Chapter Text
“Stop it,” Alec groans as Max keeps on adding to the list of things he should and should not do while in Indonesia.
“Don’t go out too late in the dark. It’s a new country, you don’t know anyone.”
“Max.”
“And don’t you forget to call us five times a day or you will be hearing words, young man,” Ari teases.
“You two are insufferable,” Alec grumbles.
“Learnt from the best,” Ari adds.
Alec glances across and his eyes land on Magnus, who as it may seem is also accompanied by a teenager. A less annoying teenager than Alec’s, he assumes.
“Alexander, here!” Magnus waves at him. There are about four huge luggages on him and Alec chuckles inwardly, even after twenty hours, Magnus’s packing habits haven’t changed.
“I finally get to meet Magnus?” Ari whispers which is weird but she’s not the one to ever get excited about meeting new people.
Maybe it’s just the Magnus effect.
“Hi, darling,” Magnus greets him as Alec reaches.
“Hey,” he whispers softly, trying to keep the blush out of his face otherwise Max or Ari will never let him live this down. “Hi, Rafael,” Alec waves at Magnus’s son, who’s wearing a sequined top and leather jeans.
Like father. Like son.
“Hi, Mr. Lightwood,” Rafael smiles.
“You can call me just Alec.”
“Okay just Alec,” Rafael grins.
Magnus rolls his eyes at his son, before brushing hair off his face.
“Bapak, stop.” The boy chides.
Ari’s been standing quiet all this time. Silently peering at Magnus and he knows that the man is going through Ari’s internal psycho-analysis metrics.
Magnus and Alec exchange a look. Then, Magnus turns fully towards the girl and lets out a hand. “Hello, Arianna. I’ve been wanting to meet you.”
She doesn’t reply, ignores the hand, and just keeps on staring.
“Ari, I remember turning on your robot manual this morning. You’re supposed to say hi,” Max whispers, loud enough for everyone to hear.
They all chuckle and Alec’s heart squeezes, a familiar pain appearing at what could have been.
This. He could’ve had this forever.
But he doesn’t. Alec doesn’t know who to blame for that.
But he doesn’t want to be sad and miserable right now, he's done enough of that. He wants to spend as much time as he's left with Magnus.
“No one calls me Arianna,” Ari speaks finally.
“Well, if you’re okay with it, I'd like to call you Arianna. I think it's a beautiful name,” Magnus exhales softly, but there’s an edge to his voice, a hesitation.
Even after all these years, Alec recognizes the reason.
He wants Arianna to like him, which is crazy because Magnus never cares about anyone liking him because everyone instantly does.
Or maybe that’s just the Magnus-tinted eyes he’s been born with.
“I prefer Ari,” Ari announces, still with the same intent look on her face.
“Okay. Ari, it is then,” Magnus smiles.
There's a few seconds of silence, Max and Rafael exchange looks and Alec finds it interesting that the two boys can exchange looks, only having met twice. But he's glad.
Then, a small smile appears on his daughter’s face and Alec chuckles inwardly.
Checkmate.
“You can call me Arianna. I’ll allow it.”
Magnus frowns in confusion before his face breaks into laughter.
“This was a test, I’m assuming,” he grins.
“And you have passed with flying colours,” Ari announces before she points at him. “Take care of this one. Don’t let him be too big of an ass and get him to have fun.”
Alec rolls his eyes at her before running his hand over his head to ruin her hair, which for some reason, she lets him, as opposed to Max, who never lets anyone touch his hair.
Ari takes a few steps and greets Rafael. “Hi.”
“Hey,” Rafael waves his hand. He points at Ari’s sweater. “That’s a horrible sweater and doesn’t match with the skirt.”
“Rafael!” Magnus shrieks, turning to his son. “Is that how I’ve raised you?”
“What?” Rafael shoots back. “It's hideous.”
Magnus glares at his son, and Rafael’s smirk changes in a second and he raises his hands up in defeat. “Okay. Okay. Sorry.” He turns towards art and gives her an apologetic smile. “I'm sorry. That was rude.”
“It is hideous,” Ari replies. “But I like it.
“Of course you like it, it's Alexander’s.”
Something warms inside Alec’s chest. He raises an eyebrow, surprise on his face. “How do you know that?” Max beats Alec with his question.
Magnus smiles at the three of them. “Well, you don't seem like you’ve ever owned an ugly item of clothing, darling.” His smirk widens as he adds, “Your dad on the other hand.”
Max and Ari both chuckle.
Ari turns towards him and asks him to bend down, she’s half a foot shorter than Alec so he has to bend down a bit. “Dad.”
“Yeah.”
“I like him,” she gives a thumbs up. “Good job.”
When he looks up again, Magnus and Rafael are wrapped in a tight hug. Rafael takes something out of his pocket and asks Magnus to close his eyes.
“What?”
Rafael rolls his eyes, “Close your eyes, Bapak.”
Magnus chuckles before doing so. Rafael opens Magnus’s palms and places something in it.
He opens his eyes and they widen in surprise. “You fixed my necklace.”
It’s a delicate necklace, its wispy golden chain barely perceptible, adorned with two intricately designed Sambac jasmine blooms. Alec knows the story behind it.
“You wear like different jewellery every single day but I have never seen you take off this necklace,” Alec had asked once, as they were at Square du Vert-Galant for a morning run that Magnus had dragged him to.
Magnus slowed down his speed and turned towards him, “Don’t try to distract me with questions during a race, darling,” he said, teasing.
Alec rolled his eyes, “I didn't even know this was a race. You just woke me up and dragged me here under false pretences.”
The other man wiggled his eyebrows, “And what would those be, might I know?”
“I thought I’d get to see you in your track pants and ogle your ass but you’re running like a crazy person and I’m not getting enough time to appreciate you.”
“Me or my ass?”
Alec paused for a second, “Don’t make me choose.”
Magnus snorted at the words and came close to Alec, brushing their bodies together lightly.
“If you had the choice between never being able to touch my ass again or not giving me a head ever again, what would you choose?” He whispered against Alec’s ears.
He tried to hide his moan at the touch because they were in a very, very public place. He raised an eyebrow and lifted his head up. “How are you the one benefitting in both these scenarios?”
A wide smirk appeared on Magnus’s face as he wound his arms around Alec’s waist and breathed, “Don’t act like it’s not as pleasurable for you when you’re on your knees, sweetheart.”
Alec swatted his chest lightly, “You are incorrigible.”
“Choose.”
“That’s like choosing between food and sex.”
Magnus narrowed his brows, “And between food and sex you would choose—“
“Food, of course.”
His boyfriend put a hand on his chest in mock offence, “Alexander. You wound me.”
Alec knew when Magnus was using a joke as a cover even though they've only been dating for a few months. But he let him have it and entertained his shenanigans.
The questions kept on getting weirder.
“Sex with me or you never see your siblings again?”
“Can I still see Max?”
Magnus hummed, “I will allow it.”
“Sex with you. I can find replacements for Jace and Izzy.”
“You never get oral or sex with always clothes on?”
Alec snorted before thinking for a moment. “Your clothes are slutty enough. I want oral. A man has needs.”
