Chapter Text
That night, Sam found herself realizing two things.
Number one was that Josh hadn't been joking when he'd said he had pigs blood- she’d hoped it was just prop blood or something, until she rounded the corner to find a decapitated pigs body sitting in the snow. And was she ever angry, calling Josh on the radio and cussing him out as she stormed back to the lodge. And then he dared to tell her it was ‘just a pig’.
“JUST A PIG? Josh! It was still a living creature! I mean I know you said blood but I assumed like some fake stuff your dad had or, worst case, something from a butcher but that's just-“
Her things slammed into the kitchen island, backpack and walkie and hands as she tried to take a deep breath. She wasn't a fan of pigs, but that didn't mean that the poor thing deserved to sit without a head in the snow.
“Jeeze Sam, look, I'm sorry, okay? I forgot you liked animals so much. Sorry, babe… How about this? Once I'm back in Calgary, I'll make a donation to a few city shelters. Kay?”
He held out his arms in apology, and Sam sighed as she let him hug her.
“I'm still pissed,” she muttered into his shoulder, and he gave her a squeeze.
“Sorry, Sam.”
-
Number two was that he was off his medication. This was discovered when Sam went hunting for something to eat, Josh only having stocked the lodge so far with junk food and hot dogs, which she wasn't touching with a 10 foot pole.
“Hey! I'm gonna go into town and her myself some rabbit food! Want me to take in your prescription and get it filled?” An almost empty pill bottle sat in one cupboard, a prescription paper beside it.
“Nope!” Came the cheery reply from the living room, and Sam raised an eyebrow. Maybe they weren't staying in the lodge for the month then?
“You've got more in your room then?” She asked, shutting the cupboard door with a sigh. Chips and butter on bread it was, she supposed.
“Ah, nope!” He grinned at her from the couch, and she crossed her arms at him.
“Okay, what's up. Are you done with the pills, or are you just not taking them?”
“Not taking them. Haven’t been for a while. They weren’t helping me, Sam.” The look on his face is serious now, but Sam didn’t relent.
She’s looked up his medications, all of the ones he ever took. She knows he can’t just…stop taking them.
“Josh, I’m going to go into town and get some things. Your medication included.” She held up a hand as he opened his mouth to argue. “Do not try me tonight, Washington. I’m still mad about that poor pig, and I know you can’t just cold turkey this shit. Now, where the hell is the cutlery?”
That night was a tense one, the confrontation over the pig and the medication lead to the pair of them turning in early. Josh in his room, and Sam set up in the master bedroom.
The idea of sleeping in Beth or Hannah’s rooms made her feel ill, angry.
So instead she tossed and turned on the king sized bed, thoughts running through her mind. The prank, Josh, the video they’d be taking, the video they’d be filming in a few days… it was a lot to take in now that they were putting things into action.
It was probably three or four in the morning when Sam finally managed to get some shut eye, but it wasn’t for long. The sounds of someone, Josh, she hoped, walking around the house woke her, and Sam yawned as she climbed out of bed. What was he doing?
“Hey, Josh, Are you oka-“ poking her head out of the door, she cut herself off as Josh walked passed her, not really registering that she was there.
He was singing ‘Frere Jacque’ to himself, pausing only to tell Hannah that her and Beth weren’t real.
He was most definitely not alright.
“…Josh…jesus…” Sam watched until he stopped by the stairs, before walking out to meet him as he started to walk back towards her. “Josh!”
Nothing, no reaction, not even a look up at her.
So Sam stood in front of him, in his way, opened her arms, and pulled him into a hug. For a minute he continued to try and walk through her, before stopping.
“-not real…n-not…” He continued to mumble to himself as Sam held him, resting her head on his shoulder with a sigh.
“Josh…come on, wake up…”
They stood there like that for a little while- Sam couldn't tell if it was a minute or 5- until Josh realized what was happening.
“Sam…?”
She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding, and gave Josh a squeeze, but didn't let go.
“Hey Josh. Are you okay now?”
“I…I don't know, Sam. I don't know.”
-
While Josh had not accounted for food, there was still a variety of drink mixes in the cupboards. Josh was sitting on one of the couches, wrapped in a blanket Sam’d snatched on their way down from the second story. Sam was making hot chocolate, trying to figure out what to do next.
He was hallucinating, maybe sleep walking too. His moods were all over the place, and she had no idea how long he's been off his medication.
The kettle clicking off broke her from her thoughts, and she poured the water into two mugs, spinning a spoon through each before walking to the living room.
“Hey.”
Josh looked up at her, and she looked, really looked at his face. Not sleepwalking, just not sleeping at all.
“Thanks, Sammy.” He tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace that he hid behind the mug. “It's good…”
Sam snorted before she could stop herself. “It takes a special skill to mess up prepackaged hot chocolate, and I hopefully don't posses it,” she said, wrapping her hands around her mug as she sat. “Josh…what was that?”
A moment passed, and Josh sunk further into his blanket. “It just… Happens. Hannah and Beth and it's my fault they're dead!”
As Josh started to cry, Sam scooted over closer to him, her arms open again. It wasn't his fault! How was he to know what was going to happen?
“It's not, Josh. It's not your fault. You didn't know what'd happened, and you didn't plan the “prank”. You did what you could to find them. Don't…don't blame yourself.”
He leaned into her, and she sighed.
“I'm still going into town today. All this…it's hurting you too much. You need to keep taking your medication.”
He shook his head, and mumbled into her shoulder. “Don't wanna. I don't feel real when I'm taking them. I'm not human, not me when I'm on them.”
“Have you talked to that shrink about that?” Sam asked, but Josh shook his head.
“They’ll stick me back in the hospital if I do. I hate that place…”
Sam sighed. It was no good when he was taking it, and even worse when he was off of it…but what if he split the dosage?
“I have an idea, okay? But it's for later, after we get some sleep, yeah?” Josh shrugged in response, and Sam gave his shoulders a squeeze. “Come on.”
The bed in the master bedroom was big enough for them both, and it's not like they were going to do anything.
-
The next day started late, and with Josh phoning in his prescription.
“There, happy?”
He'd woken grumpy, but Sam didn't blame him. She was pretty out of it too from the night before.
“Yeah. So, uh, do you wanna come with? Or do you have more prep you need to get done?” She asked, pulling on her boots. There was fresh powder outside, and for a moment she wished she had skis. The trip down the mountain would be fun, but back up, less so.
“Yeah, sure. I’m pretty much done for right now in here…”
The trip down the mountain and into town was tense, Josh distant and snappish whenever Sam tried to talk to him. She chalked it up to being off his meds, and let it slide.
“Okay, so which way first?” she asked as they climbed off the bus, checking the straps on her backpack out of habit.
“Pharmacy. I may as while take that shit now…” he muttered, waving for her to follow him down the street.
“Okay…Josh, look. I know you don’t like taking that stuff, but… maybe some is better than none?” Try a half-dosage, okay. Just to…I don’t know. Normalize things for you. Stop the hallucinations.”
“…maybe. I can try that, I guess. I’m not talking to that doctor anymore though, he’s an ass.”
Sam snorted, and Josh smiled a bit. She'd count that as a victory today if he was smiling.
“Yeah, no. Fuck that doctor.”