. She’s resting on her side, staring wide eyed at him.
“Were you looking for something?” She whispers to not awake Natsu.
Kageyama feels embarrassed once he recalls his actions. “Kind of…” He mutters. His cheeks start warming up. “I woke you up?” He says to change the focus of the conversation.
“No, I was already awake,” She looks down, “You just startled me when you suddenly fell.”
Kageyama sits on the couch taking out his phone. It’s roughly 8 am, a normal hour for him to wake up, but in this circumstances he wishes he could continue sleeping. He leans back, staring the ceiling of the room.
Again, all the memories from yesterday morning appear on his mind. Kageyama drags his hands over his face.
This is my fault. I should have taken that flight. The image of Hinata receiving the news from his parents instead makes him shake his head. I should have continued being a jerk.
“Are you okay?” Hinata-san asks concerned by Kageyama’s expression.
The words he said to her last night comes to him. He doubts in answering the truth, but lying would be impossible after his actions. “I have been better,” He says bitterly. “I was the one who suggested travelling to Miyakojima, so this is my fault. If I had known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have said anything back then.” Saying it aloud lifts a little of the weight he feels inside, but it hurts him the realization.
Hinata-san listens carefully and thinks well what to say in return.
She doesn’t want to blame him for this, but hearing him say it’s his fault makes her feel some resentment towards him. Yes, if he hadn’t told Shouyou about going to that island, he could be safe now. She would have called him asking when he’ll come to visit again –Natsu yelling at her back to let her talk with his brother –and even suggesting him to bring Kageyama-kun this time.
Yes, it would be better, but now it’s not the time to think in what ifs, and blaming people for the things they don’t have control over.
“This is definitely not your fault,” The security of her voices surprises Kageyama, “No one on that plane thought what would happen after they took off. Don’t torture yourself thinking that.”
Kageyama stays quiet; he doesn’t feel like replying with an angry or sad comment. He knows she’s right in some way, but the feelings of guilt and shame don’t let the words be a comfort for his heart.
In an attempt of get a distraction of some sort, Kageyama unlocks his phone. He notices though, that its battery isn’t low like he expected. Moreover, the battery is enough to survive the day if he decides to not use it.
He scowls. Natsu used his phone a lot of time last night, this doesn’t have sense. Kageyama revises his phone for any game or sorts that could have been downloaded, but he doesn’t have any new apps.
Natsu did something last night, he’s sure of it, she was typing something. Typing… could she be sending messages? Kageyama presses the button, and bingo. 4 messages were sent to Shouyou last night.
What she tried to accomplish with that?
He starts reading the last one.
Brother it’s me again. Writing this is more difficult than I thought, it took me 20 minutes sent you the last one. I always miss the character I want to write… anyway, it feels like it has been hours since the man came to say us something about the search. Mom is sad and I don’t like seeing her like that. I think Kageyama is bothered or upset about something, but I’m not sure about what. Please, come back soon. We miss you.
Kageyama watches Natsu, still sleeping, for a brief moment. He decides to read the other messages before doing anything.
She wrote about the things that happened yesterday; what the man told them about the plane, about the mean kid that made her cry, how she felt when a woman in the phone told her about him being in problems, but always ends asking him when he’ll be back.
Kageyama sighs, and looks at the bed. Even if Natsu was awake, he wouldn’t tell her anything. There is a reason she didn’t tell him before, he won’t (can’t) pressure her now.
He doesn’t realize he’s staring in the general direction of Hinata-san until she points it out.
“I have been worse. Believe me,” She laughs, but Kageyama notices the tiredness on his voice
“I wasn’t thinking in that.”
“Oh, don’t be modest.” She gets up and quietly sits on the bed, being careful to not bother Natsu. “I barely slept last night… I feel… I want this nightmare to be over…” Her eyes become glossy. “I don’t want to bury my son before my husband or my own mother.”
No, Kageyama thinks standing up from the couch. He stops mid track though, not sure of how to comfort her. He ends standing there, feeling unsecure of his usefulness.
Hinata-san notices his failed attempt and laughs sincerely. “Thanks for the thought,” She smiles and rubs his eyes. “Saying it aloud hurt more than I thought it could.”
“Mom, don’t cry,” A voice whimpers from behind her. Their conversation awakened her.
Hinata-san turns to face his daughter, who is sat on the bed holding her breath; an attempt to retain her tears. She smiles weakly.
“It’s okay baby girl. It’s healthy cry if you’re sad.” Hinata-san hugs her tight, Natsu embraces her weakly as tears start coming down.
“I don’t want to cry…” Her voice is muffled by his mom shirt.
Kageyama can just stares the two persons in front of him, and feel impotent by the lack of ideas to comfort them. He feels like crying now too.
Taking a deep breath, Kageyama feels the knot on his throat loosen a bit.
“Maybe we…” He clears his throat, his voice came too hoarse, “We could go and eat something,” He suggests awkwardly. He knows that when Shouyou is sad eating something that he likes makes him feel a little better, so maybe the same will work with his family.
“Ah! That’s a great idea!” Hinata-san releases Natsu and wipes his eyes. “What about a cake or a muffin?” She smiles.
“Chocolate shortcake!” Natsu yells excited raising his arms. “And a cream puff!”
“Okay, we’ll see if they have those then.” She gets up and looks at both of them. “But first we need to wash ourselves a little. We look like something fell on us.” Her smile grows bigger.
Kageyama and Natsu look at each other and snort. She’s right, they have messy hair (in Natsu’s case half of her hair is down and the other half still tied) and tired faces.
They use the bathroom by turns, and when everyone looks tidier, they exit the room.