They get stupider and Alec’s answer kept on getting more unhinged by the moment as they continued teasing each other between their little competitive walk which Alec repeated, he had no idea about.
It was only a few hours later, when Magnus told him about the necklace. “It’s my mom’s.”
Alec frowned,” What?”
“The necklace. It's the last thing I have of her.”
He gave Magnus a sad smile, his hand on Magnus’s thigh running soothing circles on it.
“There are two jasmine blossoms on it. The big one is for me. The smaller for her.”
“Shouldn't it be the other way around?” Alec asks.
Magnuc chuckles, but his eyes are teary as he replies in a wobbly voice. “She said that she always feels very small. Like she does not matter.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeves. “But, when I’m next to her, she doesn’t feel so. That she feels okay.”
Alec kissed under Magnus’s eyes.
“I didn't get what she meant at the time, I was barely 8. But I think I get it now.”
He brushed Magnus’s hair away from his face and kissed his temple. They sat wrapped in each other in silence before Magnus spoke again.
“Alec.”
“Hmmm.”
“I think I’m in love with you,” Magnus breathed as he entwined his fingers with Alec’s.
Twenty years later, that day is still as clear as day. Alec still remembers how his heart stuttered in his chest when he heard the words he had been feeling inside his own chest for so long but didn’t voice.
He recalls how heartbroken Magnus always looked when he talked about his mom. He knows how special this necklace is to Magnus.
“How did you do it?” Magnus asks. “I could not find the matching string anywhere.”
Rafael shrugs in response, as if it’s nothing. “I know a guy who knows a guy.”
Magnus tilts his head, his face all soft as he bends his head down and kisses Rafael's forehead. “I love you, my Rafael.”
The boy, who looks too confident for his own good, who gives off the biggest- ‘I’m a brat’ vibes, suddenly changes into a small boy. A beautiful smile appears on his face as he replies, “Te quiero, Bapak.”
And Alec thinks not for the nth time, that he really, really wants to know this kid.
________________________________________________________________
“You okay?” Alec asks as the flight takes off. Magnus seems jittery, nervous, very unlike him.
“Hmmm.”
Alec raises an eyebrow at him.
“I'm okay,” Magnus gives him a small smile. “It’s just Indonesia. It's always a bit scary being back here.”
Alec entwines their fingers together and kisses Magnus’s hand. “Can I help?
Magnus brushes a few strands of hair away from his face. “You already are. You always do.”
Alec pushes the handle between them upwards and brings his arm around Magnus’s shoulder, pulling him against his chest.
Magnus sighs before he speaks, his voice barely a whisper. “This should feel weird.”
“Does it?”
“No,’ Magnus exhales. “You?’
“Not even a bit.”
“Okay. Then we focus on that for now.” Alec says and it's a borderline plea, a request and maybe Magnus understands because he feels the other man’s shoulder nod in agreement.
It's a 21-hour flight and they catch up on a lot. It seems to him that no matter how much they talk, there are still a million more things that are left. With each new thing Magnus tells him or vice versa, the distance created by the eighteen-year lessens, and yet, it looms over them like an omnipresent deity.
“Can I get a blanket?” Alec asks the airhostess as he notices Magnus shivering. He turns to Magnus, “When you know you always run cold, why are you never appropriately layered.”
“Why darling, thank you?” Magnus smirks. “I never want to be called anything but inappropriate.”
Alec snorts. “You’re impossible.”
“And you’re hot. Are we just stating facts now?” Magnus grins.
“Shut up,” Alec shuts Magnus up the best way he knows, the best way Magnus likes as well. He closes his mouth over Magnus and kisses him—tasting the chocolate over his lips from the protein bar Alec was eating and Magnus stole from him. He cradles Magnus’s jaw, angling his face better and the man lets out a low moan.
There’s a small cough that brings them out of their stupor. Alec pulls back slightly, without releasing his hold on Magnus to find the airhostess smiling at them.
“Hi.”
“Hello, Sir. Your blanket.” She hands over the blanket to Alec. He thanks her in return as Magnus wraps the blanket around the two of them. Magnus huddles closer to Alec and tucks the end in Alec’s sleeve. Alec chuckles as Magnus places a soft kiss on his lips.
“You two are very cute,” the airhostess speaks. They turn towards her, and there’s a wondrous smile on her face. “Can I ask how long you guys have been together?”
Alec thinks of an answer to this but fails. There’s nothing he can come up with that will sound normal to anyone.
He turns his head towards Magnus because Magnus always knows what to say.
“We’ve been together for 21 years now,” Magnus answers and it takes Alec by surprise.
“21 years, that’s a lot. Wow,” the woman says awed.
“I know. Sometimes it feels like we met only two weeks ago,” Alec feigns innocence as Magnus hits his elbow over his stomach. “Behave,” the other man mutters.
“I just love, love. I’m sorry for bothering you. Let me know if you need anything else,” the airhostess swallows and leaves.
Alec huffs softly at Magnus, who gives him a shit-eating grin in response. They both fall asleep easily after that.
They reach Makassar the next night.
“Why Makassar and not Jakarta?” He had asked Magus earlier that day.
“I don’t know. I want to be closer to her but I don’t want to be close to him. Makassar seemed like a better choice. Even from a business standpoint, it's a famous port city. So, it’s a better place to be.
Makassar is beautiful.
Twenty-one year-old art history student Alec would have loved to be here. When Alec came back, and everything that happened after had happened, he didn’t really care about his choice of profession.
Alec had only a few credits left to finish his course so he’d requested the university to consider his work at Christie’s, where he had been interning for a year, to make up for the remaining credits. His supervisor had allowed it with only a few additional papers to be submitted. Alec had finished the course and his degree.
Shortly after that, Alec found Max, and by staying in the profession, Alec would have never been able to give his kids the life he wanted. So, he had gone back to business school.
Alec had opened up a small business with Jace, which today made a great profit. Alec didn’t love it but he liked it enough—if it meant he’d be able to provide for Max’s exorbitantly expensive hair gels, and Ari’s whatever new ‘i-dont-care-for-my-life’ classes she signed up for that cost him an average of 5000 dollars per hour.
Alec did not have many complaints.
But here, surrounded by everything Alec loved more than life once, everything feels emptier, and dissatisfactory, even though he knows it's not true.
“I’ll show you around Makassar tomorrow. You’re going to love it, darling,” Magnus sighs as they enter the house.
It's a gorgeous place, the place Magnus is moving in. Nestled along the pristine shores of Makkasar, its breathtaking seaside house that seamlessly blends comfort with rich tapestry of indigenous design. Surrounded by lush tropical foliage, the dwelling stands as a harmonious tribute to the local culture.
The house boasts traditional Makassarese architecture, characterised by its stilted foundation, steep A-frame roof, and intricately carved wooden panels depicting scenes from local folklore. Each corner of the residence is adorned with vibrant hues inspired by the vibrant colors of the sea and the lush greenery that graces the landscape.
Every corner breathes Magnus—Alec can see it, feel it.
Alec can easily picture Magnus living here, along the seaside, surrounded by the sweet-airy smell of water. Of home.
The inside of the house is a perfect blend of modern and traditional. There’s a big living room, with soft and cozy couches surrounding two small, centre tables.