“I think I saw a restaurant in the first floor yesterday. You can go there while I return the key,” Hinata-san suggests.
Kageyama agrees and they go in different direction after going out the elevator.
Natsu takes Kageyama’s hand and walks at his side after realizing she’s starting to stay behind.
“Hey Kageyama…” She speaks shyly, a little odd coming from her.
“Hmm?”
“Yesterday I used you phone to… send messages to my brother.”
“I know.” He replies looking at her.
“Really?” She asks shocked. She didn’t think Kageyama would notice it.
“I found them while you were asleep.”
“You’re… not mad at me?” Natsu looks the floor, embarrassed by being discovered.
“Why would I?” He shows a little smile.
“Then… he answered you?” Natsu looks at him again, hopeful this time.
Kageyama glances sideways. “Umm… no. But I’ll let you know if he does.”
“Thanks Kageyama!” She grins showing all her teeth.
Kageyama stares to the front; he wants Shouyou to answer too.
They find the entrance to the restaurant, but Kageyama halts when he sees the people outside it. Reporters with cameras wanders the halls, looking everywhere for someone to interview.
“What wrong?” Natsu tries to keep walking, but her grip on Kageyama stops her.
I don’t think is a good idea going there, he thinks. “Maybe we should go to the cafeteria inside the airport.”
“Why? The restaurant is there, is closer.” She point to the open doors.
Thinking that maybe she won’t understand what he means, he decides to tell her another thing. “I’m sure they have more variety of food.”
“Really?! What are we waiting for? Let’s tell my mom!” She pulls him in the other direction, away from the reporters.
Kageyama sighs relieved, that was easier than he thought. They take a few steps before encountering Hinata-san.
“Where are you going? The restaurant is back there.” She says confused.
“Kageyama says that in the airport they have more food!” Natsu chirps.
“But that’s-”
Noticing her more confused now, Kageyama points discretely with his chin to the restaurant entrance. She peeks behind him and sees the reporters gathered near it.
“Oooh, I see. Nice thinking Kageyama-kun. Let’s go then.” She smiles and change direction.
The three of them go to the exit.
With the thought that they evaded the reporters successfully, Kageyama feels a bit relieved; he doesn’t want to answer anybody’s questions.
Hinata-san and Natsu talk about what they want to eat, but Kageyama doesn’t feel hungry. And considering the amount of food that he eats normally, this is somewhat worrisome to him.
Suddenly they hear rushing steps, and before Kageyama can turn around, a woman intercepts them and puts a microphone near his face.
“You’re a familiar of one of the passengers of the disappeared plane, right?” She looks intensely at him.
Still too surprised by the sudden interruption, Kageyama doesn’t speak.
“Yes, but–” Hinata-san answers. The woman puts the microphone pointing to her now.
“And what can you tell us?” She asks before Hinata-san can finish. “Have you received any information? They’re survivors?”
Hinata-san opens her mouth to answers, but another reporter approaches them and makes more questions.
“You know if the plane crashed? The disappearance was accidental or intentional?”
“Wait, I–”
A third reporter appears and inquires more, impeding her to form a complete sentence.
In seconds at least 8 different microphones and 7 cameras surrounds them; neither of them is sure from where they’re coming. The reporters keep asking things, interrupting each other.
“What can you tell us about the accident?!”
“You think they’re survivors?!”
“The information the airport provide you is enough?!”
Questions continue coming their way. Hinata-san stares at them shocked, she can barely understand what they're shouting at her, even less what to answer. Natsu hides behind Kageyama, scared of the people pushing them backwards.
“I don’t know… what to tell you.” Hinata-san says raising his hands to protect herself from the people in front.
“Come on, miss. You can share anything with us,” One reporter says.
“Yes, what about–”
For the amount of questions and tone of voice that some of them use, it looks more like an interrogation than an interview. Hinata-san’s eyes turn glossy again; some of the questions are too much for her.
Kageyama feels rage consuming him when he looks at the woman at his side –who he always remembers smiling kindly at him –crumbling down. He makes a decision. If he can’t comfort, he’s definitely going to protect.
Stepping between Hinata-san and the reporters, he frowns at every one of them. “LEAVE US ALONE! WE JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE! THIS SITUATION IS ALREADY BAD AS IT IS!” He yells mad.
He takes Natsu’s and Hinata-san’s hands and pulls them through the reporters; pushing aside with his body the ones on his way.
They follow them though, so Kageyama turns at them. “STOP FOLLOWING US!” He snarls, and glares.
Some of them look scared, others unimpressed. Without letting space to doubts, he drags the two important persons to him to their destination.
Kageyama continues pulling Natsu and Hinata-san until being inside the airport. Mixed noises receive them; it looks as busy as always.
He stops and releases their hands. “Assholes,” He mutters.
Hinata-san breathes deeply and rubs her eyes. “Thanks, I didn’t know how to answer them… so many questions.”
“It’s fine. I hope they don’t bother us more.” Kageyama glares to the entrance, just in case someone dared to follow them. No one with suits or cameras comes in. Good.
“Look!” Natsu says pointing to some place behind Kageyama. “There is the cafeteria! I’m going to see if they have cream puffs!” She’s running towards it as soon as she finishes the sentence.
“Wait! Natsu! Don’t run from us!” Hinata-san says worried, running after her.
Kageyama watches them moving away.
They have the same energy as him, he thinks smirking.
When they enter to the cafeteria, and he loses sight of them, he heads that way.
The moment he crosses the door, Natsu already finished giving her order to the lady on the counter.
“Now go to search a table for us.” He hears Hinata-san say.