“Magnus, this place is amazing.”
Magnus turns and gives him a show-stopping smile. “You should see the bedroom. It has floor-to-ceiling windows and a gorgeous balcony. It's facing the sea so not a lot of houses nearby, only a few people around who can see what’s going on in the balcony,” Magnus says suggestively.
In an instant, Alec's space turns red as the memories take over him.
Magnus’s apartment in Paris stood in the middle of the town, between the hustle and chaos of the Parisian crowd. Magnus and he had a fight once, there was yelling loud enough that it had become the object of concern and complaints by the neighbours.
Parisians were an annoying lot.
“Magnus, you’re blowing this out of proportion. It's just a gift,” Alec tried to explain.
“It's not just a gift,” Magnus said pointing at the item in his hand. “This is your entire month's savings. Why would you spend all of that on this?”
Alec scratched his head in frustration. “Goddammit Magnus. I was just trying to do something nice for you. What is your problem?”
“I don’t want you to spend your entire savings on me for a gift. What the hell were you thinking?”
“Magnus, you’ve been wanting this new sewing machine for a while so I got you. What is so horrible about that?”
“So that you can ask me for something in return someday? No thanks.”
Alec’s eyes widened in horror and hurt, that Magnus would think of him like that. “Is that what you think of me?”
“It's what everybody wants,” Magnus swallowed, his voice barely a whisper.
“Shut the hell up, you morons,” A man shouted from a balcony, two stories down. “You two need to leave this place.”
Alec and Magnus looked down to find Mr. Antoine Blanc, a 55-year-old man with a scowl on his face. He was an annoying old man who had a permanent scowl on his face and kept on bothering them.
Magnus wasn’t one to get angry at someone, he was used to annoying people and Mr. Blanc was one of them. But Blanc was homophobic on top of everything.
“My boyfriend is going nowhere you asshole,” Magnus shouted back.
“Yes. And neither is my boyfriend going anywhere,” Alec added shouting at the top of his lungs.
There’d been a few moments of silence before both of them broke into laughter.
“Why are we fighting?” Magnus asked after a while, as Alec sat next to him, his head on Magnus’s shoulder.
“I don’t know.”
Magnus sighed before gently nudging Alec. “I’m sorry, Alexander. I blew things out of proportion.”
Alec fidgeted with his fingers as he asked, “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Magnus whispered. He cradled Alec’s jaw, “But you’ve been working relentlessly for the past few months to make ends meet ever since your parents cut you off financially. I don’t want you to struggle because you got me an expensive sewing machine.”
“You do so much for me,” Alec played with Magnus’s fingers, treading them together. “I live at your place most of the time. I’m not really contributing to anything here. I’ve been saving for a while to get you that machine. I know it will help you with your classes. I don’t want anyone to think I’m taking advantage of you.”
“Oh you sweet, sweet, man,” Magnus murmured as he brought their foreheads together, “I don’t need you to do anything to prove to anyone that you’re not taking advantage of me. I know you’re not, darling. You’re going through a hard time and I’m here for you. Always.” Magnus squished Alec’s cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.
Alec felt dazed when they pulled apart, not by the kiss, okay maybe by the kiss because no matter what, he’d always feel dazed after kissing Magnus, but because of the love that resided within Magnus’s words.
“Okay. But did you like the gift?” Alec asked hopefully.
Magnus chuckled softly before kissing Alec again, deeply and lovingly, as he always did. “I love it so much, sweetheart.”
Immediately after, they had indulged in some of the best makeup sex they’ve had. It had started slowly, with small kisses that turned fervent, to heavy, very heavy petting, loud and desperate.
“You filthy Americans,” Mr. Blanc yelled again.
Alec blushed, chuckling against Magnum's mouth. “He's staring at us. Let's go inside.”
Magnus dragged his mouth against Alec’s neck, and his hands grabbed Alec’s ass, pulling heavy moans out of the other man.
“Baby,” Alec heaved as Magnus continued his ministrations. His shirt was off from one shoulder as Magnus worked on getting it entirely off of him. “Baby, please, I—-“
“Please what?” Magnus teased, as Alec turned them around, his back against the wall as he bit his lips.
“We need to go inside,” Alec gasps.
“Why?”
Alec could not think of the ‘why’ then but somehow, some last functioning brain cell had worked, and he’d remembered that this was Magnus’s place and they would throw the two of them out if they continued. Alec was already broke, he didn't want Magnus on the streets as well.
“Magnus–”
Magnus hadn’t deterred for a while but then Alec put his hands on Magnus’s ass, pulling his flash against his hard-on and it had been difficult to tease Alec after that. So they’d shifted inside.
Alec walks over the balcony, the view, and wonders if Magnus can recall it too. If he’s thinking of it too.
Before he can think too much, Magnus pushes him against the wall next to the balcony and crashes their mouths together.
It’s hot and rough and the right amount of dirty.
And Alec falls some more, wondering how it’s still possible.
________________________________________________________________
It’s a beautiful, beautiful day. His heart feels lighter, happier, everything feels easy today.
Magnus takes Alec out to see Makassar and Alec’s been giddy, beaming like a child, the way Ari does when he gets her Tamales. Or Max does when Simon gets his nerd ass comics.
He giggles as Magnus twirls him around when they are at the Balla Lampoa Museum.
Alec is breath taken by the place. It is an impressively preserved piece of Indigenous Buginese architecture raised on stilts above the ground. Alec buys a crown from a vendor that’s selling it nearby and puts it on Magnus’s head, bowing down to him. Magnus rolls his eyes but there’s fondness on his face before he straightens up and mutters a few words to his ever loyal subject—Alexander.
“You’d look so hot as a king. The rival kingdoms would just fall at your beauty,” Alec says flirtingly. Magnus chuckles as he pulls Alec by his shirt and twirls him around. Alec giggles as Magnus repeats the action.
They are walking through the place, smiling and laughing when they see an elderly couple, probably in their late 60s sitting on the bench smiling at them.
“How long have you two been together?” The woman asks and Alec stills for a second. His eyes track their face as he searches for any hostility or disgust on their face but finds none. They’re both smiling sweetly at them.
Indonesia is not a queer-friendly place and Alec does not want to risk his and Magnus’s safety.
Alec shifts his eyes to Magnus who pauses for a second before he smiles back and Alec relaxes instantly.
He trusts Magnus’s judgement implicitly.
A huge grin appears on Magnus’s face as he replies, “We have been together for 18 years. Today is our anniversary.”
Alec’s heart skips a beat at the words.
Magnus gives him a small grin and Alec knows it’s a joke, something Magnus just said to have fun but it stings in all the wrong places inside his chest.
“That is so great. Congratulations dears. You make a lovely pair,” The woman says. The man along with her says finally, “Stay safe here.”
Magnus walks closer to them and thanks them, the gesturing meaning a lot. Magnus above everyone else knows how much kindness matters.
They decide to paint that night. Alec doesn’t remember the last time he did something creative like that. But being near a city like Makkaser, Alec just felt the want to do so.
“If you end up drawing something magnificent, in contrast to the apple I would be drawing, I will be so pissed,” Magnus grumbles.
Alec chuckles before kissing Magnus on his cheek. “This isn’t a competition.”