“Okay!” Natsu sprints to the tables not far away from the counter.
“Do you want something?” She asks turning to Kageyama.
He goes closer and looks the menu displayed behind the lady. “A coffee and a sandwich are fine, thanks.”
“Your order will be delivered to your table, so please go take a sit.” The woman smiles typing what Kageyama said and receiving Hinata-san payment.
“Go take care of Natsu for a moment, please. I need to make a call.” She takes out her phone, looking for a number.
Kageyama nods, and starts looking for the smaller Hinata. It’s not difficult finding her; after all she’s the only one here with orange hair. He goes to a table near a TV; Natsu is leaning on it playing with her hands.
He feels his phone buzzing like mad in his pocket.
Who could be sending me so many messages? He asks himself bringing out his phone. He sits in front of Natsu, and checks the notification panel.
It wasn’t only a person, but several ones sending him messages.
“Kageyama, you’re famous now!” Natsu says excited straightening up.
Kageyama raises his gaze from his phone. “What do you mean?”
“You appeared on the TV,” She points to the television hanging on the wall meters from them. “You looked scary though.”
Kageyama looks the screen. A reporter is saying something, but he can’t hear what is exactly. Black characters appear on the bottom saying ‘Man unleashed his rage on reporters’ for a couple of seconds after changing to ‘Families are dissatisfied with the information given by the spokesman’. The reporter starts talking with two people, one of them blowing his nose.
Exasperated Kageyama drags a hand over his hair. “Fucking great,” He mutters. Now the entire country saw him yelling.
“Hey! Don’t say bad words!” Natsu scolds him.
“Sorry.”
His phone buzzes one more time; a new message. Remembering the impatient from some people, he presses the notification of 13 new messages and waits from them to display on the screen.
The first names displayed are from his old volleyball team.
From: Sugawara-san
If you need to talk, call me anytime
-
From: Nishinoya-san
Kageyama!!
Hinata was on the disappeared plane??
That’s horrible man
Want me to go there???
-
From: Hitoka
OMG are you okay?
When I saw you on tv I couldn’t believe it
Say the word and in a couple of hours I can be there
-
From: Tadashi
Kei and I almost choked when we heard your shouts from the tv
We can’t believe it
Don’t doubt to call me if you need to talk
-
From: Unknown
Please, tell me that Shouyou wasn’t on the plane
-
This message takes him aback. He can’t figure it out who sent it, but if they have his phone number and know Shouyou, he must know them too no?
The noise of plates being put on the table diverts his attention from the messages. Natsu yells a thank you when the waitress puts the cream puff in front of her. The waitress leaves all their food on the table and goes back to the counter.
Kageyama puts away his phone. He’ll see them later. Now he doesn’t feel in the mood for kind words or intents of comfort.
When they start eating, Hinata-san comes back. She plops on the chair at Natsu’s side with a little frown on his face. She sips her coffee without adding anything, looking the table like it’s the one to blame for whatever happened at the phone.
Natsu oblivious of her mother’s mood eats her cream puff and drinks her juice with a big grin.
Kageyama sips his coffee after adding 3 bags of sugar, and eyes the persons in front of him.
Well, this is a little awkward, he thinks putting his cup down.
After a while of relative silence, Natsu talks again. “Mom, how much time are we going to be here?” She asks after sipping the last of her juice.
“The times it takes to know where your brother is.” Hinata-san talks with a pinch of harshness.
Natsu notices it, and after staring at her mom, looks her lap.
Hinata-san pulls out his phone and sees something on her phone that makes her furrow her brows more. Kageyama wants to ask what’s wrong, but his phone starts sounding before he has the chance.
He sighs and sees the caller ID. ‘Tanaka-san’ is what can be read on the screen. Reluctantly he presses answer.
“Hello?”
“Dude, Noya told about Hinata. Is he okay? Wait, are you okay?”
Kageyama stares his cup of coffee. Is he okay? Definitely no. Since he arrived at the airport yesterday, everything has been guilt and regret. He wants all of this to be over. He doesn’t want to come back to the room full of despair and sadness, he wants to see Shouyou’s smiley face again.
“Kageyama?” Tanaka asks after not hearing an answer.
“I’m not sure.”
“Uff,” A shuffle sounds from the other side, “I thought you hung up. Noya said you looked enraged. Things are too crazy over there?”
“Look…” Kageyama tries to start, but he’s distracted when someone turns up the TV volume.
“In a couple of minutes we’re going to display the names of the passengers on the screen, but first we have a last minute announcement. Our sources say that last night part of the fuselage of the plane was found 10 kilometers away from Kakai’s shore. It’s not official yet, however–”
“Are you still there?” Tanaka asks annoyed by Kageyama’s silence.
“Yes, look I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Mom… that means that my brother is dead?” Natsu’s voice trembles.
“I’m not in a good mood right now. Call later.”
“Don’t give me that shit. I know that–”
“Mom, mom. What he said is truth? He’s–”
“I’m trying to be nice here–”
“– Sadly means that there aren’t survivors–”
“I don’t know sweetie, just–”
“Tanaka-san, I–”
“No Kageyama listen, we’re your friends–”
“Please! I haven’t seen him in months. I want to see him again!”
“– The most accurate theory for the moment–”
Every scream from Natsu, every word Tanaka says, every statement the reporter tells, Hinata-san attempt to calm Natsu and herself, everything pierce Kageyama’s head. The sentences mix in his mind, making the despair grows more and more. Nothing has sense even though they speak clearly.
Kageyama makes a fist. “PLEASE STOP!” He yells. “NO, I’M NOT OKAY! HE’S NOT OKAY! I’M NOT SURE ABOUT ANYTHING ABOUT THE ACCIDENT!” Kageyama stops to inhale deeply, “I just… I just want him here with me… but… BUT IT SEEMS THAT I WON’T SEE HIM ANYMORE! SO, NO! NOTHING IS OKAY!” His vision becomes blurry, “TELL EVERYONE TO NOT CALL ME, NOT SEND ME TEXTS! I DON’T WANT TO TALK WITH ANYONE!” At this point his voice sounds hoarse, “DON’T CALL AGAIN!”
He hangs up, and in the rush turns off his phone. His chest raises and falls too fast, like he played 5 sets in a row again, and the tears he holds back distort his vision even more.
Now that he regains consciousness of his surrounding, he realizes that he even stood up in some point of his outburst.
Kageyama wipes his eyes with his arm, and notices that the cafeteria is too quite; just the voice from the TV stands out.
He looks to his front. Hinata-san and Natsu stare wide eyed at him; tears stream down Natsu’s face. He hears a few whispers, and without even looking he senses that everyone is staring at him.
Fuck.
“I’m going out… See you…” He starts walking to the exit. “Later…” Hinata-san almost doesn’t heart this last word, since Kageyama already crossed the door of the cafeteria.
Running and pushing people out of his way, Kageyama goes towards the exit of the airport. Outside he keeps running without a clear destination.
Great, fucking great. I let out my rage on Tanaka-san…
He keeps running until the porpoise of doing so disappears. Breathing heavily Kageyama stops, and finds himself almost at the end of the parking lot.
He turns to see the main building just in the time where a plane slowly lands behind it.
Sitting on the slope of the sidewalk and the street, he puts his elbows on his lap and covers his face with his hands. He hears cars passing in front of him, but who cares about that now.
I need to calm down before going back to that stupid room. He breaths deeply, trying to calm the pounding on his chest.
Images of a memory appear in his mind. Something that happened not long ago, and it wasn’t important in that moment, but now…
***4 months ago***
They stay up late to see a match between two of the best volleyball teams in the world. Both were really excited about the income, especially because they not cheered for the same team.
It isn’t only see the match though, finally enjoying some quality time together, they cuddle and kiss during the times out. It wouldn’t work otherwise, because the emotion during the plays could end with accidental punches due celebrations.
At the end of it, with a mini celebration from Hinata’s part and grumbling from Kageyama, Hinata starts talking about the best plays of the match. Kageyama doesn’t stay behind, criticizing the setter of his favorite team.
By far Hinata is the most energetic, but not only because of the match. He misses something in their relationship, and it’s odd because they still talk (a lot) and share intimate moment sometimes.
After pondering a few weeks, he concludes that it could be the energy from the beginning that changed. With classes and jobs, it’s normal to be tired.
That’s why he talks and kisses more than what’s necessary; he tries to give some of his own energy to Kageyama.
The emotion last until 2 am though, and drowsiness takes over their bodies.
“Ne, Tobio…” Hinata whispers when they’re laying on their bed, close to each other.
He wants to talk about what’s on his mind, he’s scared that maybe he’ll start to feel distant.
“Hmm?” Kageyama mutters half asleep.
Kageyama has his eyes closed, but Hinata continues. “You remember that time at the end of second year when you said that you’ll always be there for me?”
“Barely.”
“That promise still counts right?” Hinata fidgets with the blanket.
“I think that now more than ever.” Half conscious Kageyama puts an arm above Hinata and drags him closer.
“Well, I want to talk about something… I have been feeling–”
Kageyama doesn’t hear more. He fell asleep without listening Hinata’s worries.
***Present***
What he wanted to said me back then? He thinks trying to recall something after ‘been feeling’. Why he didn’t talk about it when I was awake? That dumbass…
His mind can’t go further to that moment. Instead, pieces of the reporter voice repeat on it.
No survivors… parts of the pilot cabin… No, reporters lie all the time. They can’t know that yet, they haven’t told us that… He can’t be dead.
Kageyama visualizes yesterday morning again. If he concentrates well, he still can feel the warmness of Shouyou’s kiss and embrace.
The horn of a passing car makes him lift his head. He feels calmer now, but also sadder. He doesn’t feel his heart hammering, but there is this pressure on his chest which bothers him even more.
He breathes deep one more time –the pressure feels like void for a second –and gets up.
Kageyama starts the walk back to the airport. The people walking happily with their loved ones, makes him feel envious. Why now? Why us? He repeats bitterly in his head.
Inside the main building he remembers the scheduled flight he has in a few hours more. Definitely he isn’t going to take it, so he goes to cancel it.
The woman in the stand doesn’t ask many questions about the return of the ticket, but explains that they won’t return him any money for it. Kageyama agrees to everything that the woman says; he doesn’t have the motivation to fight for money now.
Walking to the room is considerably slower than before. If bad news are waiting for him there, he wants to delay them all the time he can.
The outside of the building is empty, but going up the stairs he starts hearing voices. He reaches the floor and sees a bunch of reporters right outside the door, waiting for something or someone.
Kageyama recognizes some of them from earlier, and glares.
He doesn’t feel like dealing with them again, but he needs to reach that room. He starts walking faster trying to demonstrate that he doesn’t want to talk with them.
It isn’t obvious though, meters away from the door, he’s surrounded by them. He frowns harder and pushes aside to the ones on his way, not even glancing to their faces. The reporters shout questions and what bothers him more is that some of them try to push him back.
He continues until reaching the door, and goes in. Once inside he slams it on their faces. The shouts disappear, being silence the only thing remaining in the room.