“Speak for yourself,” Magnus shoots back.
He snorts, “Then we both know who is winning.”
“Excuse you, have you forgotten that I’m a designer and draw professionally.”
“You design clothes. This is different.”
“Snob,” Magnus mumbles.
He paints a beautiful picture of Makkaser, and it has Magnus’s small house situated at the end.
“I’m done.”
Magnus hides his sheet from his view and squeals, “No. I need another ten minutes.”
“Is this a talking Apple?” Alec grins.
“Fuck off.”
He throws his head back and lies comfortably. They’re both sitting on the floor, takeout next to them with a glass of wine in both their hands.
It’s heartbreakingly domestic.
There are things about people that you only learn after living with them for a long time. Alec still finds out new things about his kids every day. Even about his siblings and their partners.
He wonders how many things about each other they’d never get to know.
Magnus finishes his painting and squeals in joy, “I’m done.”
“Show.”
“First you.”
Alec huffs before turning his sheet. A beautiful smile appears on Magnus’s face.
“It’s gorgeous. And I hate you and your impeccable artistry.”
He laughs before straightening up, “Your turn.”
Magnus smiles shyly and Alec frowns because the man is anything but shy. There’s a small blush on his face as he passes the sheet to Alec.
Alec takes it in his hand and turns it.
It’s a painting of the Eiffel Tower. With two men in the middle, one on his knees.
I will marry you one day.
“Is it the Eiffel Tower or the Leaning Tower of Pisa,” he jokes, his voice breaking at the end.
“Fuck off,” Magnus swats his chest. “You’re just jealous.”
Alec finds it hard to breathe for a second. He searches Magnus’s face, the nervousness still there.
“Can I take this with me?” He asks, pointing at Magnus’s sheet.
Magnus gives him a wondrous smile, before he pulls him in a kiss.
Alec’s hands are covered with paint and he accidentally knocks himself and his hand prints on the floor.
There’s a visible blue handprint on the floor.
“Shit,” he apologies. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“This mark won’t go,” he insists.
Magnus tilts his head, before he takes Alec’s hand in his, brings his knuckles to his mouth and places the softest of kisses on it. “It’s okay, my love. It will be a reminder that you were here once. With me.”
Alec grabs Magnus' face against his harshly and crashes their mouths together.
The next few days are exhilarating. Beautiful. Heartbreakingly sweet. Bittersweet.
It happens a few more times in the next few days. Magnus joking about them being married or together for two decades or some version of a life they never got to actually live.
Even though he knows it’s a joke, it still stings. It churns up a knot in his stomach and makes him angry.
“Where do you want to go for lunch?” Magnus asks.
“Anywhere.” He mumbles.
“You said you wanted to try that small restaurant by the lake the other day.”
“Hmm.”
Magnus frowns at the response but doesn’t think much of it.
Lunch is weird. A bit silent. Alec’s foul mood is visible on his face since it’s impossible for him to pretend to hide what he’s feeling.
He’s cross with Magnus, not replying to him properly. Not giving the right reactions to his stories and slowly and slowly, Magnus can see that something’s off about him.
“You okay, sweetheart?”
Alec nods. “Yeah.”
They go back to Magnhs’s house and take a small nap but Alec’s too wound up to actually sleep so he goes out for a run. Then he comes back and takes a long shower.
The entire time Magnus is awake, reading a book, scrolling through his phone, worried lines on his face.
This is an unwelcome feeling. Being angry at Magnus.
He’s not sure how he’s supposed to react. Their last fight was twenty years ago and everything has changed since. Alec used to shut off during fights back then and Magnus had a habit of running. But they’re different people now, more mature, and the way they react to situations has changed.
It seems wrong. Jumping back into this thing, whatever one’s supposed to call it, the one that already has a timeline and—pretending like they know each other.
They’re strangers, Alec thinks.
How is he supposed to fight with a stranger?
They’re out for breakfast the next morning when it happens again and Alec loses it.
“Alexander!!” Magnus runs after him as Alec leaves the table they were sitting on.
“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” Alec says angrily.
“Okay, but why? What did I do?”
Alec scoffs.
What didn’t you do?
You made me fall in love with you and now I don’t know how to stop?
Alec ignores the words and continues walking towards the outside street.
Before Alec can haul a cab, an arm on his shoulder stops him. Alec turns on his heels to find Magnus, huffing, out of breath.
“Fucking hell. How fast do you run?” Magnus inquires. “You didn’t use to be this quick.” He teases.
Alec’s glare turns hard because Magnus is still joking. Alec’s heart is breaking here and all Magnus can do is joke?
He turns back before Magnus throws his hands in the air. “Alexander, what is going on?”
“I’m going back to your place.”
“Not before you tell me what’s going on?” Magnus repeats. “You have been in a horrible mood since yesterday. I don’t know what I have done wrong.”
For a second, Alec wants to leave and asks Magnus to figure it out but he realises then that that’s fucking stupid.
People won’t know what you’re feeling until you tell them.
He turns back towards Magnus, inhales deeply to calm himself down a bit. He doesn’t want to fight with Magnus but the words that come out of his mouth are angry with a side of petulant.
“Why do you keep on saying that?”
“Say what?” Magnus frowns.
“That we are together or have been all this time when someone asks,” he spats angrily.
Magnus’s face changes at the words. He opens his mouth but then closes it again.
“It’s just a joke, Alec.”
It infuriates him.
“Is this what all of this is to you? A joke?”
“Alec, why are you making such an issue of this?” Magnus swallows.
Alec throws his hands up in the air. “Because this is not a fucking joke to me, Magnus.”
“It’s not to me, either,” Magnus’s voice is cold now. But Alec can sense the underlying hurt.
“Then why do you keep saying that?”
Magnus narrows his eyebrows, his lips twitching angrily. “Then what the hell do you want me to say, Alec?”
“I don’t know. Anything but this.”
“Then why don’t you try the next time someone asks,” Magnus shoots back. “You shut down the second someone asks, expecting me to take the lead.”
“Because you do take the lead every time,” he throws back.
Magnus intakes a sharp breath. “Just because I am answering the question every time with a made up fantasy doesn’t mean the words don't hurt me just as much.”
“I never said that—“
Magnus raises a hand. “How do you expect me to explain this—us, to anyone? Wait, let me try,” Magnus continues, “No, we’re not together. We fell in love twenty years ago then separated. And now we found each other again but there’s a deadline of two weeks this time as well.”
That shuts him up instantly. The pain in Magnus’ voice is not something he ever likes.
“Or maybe I should have told the air hostess that love is not enough. That just because you find the person you want to spend your life with, doesn’t mean you actually get to.”
“Magnus—“
“Or maybe, I should tell them that I am doubting my plan to move to Indonesia with my friends and son even though I finally was at peace with the idea that I do not need a romantic partner to be happy; that my friends and Rafael are enough for me. And all that for a man I fell in love with twenty years ago, who is a fucking asshole because he doesn’t think I love him just as much and all of this pains me more than he can possibly imagine,” Magnus rambles breathlessly.
“Baby–” Alec whispers brokenly, his heart clenching at the words. Not knowing what to do with them.
“I was fucking happy with my life, Alec.”