Everyone inside looks at him, the noise from the door surprised them and couldn’t evade stare. Even the people on the back give a glance to the man near the door. Some people close to Kageyama, noticing his mood, start whispering.
What he cares about what they have to say?
Looking everywhere he searches Hinata-san in the multitude, but the room is cramped compared with last night making difficult find anyone.
Kageyama walks between the corridors of people and chairs; little by little the noise of chats fill the room again.
A pinch of orange calls his attention, and he stops. Natsu runs in his direction, going through the people instead of following the clear paths.
“Kageyama!” She calls a few meters away.
Once she’s closer she doesn’t slower her run, and pushes him backwards hugging him
“Are you okay? You scared me a lot before…” Natsu says concerned.
No, he wasn’t okay. He doesn’t want anyone asking him that, but this is Natsu, he can’t be mad with her.
“I’m better than before.” That’s true after all. He looks over the room, but doesn’t see a hint of her mother. “Where’s your mom?”
“She’s on the phone talking with dad…” Natsu releases him and takes his hands to lead him to their seats. “She’s angry with him…”
Natsu takes him near the seats from yesterday. Hinata-san isn’t far away, but from what he can see or better hear from her, Natsu is right. Given the situation, it’s not hard to imagine what they’re talking about.
“Mmmh… Kageyama?” Natsu mumbles seating. “It’s true what the man on the TV said?” Her voice trembles again.
“I don’t know…” Kageyama answers lowering his head.
“I don’t want it to be true. I want to see your house…” She pouts, eyes turning glossy. “And play with both of you again. It’s not fair…”
“Well… you’re welcome there anyway, I guess. If… If he comes back we can play all you want.”
If Shouyou is dead…
“That would be great!” She brightens up a little. “We… could play hide and seek, and jump the rope!” She counts with her fingers all the games that cross her head.
If Shouyou is dead… I’m not sure I could live there anymore. He tries to smiles anyway, so Natsu can’t imagine what he’s thinking.
A one sided conversation starts. Natsu talks about all the things she had seen in shows about Tokyo and which ones of them she would like to do when she visits them.
Ten minutes later, Hinata-san approaches them. Sighing, she sits at Kageyama’s side.
“I can’t believe he ended the call like that again.” She mutters under her breath. Like in the cafeteria, she has her brow furrowed.
Should I ask something? Seeing her like that surprises him, but he isn’t sure if she wants to talk about the phone call.
“How’s dad?” Natsu asks turning to her. She didn’t hear what her mom said second ago. “Is he coming?”
“No,” She says angry. “He told me he had a lot of work, and can’t cancel his trip. He’ll try to keep in touch.”
Natsu lowers his gaze, his tiny smile transforms in a thin line.
This is worse every minute that pass.
“We brought your sandwich.” Natsu puts a bag on Kageyama’s lap, and then brings her legs near his chest embracing them.
Kageyama thanks her, before lowering his gaze again. Now he really ran out of ideas to cheer their moods.
Hinata-san exhales deeply, and her frown dissapears. She doesn’t know if she can continue with her positive attitude, after all she already answered angrily to her daughter.
“Natsu, I–”
As soon as she starts talking the room doors are opened widely; the shouts of the reporters fill the room immediately. Ishimiya comes in with 6 security guards behind him, 2 more stay on the door preventing the reporters going in with him. They close the doors from the outside, and the rest follow Ishimiya to the same stage he talked yesterday.
Most of the people approach the platform, looking desperate for answers. 2 guards stay in each side of the spokesman, and the 4 left stay down trying to keep away the families from him. Ishimiya coughs twice and asks for silence. He looks cautious to the people in front of him; he really fears what’s coming.
Kageyama and Hinata-san stand up and go near the crowd. Natsu follows them, jumping repeatedly to have a look of the man in the platform.
“Kageyama, lift me!” She raises and approaches her arms to him. “I want to see.”
He looks at her with his brow lifted; Natsu insists putting her hands on his chest and tapping it.
“Okay.” Kageyama accepts, putting his arms around her waist and lifting her so they can end eye-leveled.
“Thanks! I can see everything now. You’re really tall!” She smiles looking ahead.
Kageyama smirks, but it promptly disappears when he hears again a request of silence.
Moments later the room is completely quiet.
“Thank you. Well, how maybe you heard on the news this morning, the plane was found but–“
Shouts of ‘why you keep hiding information’, ‘is it true then? And ‘just spit it out’ interrupt him.
“Please, let me continue.” The shouts disappear and transform in constant whispering. “We don’t know how the information leaked, but it’s not all of it true either.”
Please, Shouyou isn’t dead. He’s fine, he’s fine.
“Last night at the last minute, one of our helicopters found part of the plane 13 kilometers away from Kikai Island. We didn’t say anything before, because we weren’t sure about the meaning of the findings.” The spokesman stops to breath. “Today at first hour, it was corroborated that what was found is the left wing of the plane. So, the search parties started looking from that spot… and the results are bad.”
Fuck.
“A team found the rest of the plane some hours ago. What I’m trying to say is that…” He pauses and glances to the people in front of him. “The plane was found mostly destroyed. There’re no survivors.”
A deadly silence falls on the room; the whispers stop, the glares becomes round eyes, even some persons halt breathing. No one seems to process what they hear or simple can’t believe it’s true yet.
Kageyama stares shocked. The pressure in his chest grows until he feels all his body dumb.
That can’t be true.
“Liar!” A woman yells enraged.
“Not true my ass! The point was the same!” An angry man screams fighting his way to the stage.
Yells, sobs, curses, shrieks fill the room in an instant. Ishimiya feels like a piece of meat thrown to hungry lions. He has the feeling that the guards won’t be able to fulfill their duty.
This can’t be real, this–
Something on his shoulder reminds him that he’s still holding Natsu. He realizes that she hid his face on it, crying silently. Turning to his side, he sees Hinata-san covering her mouth with her hands, trying to silence the sobs coming out. Her round eyes stares the floor, and tears fall over his face and hands like a river.
Kageyama simply stares dumbfounded. He doesn’t feel like crying, and that worries him more than the persons crying on him and at his side.
His throat still has a knot and his chest hurts more than ever, but his eyes haven’t change.
Why?
On his arms Natsu straightens up and jumps to the floor.
“He’s lying!” She shouts with her eyes closed, tears streaming down. “I’m going to teach him a lesson!” She glares at the man surrounded by the guards, and trying to go through the sea of people. Natsu runs, but after five steps Kageyama grabs her arm. “LET ME GO!” She yells scratching his arm.
He holds her tighter. “RELEASING YOUR RAGE ON THAT MAN WON’T BRING SHOUYOU BACK!” Kageyama yells trying to be heard above the other loud noises.
He looks to Hinata-san for some sort of support; however she has her eyes closed in an attempt to stop the tears from falling down.
Shit, shit.
Natsu keeps scratching and hitting his hand and arm trying to loosen Kageyama’s grip, and run away.
With despair growing on him, by everything –Shouyou’s dead, Natsu’s rage, Hinata-san’s tears, his own pain –He does the first thing that comes to his mind.
Kageyama kneels and pulls Natsu closer, hugging her tightly.
Angrier with the change of tactic, Natsu starts kicking Kageyama’s legs and punching his head and back. She repeats over and over again to be released, tears coming out with more force than before.
Kageyama endures the pain, and tries his best to hold Natsu.
With every second, the energy of her tantrum decreases. After a minute, she’s crying loudly on Kageyama’s shoulder again, embracing him with all the force remaining on her body.
“It’s– it’s not– fair…”She whines again and again between hiccups.
“I know, I know.” It’s what Kageyama replies every time. Now, he can just stare the tiles on the floor.
Before he realizes, Hinata-san kneels behind Natsu and surround them both with her arms. Still crying, she presses her forehead on Natsu’s head.
“We’re going to go through this together, don’t worry.”
Kageyama barely could hear her, but he feels that she’s not talking only to Natsu.
He’s not wrong.
---
Is unknown to them the amount of time they were in that position. The door opened several times, people keeped crying all over the room, a person had fainted not far away from them, but they didn’t hear any of that.
Kageyama can only listen Natsu’s loudly cry, and occasional hiccup; words already drained from her mouth. Hinata-san isn’t crying anymore, or at least that is what Kageyama thinks, because she lowered her head to Natsu’s shoulder.
Like many times since yesterday, Kageyama can’t believe this is real. The image of Shouyou still fresh in his mind makes him believe that he’ll call any second now, asking for the messages that Natsu sent, and then laughing at him for being worried.
Their last good bye repeats over and over in his head. Maybe if he repeats it many times, something will change… No, nothing will change, ever.
Regret and desperation take the form of rocks and fill the spaces that the pressure on his chest might have left. Every breath is difficult, and hurts.
Natsu stopped crying, he thinks noticing the lack of noise.
“We should go,” Hinata-san says standing up, and sniffing. Her eyes are red on the corners. “Want me to take you back home, Kageyama-kun?”
“Yes, thanks.” I don’t know if it’ll feel like home anymore.
Kageyama tries to stand up, but Natsu still holds him tight by the neck. He realizes that she didn’t stop crying, just the sounds from her throat stop coming out.
“Natsu. We have to go.” Her mom strokes her hair with one hand, and the other puts it on her shoulder.
Puffy eyed and with tears still dripping, Natsu releases Kageyama. She straightens up, keeping her head low.
Kageyama stands up. Like someone destroyed the tick walls surrounding them, now he hears all the other presences.
Sobs, whines and faded screams fill the room, but they lack energy. Everyone faces are tired, and go from ugly whines to demonic glares.
Heading to the door, Kageyama sees more people crying their hearts out. The lack of tears on his part makes the pain and mess of emotions grow.
Why I’m not crying? What’s wrong with me? Confused and angry, he exist the room.
In the way outside the building, the sad noises continue. It looks like some people preferred let their sadness go in a place not so crowded.
No reporters are seen until being outside the building. Luckily, their focus is on the spokesman reporting the information already given to them.
With a last glance to that annoying people, Kageyama sighs and follows Hinata-san to her car.
In comparison to their moods the day is sunny, and with an occasional breeze that does nothing to refresh them or cheer them up.
Natsu walks behind them, still hiccupping and sniffing.
Remembering a promise, she hurries her steps and takes the place between the adults. She grabs the hanging hands at each of her sides, squeezing them.
“M– Mom, we– we can still g– go to my brother’s ho– home?” Natsu looks at her with hopeful eyes.
“Only if Kageyama-kun is okay with that.” She glances to Kageyama, who remains looking to the front.
Natsu’s gaze turns from her mother to him; her eyes beg for a positive answer.
To Kageyama, hear Natsu talk about ‘brother’s home', feels odd. The doubts about himself (Why isn’t he crying? He doesn’t love Shouyou?) make him question things he never questioned before.
Shouyou thought that our apartment was his home? Our home?
Natsu’s question remains unanswered. It isn’t because Kageyama doesn’t want them to be there, it’s nothing like that, but living there without Shouyou isn’t something he wants to do for a long time.
Natsu looks the ground, and tears starts going down again. She took Kageyama’s silence like a big ‘no’.