Alec steps closer to the man but he shifts backwards and the rejection hurts, even though Alec deserves it.
“You are the one who left. I wasn’t the one who left and never looked back. That was you, so, you don’t get to stand here in front of me and accuse me of not caring when all I’m doing is living out a dream for five minutes,” Magnus’s words are harsh, but every single thing is true.
Alec left.
And he never looked back.
Not because he didn't want to but because he didn't have the energy at the time to.
Grief changes you.
It makes you fear love, even though they are both the same thing.
You can expect yourself to be different when it happens to you, but you never know.
Nobody ever does.
Magnus stays there for a moment before he raises his hand to call a cab and steps inside it.
Alec finds a park nearby to sulk. He takes out his phone from his pocket and calls Izzy.
“Hey, Iz.”
“Hey, Alec. How’s it going?”
“Good.”
Here’s some background noise before it settles, “You don't sound good.”
Alec hums, “Just had a small argument with Magnus. But it's fine.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. Just missed you,” he says honestly. “And my favourite nephew.”
Izzy chuckles softly and gives her an update on what’s happening back home.
They talk for a while and Alec feels a bit settled.
After roaming around for a few hours, Alec finds his way back to Magnus’s place. The door is unlocked so he enters inside. He finds Magnus on the couch, wrapped under a bundle of blankets, queer eye playing on TV.
A smile appears on his face. “Ari loves that show.”
He's not sure whether Magnus will reply or not.
Then he hears a small reply, “She has a good taste.”
Alec steps closer to the couch. He crouches down in front of Magnus and sighs, “Hi.”
He doesn't get a reply this time as Magnus maintains his eyes on the TV in the front.
Alec smiles because Magnus always looks cute when he’s mad. He also knows that if Magnus was mad-mad, then he’d be out on the balcony with a glass of wine in his hand but him being under the blankets means he needs comfort.
And Alec’s quite good with providing comfort.
He turns towards the TV and plants his back against the couch, covering Magnus’s vision partially.
“Tan’s outfit isn't that great in the episode.”
Silence.
“Bobby doesn’t do much work in my opinion,” he says after a long montage in the episode where Bobby basically does everything and changes the house from a garbage dumpyard to something that could be published in those fancy architectural booklets.
There’s a light groan at the words and Alec’s face turns into a grin.
“And what even is Karamo’s job? Culture expert? Pffft.”
If it was any other day, he would have received a huge smack on the chest by now.
Both from Ari and Max.
Alec continues with his criticism of the show, knowing that it will garner a reaction from Magnus at some point.
“And Anthoni?” Alec asks seriously. “I don't see the point of this fancy food. New York Pizza would beat this in a minute–” Before he can finish the sentence, a pillow hits his chest.
“Alec, you moron.”
Alec chuckles before tilting his head sideways. “What?” he feigns innocence before he continues, “Oh, wait. Are you talking to me again?”
“I hate you.”
He snorts lightly. “No. You dont.”
“How dare you criticise Queer Eye?”
“You're so predictable.”
Magnus gasps loudly at that. “Shut up. I always achieve to be anything but predictable.”
“Not when it comes to your favourite shows.”
Magnus huffs indignantly before he hides behind the covers again.
Alec removes the cover from Magnus’s face, grinning at him. “Hi,” he repeats.
“Hi,” Magnus grumbles.
“Can we talk?”
“No.”
“Please. I need to apologise for being a dick.”
Magnus mutters something under his breath before he sits up on the couch, still wrapped under the blankets. Then he groans before lifting up the covers so Alec can get warm too.
“I’m sorry.”
“For?”
There's this thing Magnus taught him years ago. That people should know what they are apologising for. One should never accept empty apologies.
Alec taught that to his kids. That if someone ever hurts them and then apologises, they need to ask what they are apologising for. Otherwise, the apology means nothing.
He wonders how many things over the years he taught his kids, or told someone else, how many life lessons and small habits, good or bad, he learnt from his time with Magnus.
It makes him smile.
“For assuming that you didn't care even though I know you do.”
“Hmmm.”
“It just sucks sometimes.”
Magnus’s eyes meet his, his face softening a bit. “I know.”
They stay quiet for a moment before Magnus grazes his fingers along Alec’s hand. “I’m sorry too.”
“For?” Alec teases.
Magnus huffs. “For saying that you left. That was not true.”
Alec clutches onto Magnus’s hand and gives him a small smile, “But it is.”
Magnus shakes his head in return, “It's not. It was not anybody’s fault. You had to leave.”
“But I never looked back, Magnus. You called me in the coming months but I barely picked up your calls.”
Alec had called Magnus after a good fifteen days of silence, to tell him that Max had succumbed to his injuries and died.
He had notified Magnus like he was telling him about the weather, barely any emotion to his voice.
Alec doesn't really remember what Magnus said after that. He tries to recall but he can’t. The following few months were a blur in his head. All he could feel was that he was dying and that was that.
Magnus had tried calling him so many times but Alec did not have the energy back then. He had become a shell of a person, barely living. There had been so much guilt inside of him, for leaving Max, for leaving Izzy and Jace with his parents.
Alec did not feel at the time that he deserved someone as good as Magnus.
He had lost his phone in a subway two months after returning to New York. And that had been it.
He had lost any way to find Magnus again—with something as small as a lost phone.
He does remember the last text Magnus ever sent him though.
I was made to love you, Alexander. Always remember that.
“I have never held that against you,” Magnus whispers.
Alec hums, smiling sadly. “I know you didn't. But I do hold that against myself sometimes. Maybe things would be different. I wonder where we would have been if I had let you help me.”
Magnus stays silent at that. Some questions are not meant to be answered.
“Do you think another version of us, in some other world made it?”
Another version of them, Alec thinks. Who would they be in this world?
“If there is another version of us, do you think we will meet there too?” Alec asks hopefully.
There's something ethereal on Magnus’s face when he replies to the question. “I believe that every version of Magnus Bane is supposed to be in love with every version of Alec Lightwood.”
Alec blushes, as warmness encompasses his self. For a minute, right now, in this beautiful house in Makassar, Alec thinks that he's going to be okay.
“Then, I would like to believe that they made it,” he replies.
It’s a nice thought.
That somewhere across the universe, there might be some version of them that made it. In this world or another, he doesn’t care.
Then he asks Magnus something, and Magnus answers honestly and Alec regrets ever asking this.
“If you could ask me anything right now, what would that be?”
Magnus doesn't hesitate, does not blink for a second before the words are out of his mouth. “I would ask you to stay.”
Alec wipes under his eyes. `Magnus doesn’t wait for an answer.
They go to sleep like that, hand in hands, face touching each other, wrapped up in a world of their own.
________________________________________________________________
The wind feels great against his skin. Alec can taste the saltiness of the water in the air somehow. It feels nice. Calm. It's been a while since he’s felt that.
He's been worried about the next phase of his life. Alec has been avoiding thinking about it—keeping himself busy with everything.
Now that Ari and Max are both not living with him, Alec needs to learn to be alone again. Learn to live for himself. He doesn’t regret a second of the years he’s only lived for his kids but he guesses that it's time, now that they’re not living under his roof.