Hinata-san unlocks the car, and Natsu opens the back door slamming it afterwards. She lays down on the seats, facing the back of them.
Hinata-san sighs; she doesn’t have the energy to say something right now. She just goes in and waits for Kageyama to do the same before starting the engine.
Kageyama looks his reflection on the window; it shows him tired and sad. He frowns. What right he has to go with them? He’s the one who (indirectly) killed Shouyou.
“Kageyama-kun, what are you waiting for? Don’t think too much and come inside.” Hinata-san had lowered to window sensing Kageyama’s doubt. She’s smiling tiredly at him.
He does what he’s told. Hinata-san blows her nose before start driving, and asks Natsu to sit and put the seatbelt.
She ignores them, only sniffs and little sobs come from her direction.
The ride to the apartment is silent. Hinata-san turn off the radio without desire to listen music or information about the accident that they already knew.
The time passes faster than Kageyama would have liked; in an hour or so they’re on his neighborhood. He looks the streets recalling him and Shouyou jogging or holding hands over them.
Stop, it’ll never be that way again.
“You can leave me here,” He says when they cross a park.
“Are you sure? Your apartment is still five blocks away.” Hinata-san slows the car anyway.
“Yes… I don’t want to get there so fast.”
Biting her lower lip, she stops the car on the side. Kageyama goes out, thanking her for the ride.
After a couple of steps Hinata-san calls him lowering the window. Kageyama turns to see her staring at him with sadness but determined.
“You have our number, if anything happens let us know. We still… have to arrange the funeral.”
Hearing the last part Kageyama feels literally something breaking inside him. His breathe increases, but he tries to hide it clearing his throat.
“Okay.” He glances to the back seats. Natsu either fell asleep or continues ignoring him; he can only see her back. “Bye.”
“See you soon,” Hinata-san says lifting the window.
Kageyama nods knowing she won’t see it. He turns around, and starts walking down the street. He hears the car going away; the sound of it soon mixing with the others.
He walks slowly, trying to delay arriving at the apartment the most he can. If the quietness disturbed him when Hinata wasn’t there for a couple of days, how he would feel now? It’s permanent, nothing can change it.
The smell coming from the houses makes his stomach growl. Between the sadness and the hungriness he feels miserable.
Kageyama crosses his arms and clenches his sides at the same time his eyes turn glossy.
The memories from the past 5 years assault his mind; the first time they saw each other, their ridiculous fights, their matches, their first kiss on the changing rooms, Shouyou’s confession on their last year of high school, their dates, the first day living in their apartment.
Shouyou was so many of his firsts and without knowing yesterday were his lasts with him. Last time sleeping together, last time eating together, last kiss, last time saying good bye… but his nonexistent last ‘I love you’ weights on his mind.
Without noticing he already reached the parking lot of their– now just his apartment.
He looks up, asking himself how much time he would live there, after the funeral? Next month? Next week? The memories there are going to make more difficult accept that Shouyou is gone.
Kageyama climbs the stairs, searching for his keys with shaking hands. He pulls it out from his pocket at the same time he stops in front of his apartment’s door. He stares the doorknob.
Half forgotten words echo in his head ‘As long as I’m here, you’re invincible’. He remembers them from his first year of high school, when it was just volleyball what mattered and nothing more. He’s sure Shouyou repeat them in some point too, encouraging him during a match.
“You’re not here anymore,” He whispers pressing his forehead on the door.
With his mouth pressed in a thin line, the first tears fall from his eyes onto the floor.
There they are, he thinks wiping his eyes. More tears keep falling, creating a path down his face.
He puts the key on the knob and turns it, to his surprise the door isn’t locked.
I probably forgot to lock it yesterday, he shrugs it off.
Kageyama goes inside closing the door behind him. He raises an eyebrow when he sees a pair of shoes scattered on the entrance. He wipes his face again. From the kitchen he hears the clank of dishes.
I swear if someone used the spare key to come and try to cheer me up I’m going to punch them. He sits on the hallway and pulls out his shoes. “Whoever is inside, get out or I’m going to kick you out!” He manages to sound angry even with all the sadness piled inside him.
Kageyama hears fast steps coming his way, he stands up on the entrance to face the intruder, and probably yell at them. Feeling tears wet his face again, he rubs with force his eyes.
“What do you mean by that Bakageyama!” A voice he was sure never would hear again yells.
Kageyama’s heart starts pounding so hard, he believes it’s going to come out of his chest.
Wha–
He doesn’t have time to think in anything, since a frowning orange head appears in his line of vision.
“I should be the one kicking you out! Where were you?!” Hinata stops in front of him. They’re somewhat eye leveled because of the step separating the entrance from the living room.
Kageyama observes with big round eyes the person in front of him. He can’t articulate any coherent noises nor think straight.
Hinata watches him closely. “What’s with your face?” He notices tears falling over Kageyama’s cheeks. “Tobio? Why are you crying?” Hinata asks worried, tilting his head to the side, brow furrowed with worry now.
Kageyama can’t say anything yet, just stare him. That is Shouyou’s face, Shouyou’s hair, those Shouyou’s eyes, Shouyou’s lips, Shouyou’s hands, but he can’t be Shouyou because… HE’S DEAD!!!
“What happe–”
“HOW IS THAT YOU’RE HERE?!” Kageyama shouts exasperated, all the sadness transforming in angriness.
“O– Oh… Well… Yesterday I miss the plane and– Wait! I should be mad! You’re the one who didn’t come home last–!”