I would ask you to stay
The words ring inside his head like a faint melody. They sound like the sweetest thing Alec's ever heard—like salvation but it's faint, so faint that he pretends, no, wishes he hadn’t heard them.
What a hideous conundrum.
He is deep in his thoughts when he feels strong arms encircle him, pulling him against a strong, comfortable chest. Alec sighs as he leans his weight against the man as Magnus puts his head on Alec’s shoulder.
“Hi,” Magnus’s voice is soft. Like the weather. Like it was made for midnight.
“Hey,” Alec whispers as he brings his own hands on top of Magnus’s.
Magnus kisses his neck and exhales. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just thinking.”
“How could I ever forget Alec Lightwood’s thinking face,” Magnus teases, pulling a small chuckle out of him. “Do you want me to leave?” He asks, but makes no move to create some distance and further pulls Alec towards him.
“No. It's okay.”
They stay like this, wrapped up in each other for quite some time. It's comfortable and nice, and for a few moments it feels like this is endless.
Then Alec breaks the silence, speaks the word that always clenches his stomach inside out, and brings out an ugly, desperate fear inside of him.
“Ari has a heart condition.”
As expected, Magnus is still behind him. There is a moment of silence before he responds. “What?”
“She has a congenital heart disease,” Alec breathes.
Magnus tries to turn him around but Alec stays on his feet, refusing to turn. It's difficult enough as it is to talk about this, he didn't have it in himself to do it while looking at Magnus’s face.
“Ari was diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot shortly after birth. She underwent corrective surgery at the age of 3, which significantly improved the circulation of oxygenated blood. However, due to the nature of TOF, Ari's heart still requires close monitoring and occasional medical interventions.
Magnus is silent for a while. Alec wonders if there is anything to say when someone tells you something like this.
‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it.
“How is she doing right now?” Magnus asks.
Alec smiles at the question, at his baby’s strength and resilience. Her determination to live life on her own accords.
He despises why Ari does what she does—is always going to be scared and sceptical about it but Alec’s not going to be another thing that prevents her from living her life.
“She’s good. I thought Max was a handful when he was a toddler but Ari proved me wrong shortly. She’s so stubborn. But so, so kind,” he says with a wide smile on his face.
Magnus rubs a hand over Alec’s shoulder. “I wish I could say something to ease your pain, darling.”
Alec chuckles dryly. “She’s strong. I just wished she didn’t have to be, you know?” Magnus turns him in his arms and this time Alec lets him. “I wish this huge thing wasn’t always lying above her head. And that Max didn’t have to think about the two of us all the time.”
Magnus exhales deeply as he caresses Alec’s cheeks. “We can’t protect our kids from everything. All we can do sometimes is to just love them.”
“I’m just so scared that something could go wrong someday,” he utters his fears out. Things he feels all the time but never says because what is the point? “I will not survive if something happens to my kid.”
Magnus brushes a few tears that he hadn’t even realised were there from his face. “Oh, honey.” It’s all he says as Alec falls against his chest, clutching onto it for dear life.
He wishes Magnus could hold him like this forever.
If there is one feeling in the world that has ever been able to come as close to holding his kids in his arms, it’s this,—being held by Magnus.
“I wish I could say yes,” He breathes.
“Alexander,” Magnus says brokenly.
“But, I can’t. Not in this life,” his voice breaks.
Alec would never move to another country without his kids, even under normal circumstances. But with Ari’s condition? He would not even consider it. It’s not an option.
“You don’t have to explain, sweetheart. I understand,” Magnus swallows. “I just would have regretted it forever if I didn't even ask.”
Maybe it’s enough that Magnus had asked and Alec had wanted to say yes.
They both are going to have to live with it.
________________________________________________________________
The next few days are quite similar and every moment feels exhilarating. Alec wakes up Magnus on the 13th day of the trip. Three days before Alec has to leave.
Magnus pulls Alec closer against his chest and places a kiss on his shoulder. He shifts a little higher and kisses Alec’s neck, pulling a soft sigh out of him. Allec smiles, half asleep, half-conscious at the touch. He tightens his hold on Magnus’s hands that are lying on his stomach.
“Morning, My darling.”
Alec sighs tiredly and turns in Magnus’s arm, hiding his face against his chest. Magnus always smells like a mix of sandalwood and something. Right now, he smells of sandalwood and sex.
And love. Always love.
Even on the darkest of days, love radiates off Magnus’s body.
Alec groans. “Let me sleep.”
Magnus chuckles softly as he brushes Alec’s hair with gentle fingers. It's the easiest thing in the world to go to sleep when Magnus is doing that.
“What do you want to do today?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. Just stay here.”
There's a beat of silence before Magnus whispers back. “Okay. We will just stay here.”
He wakes up a few hours later to an empty bed. Alec removes the cover and steps outside, to find Magnus in the kitchen. He’s humming softly, shirtless in just silk pyjamas as he moves slightly from one foot to another.
It’s picture perfect.
The kind of picture perfect you see in movies.
“I don’t recall you ever cooking.”
Magnus turns, a teasing smile on his face. “You know I can cook. I just hate doing tasks.”
Alec snorts. “Okay.”
“Also, Rafael is an absolute health freak and demands that we eat home cooked meals at least twice a day. That boy starts acting like he is dying of food poisoning if I order takeout even twice in a row.”
“You finally found someone who can match your level of drama.”
Magnus rolls his eyes. “He is very dramatic.”
Magnus’s phone pings then, he turns the ignition of the stove to low, to pick it up. He erupts in laughter.
“It’s Ragnor. He’s complaining about Rafael trying to teach him Makassar appropriate fashion,” he says in amusement. “I used to think Ragnor was snarky and bitchy , then I met Rafael. It's such a treat to see those two interact.”
Alec doesn’t reply, just tilts his head and smiles at Magnus’s obvious happiness. “You excited about being in the presence of Ragnor 24x7?”
Magnus scoffs at that. “Absolutely not. The reason we all bought these houses with huge gardens is so that it's difficult for one to reach the other’s place without a ten minute walk. Ragnor absolutely hates leaving his house so I think we’re safe.”
He laughs at the response.
Then Magnus’s face softens and he sighs, “But yes. I am excited to live so close to them all. I have spent so much of my life waiting for someone, waiting for someone who makes me complete. Who I can have a home with.”
So many missed chances.
“It has taken me a long time to realise that I have always had love. I think Rafael and my friends are my happy ending.”
Alec caresses Magnus’s cheeks softly, not knowing when he crossed the distance. “I am so incredibly happy for you.”
They don't leave the house for the next two days. It's just them in this place where time doesn't exist.
Where Alec is Alexander and Alexander belongs to Magnus Bane.
He's not a father, a brother or anything else in the world.
He’s just a man in love.
He kisses Magnus with so much desperation in those last two days that it bleeds their lips but neither of them care. Alec can feel the scratches on his body, fingers digging deep into his skin from all the places Magnus had held on too tightly. Too desperately.
He knows he will feel it for days. He wishes he could feel it for years. For the rest of his life.
“Alexander–” Magnus gasps as he bites on his neck, fingers hovering over his pants.
“Hmm.”
“Make me forget.”