“DON’T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!” Kageyama is enraged. He feels stupid for worry so much and even cry for this idiot! And he was here all the time! “I– I… You haven’t seen the news?!”Kageyama climbs the step separating him from Hinata; now he’s looking him down. “You don’t have an idea of the pain I– We went through because we thought YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD!”
“Wha– What? Why would I be dead?” Hinata steps back scared by Kageyama’s expression. He’s scowling so hard Hinata thinks that probably his face will fall down or something.
“You… STUPID, IDIOT, MORON, DUMBASS!” Kageyama punches Hinata’s head with mild intensity. “The flight you had yesterday crushed and everyone on it is dead now! That’s why! So they tell us YOU WERE DEAD!”
“Ouch, ouch.” Hinata rubs the spot where Kageyama punched. “What are you talking about?”
“You haven’t changed anything!” Kageyama drags his hands over his hair. “You didn’t turn on the TV?!”
“N– No! I kind of burned my breakfast and I have been trying to clean the kitchen since 10 am…”
“Okay.” Kageyama tries to decrease his raising breath. “Now tell me how is that you’re here and not dead… please.” He lowers his head softening his expression.
“We– Well, yesterday I checked in and went to the gate. Then I sat up on one of those comfortable chairs and before noticing I fell asleep.” Kageyama makes a fist. “When I woke up the screen didn’t show my flight, and it was weird because it was the time of the departure, so I asked the lady there about it. She said that they had moved the flight to another gate…” Kageyama steps closer, making Hinata step back and raise his hands in a defensive manner. “And –And the gate was almost on the other corner of the airport. I ran, but it wasn’t enough and they had already closed the doors when I got there. The plane was still on the platform though, so I explained to the man on the counter what had happened. He told me it was my fault and he couldn’t do anything.” Kageyama gets closer again, and Hinata tries to step back but his movements are stopped by the back of the couch. “I saw the plane start and go away… I got scared imagining the reaction you would have when I had to tell you, so I begged for another plane. The man said he would have to call the airline to know if they could give me one.”
“Get to the point,” Kageyama says in a threatening way.
“He said that because of the season I would have to wait a few hours until they could find a plane for me.” Kageyama tries to step closer, but Hinata puts his hands on his chest stopping him. “I– I’m getting there. Okay, it was like 5 pm, and I was in a really scary room with a secretary that didn’t look like wanting to talk with me. That’s when other man shows saying that the only plane they could put me in was in other 4 days, but I would have to pay some kind of fine. I accepted either way, and– and I took a taxi, but I went to eat first, I was starving you know? And I knew that at home we wouldn’t have anythi–“
“Wait…” Something that Hinata said makes click on his head. “You were on the airport at 5 pm?!”
“Y– Yeah.”
“I was there! You mom and sister were there! You were missing… you dumbass…” Kageyama feels his eyes turning glossy again.
“I’m– I’m sorry?” He stays quiet for a moment; Kageyama’s fast breath is the only noise on the room. “I get here like at 9? I didn’t see you, but I thought you went out to eat something. I was tired, so I went straight to bed. Anyway, this morning I wanted to call you–“
“I called you like a thousand times yesterday! Even Natsu sent you messages from my phone!” He couldn’t evade shout those words.
“Let me talk! I lost my phone okay!”
“You what?!”
“I’m not sure how it happened, but when I searched for it after losing the flight I didn’t find it. So maybe someone stole it while I was asleep or… I dropped it when I ran?”
“You’re so…” Kageyama exhales all the air on his lungs, and punches Hinata’s arm lightly. “I– I…” His voice sounds hoarse, so he stops talking. Kageyama wraps his arms around Hinata, and bends to rest his forehead on his shoulder. “I thought I lost you,” He whines.
Hinata relaxes his body, and smiles gently. “I’m here, everything is alright now,” He says surrounding Kageyama with his arms. “You don’t have to cry. You’re such a dork.” Hinata kisses his cheek.
“And whose fault is it?” Kageyama mutters and stays in that position for a few seconds. Remembering something, he loosens his embrace and looks Hinata in the eyes. “Hey, you know what?”
“What?” Hinata tilts his head.
“I love you so much it hurt sometimes.” Kageyama closes his eyes, resting his forehead on Hinata’s.
Hinata grins and his cheeks turn a dim red. “I love you to–”
Before he can finish, Kageyama moves his head down, and kisses him.
The kiss can look like the one they had the previous day; they move their lips slowly, Hinata clenches Kageyama’s shirt, Kageyama relaxes under Hinata’s soft lips, but it’s different at the same time. It could be because of the words Kageyama said or maybe not, it could be simply because one kiss can’t be identical to another. That’s not important now.
The only that matters to Kageyama is that Shouyou is here, he’s with him, and he’s alive.
“W– Wait,” Hinata says interrupting their kiss. “If– If the plane crushed, that means…” He looks at Kageyama worried again. “I lost my luggage!”
“That’s really important now?” Kageyama rolls his eyes. Wow, what spectacular turn off.
“My favorite clothes were there!”
“Reeaaally? And that your family and friends think your dead isn’t more important?” Kageyama raises an eyebrow.
“Weeell… Maybe I should make a few calls...”
“Yeah, maybe. Not now though.”
“Why? They must be like you were minutes ago.”
“You’re only mine for the moment.”
With that, Kageyama kisses him again. Hinata giggles, but otherwise doesn’t argue. Kageyama adjust his embrace and makes the kiss deeper, holding Hinata the most close he can.
I don’t want to lose him again, Kageyama thinks at the same time he lifts Hinata from the floor.
Hinata surrounds his waist with his legs, and Kageyama holds his tights so he can take him to the bedroom.
I won’t lose him again.