“Forget what?” He moans as Magnus kneads his fingers into his ass, gentle and harsh at the same time.
“That you are leaving tomorrow,” Magnus whispers and Alec crashes their mouth before Magnus can say more, his tongue finding Magnus’s as they lose themselves in each other, maybe for the last time in this lifetime.
Magnus turns them around and bends down, his lips goveting over Alec’s chest. He leaves a warm breath of air before sucking on Alec’s nipples, pulling a loud moan out of him.
He worships Alec’s body steadily, slow, warm touches roam over him before they turn more desperate, rough and raw. They kiss each other like they're dying, as if this last touch could heal them–save them, even.
When they’re done; Magnus lies with his head in Alec’s lap as Alec runs his fingers through them.
“What are you thinking?”
Alec smiles, peering into Magnus’s eyes. “That you rocked my world.”
Magnus burst into a chuckle, recalling the words from a few days back. He swats at Alec's chest lightly.
“I don’t know,” Alec bites his lips. “I’m thinking if I should put that art degree to good use.”
Magnus’s eyes widen, excitedly. “Wait, what?”
“Hmmm. I’m just thinking.”
“What do you mean thinking?” Magnus squeals. “What are you planning?”
Alec rolls his eyes in amusement, “I don’t know. I was just thinking. Being here was nice. It reminded me of how much I used to love this stuff.”
Magnus grabs Alec's face and kisses his forehead. “You were amazing at it. Have you forgotten that you were the three out of twenty five hundred applicants who applied for that internship at Christie’s !!!!!”
“That was ages ago.”
The other man just shrugs, as if the lack of experience in the past twenty years won’t matter.
“I haven’t worked in this field for twenty years. What would I even do?”
Magnus’s lips curl upwards in a small smile, a sweet hopeful one. “You could do anything, my love.”
Alec hums. “But would it even matter?”
“Not everything has to matter, Alexander. Sometimes you can just do things because you want to. Not because you need to. Not because they will matter. Not because they will save the world.”
Alec’s earned a lot of money in his life. Enough that he doesn’t have to worry about it again.
Now, he can just do things he wants to.
He’s lucky that he has the option. He knows not many do.
He returns a smile. Then bends down and brings his mouth against Magnus’s—softly. It’s so, so gentle. The way Alec’s heart feels when he’s around the other man.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
________________________________________________________________
Max calls him the next morning but he doesn’t pick up. Then Ari calls, and he rejects that as well. He doesn’t want his kids to see him in this state right now. Alec’s cried the entire night. Both he and Magnus did.
It’s awful.
Everything feels like it is dying.
Their group chat is bombarding with messages.
Ari: Max broke up with his boyfriend.
Alec blinks.
Again?
He replies.
Alec: How is he looking?
Ari: So, you’re okay with gossiping about your kids but won’t pick up?
Alec: Yes. Now answer.
Ari: Seems fine.
Alec exhales heavily and calls Max.
“Hey, dad,” Max picks up the video call.
“Hey.”
“How’s it going?”
“Good. Now moving on to a more important question, how are you doing?”
Max frowns. “Me?”
“Yes.”
“I’m okay.”
“Really? Because Ari told me about your breakup.”
Max rolls his eyes. “I’m okay. Not a big deal.”
Alec sighs. He doesn’t know how to get through Max. Max, who tells him everything but this.
He’s not a meddling parent who wants to know everything about his kids' dating life. But Max’s dating life seems concerning to him. It reminds him a lot of Jace before he met Clary.
“How are you doing?” Max asks.
“I’m okay.”
“Really?” Max raises a brow. “Because you seem kinda sad.”
“I’m not sad.”
Heartbroken.
Devastated.
Anguished?
“Come on, dad. You can tell me,” Max insists.
“So, you won’t tell me anything but I have to?“
Max huffs. “It’s different. You are breaking up with the love of your life or whatever.”
“How is it different?”
Max sighs. Alec sees the tiredness on his face then.
“It’s different for me, dad”.
“How?”
“It just is.”
“Max,” Alec speaks, in a gentle voice. “What’s going on, baby?”
His son frowns then. “Jesus, nothing is up. Stop deflecting.”
“I’m not.”
“Where’s Magnus?” Max questions.
“In the washroom.”
His son raises an eyebrow suggestively. Alec rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”
“Come on, I’m old enough for you to tell me about this.”
“Yeah. I’m not old enough though,” he remarks.
“Don’t be a boomer, dad.”
“Shut up.”
They talk for another five minutes before they disconnect the call.
Alec sighs, worrying about Max.
Max thinks that there’s nothing to worry about him. That Alec should focus on Ari but surprisingly, Alec’s more worried about Max these days because at least Ari’s pain is physical. At least it’s something he knows of.
Max, not so much.
“Does it ever stop?” He asks Magnus when he steps out of the washroom.
“What?”
“Worrying about your kids.”
“Nope,” Magnus answers instantly.
“Great.”
“What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just Max.”
Magnus steps closer and rubs a gentle thimble between Alec’s brows. “Stop stressing over whatever you’re stressing about.”
“It’s like 90% of my entire personality,” he quips.
Magnus chuckles before pulling him in for a deep kiss.
“Does this help?” He asks after pulling back.
“You could have saved me years of stress with this,” Alec grins.
Magnus rolls his eyes before shutting him up with a kiss again.
It’s gentle and sweet and soft. Unlike last night when there had only been tears and sadness and desperation.
They’re both going on their last two dates today. Both of them have something planned for the other. Magnus during the day. Alec during the night.
Magnus asks him to close his eyes before he comes back, in the driving seat of a Maserati.
It’s gorgeous.
“Fuck.”
“I know I look stunning, darling.”
“I was clearly talking about the car,” Alec teases.
Magnhs feigns offence before locking the car from the inside so that Alec can’t open the door. Alec just rolls his eyes and jumps inside, over the door.
“Damn those legs.”
“That’s not what you said last night.”
Magnus rolls his eyes before he puts on the sunglasses and starts the engine.
The weather is pretty dull today, reflecting their own inner moods. But the ride is beautiful. Makassar is beautiful.
They reach their destination an hour later. Takapala Waterfall, an hour away from the main city.
It’s secluded and peaceful.
Alec doesn’t know how because they’ve been together the entire time, but Magnus has arranged for a small picnic on the edge.
“When did you even do this?”
“Magic.”
Magnus, like the dork he is, opens up the door to the car for Alec. He takes his hand and walks him towards the spot.
“Come on. Clothes off.”
Alec raises an eyebrow. “So soon? At least take me to dinner first.”
“We’re jumping in there.”
“Romance truly is dead.”
Magnus glares at Alec and he instantly takes off his clothes. Magnus lets out a hand and he takes it, clutching it tightly.
Alec gently strokes his fingers on the inside of Magnus’s palm, etching it to memory.
They both lean into each other to kiss. Then they run. And dive.
Magnus laughs loudly as they come up for air, shifting closer to Alec, wrapping his arms around him.
“It’s so cold. Fuck,” he yells.
Magnus laughs again, with his entire face. He throws his head back in laughter and Alec closes the distance, touching his neck, his face, his hair.
The other man closes his eyes as they melt into each other. Alec wipes under Magnus’s eyes, a frivolous attempt as they are in the water.
When Magnus opens his eyes, they both smile sadly. They both know it’s not water.
Magnus cups his cheeks and kisses him again. And again. And again. Until their bodies are wilted.
He feels small touches, warm kisses against his face. His cheeks. His nose.
They both can read each other’s faces.
I love you. I will love you forever.
“I want you to know something,” Magnus exhales, voice shaky but wondrous.
“What?”
“That we matter. Our love matters.”
Alec takes a shaky breath.
“Even if we don’t spend our lives together. Even if we didn’t get a life together. We matter. Our love matters. There is nothing I believe in more.”
“Magnus,” Alec chokes on a sob. “I can’t do this again.”
Magnus caresses bjs cheek, kissing the tears away. “You might have spent the last twenty years being unsure of our love but I don’t want you to spend a single more minute doing that.”
“Stop-“ he says, not meaning it.
“Alexander, please look at me,” Magnus pleads and Alec’s never been able to deny the man. He looks up, tears all over Magnus’s face.
“Even on the days that you believe in nothing, believe that I will love you until I take my very last breath. Nothing will change that.”
Alec tugs Magnus against his chest and hugs him tightly, bodies wrapped into each other. “This isn’t fair, baby.”
Magnus sobs, “I know, my love. I know.”
“This is a love story. We are a love story,” Magnus whispers and hides his face in the crook of his neck.
“Then who the fuck is writing this shit? Because it’s horrible,” Alec croaks, his throat closing up with emotions.
Magnus chuckles through the tears.
Alec pulls back and wipes his face, “You are going to be so happy, here.”
Magnus looks down, hiding his face but Alec makes him look up, “Your fashion line is going to do great. You will be so great. I cannot wait to see that.”
There are tears covering both their faces. Magnus swallows another sob and kisses Alec again.
“I was made to love you, Alexander. Always remember that,” Magnus says earnestly, a few moments later.
Alec feels the words inside him.
They feel like salvation and punishment at the same time.
He’s kind of feeling cold in the water, since they've been standing for a while now. So, Alec splashes some water over Magnus.
Magnus grumbles, “Alexander—”
“Come on,” Alec swallows. “I am owed a romantic picnic by the waterfall.”
They have one of the sweetest dates of their lives. They feed each other and touch each other and love each other. They only break into tears on ten more occasions but neither of them feels the need to hide it. They’re heartbroken and so, so sad but at least they are together.
Until, they’re not.
________________________________________________________________
When Alec enters his apartment, something breaks inside of him in the silence. There’s no one here.
No Max. No Ari. No Magnus. No one.
He’s not sure what he is supposed to do with all the love he still feels for magus.
Who does he tell?
Who does he cry to?
Who will hold him through this?
He sits on his bed and throws his face in his hand as a gut wrenching sob that he's been trying to hold since the airport finally leaves his body. He crumbles on the bed and cries his heart out.
Izzy always says that crying helps.
He's finding it very hard to believe that anything will help but he tries.
Alec’s not sure how long he stays like this when his doorbell rings. It's 1:30am at night so he frowns.
Alec finds the strength to stand up and walks towards the door. He unlocks it, and his chest cracks at seeing who’s there.
“Hey, brother,” Izzy says softly. He crashes against Jace and Izzy before they can get another word out. Clary and Simon are also there, worried looks on their faces.
Alec gets it. He looks like the picture of misery right now.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” he exhales.
Simon makes tea for him while they all settle down and Alec doesn't miss the seven bottles of alcohol they brought with them.
“Have you all forgotten that we’re not twenty anymore?” he asks.
“But we're gonna party like we’re twenty and our livers won't be hurting tomorrow,” Clary answers, before she sits next to him, letting out her hand for Alec to take.
He’s not sure when Clary became one of his favourite people in the world. Considering she represents everything that Alec finds annoying in a person.
“I miss him so much. I never stopped missing him but now?” He speaks, his voice tight. He doesn't remember the last time he talked about Magnus this openly. “I don't understand why we had to meet him again just for a limited time.”
They're all silent but then Simon speaks, “Do you regret it? That you met?”
Alec shakes his head. There is so much pain inside of him, and it might never end, he knows that. But regretting Magnus? Regretting the last month?
Being loved by Magnus bane?
Over his dead body.
“No.”
“There's your answer then.”
Alec wipes his face, gulping the alcohol straight from the bottle.
“Doesn't feel like it.”
“Maybe just getting to be loved by the person you love is enough, however long or short your time may be.”
We matter. Our love matters.
“Here,” Clary goes to the kitchen and comes back a few minutes later with cookies in her hand. “Ari baked these before she left.”
“With all their hounding, I'm surprised they are not here.”
Clary chuckles before passing him a note.
We wanted to stay dad. But we figured that you would prefer it if you're all heartbroken in front of uncle jace, aunt izzy, uncle simon and aunt clary instead of you.
We love you.
Max and Ari.
Ari and Max.
Max and Ari.
They’ve crossed the names twice, a fight over whose name would be written first.
Alec chuckles softly, his eyes tearing up a little.
I love you too.
“You have raised good kids, Alec,” Izzy says.
“Yeah.”
They all take their drinks and Jace asks, “Who are we cheering to?”
Alec raises his drink, and whispers with all the love he has, “To Magnus.”
“To Magnus,” they all yell.
As he unpacks his luggage in the next few days, he finds a small envelope in one of the pockets inside of his backpack.
There’s a photo.
Of Magnus and him.
The one they took when they went to the museum. And there’s a small note attached to it as well.
________________________________________________________________
A few months later, everyone is at his house, celebrating Mom’s birthday when his phone rings.
“Hi, Mr. Lightwood.”
“Hello. Who is this?”
“I’m Viktor Emmanuel. I work at Sotheby’s. You applied for this position of Head of auctions?”
“Yes.”
“We’re glad to inform you that you have been selected for the position.”
Alec’s eyes widen in surprise and he shushes everyone around him to shut up.
“Wow. Thank you. I’m thrilled to hear that.”
“We’re happy to have you onboard. Your experience speaks for itself, and that letter of recommendation really helped?’
“Letter of recommendation?”
“Yes. From Magnus Bane. He’s been supporting our auction house for decades so a recommendation from him letting us know about your stellar candidature really puts you on top.”
What the fuck?
Alec frowns before gathering the brain cells to reply. “Thank you.”
“We will be reaching out to you soon with further information.”
“Thank you.”
When he’s done with the call, he turns towards the room and asks, “Who the hell asked Magnus to send a letter of recommendation on my behalf?”
“I did,” Ari replies.
“How?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy,” she replies.
Rafael.
“Are you mad?”
He thinks for a moment. He’s not mad. He turns around, the wall behind him has the painting that Magnus created that day.
Of a dream he—no, they, never got to live.
He looks at the picture and smiles. It’s bittersweet but his heart is okay. Because he can still feel the love.
No amount of love is ever wasted.
He takes out the note he keeps in his pocket and reads it again.
“No. I’m not mad. Thank you.”
The words on the note will forever be etched into his memory.
And so will Magnus.
We might not have each other in our lives, Alexander. But, this love is ours.
________________________________________________________________